the_oracle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_oracle) wrote2009-07-07 08:46 am
the_oracle) wrote2009-07-07 08:46 am
Wake up and smell the suck?
Playing With Fire
August 2008
Someone's going to get burned...
Welcome to Sweet Valley High- a world where good girls date princes, bad girls chase rebels, fast wheels fly down SoCal freeways, and the latest couture separates the haves from the have-nots.
Jessica Wakefield demands attention in any crowd, from every boy. After obsessing over him for weeks, she finally lands the perfect guy: Bruce Patman. And she falls hard and fast. There's nothing she won't do for him.
But Elizabeth soon notices a change in her twin. Jessica's usual charm, determination, and attitute are gone. She's a ghost of her old self. And Liz wonders just how far her sister will go for love.
Dear new Playing With Fire ghostwriter,
I'm going to presume either you read the previous incarnation of your tale, or you were given a cheat sheet. I'm also going to assume you were not a giant friggin' SV fan back in the day and this is my evidence.
You have John Pfeiffer, he of the most painful to spell [for me] names, actually dating Lois Waller. Not just linked together in a crappy Eyes and Ears blast, but actually out, on a date, with Bruce Patman as one of the other people out on this date/hanging out/whatever. I dropped the book, I was so shocked. Now, I know I should be as happy for Lois as I am for the Trix Rabbit when he does occasionally get to have some Trix, but come on, now. Lois deserves better than date rapist in training John.* And technically, I suppose it could be another Lois. But unless Ms. Lane was in town visiting, I'm betting it was THE Lois. And this, you see, cannot be. You fail at Sweet Valley. Do not passThe Dairi Burger go, do not collect 200 Tricia Martin clones.
Anyway, I read PWF in two parts. One, I started reading one day just to see if my head would explode. This was months ago, as you might recall me bitching about Elizabeth's ridiculous catch phrase at the time. I couldn't continue because I think that phrase is so unbelievably stupid that it actually made me want to kill whomever thought it was a good idea. I still want to maim them. But, I went back and grabbed an earlier version of PWF and decided to read them in chunks, together. I'd re-read a couple of chapters of vintage PWF and then read the corresponding chapters in the new one. This was probably not the best way to go about doing it, and I probably won't repeat this in the future. It's why, towards the end, I just read the original and then, when I finished, I read the new one.
Overall, I laughed a lot at and with the revamp. I can't say it's bad, annoying phrase aside, because it actually reworked a few bugs [Emily's subplot acknowledges that Jessica's blackmail attempt is awfully easy to deflect] and I like new!Todd. He's funny and charming and...yeah.
Thing is, Jessica doesn't fare as well in the new version. She's actually bitchier for the most part and Bruce, in the original, at least seemed to try for a bit to keep stringing her along. New!Bruce? Yeah, no. Once he'd moved on, he just kept Jess around for... who knows why, cuz they weren't making out or screwing around. He couldn't be bothered. Which made it harder to understand why it took so long for Jessica to snap out of it. Earlier, she was still being scrambled [ahem] by the hormonal attraction that seemed to run both ways, at least so long as Bruce wasn't around his buddies. He knew enough to keep Jessica's head spinning in at least that way so that she wouldn't get classic!Jess on his ass. Until the end, that is. New!Bruce doesn't even pretend Jessica is important/attractive to him at the end.
And I prefer Classic!Jessica throwing an entire pizza in Bruce's face rather than just one slice. Plus, she lets the air out of his tires and new Jess does not. I do like that Liz had Bruce followed as it made more sense than just assuming Bruce would've made it back within thirty minutes. He wasn't delivering pizza after all.
I'm really not sure how the Droids fared in their reboot. I refuse to think of them as Valley of Death because it's just... no. I mean it. Just no. Anyway, I think if not for the mention of long hair, I'd have fallen for Max because he's funny this go round. He definitely got an upgrade. Guy's still an ass, but maybe that's because he's named Guy, though he got bumped from keyboards/synthesizer to lead guitar. Dan is only occasionally mentioned, Dana is still unapproachably hot, and Emily switches from stage persona to normal!prep with ease. Tony is actually more of the same, only instead of red leather pants, he wears his sunglasses at night. Indoors. And he was fired for trying to score with all the females in the bands he approached, whereas before he seemed to just have a thing for Dana and was fired from his gig for incompetence. Which, I guess could just be a nice way of saying he was an ass. Whatever. Sunglasses at night is stuck in my head and damn right you're going to share the pain!
Overall, the tone of the book shifted. It's actually funnier and more quotable [though Todd's classic "identical twins have identical talents" line is forever lost] but it isn't as enjoyable. It lacks something and I don't know if that's simply I had twenty some odd years to become attached to the other book, or if there really is a thread missing somewhere.
Admit it though. You're here for the changes.
Then and Now:
Quotes:
It was like early Michael Jackson meets old man attempting to swing dance meets boy choking on his own saliva. -Winston really stands out in a crowd. p7
"This could really be it! Valley of Death opening for Coldplay!" -Emily, I want you to stop and rethink your band name if you want to open for Coldplay. Now. p13
She blinked up at Bruce with a smile. "What did my grandparents slip me?" - Oh, Jessica... p 24
A guy couldn't do that without at least asking. And this was a first date! - and that's where Jessica draws the lines on dating etiquette and untying bikini tops in public. p 28
"Maybe I've never met a guy worth worshiping before," Jessica said with a smile.
Ew, Elizabeth thought. - You said it, middle Wakefield. Ick. p38
"You do know they make you give up all your worldly possessions? Including your Playstation."
Winston frowned. "In fact, I did not know that.Crap. There goes that idea." - Win, you wouldn't make a good monk anyway. p 78
"Like Bruce can't afford his own freaking downloads." - Liz, p79
"What are you trying to say, Liz? That I usually dress like a slut?" -Jess cuts right to the heart of the matter, huh? p85
Why couldn't he just like her instead? She was the one sitting next to him, all made up and dressed up and perfumed, while Jessica was doing God knows what in a car at the side of the road with another guy. - Ooh, Wilson, you do have the bitch spark. p95
"Are you defending my sister now?" Elizabeth asked, laughing.
Todd looked momentarily thrown. "Ew. I think I am."
"Just don't tell anyone, okay?" Todd whispered across the table. "I think I just had a psychotic break." -It was bound to happen, Todd. p101
"I can play the corporate girlfriend. Old guys love me," she joked. - I'll bet they do, Jess. p 132
"I love him, all right? I love the way I feel when he looks at me and kisses me and calls me his girlfriend. He doesn't have to give me anything because... because all that I care about is the way he makes me feel." - my heart actually softened a bit at that. So did Elizabeth's. p137
"Okay All Things Rock and Roll! I bow to your obvious musical prowess!" Max put down his guitar and genuflected - Not... exactly a bow, but reason #137 to love Max. p 153
"Like the fact that Max still wears tighty-whities. What's that about?" Dana asked.
"I find them highly comfortable," Max said, matter-of-factly. - Reason #138, and also proof that VoD/Droids know too much about one another. p 155
"To make myself feel better," Emily told her. "Not all of us can walk around cheating and blackmailing and lying and not feel guilty about it."
Jessica had a suspicion there was a dig in there somewhere, but chose to ignore it. - Really? You think? p170
"Oh my God! Enough with the chem drama already! I'm so over it." - Bruce, honey? Your drama queen is showing. p 172
"Have I told you that you're the prettiest girl in the room?" he whispered.
Elizabeth blushed and laughed. "Todd, there's no way you could have seen every girl in the room yet," she joked. "Don't you want to make an informed decision?"
"Not necessary. It's always you." - New!Todd is pretty good at the first part of dating warm fuzzies. Awww. p181
When Bruce wanted to blow off a party or a dinner with her, it usually meant one thing: sexy alone time. She loved sexy alone time. -p188
"God, it's like I'm working for the blond CIA." - so true, Todd. So true. p197
UGH!
It looked like he'd finally woken up and smelled the beauty. - I'm weeping here at how awful this is. Awful. Hold me? p9
She was just going to have to hope that Jessica would wake up and smell the pathetic on her own. - A THOUSAND TIMES NO! p22
Normally, by the time Elizabeth got there, most of the hot water had long since sluiced over her sister's body. - I get where you're going with that, but it's so awkward and more than a bit skeevy, man. p 83
"I just wish she'd wake up and smell the loud-mouthed jerk." -MAKE IT STOP, LIZ! STOP! p101
* One of these days I'm going to have to figure out how I feel about John. He's got a good 80 or so books prior to his dramatic turn and in them he's Bruce's lackey, he's one of Elizabeth's friends, and yet he throws Lila for a loop and that is just not done. But I'm not sure what to do about early!John. Do I hold his future actions against him, even though a good ten years separate them and I doubt there was a big sign over his head saying, "Don't get too attached, guys!"
August 2008
Someone's going to get burned...
Welcome to Sweet Valley High- a world where good girls date princes, bad girls chase rebels, fast wheels fly down SoCal freeways, and the latest couture separates the haves from the have-nots.
Jessica Wakefield demands attention in any crowd, from every boy. After obsessing over him for weeks, she finally lands the perfect guy: Bruce Patman. And she falls hard and fast. There's nothing she won't do for him.
But Elizabeth soon notices a change in her twin. Jessica's usual charm, determination, and attitute are gone. She's a ghost of her old self. And Liz wonders just how far her sister will go for love.
Dear new Playing With Fire ghostwriter,
I'm going to presume either you read the previous incarnation of your tale, or you were given a cheat sheet. I'm also going to assume you were not a giant friggin' SV fan back in the day and this is my evidence.
You have John Pfeiffer, he of the most painful to spell [for me] names, actually dating Lois Waller. Not just linked together in a crappy Eyes and Ears blast, but actually out, on a date, with Bruce Patman as one of the other people out on this date/hanging out/whatever. I dropped the book, I was so shocked. Now, I know I should be as happy for Lois as I am for the Trix Rabbit when he does occasionally get to have some Trix, but come on, now. Lois deserves better than date rapist in training John.* And technically, I suppose it could be another Lois. But unless Ms. Lane was in town visiting, I'm betting it was THE Lois. And this, you see, cannot be. You fail at Sweet Valley. Do not pass
Anyway, I read PWF in two parts. One, I started reading one day just to see if my head would explode. This was months ago, as you might recall me bitching about Elizabeth's ridiculous catch phrase at the time. I couldn't continue because I think that phrase is so unbelievably stupid that it actually made me want to kill whomever thought it was a good idea. I still want to maim them. But, I went back and grabbed an earlier version of PWF and decided to read them in chunks, together. I'd re-read a couple of chapters of vintage PWF and then read the corresponding chapters in the new one. This was probably not the best way to go about doing it, and I probably won't repeat this in the future. It's why, towards the end, I just read the original and then, when I finished, I read the new one.
Overall, I laughed a lot at and with the revamp. I can't say it's bad, annoying phrase aside, because it actually reworked a few bugs [Emily's subplot acknowledges that Jessica's blackmail attempt is awfully easy to deflect] and I like new!Todd. He's funny and charming and...yeah.
Thing is, Jessica doesn't fare as well in the new version. She's actually bitchier for the most part and Bruce, in the original, at least seemed to try for a bit to keep stringing her along. New!Bruce? Yeah, no. Once he'd moved on, he just kept Jess around for... who knows why, cuz they weren't making out or screwing around. He couldn't be bothered. Which made it harder to understand why it took so long for Jessica to snap out of it. Earlier, she was still being scrambled [ahem] by the hormonal attraction that seemed to run both ways, at least so long as Bruce wasn't around his buddies. He knew enough to keep Jessica's head spinning in at least that way so that she wouldn't get classic!Jess on his ass. Until the end, that is. New!Bruce doesn't even pretend Jessica is important/attractive to him at the end.
And I prefer Classic!Jessica throwing an entire pizza in Bruce's face rather than just one slice. Plus, she lets the air out of his tires and new Jess does not. I do like that Liz had Bruce followed as it made more sense than just assuming Bruce would've made it back within thirty minutes. He wasn't delivering pizza after all.
I'm really not sure how the Droids fared in their reboot. I refuse to think of them as Valley of Death because it's just... no. I mean it. Just no. Anyway, I think if not for the mention of long hair, I'd have fallen for Max because he's funny this go round. He definitely got an upgrade. Guy's still an ass, but maybe that's because he's named Guy, though he got bumped from keyboards/synthesizer to lead guitar. Dan is only occasionally mentioned, Dana is still unapproachably hot, and Emily switches from stage persona to normal!prep with ease. Tony is actually more of the same, only instead of red leather pants, he wears his sunglasses at night. Indoors. And he was fired for trying to score with all the females in the bands he approached, whereas before he seemed to just have a thing for Dana and was fired from his gig for incompetence. Which, I guess could just be a nice way of saying he was an ass. Whatever. Sunglasses at night is stuck in my head and damn right you're going to share the pain!
Overall, the tone of the book shifted. It's actually funnier and more quotable [though Todd's classic "identical twins have identical talents" line is forever lost] but it isn't as enjoyable. It lacks something and I don't know if that's simply I had twenty some odd years to become attached to the other book, or if there really is a thread missing somewhere.
Admit it though. You're here for the changes.
Then and Now:
- 80's: 5th Annual Rockin' Dance Party.
- Now: 20th Annual Dance Competition [athletic department fundraiser] that, five years ago when Steve came through, was ditched by the cool kids, but thanks to all those reality dance contests, is fantastic and awesome again. You see what evil reality TV brings us? One more party in the Valley!
- Now the book starts right off with Jessica attempting to ditch Winston, or at least out run him, instead of the five or so pages of Liz and Todd recapping the previous books and wondering where the hell Jessica was.
- 80's Jessica wore a bright blue, tight minidress and matching tights.
- Now: a slinky green dress. Lord knows what anyone other than Bruce is wearing because while Liz was described in the 80's, they decided no one gave a damn now. We get it, they're identical opposites. Well played for not dragging it out?
- Jessica is actually less cruel to Robin at first, lying about buying the last dress as opposed to just running away to talk to Lila. Fat lot of good it'll do her later, though.
- They kept: "Good evening, Mr. Collins!" the crowd singsonged back in unison, affectionately mocking his master-of-ceremonies act." Word for word.
- 80's Tony Conover: Tall, lanky, red leather pants, handsome enough to be in Ms. Dalton's league. Helped put August Moon and the Savage Six on the map.
- Now: Black suit, sunglasses on at night, indoors. Helped put August Moon and Savage on the map. Found them on youtube.
- John drives a huge FJ Cruiser.
- Then: Bruce bribes the cop, who only starts to backpeddle once he realizes Bruce is a Patman, with a twenty. Now Bruce doesn't really flaunt his Patman status and bribes him with a hundred. He seems like more of a tool this way. Bruce, you should sue because your legacy is being destroyed, one douche moment after the other.
- Then: When Bruce makes a joke and Jess doesn't get it because she's too starry eyed to think straight, Ken saves her. Now, Cara does and then tries to further make sure Jess is okay. She's not, but at least Cara tries.
- Then: When Bruce unties Jessica's top, there's actual mention of boob-age. Now you have to wait til he all but cops a feel later when Elizabeth tries to break them up in the woods.
- Speaking of which, Jessica is downright cruel to Elizabeth even before she realizes Bruce is ready to walk. Before it took the fear of losing Bruce to shove Jess into bitch mode and even then she kept most of it away from Elizabeth's ears. Now she tears her a new one [a phrase John will use later and I love them for it] and mocks Todd to Elizabeth's face. Then, Jessica lies to Bruce and tells him that Liz is just cuckoo because Todd's cheating. Now: Why the hell would Bruce care about that? So it was dumped.
- While waiting for dawn to arrive so that Jess can return, 80's Liz is relieved that she didn't have to pretend to be sleeping!Jess so her parents wouldn't find out about the lie. Now? Liz does pretend, but only has false alarms.
- Jess gets an extra hour of sleep to look so rejuvenated Sunday morning. The tiny D plot bunny where Alice wants to redecorate for Lila's father but Ned still seems highly amused that his little woman is trying to work and earn money [really, re-read the original. He comes off like an unbelievable ass.] is pretty much brought up for no good reason, because Ned is actually supportive of Alice this go round. In the 80's, Ned seemed to approve of the Jess/Bruce pairing, at least in theory at first.
- Valley of Death have a song called Freshman Love. Cuz that's obviously the song you'd expect from a band called Valley of Death. o_O
- Then: Liz comes up with a story about a girl who always falls for the wrong guys and makes the worst decisions in love. Now? Two hyper competitive people who fall in love. At least her inspiration is still the same...
- Winston trades his Atari in for a Playstation and his night of Atari fun for beating Halo.
- The Boston Shop is now Ann Taylor.
- Jess snagged a brown wool blazer, matching skirt, and two Oxford shirts [beige and pink] originally. Now she's got a plain black dress with a boat neck collar and full skirt, as well as a blue dress with little cap sleeves, gathered waist, and a straight skirt that even Elizabeth wouldn't wear. Right, Liz. You tell yourself that, honey.
- If you're keeping track, H&M and Forever 21 are apparently Jessica's prime shopping grounds on a normal basis.
- Then: Liz borrows Jessica's black and white mini skirt, which Jess dismisses as being too New Wave for Bruce, but assures Liz that she'll still look good if she pairs the skirt with a black bodysuit. Now Liz borrows Jessica's favorite red minidress from H&M. I sincerely doubt the queen of trends would keep a dress as long as Liz and Winston both say she has, but whatever. Minidresses are forever, apparently.
- For Robin's 'date' with Winston, Jess helps her shop both times. Classic Jess picks a horribly unflattering shade of peach. New Jess is much kinder to Robin in the fashion department.
- New Guy is infamous for letting his cell phones die. I feel for you, Guy.
- Drea Mattea is a bitchy senior who resents Jessica for being made cheerleading captain over her. She also, according to Jess, looks short and pudgy in her cheerleading uniform. Drea's gleeful at the thought of Jess being thrown off the squad. She's also dating Paul Sherwood. Isn't he the one who kisses like a fish?
- In the 80's, Jess makes a miraculous recovery in time for her date at 7. Now it's been pushed back to 8.
- Robin's mother is now a chef.
- Mr. Collins lives at 3135 Isabelle Court and Teddy has been de-aged to 2. Poor Teddy. He's also a brat, as opposed to a fairly nice kid who just happened to be coming down with a cold and cranky. Also, in the 80's, Jess arranged for Robin to be with her at Casa Wakefield in case Bruce called. Now with cellphones, she just brings Robin with her to Collins' house.
- It's implied that Olivia is a freshman. ...o_O
- When Todd says Bruce is bragging about getting whatever/whenever from Jessica, now it's stated that he's talking about more than just copping a feel. Liz nearly passes out at the thought that Jessica might've had sex without telling her.
- 80's Droids drink: Tab for Dana, Coke for Emily and Dan, orange soda for Guy.
- Now: Dana drinks Red Bull, Max drinks root beer, Guy likes Cherry Coke, Emily gets a Frappuccino. No mention of Dan's likes.
- When trying to talk Emily into confessing this go round, Liz tells her that no one gets expelled for cheating. Um, Liz? If this were your 80's counterpart, I'd let it slide, but yeah. People do. It's one of those things that explicitly can get your ass thrown out of school, especially given the way Em cheated. Duh?
- Jessica now implies that Lila is flat chested, which is why she gave Jess a gorgeous dress to wear for Bruce's birthday. Originally Jess just bought another dress from The Boston Shop.
- 80's Bruce was all about smudging Jessica's makeup. New!Bruce is a bitch about the lipstick getting all over him. Really, Bruce? SUE.
- Bruce's ringtone: This Is Why I'm Hot.
- Liz/Todd/Jessica follow Bruce as he picks up Aline instead of Liz having Todd drive around for half an hour then returning to Guido's.
- Jessica may not let the air out of not!1Bruce1's tires, but Winston does do a spit take when he sees Jessica come back after Bruce has returned with his new date.
- Bruce calls Jessica a bitch when she throws pizza and soda on him. He still tumbles into the water, only this time Jess shoves his sorry ass.
- There's no mention of PBA because it was erased for the beautification committee coming next book. So Jess drops to the bathroom floor and sobs until Robin agrees to steal the test for her.
Quotes:
It was like early Michael Jackson meets old man attempting to swing dance meets boy choking on his own saliva. -Winston really stands out in a crowd. p7
"This could really be it! Valley of Death opening for Coldplay!" -Emily, I want you to stop and rethink your band name if you want to open for Coldplay. Now. p13
She blinked up at Bruce with a smile. "What did my grandparents slip me?" - Oh, Jessica... p 24
A guy couldn't do that without at least asking. And this was a first date! - and that's where Jessica draws the lines on dating etiquette and untying bikini tops in public. p 28
"Maybe I've never met a guy worth worshiping before," Jessica said with a smile.
Ew, Elizabeth thought. - You said it, middle Wakefield. Ick. p38
"You do know they make you give up all your worldly possessions? Including your Playstation."
Winston frowned. "In fact, I did not know that.Crap. There goes that idea." - Win, you wouldn't make a good monk anyway. p 78
"Like Bruce can't afford his own freaking downloads." - Liz, p79
"What are you trying to say, Liz? That I usually dress like a slut?" -Jess cuts right to the heart of the matter, huh? p85
Why couldn't he just like her instead? She was the one sitting next to him, all made up and dressed up and perfumed, while Jessica was doing God knows what in a car at the side of the road with another guy. - Ooh, Wilson, you do have the bitch spark. p95
"Are you defending my sister now?" Elizabeth asked, laughing.
Todd looked momentarily thrown. "Ew. I think I am."
"Just don't tell anyone, okay?" Todd whispered across the table. "I think I just had a psychotic break." -It was bound to happen, Todd. p101
"I can play the corporate girlfriend. Old guys love me," she joked. - I'll bet they do, Jess. p 132
"I love him, all right? I love the way I feel when he looks at me and kisses me and calls me his girlfriend. He doesn't have to give me anything because... because all that I care about is the way he makes me feel." - my heart actually softened a bit at that. So did Elizabeth's. p137
"Okay All Things Rock and Roll! I bow to your obvious musical prowess!" Max put down his guitar and genuflected - Not... exactly a bow, but reason #137 to love Max. p 153
"Like the fact that Max still wears tighty-whities. What's that about?" Dana asked.
"I find them highly comfortable," Max said, matter-of-factly. - Reason #138, and also proof that VoD/Droids know too much about one another. p 155
"To make myself feel better," Emily told her. "Not all of us can walk around cheating and blackmailing and lying and not feel guilty about it."
Jessica had a suspicion there was a dig in there somewhere, but chose to ignore it. - Really? You think? p170
"Oh my God! Enough with the chem drama already! I'm so over it." - Bruce, honey? Your drama queen is showing. p 172
"Have I told you that you're the prettiest girl in the room?" he whispered.
Elizabeth blushed and laughed. "Todd, there's no way you could have seen every girl in the room yet," she joked. "Don't you want to make an informed decision?"
"Not necessary. It's always you." - New!Todd is pretty good at the first part of dating warm fuzzies. Awww. p181
When Bruce wanted to blow off a party or a dinner with her, it usually meant one thing: sexy alone time. She loved sexy alone time. -p188
"God, it's like I'm working for the blond CIA." - so true, Todd. So true. p197
UGH!
It looked like he'd finally woken up and smelled the beauty. - I'm weeping here at how awful this is. Awful. Hold me? p9
She was just going to have to hope that Jessica would wake up and smell the pathetic on her own. - A THOUSAND TIMES NO! p22
Normally, by the time Elizabeth got there, most of the hot water had long since sluiced over her sister's body. - I get where you're going with that, but it's so awkward and more than a bit skeevy, man. p 83
"I just wish she'd wake up and smell the loud-mouthed jerk." -MAKE IT STOP, LIZ! STOP! p101
* One of these days I'm going to have to figure out how I feel about John. He's got a good 80 or so books prior to his dramatic turn and in them he's Bruce's lackey, he's one of Elizabeth's friends, and yet he throws Lila for a loop and that is just not done. But I'm not sure what to do about early!John. Do I hold his future actions against him, even though a good ten years separate them and I doubt there was a big sign over his head saying, "Don't get too attached, guys!"