Remember kids, individuality has no place in high school or at home.

Starting Over
January 1987


Will Sally Larson have to change to stay in Sweet Valley?

The last chance...

   Sally Larson is thrilled when she moves in with her cousin Dana's family. After years of living in foster homes, Sally longs to have a real home, and she's determined to make a good impression.
   As long as Sally lets Dana control her life, she feels she'll be accepted. After all, her cousin is pretty, popular, and the lead singer for The Droids, Sweet Valley High's smash rock band. Sally even hopes to overcome the resentment of Dana's brother, Jeremy. But when Dana begins to resent her, too, Sally's afraid she'll have to leave-and she knows this is her last chance to make a life for herself. Will Sally ever be able to call Sweet Valley home?


  Hey, look, Dana Larson finally gets her own book. Anyone else excited? Well, don't be, because Dana doesn't come out looking too hot in most of it. As we learned at the very end of ze new Jessica, Dana's cousin Sally is coming to live with the Larsons after years of being shuffled from one foster home to the next. Jeremy, Dana's older brother, is less than thrilled, though at first we have no idea why. Did Sally make him cry an awful lot when they were toddlers or something? No clue. In fact, about the only thing he has reason to hold against her? Hal and Anne Larson had their son move out of his childhood room and up to the attic. I don't care that it's practically like his own apartment. You want your kid to get along with someone moving into the house? You don't have that person have to give up their space if you can avoid it. I understand not wanting to make poor Sally move right into the attic, sort of like an afterthought, but I bet she'd have been infinitely happier in the attic with a happy Jeremy not plotting against her rather than snug in his old room while he debates the merits of pushing her down the stairs.
  So, Jeremy is understandably less than happy about the new addition. Dana, on the other hand, is practically dancing in the streets. She announces her cousin's impending move to her band mates in The Droids, but hedges when it comes to giving Sally's age. Seems Sally had to be held back due to all her moves and Dana's less than forthcoming with Sally being 17 but a junior. Right, because ages in the valley make sense. Whatever, Dana. Whatever.
  At first it seems things will go okay for Sally. Dana is interested in showing her around/off, and the two hit it off for the most part. Hal and Anne seem happy enough to have a third teenager running around, and Jeremy is acting like a teenage boy, in that he's a jerk.
  Unfortunately, we quickly realize that Sally is desperate. Desperate to not be shuffled off to yet another foster home [though wouldn't she be shuffled out of the system within the year, whenever it is she turns 18?] Sally has vowed to bend over backwards [literally, I suspect, if that's what it would take] to make the Larsons happy with her. Of course, it doesn't start out too bad. She's helpful around the house, doesn't mind doing the really awful chores, hell, she even thinks of them before anyone can ask for them to be done. When Dana pushes her to be manager of the Droids, despite Sally not being a fan of pop/rock/whatever it is the Droids were doing, Sally agrees, although she'd much rather cozy up to Liz Wakefield and the rest of the staff of the Oracle.
  The problem with being so nice and helpful is that parents will inevitably say to their kids, "Why aren't you more like..." or advise them not to take advantage of their poor, sweet, helpful cousin. Which is exactly what happens. Surprise, surprise. As we've previously mentioned, Jeremy was no big fan of Sally's to begin with, but Dana quickly grows tired of being told not to take advantage of her cousin's desperate need to fit in. Only no one puts it like that. In fact, for all the talking the Larsons do, they don't say a damn thing of importance. Dana chatters about clothes and The Droids, but whenever Sally mentions her painful past, Dana tells her to stop it, dammit. She figures it'll be best for Sally, but what she really means is that she doesn't want to hear it because it'll make her feel bad. So if Sally just doesn't speak or think about it, she'll be okay? Doubtful.
  Also, Dana is strangely possessive of Sally. When Sally is pushed into taking the car, she drives to SVH as that's about the only thing she can find in this god forsaken town at this point. She wanders around and finds Liz at the Oracle office, and then she pretty much spills her worries to Liz.

  Hold up, just a second. I'm trying to decide if Liz ever truly gets tired of perfect strangers telling her their pain, or if she gets off on it. Wait, no, this book answers this as well! See, at the beginning of the book, Liz is staring out of her window, feeling a bit out of sorts, and she sees Jeremy Larson ride by on his bike, looking more than a little put out. This. Cheers. Her. Up.
  And you thought Jess was the sociopath.

  Anyway, Sally goes back home and confides that she thinks Liz likes her and Dana's reaction is a little weird. "Well, I guess that's good, if you want to be friends with someone like Liz Wakefield..." She then goes on about how much time managing The Droids will require and that Sally won't have time for other friends. Um, I thought the BSC was the cult of young adult lit, not The Droids. Hmm, now the name makes sense. Sally is confused as to why Dana wants to keep Sally all to herself. Sally ain't the only one, and honestly? This is never explained, other than Dana wanting to keep Sally dependent on her, even while she's busy pushing Sally away.
  Then there's Jeremy's friend Mark, who falls for Sally within seconds of seeing the 'real' Sally. Dana, I should mention, bought her all these super trendy-Dana-fied clothes, but Sally is a prim and proper sort of classical girl, so when Mark meets Lady Sally, he falls head over heels. Seriously, I think if you squint, you can see cupid floating away, cackling to himself. Sally likes Mark too, but I don't know why, other than Mark is cute and nice to her. At this point, I guess that's enough.
  When Sally realizes that Mark liking her isn't going to make Jeremy like her, she figures that maybe if she kills Mark's interest in her, Jeremy will at least go back to disliking her at an 8, as opposed to the 10 he's currently firing on. Doesn't work. Poor Sally can't do anything right. If she offers to do something to help her cousins, they get fussed at, but since they don't tell her this, she doesn't know that by being helpful she's getting them into trouble. Because it's too awkward, she doesn't talk to her aunt and uncle about her problems with the kids [as that'd get them in even MORE trouble], and neither Dana nor Jeremy tells their parents that maybe if they'd stop frickin' comparing Sally and their own kids and finding D&J lacking, things might be a little less stressful around the house.
  One morning, Anne Larson tells the kids to hurry home after school. Big family meeting, and Hal will be back from his trip to San Francisco with important news. Sally is sure this means they're sending her away. She walks around school in a daze, miserable and alone. After school, Jeremy's driving all three of the younger Larsons home, and he stops. to. pick. up. hitchhikers.
  What.
  The.
  Hell?

   Sally tells him not to, that she knows guys like this, and there's only one way this will end, and it doesn't involve them all wearing skirts and clown-like rouge, dancing the cancan to the amazement of everyone. Jeremy tells her to fuck off and picks the guys up anyway. They hit on Dana and demand to be driven to Kelly's. Right, right. When they get there, the goons try and take Sally and Dana into the bar, but Sally pipes up and tells them that despite Dana's punkish wardrobe, she's a dead bore, and that if they want to have some fun, Sally's the girl for them. The guys are blinded by vision of booze and what Sally's offering, so Jeremy is freed from the chains of his wallet just in time for him to speed out of there with Dana in tow.
  Jeremy Larson deserves an ass kicking, y'all. Where's the SV mob when you need 'em? He's been an ass all book and I demand to know WHY, dammit. Dana realizes that Sally was saving their asses at her own expense, and she convinces Jeremy to go back. Before they do, they head to Mark's house, where Ken and John Pfeifer are visiting. Who knew Mark was that popular? Anyway, the boys [and Dana] head back to Kelly's to win Sally back. I guess calling the cops to raid Kelly's yet again made too much sense, cuz why should Jim and Al get arrested for their crimes when Kenny Matthews and future-rapist-to-the-stars John can scare some sense into 'em, all while setting it up so Mark can sweep Sally off her feet?
  So they do, and he does, and Jeremy and Dana realize what Sally thought of that morning: Since Dana and Jeremy have been such bitches about Sally living with them, odds are good Anne and Hal are sending Sally off again. Fear not, Sally! Despite seriously considering stabbing you repeatedly in the back when you didn't do anything to them, Dana and Jeremy will fight for you! Mark will too! It'll be awesome. But when they get home, Hal and Anne keep shushing them. Hal went to San Fran to talk to the child welfare people and his lawyer and it's all set. Sally says she understands, that she's sorry it didn't work out. Hal stares at her like she's insane, and says no, he really does want to pay for three college tuitions all at the same time, thank you very much. They're adopting Sally! Yay! Everyone wins!

  I know jackshit about the adoption/child custody system, but something smells horribly fishy, and I don't think it's the cat yawning in my face. Well, not just the cat, anyway.

  But let's be honest. None of this makes a damn bit of difference, as I think Sally is mostly shuffled off the screen, and besides, the Wakefield twins have something that'll trump this and then some.
  It's the introduction of Prince Albert!

  What are you looking at me like that for? Come on, Prince Albert is Jessica's most loyal and trustworthy sidekick. He's the only one who openly mourns when she nearly dies all nine thousand times and without him, the series just felt off. Besides, the perfect blond clones need a blond dog. Is only fair.

  Settle down and we'll hear the tale of Prince Albert. While at some game, it's never made clear, Jess comes across some dude giving away puppies. She picks the fattest one and brings him home. Ned and Alice are away for the weekend, and Jess figures if they can hide the dog from their parents until he's trained and prove that they can take care of rolly polly puppy, their parents will cave and let them keep him.
  First they have to keep it a secret from all their friends, especially Jessica's. Both Jess and Liz realize that Cara cannot be told no matter what... because she'd use the boyfriend clause and tell hers, who happens to be Steven, and poor puppy would be taken to the pound. Then Prince Albert eats the washing machine hose, and he has a bit of an accident right before Ned and Alice return home. And then he howls at dinner, but mostly he's a good little dog. Until the twins take him for a walk, and he slips his collar and leash, and runs away. They tear the neighborhood apart looking for him, but he's gone. He's so cute that even Lila goes out to look for him all over town. That's some sort of cuteness, guys.
  Naturally Ned was so impressed by Jessica requesting actual responsibility that he ran out and picked up a puppy from the pound. Prince Albert has been returned! I'd say there's no way in hell, but I suspect Prince Albert knew what Ned smelled like and was excited to see one of his people again, and Ned took that as the sign it was. It's all very cute and sweet, and I love Jessica and her little dog.
  Anyway, all you need to know is that Prince Albert has made his triumphant return. And that his name is thanks to Elizabeth.



Trivial Pursuit:

• Jeremy is one year older than Dana. That makes him Sally's age... or 17, for those who don't like math.


• Dana loves old movies, and yay for continuity! [It's mentioned back when DeeDee and Bill are doing their awkward dance ten books back.]


• Jeremy is moved to the attic when his parents give his room to Sally. Idiots.


• Jeremy's family calls him Jerry. Jerry has dark brown eyes.


• Ned and Alice are away at a resort, Casa de los Caballos, for the weekend. Yeah, because the last time they left town, things went so well. Let's see, there was a flood, a fire, and drunken co-eds. Uh, yeah, my parents rightfully figured that the first time we screwed up while they were away should also be the LAST for awhile.


• References are made to SVT's Sneaking Out and Mrs. Bramble and the dog sitting disaster. Inter-series continuity. *head explodes*


• Prince Albert was given away by some dude with a box of puppies at a game Jess was cheering at.


• Liz worries that Ned or Alice would find Prince in Jessica's room. Has she looked in the Hershey Bar lately? I think we all know that you're lucky to find JESSICA in Jessica's room.


• The Larson family: Hal, Anne, Jeremy, and Dana. Sally must be Hal's niece, although for some reason I thought she was Anne's. But if her last name actually is Larson, she's gotta be Hal's. Unless Anne whipped Hal something fierce and he took her last name... It could happen.


• Mere seconds after meeting up with Dana, Sally realizes that Dana's "favorite" word is great. Which means Dana abuses great. A lot. Now, say it with different accents. That's fun. Currently I've got an over the top Aussie accent going with fake!Aussie Dana saying great. Um, yes, I'll shuddup.


• Dana drags Sally to Lisette's, which never really seemed Dana's sort of place, but apparently it is, because she pulls out all the 80's stops to make Sally over. While Sally looks prissy on the cover, she probably would do better to keep the priss thing than that whole oversize sweatshirt fad.


• While D&S are living up the glory of the 80's, Jessica and Elizabeth are at the Perky Pet Shop buying a brown studded dog collar and leash. When they run into the Larson cousins, Liz has Jess put the collar on and say it's part of a costume. Dana files away the dog collar usage for later.


• Jess suggests naming the puppy [whom she keeps calling baby] Spot, simply because he has no spots. Liz suggests Prince Albert, as he should have a real name. This joke's on you.


• Sally thinks about a girl, Marybeth, she knew in one of the group homes over the years. Marybeth vowed that when she got a good thing, she'd hold onto it and do anything to keep it. Including, one must presume, strangling it, as that's what Sally starts to do.


• Maria Santelli and Michael Harris are dating by now, although their parents hate one another due to some bad business deal between their parents. Michael is a senior, and I hate to spoil this for you, but as a kid he bored me senseless.


• Maria and Michael's star-crossed love affair inspires The Droids to write a Romeo/Juliet song. Sally's only interested in the creative process, not the actual end result. Oddly enough, Lynne Henry is mentioned as Guy's girlfriend, but not as a songwriter for the band.


• Oh, and Sally is the band's new manager. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. She's a secretary, essentially.


• The Droids mention two songs by name this go round: "Meltdown" and "Monterey Way".


• Mark Riley is Jeremy Larson's best friend. Mark's tall, dark, and sporty.


• Sally's lived in California her whole live, mostly near San Francisco.


• Mr. Fellows has a thing for typed history papers, and Mark's convinced that it's worth an extra six and a half points.


• Sally's got Mr. Frankel for math.


• One of the male SVH teachers gave out the same test two weeks in a row, but no one said anything because "No talking during tests, right?"


• Jessica keeps Prince in the basement during the day, then sneaks down and takes him to her room before her parents get home.


• Too bad Prince Albert ate the washing machine hose the day Lila visited. They can't get a repairman out until Friday. What is it with Jess and killing the washing machine?


• It costs $50 to get said hose replaced.


• Ned and Alice usually come home around 6:30 every evening.


• Enid is invited to a lawn party by a family friend, and she agrees to go because there should be loads of cute guys there. Liz was supposed to go shopping with Enid, but invites Sally, who turns her down when Dana makes it clear that Dana doesn't share. Who knew Dana was an emotionally abusive girlfriend?


• The Saturday Alice takes a client antique hunting, Prince Albert runs away and hearts everywhere break.


• Dana is not a rainy day sort of girl.


• Jeremy picks up two hitchhikers. One is tall and skinny with greasy hair. That's Al. The shorter, dark haired one is Jim. They're big fans of Kelly's and the whiskey there, as well.


• Mark hangs out with Ken Matthews and John Pfeifer. Despite Mark being older than them, it still seems like they're the ones slumming it. I've been fully brainwashed!


• Julian DeBrino is the Larson family's lawyer.


• Ned picks Prince Albert out/up at an animal shelter.


• Alice's favorite dog breed just happens to be a golden Labrador. Aww, how convenient!


• Maria and Michael, sensing my total boredom, get engaged just in time to kick off the next book. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Quotable

   Standing up to stretch, she wandered over to the window, eager for a distraction. As she scanned the shady, tree-lined street below, she saw Jeremy Larson ride by on his bike. His face looked like a thundercloud and he was pedaling furiously.
   She stared after him for a moment, lost in thought. After a few minutes, she felt refreshed enough to get back to her article. - Show of hands, how many of you took that to mean Liz was feeding off Jeremy's pain, content in the knowledge that soon, soon my precious, someone would need her assistance? p7

   "Don't you think malls are wild? They're like the new Main Street, USA, know what I mean?" - Dana, stop it. You're ruining all my illusions about you. STOP IT. p27

  But it was hard not to stare, she thought. With their blond, shoulder-length hair, blue-green eyes, and slender figures, they were both gorgeous. - It took me three readings to realize that was from Sally's point of view, not Elizabeth's. Maybe because up until then it had all been Liz's? It's funnier that way. p32

   "We need some new material. We've got to write some new songs."
   "Like what?"
   He shrugged. "I don't know. Throw out some ideas."
   "Love! Death! Existential struggle!" Emily intoned dramatically, rattling out a drumroll. "Agriculture!" - Guy/Emily, p 47

    Lila sent her friend a bitter smile as they headed for the basement stairs. "I could probably get ten puppies and sit them around the dining room table, and my dad wouldn't even notice." - Sad, but true. p66

   "I don't know how you put up with her, Elizabeth. I think I would have strangled her years ago."
   "Now that's not fair," she said, defending her twin. "Jessica has a lot of very good qualities."
   "Well, I guess I just haven't seen them yet," Jeffrey said sarcastically. "Maybe she only brings them out on holidays." - Did our ghosty forget that this isn't Todd? Cuz Jeffrey shouldn't be quite as vehement in his dislike of Jess by this point... p79

  "Elizabeth Wakefield to the rescue!" Enid teased, raising her hand into the air. "Fear not, all you sad, lonely people! Elizabeth will come to save you!" - Enid, will you marry me? p 104



   For the most part, Starting Over is a bit of a write off. They had a chance for actual drama, and not trumped up PBA melodrama, but instead we focus on Sally being afraid to rock the boat, even when her clinging to her new family is what's killing her chances at happiness. What made her current foster home so unappealing? Why does she know about sketchy hitchhiker dudes like Jim and Al? Why does no one ever ask if she needs to talk about, I dunno, anything more important than clothing? So many missed opportunities, although I guess I should be grateful they didn't go all after-school special on us.
  But my favorite little bits center around our little puppy, Prince. I love the realization that they cannot tell Cara or they'll be screwed, because it's so simple and realistic. It's tiny little moments like this that make me disproportionately happy. I'm big enough to admit it.
  I also love when Lila is acting very Lila [snobby] about Prince not being a purebred and then she sees the cute pudgy puppy and falls in love with him, but is still able to make a bitter comment about her father not noticing a damn thing she does, ever. And Jessica notices and feels something, anything about it. Tiny little touches of reality to offset the ongoing crazy. It makes me happy.


Hasn't Sally suffered enough as it is?

Remember kids, individuality has no place in high school or at home.

Starting Over
January 1987


Will Sally Larson have to change to stay in Sweet Valley?

The last chance...

   Sally Larson is thrilled when she moves in with her cousin Dana's family. After years of living in foster homes, Sally longs to have a real home, and she's determined to make a good impression.
   As long as Sally lets Dana control her life, she feels she'll be accepted. After all, her cousin is pretty, popular, and the lead singer for The Droids, Sweet Valley High's smash rock band. Sally even hopes to overcome the resentment of Dana's brother, Jeremy. But when Dana begins to resent her, too, Sally's afraid she'll have to leave-and she knows this is her last chance to make a life for herself. Will Sally ever be able to call Sweet Valley home?


  Hey, look, Dana Larson finally gets her own book. Anyone else excited? Well, don't be, because Dana doesn't come out looking too hot in most of it. As we learned at the very end of ze new Jessica, Dana's cousin Sally is coming to live with the Larsons after years of being shuffled from one foster home to the next. Jeremy, Dana's older brother, is less than thrilled, though at first we have no idea why. Did Sally make him cry an awful lot when they were toddlers or something? No clue. In fact, about the only thing he has reason to hold against her? Hal and Anne Larson had their son move out of his childhood room and up to the attic. I don't care that it's practically like his own apartment. You want your kid to get along with someone moving into the house? You don't have that person have to give up their space if you can avoid it. I understand not wanting to make poor Sally move right into the attic, sort of like an afterthought, but I bet she'd have been infinitely happier in the attic with a happy Jeremy not plotting against her rather than snug in his old room while he debates the merits of pushing her down the stairs.
  So, Jeremy is understandably less than happy about the new addition. Dana, on the other hand, is practically dancing in the streets. She announces her cousin's impending move to her band mates in The Droids, but hedges when it comes to giving Sally's age. Seems Sally had to be held back due to all her moves and Dana's less than forthcoming with Sally being 17 but a junior. Right, because ages in the valley make sense. Whatever, Dana. Whatever.
  At first it seems things will go okay for Sally. Dana is interested in showing her around/off, and the two hit it off for the most part. Hal and Anne seem happy enough to have a third teenager running around, and Jeremy is acting like a teenage boy, in that he's a jerk.
  Unfortunately, we quickly realize that Sally is desperate. Desperate to not be shuffled off to yet another foster home [though wouldn't she be shuffled out of the system within the year, whenever it is she turns 18?] Sally has vowed to bend over backwards [literally, I suspect, if that's what it would take] to make the Larsons happy with her. Of course, it doesn't start out too bad. She's helpful around the house, doesn't mind doing the really awful chores, hell, she even thinks of them before anyone can ask for them to be done. When Dana pushes her to be manager of the Droids, despite Sally not being a fan of pop/rock/whatever it is the Droids were doing, Sally agrees, although she'd much rather cozy up to Liz Wakefield and the rest of the staff of the Oracle.
  The problem with being so nice and helpful is that parents will inevitably say to their kids, "Why aren't you more like..." or advise them not to take advantage of their poor, sweet, helpful cousin. Which is exactly what happens. Surprise, surprise. As we've previously mentioned, Jeremy was no big fan of Sally's to begin with, but Dana quickly grows tired of being told not to take advantage of her cousin's desperate need to fit in. Only no one puts it like that. In fact, for all the talking the Larsons do, they don't say a damn thing of importance. Dana chatters about clothes and The Droids, but whenever Sally mentions her painful past, Dana tells her to stop it, dammit. She figures it'll be best for Sally, but what she really means is that she doesn't want to hear it because it'll make her feel bad. So if Sally just doesn't speak or think about it, she'll be okay? Doubtful.
  Also, Dana is strangely possessive of Sally. When Sally is pushed into taking the car, she drives to SVH as that's about the only thing she can find in this god forsaken town at this point. She wanders around and finds Liz at the Oracle office, and then she pretty much spills her worries to Liz.

  Hold up, just a second. I'm trying to decide if Liz ever truly gets tired of perfect strangers telling her their pain, or if she gets off on it. Wait, no, this book answers this as well! See, at the beginning of the book, Liz is staring out of her window, feeling a bit out of sorts, and she sees Jeremy Larson ride by on his bike, looking more than a little put out. This. Cheers. Her. Up.
  And you thought Jess was the sociopath.

  Anyway, Sally goes back home and confides that she thinks Liz likes her and Dana's reaction is a little weird. "Well, I guess that's good, if you want to be friends with someone like Liz Wakefield..." She then goes on about how much time managing The Droids will require and that Sally won't have time for other friends. Um, I thought the BSC was the cult of young adult lit, not The Droids. Hmm, now the name makes sense. Sally is confused as to why Dana wants to keep Sally all to herself. Sally ain't the only one, and honestly? This is never explained, other than Dana wanting to keep Sally dependent on her, even while she's busy pushing Sally away.
  Then there's Jeremy's friend Mark, who falls for Sally within seconds of seeing the 'real' Sally. Dana, I should mention, bought her all these super trendy-Dana-fied clothes, but Sally is a prim and proper sort of classical girl, so when Mark meets Lady Sally, he falls head over heels. Seriously, I think if you squint, you can see cupid floating away, cackling to himself. Sally likes Mark too, but I don't know why, other than Mark is cute and nice to her. At this point, I guess that's enough.
  When Sally realizes that Mark liking her isn't going to make Jeremy like her, she figures that maybe if she kills Mark's interest in her, Jeremy will at least go back to disliking her at an 8, as opposed to the 10 he's currently firing on. Doesn't work. Poor Sally can't do anything right. If she offers to do something to help her cousins, they get fussed at, but since they don't tell her this, she doesn't know that by being helpful she's getting them into trouble. Because it's too awkward, she doesn't talk to her aunt and uncle about her problems with the kids [as that'd get them in even MORE trouble], and neither Dana nor Jeremy tells their parents that maybe if they'd stop frickin' comparing Sally and their own kids and finding D&J lacking, things might be a little less stressful around the house.
  One morning, Anne Larson tells the kids to hurry home after school. Big family meeting, and Hal will be back from his trip to San Francisco with important news. Sally is sure this means they're sending her away. She walks around school in a daze, miserable and alone. After school, Jeremy's driving all three of the younger Larsons home, and he stops. to. pick. up. hitchhikers.
  What.
  The.
  Hell?

   Sally tells him not to, that she knows guys like this, and there's only one way this will end, and it doesn't involve them all wearing skirts and clown-like rouge, dancing the cancan to the amazement of everyone. Jeremy tells her to fuck off and picks the guys up anyway. They hit on Dana and demand to be driven to Kelly's. Right, right. When they get there, the goons try and take Sally and Dana into the bar, but Sally pipes up and tells them that despite Dana's punkish wardrobe, she's a dead bore, and that if they want to have some fun, Sally's the girl for them. The guys are blinded by vision of booze and what Sally's offering, so Jeremy is freed from the chains of his wallet just in time for him to speed out of there with Dana in tow.
  Jeremy Larson deserves an ass kicking, y'all. Where's the SV mob when you need 'em? He's been an ass all book and I demand to know WHY, dammit. Dana realizes that Sally was saving their asses at her own expense, and she convinces Jeremy to go back. Before they do, they head to Mark's house, where Ken and John Pfeifer are visiting. Who knew Mark was that popular? Anyway, the boys [and Dana] head back to Kelly's to win Sally back. I guess calling the cops to raid Kelly's yet again made too much sense, cuz why should Jim and Al get arrested for their crimes when Kenny Matthews and future-rapist-to-the-stars John can scare some sense into 'em, all while setting it up so Mark can sweep Sally off her feet?
  So they do, and he does, and Jeremy and Dana realize what Sally thought of that morning: Since Dana and Jeremy have been such bitches about Sally living with them, odds are good Anne and Hal are sending Sally off again. Fear not, Sally! Despite seriously considering stabbing you repeatedly in the back when you didn't do anything to them, Dana and Jeremy will fight for you! Mark will too! It'll be awesome. But when they get home, Hal and Anne keep shushing them. Hal went to San Fran to talk to the child welfare people and his lawyer and it's all set. Sally says she understands, that she's sorry it didn't work out. Hal stares at her like she's insane, and says no, he really does want to pay for three college tuitions all at the same time, thank you very much. They're adopting Sally! Yay! Everyone wins!

  I know jackshit about the adoption/child custody system, but something smells horribly fishy, and I don't think it's the cat yawning in my face. Well, not just the cat, anyway.

  But let's be honest. None of this makes a damn bit of difference, as I think Sally is mostly shuffled off the screen, and besides, the Wakefield twins have something that'll trump this and then some.
  It's the introduction of Prince Albert!

  What are you looking at me like that for? Come on, Prince Albert is Jessica's most loyal and trustworthy sidekick. He's the only one who openly mourns when she nearly dies all nine thousand times and without him, the series just felt off. Besides, the perfect blond clones need a blond dog. Is only fair.

  Settle down and we'll hear the tale of Prince Albert. While at some game, it's never made clear, Jess comes across some dude giving away puppies. She picks the fattest one and brings him home. Ned and Alice are away for the weekend, and Jess figures if they can hide the dog from their parents until he's trained and prove that they can take care of rolly polly puppy, their parents will cave and let them keep him.
  First they have to keep it a secret from all their friends, especially Jessica's. Both Jess and Liz realize that Cara cannot be told no matter what... because she'd use the boyfriend clause and tell hers, who happens to be Steven, and poor puppy would be taken to the pound. Then Prince Albert eats the washing machine hose, and he has a bit of an accident right before Ned and Alice return home. And then he howls at dinner, but mostly he's a good little dog. Until the twins take him for a walk, and he slips his collar and leash, and runs away. They tear the neighborhood apart looking for him, but he's gone. He's so cute that even Lila goes out to look for him all over town. That's some sort of cuteness, guys.
  Naturally Ned was so impressed by Jessica requesting actual responsibility that he ran out and picked up a puppy from the pound. Prince Albert has been returned! I'd say there's no way in hell, but I suspect Prince Albert knew what Ned smelled like and was excited to see one of his people again, and Ned took that as the sign it was. It's all very cute and sweet, and I love Jessica and her little dog.
  Anyway, all you need to know is that Prince Albert has made his triumphant return. And that his name is thanks to Elizabeth.



Trivial Pursuit:

• Jeremy is one year older than Dana. That makes him Sally's age... or 17, for those who don't like math.


• Dana loves old movies, and yay for continuity! [It's mentioned back when DeeDee and Bill are doing their awkward dance ten books back.]


• Jeremy is moved to the attic when his parents give his room to Sally. Idiots.


• Jeremy's family calls him Jerry. Jerry has dark brown eyes.


• Ned and Alice are away at a resort, Casa de los Caballos, for the weekend. Yeah, because the last time they left town, things went so well. Let's see, there was a flood, a fire, and drunken co-eds. Uh, yeah, my parents rightfully figured that the first time we screwed up while they were away should also be the LAST for awhile.


• References are made to SVT's Sneaking Out and Mrs. Bramble and the dog sitting disaster. Inter-series continuity. *head explodes*


• Prince Albert was given away by some dude with a box of puppies at a game Jess was cheering at.


• Liz worries that Ned or Alice would find Prince in Jessica's room. Has she looked in the Hershey Bar lately? I think we all know that you're lucky to find JESSICA in Jessica's room.


• The Larson family: Hal, Anne, Jeremy, and Dana. Sally must be Hal's niece, although for some reason I thought she was Anne's. But if her last name actually is Larson, she's gotta be Hal's. Unless Anne whipped Hal something fierce and he took her last name... It could happen.


• Mere seconds after meeting up with Dana, Sally realizes that Dana's "favorite" word is great. Which means Dana abuses great. A lot. Now, say it with different accents. That's fun. Currently I've got an over the top Aussie accent going with fake!Aussie Dana saying great. Um, yes, I'll shuddup.


• Dana drags Sally to Lisette's, which never really seemed Dana's sort of place, but apparently it is, because she pulls out all the 80's stops to make Sally over. While Sally looks prissy on the cover, she probably would do better to keep the priss thing than that whole oversize sweatshirt fad.


• While D&S are living up the glory of the 80's, Jessica and Elizabeth are at the Perky Pet Shop buying a brown studded dog collar and leash. When they run into the Larson cousins, Liz has Jess put the collar on and say it's part of a costume. Dana files away the dog collar usage for later.


• Jess suggests naming the puppy [whom she keeps calling baby] Spot, simply because he has no spots. Liz suggests Prince Albert, as he should have a real name. This joke's on you.


• Sally thinks about a girl, Marybeth, she knew in one of the group homes over the years. Marybeth vowed that when she got a good thing, she'd hold onto it and do anything to keep it. Including, one must presume, strangling it, as that's what Sally starts to do.


• Maria Santelli and Michael Harris are dating by now, although their parents hate one another due to some bad business deal between their parents. Michael is a senior, and I hate to spoil this for you, but as a kid he bored me senseless.


• Maria and Michael's star-crossed love affair inspires The Droids to write a Romeo/Juliet song. Sally's only interested in the creative process, not the actual end result. Oddly enough, Lynne Henry is mentioned as Guy's girlfriend, but not as a songwriter for the band.


• Oh, and Sally is the band's new manager. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. She's a secretary, essentially.


• The Droids mention two songs by name this go round: "Meltdown" and "Monterey Way".


• Mark Riley is Jeremy Larson's best friend. Mark's tall, dark, and sporty.


• Sally's lived in California her whole live, mostly near San Francisco.


• Mr. Fellows has a thing for typed history papers, and Mark's convinced that it's worth an extra six and a half points.


• Sally's got Mr. Frankel for math.


• One of the male SVH teachers gave out the same test two weeks in a row, but no one said anything because "No talking during tests, right?"


• Jessica keeps Prince in the basement during the day, then sneaks down and takes him to her room before her parents get home.


• Too bad Prince Albert ate the washing machine hose the day Lila visited. They can't get a repairman out until Friday. What is it with Jess and killing the washing machine?


• It costs $50 to get said hose replaced.


• Ned and Alice usually come home around 6:30 every evening.


• Enid is invited to a lawn party by a family friend, and she agrees to go because there should be loads of cute guys there. Liz was supposed to go shopping with Enid, but invites Sally, who turns her down when Dana makes it clear that Dana doesn't share. Who knew Dana was an emotionally abusive girlfriend?


• The Saturday Alice takes a client antique hunting, Prince Albert runs away and hearts everywhere break.


• Dana is not a rainy day sort of girl.


• Jeremy picks up two hitchhikers. One is tall and skinny with greasy hair. That's Al. The shorter, dark haired one is Jim. They're big fans of Kelly's and the whiskey there, as well.


• Mark hangs out with Ken Matthews and John Pfeifer. Despite Mark being older than them, it still seems like they're the ones slumming it. I've been fully brainwashed!


• Julian DeBrino is the Larson family's lawyer.


• Ned picks Prince Albert out/up at an animal shelter.


• Alice's favorite dog breed just happens to be a golden Labrador. Aww, how convenient!


• Maria and Michael, sensing my total boredom, get engaged just in time to kick off the next book. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Quotable

   Standing up to stretch, she wandered over to the window, eager for a distraction. As she scanned the shady, tree-lined street below, she saw Jeremy Larson ride by on his bike. His face looked like a thundercloud and he was pedaling furiously.
   She stared after him for a moment, lost in thought. After a few minutes, she felt refreshed enough to get back to her article. - Show of hands, how many of you took that to mean Liz was feeding off Jeremy's pain, content in the knowledge that soon, soon my precious, someone would need her assistance? p7

   "Don't you think malls are wild? They're like the new Main Street, USA, know what I mean?" - Dana, stop it. You're ruining all my illusions about you. STOP IT. p27

  But it was hard not to stare, she thought. With their blond, shoulder-length hair, blue-green eyes, and slender figures, they were both gorgeous. - It took me three readings to realize that was from Sally's point of view, not Elizabeth's. Maybe because up until then it had all been Liz's? It's funnier that way. p32

   "We need some new material. We've got to write some new songs."
   "Like what?"
   He shrugged. "I don't know. Throw out some ideas."
   "Love! Death! Existential struggle!" Emily intoned dramatically, rattling out a drumroll. "Agriculture!" - Guy/Emily, p 47

    Lila sent her friend a bitter smile as they headed for the basement stairs. "I could probably get ten puppies and sit them around the dining room table, and my dad wouldn't even notice." - Sad, but true. p66

   "I don't know how you put up with her, Elizabeth. I think I would have strangled her years ago."
   "Now that's not fair," she said, defending her twin. "Jessica has a lot of very good qualities."
   "Well, I guess I just haven't seen them yet," Jeffrey said sarcastically. "Maybe she only brings them out on holidays." - Did our ghosty forget that this isn't Todd? Cuz Jeffrey shouldn't be quite as vehement in his dislike of Jess by this point... p79

  "Elizabeth Wakefield to the rescue!" Enid teased, raising her hand into the air. "Fear not, all you sad, lonely people! Elizabeth will come to save you!" - Enid, will you marry me? p 104



   For the most part, Starting Over is a bit of a write off. They had a chance for actual drama, and not trumped up PBA melodrama, but instead we focus on Sally being afraid to rock the boat, even when her clinging to her new family is what's killing her chances at happiness. What made her current foster home so unappealing? Why does she know about sketchy hitchhiker dudes like Jim and Al? Why does no one ever ask if she needs to talk about, I dunno, anything more important than clothing? So many missed opportunities, although I guess I should be grateful they didn't go all after-school special on us.
  But my favorite little bits center around our little puppy, Prince. I love the realization that they cannot tell Cara or they'll be screwed, because it's so simple and realistic. It's tiny little moments like this that make me disproportionately happy. I'm big enough to admit it.
  I also love when Lila is acting very Lila [snobby] about Prince not being a purebred and then she sees the cute pudgy puppy and falls in love with him, but is still able to make a bitter comment about her father not noticing a damn thing she does, ever. And Jessica notices and feels something, anything about it. Tiny little touches of reality to offset the ongoing crazy. It makes me happy.


Hasn't Sally suffered enough as it is?