the_oracle

Rock Star's Girl
February 1991

Who's the new girl at Sweet Valley High?

Looks can be deceiving...

   Jessica can't believe it! Her idol, rock star Jamie Peters, has moved to Sweet Valley. If only she could meet him, her career as a 'star' would really take off! Peeking through the bushes bordering his estate, hoping to find a way to talk to him, Jessica sees something shocking.
   Andrea Slade, the quiet new girl at Sweet Valley High, is lounging by the pool with Jamie - and she's acting as if they are more than just good friends. Could a sixteen-year-old nobody like Andrea really be a rock star's girlfriend?



   My memory of RSG is pretty flimsy: purple cover with Jess doing her weakest "I'm watching you" face and this is the book where everyone thinks Andrea is Jamie's girlfriend and not his daughter. That's it.

 Which isn't to say that I was wrong, just that I'd managed to forget all the great things about the book. Like the fact that Enid pops up all over the place here and Lila's insane and our ghosty does not know how to play the marimba or possibly what one even is. Onward!

   We open with Enid being excited to tell Liz who she had lunch with as they get ready for gym. It's a little odd that Liz wasn't at lunch with Enid, and we never find out where she was, but we do get Liz guessing it's some fabulously gorgeous guy. Alas, it was a girl and that girl was Andrea Slade. You know, the new transfer student. Anyway, Enid thinks Andrea is great and she wants to invite her to the beach with them that weekend. Liz agrees and then Andrea appears because her schedule is still being fiddled with and now she's in their gym class. Huzzah!
  We have a brief interlude with our B plot and the lusting over Jamie Peters and then we hit the beach with possibly my favorite new trio. Andrea drops possibly the first of her many comments about being woefully pale and the Es try to explain "beach culture" to her. Which sounds less interesting than it actually is. The trio hit it off and Andrea seems to honestly enjoy hanging out with Enid and Liz and the three agree to meet up at the DB later for dinner... but only after Andrea once more avoids letting anyone even know what part of town she lives in. Enid's kind of worried by how secretive Andrea is, but Elizabeth chalks it up to the family not being fully moved in yet or something. Sure. As someone who did a move that was hell incarnate, with boxes everywhere for far too long, I can say that even during the midst of that, I would've been fine with someone picking me up. But maybe in the Valley you invite yourself in first and that's what Liz figures Andrea was avoiding.
   We get a moment of Liz trying to get Jessica to agree to meet and hang out with Andrea, because Liz thinks Jess would really like her and Jess just isn't interested. I'm torn on this. On the one hand, Jessica's right. She enjoys people like Lila and Amy and Liz prefers, y'know, Enid. Their friend circles don't really overlap that much when it comes to best friend material. On the other hand, the only reason for Jessica to not agree to meet the girl whose fashion choices she's already admired is because the plot requires no mention of Jamie around Andrea until later. And since Jessica's Jamie Peters obsession is in full swing, she can't really go more than five minutes without mentioning him. Possibly as subtly as, "You know who else likes to breathe? JAMIE PETERS!"

   Now, because this wouldn't be SVH without some romance, the book brings us Nicholas Morrow running into the new trio at the mall.
  Can we take a moment to discuss the mall? I admit I live in a place with two relatively shitty malls (I laugh any time someone asks about the closest one) but Sweet Valley is mentioned to be a small town about 137 times in this book alone but their mall is three levels? Are you kidding me? I could maybe buy this if we'd been told that it's basically the mall for every surrounding town and everyone goes there to shop but nope. Just small town this, small town that, btw, the mall has three levels.
   Back to Nicholas. He and Andrea immediately hit it off, bonding over the fact that they both lived in Boston in the recent past and also both LOVE sailing. Elizabeth is giddy over the thought of Nicholas finally finding someone and I kinda love that. I also feel a little bad for Enid as by the end of the book she's going to wind up the fifth wheel on the first of many an outing. Sorry, Enid.
  Nicholas and Andrea make a date to go sailing and when they do hit the water, they find that they both have a lot in common- not the least of which is being kinda dorky around one another. But it's endearing and maybe I'm biased because I want Nicholas to be happy almost as much as the Wakefield twins seem to in this book and also because Andrea is obviously team Enid, so I'll roll with it. They agree to meet back up for dinner, though there is a seriously awkward moment and no, not when Regina is mentioned.
   Yet again Andrea suggests just meeting someone somewhere and Nicholas is a little hurt because he thinks maybe she's ashamed of him or something. But when Andrea assures him that it's not that, she just needs a little time, he agrees, though he does hope that sometime soon she'll trust him. I... honestly don't blame him for being a little put off that she's being so evasive about where she lives. While we know she's hiding something (even if you don't know whether she's JP's gf or daughter at this point), Nicholas just knows this girl he spent an amazing afternoon out on the water with won't trust him to pick her up at her house... kinda the most basic of date beginnings.
   Andrea and Nicholas dine at a pretty little Italian restaurant that serves angel hair pasta (with cream sauce and herbs, as the running joke between the two goes and I did warn you they were dorks) and they have a delightful time. Thing is, at the end of the date we have Nicholas walking Andrea to her car... which is parked outside of his house. You know where the Morrows live? In the rich part of town, right by Lila and Bruce. He lives in a freakin' mansion. This is a plot point for more than one book, dammit, ghosty. So why, oh why does Andrea get a little squirrelly when Dana later mentions that the Morrows are loaded? She should already know this! It's not like your average teenage boy, at the age of 18, can afford a new sailboat after trading in their Sunfish for it. Seriously, the boy comes from money and it isn't exactly a secret.

   Still, Andrea seems to be fitting in pretty nicely with Olivia, Dana (who is sticking around more than I ever remembered her doing for this stretch of the books), Todd, and Winston. Win worries that he's offended Andrea when she runs off rather than discuss her father but Liz and Todd assure him that he was fine, she's just shy, maybe.

   I believe I promised you Lila craziness, right? Well, first we circle back to Jessica. The new Jamie Peters album just dropped and so she and Amy go to Lila's to hear it on Li's new CD player that Mr. Fowler just brought back from Japan. Ah, book, you're so dated. I love it. Anyway, Jess can't get over how hot Jamie is, Lila can't get over the idea of how Jamie is moving into movies and possibly moving to California and hey, maybe he'll move to Sweet Valley and Amy can't get over how ridiculous both Lila and Jessica are acting about some 40 year old rock star.
  Lila decides to drop the bombshell that she's getting into music and has a music teacher, Max Sharpe, and soon they'll be deciding which instrument she should start to play. Lila's not prepared for how amused Amy and Jessica are by this and even less prepared when they go all in on her once she announces that her new musical focus will be... the marimba. Which we're told is a cousin of the harp but Wikipedia would very much beg to differ. Pretty sure you don't pluck the marimba, ghosty.
  Anyway, Lila won't hear of them mocking her new musical pursuit and won't they be sorry when she's rich and famous! Well. More rich and more famous, I suppose. Amy and Jessica decide they can risk it.
  Until later, that is, when Lila announces that she's seen Jamie Peters... in Sweet Valley! Amy's still busy rolling her eyes while Jessica wonders if it's possible that maybe Lila did. He wouldn't be the first (or last) star to swing by the Valley. Later that evening, Lila calls the Wakefield house during dinner, and we're treated to a fabulous quote:

"Your friend Lila is calling from her car phone," he said, half amused and half annoyed. "Apparently something earth-shattering has come up, and unless she can talk to you this very second, she claims she will die."

Such sass. ♥
  Lila claims to have seen Jamie on her way home from Max's house again. She followed him this time and found out that he must've moved into the old Kitterby estate, which is only five doors down from Lila! Also that neither Lila nor her father expected it to sell so long as the estate was asking $2 million for it, but that's not the point.
  Jessica is super jealous that Lila's now seen him twice and not happy that she's going to miss seeing him again because she has to finish dinner. Lila suggests a way onto the estate, as she used to be friends with Alexis Kitterby and knows the grounds fairly well, and the two agree to meet for lunch the next day to discuss it. So Jess grumpily goes back to dinner while Lila continues her stakeout.

   Lila, Jessica, and Amy sneak onto JP's property and are almost immediately rewarded with the sight of JP talking on the phone out by the pool. It's amazing that each time we hear about them spying on the star, he's always out by the pool. It's so amazing that the ghosty has to give us a reason to believe it and that's that JP's remedy for everything is to spend time baking in the sun.
  Funny that Andrea makes numerous mentions of her lack of tan then, but hey. Maybe JP moved to California just for the year round tanning opportunities.
  Anyway, the girls run away when Amy and Jessica make too much noise and Lila puts the kibosh on Amy telling everyone in SV about the new star in their midst. She points out that once everyone knows, they'll all be clamoring for JP's attention and then they won't be special. It works and the girls agree to keep the secret from everyone but Cara.
  And I take a moment to howl with laughter at how much Cara's changed, because it wasn't that long ago that telling Cara was akin to just putting up a billboard, only Cara's mouth might've been faster. Now she's capable of keeping a secret without it being a thing.
  When the foursome spy on Jamie next, they're surprised by the sight of the ever elusive girl in so many of Jamie's songs: Andrea! GASP. She kisses him on the cheek and all four are sure that Andrea's his girlfriend and are all scandalized.
   I laugh some more because these days, and even then, it's really not uncommon to hear of a middle aged rock star having a teenage girlfriend. Sure, her being 16 is weird but not the teenage aspect exactly. Also, for someone who has been kind of the voice of reason where Jamie Peters is concerned, Amy never once suspects that Andrea is his daughter even though she's sure the man's pushing 40 and I suspect that's about the average age for their parents. But complaining about the lack of logic in a SVH book is kinda pointless. :P

   The next day Andrea is sick from school with a cold and Penny tells Liz that she's got an in with someone at the Entertainment section of the Sweet Valley News and thus she knows Jamie Peters has moved to town. The real estate agent blabbed and it should be all over the news by that evening. You can't convince me that JP's agent didn't at least give him a head's up at some point so that Jamie would warn Andrea before she returned to school but fine. Enid and Elizabeth are pretty sure the rumor mill is wrong and that Andrea is his daughter, not his girlfriend but who listens to them? Not when the gossip is this juicy, anyway.
  Andrea returns to school the next day to find that everyone is treating her very strangely. Amy is super solicitous despite never giving her the time of day beforehand. Caroline is pretty much stalking her and trying to con her into confiding in her (Caro, if Andrea could peg Bruce Patman as an egotistical blow hard at first brush, I'm sure she's heard what a gossip you are by this point), and girls are basically just acting weird around her. She puts two and two together and figures somehow the news broke. She's nervous that Enid and Elizabeth will treat her differently but at lunch they're just happy to see their friend. Awww.
   Until Lila shows up and wants Andrea to put in a good word for her with Jamie. When Andrea doesn't leap for joy, Lila says she wouldn't be thrilled if her boyfriend didn't value her opinion on such matters. Andrea is ticked and instead of correcting Lila, she coldly tells Lila it's no business of hers who JP is to Andrea. She's not wrong but this will bite her on the ass very, very shortly.

   After school, Lila and Jess go shopping but Jess is ticked that Lila played the favor card too early. She's sure that she would've been able to finesse Andrea better and when Lila's like "who cares, he'll dump her soon anyway", Jess heads outside to people watch. She runs into Nicholas who just bought Andrea a bouquet of blue hydrangeas since blue is her favorite color. Jess feels funny when she realizes how smitten Nicholas is and I love this for reasons I can't fully articulate. When Lila comes out and wonders who the flowers are for, Jess tries to get Lila to not spill the beans about Andrea but Lila's not really picking up on any social cues today, so she tells Nicholas that Andrea is shacking up with Jamie Peters and he shouldn't get too serious. Nicholas is heartbroken and gives the flowers to a delighted Lila before heading off to break his date with Andrea. Sorta. Jess is worried that maybe they did something wrong, but Lila's sure that she just saved Nicholas from a world of heartache and he should really be sending her flowers for the next year as thanks.
  Oh, Lila.

   Andrea shows up late for her date with Nicholas and finds that he's left a note that calls her out for possibly two-timing him. She's upset, mostly at herself, because if she'd just bothered to correct Lila instead of getting the last word in, she wouldn't be in this mess. She can't go home because she's mad at her father for even entertaining the idea of breaking his promise to not go on tour again anytime soon and so she disappears.

   Which we only know because around 8:30, the phone rings at the Wakefield's and Jessica answers, only to find Jamie Peters on the line. He wants to talk to Liz because Andrea hasn't come home and he's not exactly worried, he just wants to make sure she's with friends. Liz tells him that Andrea isn't there, but she'll call Enid (uncool, Liz, let Enid talk to the rock star, too!) and Nicholas and then maybe they can go out looking for Andrea. After she hangs up, Jessica confesses that before anyone calls Nicholas, maybe Liz needs to know what happened that afternoon.
  Liz picks Nicholas up in the Fiat and I think at this point in the series we're starting to hint at the Jeep coming given that the Fiat isn't great for more than two people and this point is hammered home multiple times during the book. In any case, Nicholas is relieved to know that he only made an ass of himself with his assumption and that the girl he's interested in ISN'T a two-timing groupie. Huzzah? We stop at Enid's and climb into her mother's car and head off in search of Andrea. Nicholas finally remembers the third thing we know about Andrea (behind love of blue and angel hair pasta) and that's her love of water/sailing. Off to the marina they go!
  There's a joyous reunion and misunderstandings are cleared up and everyone heads back to Andrea's house... where Lila and Jessica are hiding in the bushes again. There's an incredibly stupid moment where, after Jamie and Nicholas yank Lila and Jess from the bushes (after Jessica basically falls out of her hiding spot) Jamie says to Elizabeth, "Sounds like you know these two." DUDE. THEY ARE IDENTICAL TWINS and you have both of them standing right in front of you. It's not until Liz asks how cool Jess is with the blackmail that's going to take place later to keep this from their parents that he realizes they're, y'know, twins. Oi. Maybe the sun has damaged his eyes even with the ever present sunglasses?
  I do have to hand it to Lila, who plays it super cool to the degree that she manages to lay the blame at Jessica's feet without anyone really catching it AND she gets a bit part in Jamie's upcoming movie. Sure, it's comedic and will be mocking her lack of marimba skills, but still. Considering she was just busted spying on the neighbors, she came out smelling like a rose. All hail queen Lila.
  Jessica, however, winds up having to do all of Liz's chores all weekend and Liz is still figuring how else to properly make Jessica pay. It doesn't happen nearly often enough, but I do love when Liz comes out on top in the blackmail department.
   There's a bit at the end where Enid and Elizabeth discuss how nice it'll be for Andrea to be around and then Liz runs into Skye Morrow, Regina's mother, who says she's finally been able to go through Regina's things and found something she knows Regina would want Liz to have. She'll bring it by tomorrow and we're left on that cliffhanger.
  Oh what could it be, dear reader. What could it be?


Trivia:

• Liz, Enid, and Andrea have gym last period.


• They're playing softball in case you wondered, and gym is a little more than 40 minutes.


• Enid mentions the idea of Liz cutting back on her extracurriculars.


• Andrea Slade is slender and tall with a wonderful mop of blond curls that cascade to her shoulders, wide set blue eyes with dark eye lashes, and a peaches and cream complexion. Liz thinks she seems a bit older than her other friends, possibly due to living in NYC (so sophisticated?) previously. Before NYC, she lived in Boston and then, in no order given, Dallas, Miami, and Detroit. She's prone calling things culture like "beach culture" and "mall culture" and she's got a fixation on tanning. She drives a small white Honda, her favorite color is blue, she loves pasta, especially angel hair pasta served with cream sauce and herbs, and she's nuts about sailing. Dislikes gym, moving vans, and elevator Muzak.


• Nicholas and Andrea both like baseball, reggae music, Italian restaurants, anyplace warm, and think the best place to be alone is by the ocean.


• Jessica picks up her Jamie Peters Pride CD from Records Plus in the mall.


• Jamie Peters has shoulder length blond hair, is lean with muscular arms, a cleft chin, and a voice Jessica thinks of as a mixture of velvet and gravel. He married his childhood sweetheart, fellow singer Karen Ross and that same year they recorded an album together. 12 years ago Karen died when her private jet crashed in the Adirondacks. He drives an old white mustang convertible.


• Todd owns 2 Jamie Peters albums.


• We keep hearing about two of Jamie's songs: Doing It All For You, Little Girl


• Amy seems repulsed by the idea of guys at a health club "having stuff put on their skin to take away wrinkles." To be fair, when put like that I wrinkled my nose, too.


• According to this book, Amy and Lila fight frequently.


• While Lila and Jessica swoon at the thought of having a star write them love songs, Amy points out that Jamie might not even write his own lyrics.


• Lila's music teacher is Max Sharpe.


• Jess camps out in front of the TV Friday evening to watch an MTV special interview with Jamie Peters. One of the women VJs is interviewing him.


• Jamie Peters is considering a move from music to movies and somehow expects this to allow him to be home more and have more control of his schedule.


• When asked what some guys were doing on the beach, Enid tells Andrea they're doing the Sweet Valley version of volleyball. What does that even mean?


• Jessica declines going to the DB with Liz in favor of hanging out with Lila at Fowler Crest because Mr. Fowler is out of town and Eva, the housekeeper, goes to bed really early and Lila gets lonely. This is why I love you, book.


• Andrea says she's not a good writer when Olivia asks her to write a piece comparing NYC and SV.


• Olivia's father works at the Phillips Corporation in this book.


• In case you wondered, Liz and Jess live near the middle of town according to this book. Shocking that they'd be at the center of things.


• Lila finds out which instrument she'll be playing at her third music lesson.


• Lila offers to play the opening notes to 'Jesu, Son of Man's Desiring' on the marimba for Amy and Jessica.


• The Garden Cafe is located on the main level of the SV mall.


• Nicholas picks up a program for his father at Computer Whiz in the mall.


• Nicholas knows some of Andrea's Boston friends.


• Lila had a dentist appointment at 11:30am Thursday morning and saw Jamie Peters leaving the drugstore afterward. She tells Amy and Jessica about this at lunch.


• There's a strict no calls at dinner rule at the Wakefield house. I'm not sure why Ned answers the call at all other than to amuse me.


• The Kitterby Estate is five doors down from Fowler Crest. Lila asks Jessica if she remembers the place with 2 stone posts with coral colored stone lions. The asking price was $2 million. Lila used to be friends with Alexis Kitterby.


• Nicholas Morrow's boat is the Morning Glory and he's only had it for a couple of months. He traded in his Sunfish for it.


• Nicholas takes Andrea to Oggi, an Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Sweet Valley.


• Lila draws a detailed map of the layout of the Kitterby estate. There's a swimming pool behind the house, with a Mexican-tile patio around the pool, and "behind that a bunch of thick bushes. Calla lily" Lila thinks. Behind all that, there's a long trail which leads to the parkland behind their house, which is how the girls sneak onto the property. The Kitterby estate "was a beautiful Spanish-style villa, a sprawling stucco house with red tiles on the roof. The back doors were sliding glass."


• Dana thinks Nicholas is hunky. I find it hard to believe Dana would ever use such a word but, y'know, 1991.


• While camped out with Cara, Amy, and Lila, Jessica imagines what would happen if someone, say Jessica, made a noise. The other girls would run off but Jamie would investigate and instead of, I dunno, calling the cops, would offer her a drink and be completely fine with the invasion of privacy.


• Penny has a friend who works in the Entertainment section of the Sweet Valley News.


• A real estate agent blabbed about Jamie Peters moving to the news.


• Enid and Andrea have the same social studies class.


• Lila suggests that she'd be down for a double date with Andrea, Jamie, and Bruce Springsteen.


• Jamie Peters has a remedy for everything, including colds: baking in the sun.


• Andrea overhears her father talking to his agent Leo, on the phone, about a tour in Italy.


• Diana Cushing was Andrea's best friend in Boston two years ago. Her mother was a reporter for an entertainment magazine and once she had the story she wanted on Jamie, Diana dumped Andrea. I wonder how much of her dislike of NYC was because she was still holding onto that pain.


• Despite never seeing Lila interact with Andrea, ever, and knowing that Lila described her as weird, Lila pops up at lunch and says, "I feel like we know each other pretty well." I cackled.


• Mata Hari's is a downtown boutique at the corner of the intersection of two main streets.


• The Flower Shoppe is just across the street.


• Nicholas buys Andrea blue hydrangeas for their afternoon tea date at the Fairmont Inn, which overlooks the marina and is famous for their afternoon teas.


• Jamie has a sister, Donna, who lives in LA.


• Lila gets a bit part in Jamie's new movie as a bad marimba player.


• Liz runs into Skye Morrow who offers to drop off something of Regina's the following day for Liz.

Quotes:
Andrea's smile widened. "Great! That makes two people I've met today. I'm not sure I count Bruce as a 'person.'" - Patman's charm must be slipping. Maybe he needs to re-read his book? :P p5

But Jessica always had to turn liking into adoring. That was just the way Jessica was. She didn't get interested- she got obsessed. - Liz, you do the same damn thing, only not usually over celebs. p11

Amy shook her head. "I can't believe you two! What do you think, if he happens to be free, you could just call him up and ask him out?" - Amy nails why I've never been good at celeb crushes. p17

"What's a marimba? It sounds like something you eat for dessert," Cara said.
Jessica giggled. "Or something to wrap your hair in."
"I think it sounds like what you yell when you're chopping down trees," Amy added with a grin. "Ma-rim-ba!" - p49

"I happen to have natural talent for the marimba. That's what Max Sharpe thinks. Besides, I'm not crazy. I'm not going to play for Jamie until I'm much better. At least not for another week or two!" - Yes, that's all the additional time you'll need, Lila. p83/84

"You know, people who know me think I'm a really good listener. They think I'm the sort of friend you can really confide in." - Yes, confide in Caroline if you want your news spread all over town without any effort on your part, Andrea. p110

"Once she wakes up out of whatever daze she's in, she'll realize that there are better people to be friends with than Enid Rollins."
"Watch it," Jessica said. It was all right for her to disapprove of Elizabeth's friendships, but family loyalty ran deep. And right now, she was not in the mood to hear her twin's friend criticized, even indirectly. - my heart, she can't take much more of this, Captain. D'aww. p119

Elizabeth sighed. "So maybe that was it. On top of everyone at school treating her so strangely, your reaction must've been the last straw." - That was way harsh, Tai Liz. p131/132

Elizabeth couldn't see how Jessica could possibly prefer a whole evening cooped up with Lila to a lively night with a group of friends. - Oh how the tables have turned. p34

"Well, you've met my special girl. They don't come any more special than Andrea."
"Yeah, I agree with that," Nicholas said fervently. - Ick and aw at the same time? p144

"Before you go, let me just thank you two," Andrea said warmly. She put one hand on Enid's shoulder and the other on Elizabeth's. "Something tells me that the three of us are going to have a lot of fun together." - And then she was never seen again. Well, almost. p146



In Which I Nitpick:
"Why don't we come over and get you after Enid? Or Enid, then you?" - How is that different, Liz/ghosty p30

Her father hadn't understood why she had been so insistent on keeping her identity a secret.
Two paragraphs later: The great thing about her father was that he understood. - Sigh. p102/103



   I really found myself liking Rock Star's Girl way more than I was expecting. We start off right away with Enid and keep her around for a good chunk of the book, and you know that's an easy way into my heart. I snickered at quite a few lines I'm pretty sure I was supposed to (looking at you, Ned) and while this is pretty much the definition of a cotton candy book, I also happen to love cotton candy.
  So let's examine the good stuff.

   Lila's musical fixation. One of the first things dropped in the series is the fact that Lila has a lovely voice and seems at least a little bit interested in music. So it makes sense to me that she'd try and pick up an instrument, even if I don't believe for a second she'd go with the marimba... or whatever the ghosty thought a marimba was. This is especially makes sense when you consider that she's probably imagining this as part of the ongoing competition with Jessica who is usually considered a failure at all things musical. Of course she's going to pick the one area she's been proven to be at least passably decent at that Jessica routinely fails at whenever the ghosties pay attention. I do wish she'd been given something she could actually excel at but baby steps, I suppose. It's not easy to come out on top when you're forever in competition with one of the stars of the series.
  I also happen to love just how she rolls with being busted by Jamie and company. Who isn't busted spying on their famous neighbors from time to time? Pfft. Lila plays it off as being shy and while I'm not 100% sure it really works, the fact that she gets away with it and even thought to try is kinda awesome.

   Enid! Enid is the one to make friends with Andrea initially and seems to be slightly better friends with her than Liz is and I love that Enid's shown to have a social life outside of Liz and Hugh. She hears from two sources, neither of which seem to be Liz, that Andrea had dinner two nights with Nicholas, and she's just fine hanging out with the rest of the semi usual lunch crowd. She snarks at Lila without being a big thing and I will forever love any interaction between those two because of course they'll find themselves thrown together way more often than either would like given their friendship with the twins.
  Also? I like that for some reason we get Jessica not being here for Lila mocking Enid. Mostly it's because it's a reflection on Liz and only Jessica gets to talk shit about her family, but still. This means that for at least one book, it also extends to Enid. Aww.

   Nicholas! My god, he comes across as a dork in this book and it's adorable. It's got to be hard trying to figure out when to tell someone that the biggest thing in your life recently was the death of your little sister, especially when that's basically his defining characteristic in these books: Regina's brother. But the way he's easily flustered by Andrea and wants to impress her to the point of buying hydrangeas is just cute somehow. And I know I mentioned it already, but I also really do love how Jessica and Elizabeth both want him to be happy to the point that Liz is gleefully clapping her hands at the idea of him dating Andrea and Jess is willing to admit to herself that maybe, just maybe, they don't have all the facts and shouldn't destroy his chance at happiness until they do.
  Anyway, as the anti-Bruce, I always wanted more for the guy.

   Andrea herself is actually pretty sweet. She's basically a stand in for the reader in that she looooooooooooves Sweet Valley to a possibly unhealthy amount. But she's reasonably funny, sweet, and a touch on the dorky side so I'm a bit biased. I will say that I would not call her cover hair curly to the degree the book does and also I'm not sure why she'd think her secret would last at all in a small town. Isn't one of the most well known things about small towns- that everybody knows your business, possibly even before you do?

   I have my fair share of quibbles, including the fact that there's no reason for Andrea to be holding a guitar on the cover other than to really hammer home the idea that she's with a rock star in some way. We're never given any indication that she's interested in music AT ALL. But she is friends with Dana, so I wonder if any connections were formed after this? We're repeatedly told how good they are, after all. Hrmm. Anyway, this is also one of the few SVH books I really found myself enjoying Amy in more often than not. Sure, she's snotty to Lila, but I tend to think of SVH Amy as a snotty brat anyway so it was nice to have glimpses of the brain we know she had back in SVT resurface.

  So yes, Rock Star's Girl is fluffy and I'm not sure how much any of this sticks in the series proper, but it's fun fluff and pretty much perfect for a summer read.

Friend Against Friend
October 1990


What's happening between Neil and Andy?


Betrayed...

   Andy Jenkins and Neil Freemount have been best friends for years. They hang out together, double-date, and help each other with homework.
  But bully Charlie Cashman sets out to make life miserable for Andy, just because Andy is black. First Andy finds trash in his locker. Then his girlfriend is taunted, and he is pushed around in the school parking lot. Neil wants to help his best friend, but suddenly Andy turns against him, and Neil doesn't know why. The two boys are about to face the greatest challenge of their lives. Can their friendship survive the test?


   Hello and welcome to a very special installment of Sweet Valley High. Today the Wakefields will tackle race relations with the subtlety and nuance you would expect from them in a book from 1990. Get your coping methods handy because holy Christ are we gonna need them. I refuse to count how many times I scribbled "wtf" or "JFC!" in my notebook because after awhile I just couldn't handle it and stopped writing it, but still thought it. Or said it, loudly, to the cat.
  There are fun SVH books, there are bad SVH books, and there are some books that are so bad they're good. And then you've got the books I'm not sure anyone re-reads for fun and that, I think, is where Friend Against Friend falls in the SVH canon.

   I mean, I wish we could've just had an entire post where the jokes write themselves, as many a comment has been made about the cover art and the text underneath, particularly when combined with this being book #69. But alas, this book wants us to have no fun and instead wants to make things as painful as humanly possible.
  So take a moment and wish for what could have been and then grab your drinks and follow me into Hell.


   Despite what the back cover tells you, Andy and Neil have not been best friends for years. In fact, it's implied heavily that they only became close once they were paired up as marine biology lab partners, which would mean their friendship started this year/semester. Pity, as I'd like the idea of them being friends since Andy moved to SV more. But it would also make the big WTF moment that much less believable so, y'know, I guess.
  Anyway, Andy and Neil are friends and science geek bros together. Huzzah! They go on double dates and make boring jokes together and all is well until they stop by Andy's locker and find it filled with trash and a note scribbled on the locker door: Go Back to Africa Where You Belong. And then we're painfully reminded that Andy is one of the only black students at SVH and Neil is very white. What could go wrong?
  Neil wants to report the incident but Andy refuses, claiming that doing so will only incite the racist to up their game. Neil's not exactly sure how true this is, but it is Andy's call so he goes along with it... though he does tell his girlfriend, Penny Ayala. I'm surprised that Penny doesn't push for this to be covered in The Oracle or told to the authorities, though she does mention both as options. She agrees with Andy that odds are good that if anything is made of the incident, it'll get worse.
  But ignoring it will totally make things better, right? Sigh. It's a long one, folks.

   Complicating matters for Neil is the fact that his father and Charlie Cashman's father are friends. At first we're not sure if Mr. Cashman is the only bigot in the relationship or if Mr. Freemount is as well, but don't worry. We'll get that answered all too well and it will make me want to throw the book across the room. (So uh, spoilers? Freemount is possibly worse because he hides his racism better.) Neil calls his father out on some "questionable" comments made during the BBQ and we're left to wonder why, exactly, Neil's mother hasn't left his father because she seems to be taking absolutely no BS when it comes to the men's bitching about affirmative action. Carol, honey, I don't know you all that well, but you and Marge should get the hell out of these relationships. Neither of these men is worth the trouble.
  Back at school, Andy wins a summer scholarship at the Monterey Bay Aquarium and the peasants rejoice! After a quick trip to the DB to celebrate, Charlie confronts Andy and is a racist prick because duh and also he has three idiots backing him up. The girls come out a few minutes later and we find out that someone has slashed Tracy's tires. I wonder who that could be, hmm? Couldn't be Charlie Cashman, right? Oh. Wait.
  Andy stays with Tracy's car and Neil takes Tracy to work and then takes Penny home. Not sure why he didn't go back to the DB and hang out with Andy but whatever, I don't write these things. The next day, Andy is pissed that he's out more than $45 and time and in a critical mistake that I visibly cringed as I read it, Neil tries to smooth things over by invoking MLK. Andy reacts about as well as you'd expect: Who do you think you are? Don't talk to me about Dr. King!"
  I mean, we can't say that SVH didn't try to warn us all way back when.

   Eventually we find out that Andy doesn't want to report the incidents because when similar things happened back in junior high, he was told to ignore them and not to cause trouble. So... despite being pissed at this being the advice and help given, that's exactly what you're doing? I mean... that's showing them, I guess? I get that it's more about not wanting to be let down again by the adults in the situation but the way it's written doesn't drive that home or point out the flaw in his plan.
  Anyway, Neil's resentment of Andy builds the more Andy pushes him away and especially when Andy says that he doesn't need help from any white person. How dare Andy not let Neil be his white savior? I dunno, I feel weird being overly snarky about this because I get where Andy is meant to be coming from and I also get where Neil is coming from - up to a point. But when Charlie Cashman shows up at Neil's house because things at his house are going to shit and Charlie suggests going cruising, Neil saying yes is just mind-blowingly stupid.
  This guy isn't just someone you think is behind the racist attacks on your friend, possibly your best friend (Neil's literally not shown hanging out with any other guy besides Charlie and Andy)- he's outed himself proudly to you and your friend. You don't hang out with him, no matter how badly you feel for him due to his home life. If he needs to be saved, he can go to Saint Elizabeth of Wakefield like everyone else in Sweet Valley. If he doesn't need to be saved, well, you should definitely not be out cruising with this asshole, Neil.

   Naturally, Charlie views this as them being friends so the next day he invites Neil to hang again and Andy's not exactly thrilled to see his friend hanging out with a known racist. Go figure. Neil and Andy have a bit of a tiff about this and things are so tense that Neil blows his marine bio quiz the next day.
  That same day, Charlie trips Andy and sends his books flying all over the floor. Andy's sick and tired of this and tackles Charlie until Mr. Collins breaks the fight up. For reasons I don't fully understand, Collins singles Neil out after sending Charlie down to see Chrome Dome. Wouldn't talking to Andy be the first step, then talking to Neil? Whatever. In an effort to patch their friendship, Neil makes one last attempt to hang out with Andy who turns him down because he doesn't need Neil's pity.

   This is where the book suffers. There's realism and there's having to play by the rules of fiction, since fiction has to make narrative sense (usually) while reality does not. And while I get that Andy is the one being singled out, the one worrying about his own safety as well as Tracy's and possibly both of their families as well, Neil never seems to grasp that this extends beyond Andy being kind of a dick to him. And also, well, Andy's a dick to Neil for a good chunk of the book, even before Neil's earned it. Which is done so that Neil's irritation, annoyance, and hurt will lead us to the events that unfold after Neil and Penny ditch their movie early.
  They head to Neil's car, which he always parks in the back parking lot of the mall because it's less crowded and he can always get a good spot. They see a group of guys looking ready to rumble, so Neil sends Penny back in to call the cops while he runs down to see what's going on.
   Neil. Honey. Babycakes. As soon as you recognize Andy's father's car, you know what's happening. You know Charlie and company are going to jump Andy and kick his ass. And they do. They drag his ass out of his car and by the time Neil gets his ass in gear they've already pretty much knocked Andy out. Which is why Andy does not remember this next part.
  Charlie goads Neil into taking part in Andy's assault. Neil actually falls for it and slugs Andy once, before he's so horrified by his actions that he fucking runs away, hops in his car, and flees the scene of the crime, not only leaving his best friend to whatever beating Charlie's group wants to dish out, but also leaving Penny stranded.
  But I'm supposed to feel bad for him because he's traumatized by what he's done and he has to pull the car over to puke. Goddammit, Neil, I want to puke, too. You were supposed to kick Charlie's ass, maybe get yours handed to you because it's four against one (or two, but Andy's out of it so I'm not saying he'd be any help to Neil) and basically not be a piece of shit.
  Nope. NOPE. NOPE!

   Because the plot needs Andy to think that Neil came to his rescue beyond having Penny call the cops, and we need Penny to think something similar though where does she think Neil disappeared to after "going to get help, too"? We need Neil to feel literally sick about what he's done and hole himself up in his room all weekend. We need him to torture himself as he worries about the cops appearing and then, what we need most of all, besides Charlie threatening to turn Neil in, is for Neil's dad to take him to a USC game and at halftime tell him that Mr. Cashman called and told him what Neil did.
  And while it wasn't the best thing ever to kick a man when he's down, at least he knows Neil's heart was in the right place and that Andy learned his lesson. I'd say let that sink in but no, don't. Let me point out that he knew what Neil did before he bought the tickets to the football game. He bought them as a reward for Neil beating up his best friend.
  Neil goes into shock as he realizes his father is a terrible excuse for a human being. When they return to SV, he demands to be let out of the car. Mr. Freemount realizes that Neil's disgusted by him (I'm not sure I'd buy the man being capable of that much self awareness) and sneers that Neil is no better than anyone else and not to go around being all high and mighty. Lord, give me strength.
  Neil goes to Andy's to apologize only to realize that Andy doesn't know that Neil took a swing at him. Unable to confess while Andy's parents keep popping in to thank Neil for helping save Andy, Neil ducks out again.
  Neil keeps trying to confess and then chickening out, though he really picks it up when Charlie tries to recruit him after Andy comes back to school. Realizing that Andy's more popular than ever after the attack, Charlie thinks he needs another to really show Andy what's what, and he wants Neil in on this one, too. Neil tells him to go fuck himself (not literally, unfortunately) and that's when Charlie threatens to put in a tip, anonymously of course, to the cops about Neil's involvement in Andy's attack.
  Remember Andy's scholarship win? Well, there's an awards ceremony and Andy doesn't want anything to mar his day because he'd like this win to be an absolute win for him. So Neil doesn't confess prior because it would hurt Andy to do so.
  But he doesn't think twice about telling him right after his win. We need to talk about a lot of things, Freemount, but timing is definitely near the top of the list, young man.
   Andy and Penny both want nothing to do with Neil and honestly? I don't blame them. And I get that Penny doesn't really have all that many dating options but I absolutely do not see her staying with Neil after this. Unable to be around people after his confession goes about as well as he expected, Neil heads out to his car and winds up just sitting there, stunned and sick.
  Eventually Elizabeth finds him and of course Penny has told her what's happened. Liz isn't on Neil's side but she lets him know that it's possible Penny might forgive him, and also maybe the important thing isn't to deny the existence of the side of him that took a swing at his friend, but to admit it was there and to make sure that it doesn't happen again. He can't change the past but he can absolutely change his reactions in the future. Liz is nicer than most would be but doesn't completely absolve him of his sins and I do appreciate that.
   On his drive by the school a little later, he notices Andy walking across the football field... as Charlie and company are heading towards him. Neil hops out of the car and joins Andy, telling Charlie that if he wants to get to Andy, he'll have to take on Neil, too. I... don't think I buy that Charlie and his goons couldn't take a still wounded Andy and Neil, but I get not wanting to end the book on them going to the hospital. Instead Andy points out that this doesn't mean they're friends and Neil knows it. He says he'll spend the rest of his life sorry for what he did and that he'll always be by Andy's side when someone is threatening him, whether Andy wants him there or not. Which is... you know, I'm not sure I have the words so it is what it is.

  Penny eventually sort of forgives Neil, though she says it's not her place to forgive him, but I still can't see Penny getting over this.

   But what about a B-plot, you ask. Well, Liz gets the scathingly brilliant idea to have The Oracle put out a question to the general SVH audience: If you could change anything at SVH, what would it be?
  Liz figures it'll be a bunch of silly answers, like less classes and more vending machines but it turns out that SVH isn't the idyllic paradise Liz envisioned it to be. What? You mean the school where a girl was bullied to the point that she developed an eating disorder crash diet just to make some friends, another girl was bullied to the point of a suicide attempt, and your friend Regina died due to the drugs easily found in the seedier circles isn't the most perfect place ever? I am shocked. Shocked, I say!
  Penny and at least one other person want to get rid of PBA, Dana wants less time, money, and attention spent on the boy's sports, someone thinks it's unfair that a girl can't play for the varsity football team, Manuel Lopez wants the history classes to stop skipping the part where the Spanish founded California and oh yeah, some asshats want every "non-American" to be kicked out. Sweet baby Jesus, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
  Technically the Light Eyes sociology experiment is probably more part of the A plot but it loops in Jessica so it's more B-plot. Anyway, since this book came out before SVT's It Can't Happen Here, Jessica reacts to the brown eyed students being able to treat her and all the other "light eyes" like trash like it's her first time being discriminated against. Ironically, Amy seems to be one of the first to really catch on to what's going on, while Jessica doesn't fully grasp that if everyone is discriminated against it's not discrimination.
  Winston admits that he initially thought he wouldn't want to be mean to "the light-eyes" but found himself getting into it the longer the class went on. His girlfriend, Maria, however, jumped right the fuck in. I'm guessing she's still got some processing to do given how shittily people treated her not too long ago.
  The book ends with a set-up for Claire Middleton stepping out of the shadows to take on Ken for quarterback of the football team after Scott Trost is found to be failing two of his classes. Dun-dun-DUN.


Trivia:

• Jessica claims to be on a diet which is why she skipped lunch. Minutes after telling Liz this, she hits her up for 50 cents to get a candy bar or something.


• Elizabeth calls Penny "Pen."


• The Oracle's survey question: If you could change anything at Sweet Valley High, what would it be? Liz expects most of the answers to be fluffy but it turns out there's a fair amount of unrest bubbling under the surface.


• Neil Freemount is tall, blonde, and good looking. He takes Marine Biology and is lab partners with Andy Jenkins, a pairing that led to them becoming good friends. His older brother Gary is a freshman at UCLA. Neil plays soccer and tennis but not football.


• Neil and Penny are apparently one of Elizabeth's favorite couples at SVH.


• Andy Jenkins is one of the best science students at SVH, has won certificates of merit in biology and chemistry, as well as the county science fair twice. He's described as easy going and friendly, plays the French horn, and is a guitarist in Baja Beat which we know he founded courtesy of the last book. He's also one of the few black students at SVH.


• Penny would abolish PBA and Elizabeth is surprised by this. Penny and Olivia both feel it's an exclusivity thing that brings out the worst in people. Another Oracle reader will submit a similar response, though they'll point out that it's not fair that PBA members are the ones heading all the social committees and then mentions they don't think there should be any club that gets to decide whether people are in or out based on how they dress or whether or not they have a boyfriend.


• Olivia jokes she'd cut the school week down to three days and outlaw homework. Remember when Olivia would've answered super seriously and not made a joke?


• Dana would have less attention on boy's sports.


• Manuel Lopez would change the way history is taught, particularly emphasizing the fact that the Spanish discovered California and how this is glossed over.


• Someone wants it to be possible for girls to play on boys sports, particularly having a girl QB. Penny leaves Liz a note to find out who this author is so they can put it in the Eyes and Ears column.


• Another asshat wants everyone who isn't a "real American" kicked out. Specifically blacks, Hispanics, and Asians. Penny is disgusted and balls this letter up.


• Andy and Neil find out during their marine biology lab that the water in the marina is gross. Neil admits that he's so disturbed by the idea of what people are pumping into the water that he doesn't like swimming in the ocean. Andy promptly invites him to the beach. :P


• Neil turns down the invite to the beach because his family is having the Cashmans over for a BBQ and Neil's expected to be there. Charlie, btw, does not show up to this.


• After the lab, Andy finds his locker has been filled with trash and someone has written Go Back To Africa Where You Belong on the inside of his locker door.


• Penny's hair is described as dark blonde and she's got hazel eyes.


• Paul Freemount and Frank Cashman both work at Patman Canning on the outskirts of Sweet Valley. Gotta admit, I thought for sure with how quickly this was mentioned after the marina water issue that we'd find out that Patman Canning was up to no good. Turns out that both Paul and Frank believe Willis, their new boss, got promoted due to nothing more than affirmative action and both resent him to varying degrees. Frank's more of an overt ass and Paul tries to back peddle when his wife and son both call him out on his BS.


• Willis is a stickler for punctuality and Cashman apparently sees nothing wrong with showing up 15 minutes late to his shift. It will not surprise you to learn that Cashman gets fired within two weeks of admitting this.


• Neil is so ashamed of his father's behavior that he hides out for most of the rest of the weekend and still feels weird on Monday when he and Andy see each other again.


• John Archer is the marine biology teacher. He's always making big announcements before class officially starts.


• Andy won the Monterey Bay Aquarium Scholarship for Outstanding Achievements in Life Sciences.


• Liz has lunch with Enid, Todd, Aaron, Dana, Manuel, Sandy Bacon, Jade Wu, Ken, and John Pfieffer.


• Tracy works at a toy store in the mall.


• At the DB, two Diet Cokes and two Cokes are ordered and I'm hoping one of those Diet Cokes is for one of the boys because I will never not be tired by the whole "girls drink diet drinks and boys don't, tee hee" trope.


• Charlie Cashman drives a beat up blue Camero.


• He also hangs out with Jerry "Crunch" McAllister and SVH seniors Jim Sturbridge and Ron Reese.


• Charlie and possibly his cronies slashed all four tires on Tracy's car.


• It cost Andy $45 to tow Tracy's car to the tire place. He then had to bum a ride home, borrow money from his mom, and get back to the tire place only to be told they couldn't do the work til the next morning. In case you wondered, that's like $88 today.


• Neil tries to calm Andy down by invoking the ever popular "what would MLK do/say" and Andy goes OFF.


• Turns out that similar stunts were pulled when Andy was in junior high and when he told the school about it, their big help was to ignore the idiots and not cause trouble.


• Charlie shows up after his father goes on a tear at home and for whatever reason chooses Neil to try and hang out with... and Neil goes with him.


• They wind up at Chrome Dome's house, where Charlie leans on the horn for a good ten seconds, lets loose a wolf howl, and speeds off. This is repeated at various houses around SV and neither Neil nor I are terribly impressed. Neil wonders at the end of the evening why the hell he would've gone off with Charlie, even if he did temporarily feel sorry for the guy.


• Chrome Dome lives in a small brick house, btw.


• The same day Andy gets tripped by Charlie, Neil invites Andy and Tracy to the movies for a double date with Penny. Andy declines but still winds up at the mall anyway.


• Neil usually parks in the back of the mall because the parking lot there is less crowded and he's more likely to get a spot by the entrance.


• Neil and Penny leave the movie early because Neil's gotten himself all worked up over Andy not treating him like much of a friend and when they hit the parking lot they see a group of guys advancing on a car. Neil sends Penny back in to call the cops while he runs to help.


• When Neil recognizes the car as Andy's father's, he freezes. This gives Charlie and co time to drag Andy from the car and proceed to beat him into unconsciousness before Neil reaches them.


• Andy refuses to stay in the hospital even though he's been beaten pretty badly. He also can't/won't tell the cops who beat him up, though he genuinely doesn't know Neil took a shot.


• Penny spends the weekend trying to get ahold of Neil who left her behind in his hurry to run far away. She assumed he went to get help, too.


• Jessica starts a petition to denounce the attack and to show that the students of SVH are on Andy's side. Penny is the first to sign.


• Jessica and Liz apparently only share Chemistry and French classes.


• Jess takes sociology along with Cara, Amy, Winston, Maria Santelli, and Ken.


• Ms. Jacobi teaches sociology.


• Ms. Jacobi ends the Light Eyes Experiment with five minutes left in class so they can discuss what just happened.


• Winston, one of the dark eyes, thought he wouldn't want to be mean but he got into it and that freaks him out.


• Neil's father treats him to a USC football game and during halftime congratulates his son on beating Andy up.


• Andy's mother is a night owl.


• Aaron thinks that "girls get all the breaks. Always!" Aaron Dallas is a tool.


• Ken doesn't think girls should play football but Olivia has him agree that a girl could be a good sprinter, good at strategy, and oh yes, good at throwing the ball... what more does a QB need? Ken's unable to come up with a good reply to that.


• Neil confesses his part in Andy's attack at lunch right after the awards ceremony. He waits until everyone else leaves except for Penny and Andy.


• Andy leaves without a word.


• After confessing, Neil winds up in his car, just staring off into space where Liz finds him when she heads off to take the galleys to the printer (skipping study hall) and she offers a bit of advice.


• Neil's driving by the school again later once school has let out and sees Andy and his horn crossing the football field as Charlie and his goons are approaching from the other side.


• Crunch McAllister is the one to talk Charlie down from the beating.


• Scott Trost is failing two of his classes and is about to be suspended from the football team, leaving Penny and Liz to wonder whether mystery girl will try out and if so, how it'll go since everyone just assumed Ken would take back his place on the team when he was fully healed.

Quotes:
Elizabeth, her identical twin sister, was not overly concerned. Jessica made an average of six melodramatic statements every day. - We start off so strong and it goes so quickly off the rails, p1

"What is this stuff, anyway?" Neil joked. He held up a bottle of slimy-looking liquid. "I don't even want to say what this looks like." - Oh, please, enlighten us, Neil. p7

Neil looked away. "Haven't you ever done something you wish you hadn't?" he asked in a low voice. "Something that made you hate yourself?" p127


Race Relations at SVH:
"I heard you got picked out for a special prize because you're black."
Andy's jaw muscles tensed. "I heard it was because I earned it." - fuck off, Cashman. p31

He groped for the right words but couldn't seem to find them. "Think-think of how Martin Luther King, Jr., would react to a situation like this-"
"Who do you think you are?" Andy gasped. "Don't talk to me about Dr. King!" - don't do it, Neil. Just don't fucking do it. p38

Andy's been treating me like dirt, he thought indignantly. He thinks he's better than anyone. He acts like since he's black, everyone else is wrong, never him. - With friends like these... p76

"Listen, about the way I've been acting lately. I've been lying here thinking, and I realized that jerk Charlie got me so confused I was being as much of a racist as he was. I know we're friends and I was a fool not to appreciate you. It doesn't matter what color either of us is." - Words, I don't have them, Andy. p100


Liz Muses on Important Issues:
"Don't you feel like some people get more privileges than other people, just because of who they are?" she asked her sister. -baby's first brush with white privilege as a concept.
"So in other words, people who are good looking and rich get extra, is that what you're saying?" Elizabeth demanded hotly. - by George, I think she's got it. p46
"Didn't it ever occur to you that if we're fortunate, that means we have a responsibility to make sure other people are treated fairly?" - We have a winner, folks! p47
"We should also have some kind of racism awareness program," she mused. "I think it's really important. Most racism isn't even as obvious as beating someone up." p86

Elizabeth felt a surge of warmth when she looked at her friends. They all wanted to reassure Andy that they liked him. And it wasn't just because of his race. That would be reverse discrimination, which would be just as bad. - Sweet mother of mercy, I still don't have the words. p109




   Basically this is the book where almost every dude comes across as an ass. Neil? Duh. Andy? Yup. Charlie? Was there any doubt? But the B plot takes out Aaron, which wasn't that hard, honestly. Ken's kinda terrible when confronted about how boy's sports get way more attention than girl's and how a girl QB wouldn't be the worst thing ever and even Todd's .04 seconds of screen time doesn't keep him from putting his foot in his mouth either.
  It also has a weird cafeteria moment where characters we really haven't seen since their B-list spotlight books appear to just be hanging out with Liz and company like it's a normal thing. How often do you remember me mentioning Liz having lunch with Manuel and Sandy? And Jade Wu, who is always referred to as Jade Wu? Yeah. I thought so. It's just weird and like the powers that be had to point out that we do have a couple of non-white students roaming the halls of SVH.
  I feel like they tried with this, but it comes across as very After School Special and that's pretty much never a compliment. Liz gets some good lines but they're essentially buried under an entire book of cringe and nothing you can say is going to have me believe that Andy's going to say that him being a dick to Neil was being just as much of a racist as Charlie. Just... no.
  Also, you know who is conspicuously absent? Lila. That's probably for the best as her track record ain't great. It's why Jessica's reactions ring kind of hollow. On the one hand, I cheer when Jess is the first person to suggest a petition to support Andy and denounce his attackers, but on the other... Jessica, you and Lila got away with a lot at the start of the series.
  Ultimately, there are some things I think the book manages to get right and then, well... bless its little heart, but it tries and fails in a lot of the ways you imagine, though not all of them.

  I leave you with an image I suspect will haunt Neil for quite a long time.
Andy looked away. He looked tired and sad and most of all, alone. "Why's it so hard?"

Teacher Crush
August 1989


Has Olivia met the man of her dreams?

Madly in love...


  Pretty and talented Olivia Davidson has always seemed independent. So it comes as a total surprise to Elizabeth Wakefield when Olivia confides in her that she's lonely. Everyone she knows is going out with someone, and now she's ready for a new boyfriend.
  Then Stuart Bachman, a gorgeous artist, starts teaching at Sweet Valley High. Olivia takes his class and is completely swept off her feet by him. Soon Mr. Bachman is all Olivia things or talks about. And it looks as if he may return her feelings. Has Olivia found true love, or is she headed for heartbreak?




  "You're so young, sweetie. Your life is just beginning!" It's nearly impossible for me to re-read certain books without looking for foreshadowing of the Terrible Things to Come. Regina Morrow's short stint in the Valley is made even shorter by the countdown to her dalliance with cocaine. Early John Pfeiffer has to duck the cans and rotting fruit thrown his way for what his future!self will do to Lila. To a lesser degree, Jeffrey French has to fight to get people to remember that Liz actually managed to be faithful to him, whereas she cheated on Todd (the guy she'll dump Jeffrey for in just a few minutes) every chance she got. And then there's Olivia.
  Dear, sweet, spacey Olivia, your number is nearly up, sunshine. It's going to take awhile, but not nearly as long as your mother seems to believe... On the very, very slim silver lining side, the fact that you know Olivia's going to end up on the wrong end of the earthquake that killed SVH makes it much easier to write her a free pass for all the stupid assumptions she makes in Teacher Crush.

   Olivia's more than a little lonely. With more than 60 books under our belt, Olivia's noticed that just about everyone in the Valley is paired up, and those that aren't (Jessica or Lila for example) have no shortage of willing volunteers. Artsy Olivia, however, hasn't exactly been fending off a bunch of would be boyfriends ever since she and Roger broke up. But when she mentions feeling like she's the only one not paired up on this extremely strange version of the Ark, Elizabeth tells her she's cr-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy. It's not that bad. And immediately is glomped upon by Jeffrey. Smooth, Wakefield. Real smooth.
   Before we can wallow in too much misery, we're reminded of the co-A plot of this book. You might recall that at the end of the last book we learned that SVH would be doing a two week crash course/workshop that would give students a chance to explore something beyond normal classes. Everyone signs up for three possible classes, with the third being their last choice. It doesn't take a genius to see that some classes are bound to be more popular than others. Film making, painting, and dress design are all very, very popular. Which is why so many people are shocked when Jessica chooses to put down electronics as her third choice. She believes that she'll be the only girl in a room full of cute guys and what could be wrong with that? Still, she's not foolish enough to put it down as her first or second choice.
  Thing is, Wakefield, I know half the city also happens to have last names that end in W, but by the time they got to you, I'm thinking the rest of the classes had filled in and they saw you put down one of the more unusual classes for a girl so... they thought they'd accommodate your unusual request. Or else someone's got a sick sense of humor. Yes. Jess ends up in the electronics class with a bunch of guys she does not consider cute. (Except Jeffrey, but he's rather taken so...) The wacky, hilarious hijinks are sure to follow, yes?

   Not so much. As far as I can tell, the electronic workshop doesn't *teach* a damn thing. They're told they have to create something. And it must work. After that, every time we see Jess in class, she's being asked if she's thought of something and she's always saying no while everyone else is hard at work. I'd have been fantastically thrown, too. I would have thought you'd be doing a little more learning and a little less being thrown into the deep end and told not to electrocute yourself.

  While you ponder Jessica's fate, let's switch back to Olivia. Liv, Liz, and Enid have all made it into the painting class they wanted. Apparently, until this book, Olivia didn't actually create much in the way of art (outside of poetry, perhaps, and her contributions to the Oracle, which mostly seems to be in the field of editing) which is why she wanted to take this course. The fact that their teacher is amazingly hot? Yeah. That didn't hurt either. He's nice and funny and tells them all to call him by his first name (Stuart), but on the downside, he's young enough that a) Olivia believes she has a chance in hell and b) he doesn't know enough to not play favorites. When it becomes obvious to anyone who isn't blinded by cattiness that Olivia is beyond naturally gifted, Stuart lavishes praise on her work and her way of thinking outside the box. Olivia sees this as a sign that they have so much in common and she begins to volunteer to help him with everything. Liv's got stars in her eyes and it only gets worse with every passing second.
  Enid, proving that the sidekicks in these books are the only ones with brains at times (yes, I just lumped Lila and Enid in the same group. Deal with it!) quickly realizes that there are crushes and then there's statutory rape. She worries that Olivia's overly interested in Stuart and, later, that Stuart might actually either be interested in Olivia too, or that he's stringing her along, unintentionally or not.
   Saint Elizabeth laughs this off and there's a weird thing where Enid keeps insisting that while Elizabeth always tries to see the best in people, maybe this trait is blinding her to Olivia's rapidly growing obsession. How is believing that Olivia, who was bitching about being painfully single less than two weeks ago, isn't interested in their teacher "seeing the best" in someone? Isn't that just being dense? Whatever. I was busy gearing up for third grade when this came out, so my view on this particular bit of 80's mindset is probably definitely off.
  So, Saint Elizabeth doesn't believe what we already know. Just in case you're tempted to believe that Olivia wouldn't be throwing herself at someone who is 23/24, Olivia would like to prove you painfully, painfully wrong. In addition to always volunteering to help in class, she offers to come early and help set up for class, stay after class to clean, and looks up Stuart's address so that while she's out running errands and the urge to stop by his apartment is too great... she can actually stop by his apartment on a Saturday morning. Which she does. So early that he's still asleep. Thing is, Stuart is so new to this teaching thing, and so blown away by Olivia's natural talent (and possibly a little flattered that she's interested, though this one is purely speculation), that he invites her up, unchaperoned, to his apartment so they can look through art books and Olivia can drool over him. Somewhere, Enid's spidey sense is tingling big time.

   But what about Lila? you ask. Well, fear not, our ghosty has provided us with some lovely Lila C plot this go round. Lila's father is dating a soap star named Anika Hunt. Apparently she's so popular and famous that when she says jump Hollywood does without a second thought. I'll allow this because once upon a time, soaps were huuuuuuuuuuuge. And besides, Lila's father wouldn't waste his time on some nobody... *cough*
  Lila is so taken by the thought of Anika and her father dating that she goes on and on and ON about it. Which is a nice change of pace, because unlike other flings her father has had, Lila doesn't seem to be plotting to push Anika off a cliff or blackmail her into disappearing. It's refreshing. But then, I do wonder whether Lila really does like her father spending so much time with someone else, time he never spends with her... Whatever. Because Lila is so gaga over Anika, Jessica is sure that Lila is making it up. She never has any proof, like pictures (ah, the days before instant paparazzi hordes descended on anyone just on the off chance they'd get lucky!) or an autograph. Lila points out that she knows her father is dating a star and it would be terribly gauche to ask for an autograph. I mean, really, Wakefield. This is Lila. Why on earth would she lie? I mean, except for that one time... and her shoplifting... and, fine. Okay. I see your point.
  Jess becomes obsessed with proving that Lila is lying, because to believe otherwise would be to concede that Lila is just that fabulous. (She is, though! She is!) Luckily for Jessica, this means that she figures out what she'll be doing for her mini course workshop. She'll be making a lie detector and this time she'll prove Lila's a big, fat liar!
  Lila is completely unaware that her best friend is plotting against her, again (must be Tuesday), as she's a little preoccupied with the realization that she can't sew worth a damn. First she sews the darts of her dress on the wrong side (d'oh!) and then she makes the hem waaaaaaaaay too short and now her teacher is insisting that she wear this travesty in front of the whole school during their little fashion runway. The horror!
  What is a Fowler to do when being threatened by such public humiliation?
  Accidentally uncover the biggest, juiciest piece of gossip to rock the school since... well... you'll see.

   Back to Olivia. At Enid's insistence, Elizabeth has been paying careful attention to the interaction between Stuart and Olivia during class. By now Enid's worrying about whether Stuart realizes how Olivia feels (because the entire class knows, so even Liz has to admit that Olivia's got it bad) but she's willing to allow the thought that maybe Enid isn't cuckoo after all, especially once she hears Stuart and Olivia making plans to see one another. After class. O_O!
  Gasp!
  Shock!

   Before you start thinking something, let Stuart explain. Stuart has been asked to be one of the three speakers at the Riverside Art Academy alumni association's presentation. He's invited Olivia to go along because she's his star pupil and he thinks it would be good for her to meet some of the people at Riverside. Of course Olivia leaps at the chance to go. Thing is, Stuart doesn't realize that to Olivia this is practically a date. To him, he's just helping an aspiring artist. Boys, boys, boys...
   Monday afternoon, Olivia's on top of the world as Stuart introduces her as a talented new artist in his mini course workshop. She's so over the moon that not even people asking where "Monica" is can really bring her down for long. Afterward, Stuart asks if Olivia has to run home already, or if she'll be able to help him out with something. I have a feeling that even if Olivia had to be home immediately after the presentation, she still would have gone shopping with Stuart. Stuart is looking for a present for a special occasion... for a special person. Olivia is sure that he's heard that her birthday is coming up (Friday, the last day of classes!) and she's hoping he's trying to suss out what sort of gift she would like. She finds an absolutely breathtaking picture frame and for half a second Stuart is in love with the piece. But then he comes back down to earth and starts second guessing the genius of it. She's not entirely sure this special occasion is for her, but then she asks Stuart what it is and he tells her not to worry about it and winks at her. Again. Stuart winks a lot and this goes a really long way in making Olivia think he's seriously interested. To some of us, we begin to wonder if he needs his kneecaps taken out.
  Olivia comes home, still riding high on the rush of spending the afternoon with Stuart, and asks if it's okay if she sets up her easel in the basement to work on her painting for class. Her mother agrees and lets Olivia know that she comes by her artistic talent naturally, as her maternal grandmother was also a painter. Olivia is thrilled at this and heads off to artistic glory. When she comes up for air, her mother informs her that she's missed a call. Liv is sure that it's Stuart (...) but Mums tells her it was someone from school named Rod. Olivia is confused until she remembers there's a Rod Sullivan in her English class. Perplexed about why Rod would be calling, we segue way into...
   Rod running into Liv at school. He seems perfectly nice but Olivia is still so enamored with Stuart that poor Rod is written off as a nice guy before he even asks Olivia out. Which he does. And she turns him down. Stuart shows up and flirts a bit with Olivia, but not in a sketchy way. He caught Rod running off and teases Olivia who is sure that his, "Well, he has good taste" comment is a SIGN. Oi.
  Later, Olivia tells Enid and Elizabeth that she doesn't want to hang out with them on her birthday because she's sure that Stuart has something planned for her. Enid and Liz exchange glances as Olivia floats off into the stratosphere.
  Liv finds out that the 22nd (her birthday), Stuart has an exhibit opening at the museum. Which means he can't have a birthday surprise planned for her after all. Olivia feels like a complete ass for a half a second because she's told her parents she doesn't want to do anything and she's just told Enid and Elizabeth the same thing. Oh, cruel fate! But then, before her shame spiral really gets going, Stuart asks that she attend because he has a surprise for her.
  Naturally, Olivia is sure that this means True Love! My cringing for fictional characters probably began with this book, y'know.

   Come Friday, things have gotten a little bit twisty in our B/C plots. Jessica's lie detector is coming along perfectly, probably because Randy Mason has done all the work on it. Jessica is sure that she's going to catch Lila in her lie and then the whole school will know how desperate Lila is for attention. (Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.) Lila is desperate to avoid wearing badly sewn hooker wear, so she's managed to convince Jessica to loan her the dress that's nearly an exact replica of the dress Lila would have sewn... if Lila had any skill as a seamstress. Or, you know, as much as one could have in two weeks without prior experience. She promises to tell Jessica her juicy gossip, especially as it so directly deals with Jessica's family. Jessica is intrigued, but Lila keeps not having to spill because other people keep interrupting.
  Jessica sets up her lie detector and has Winston try it out. Blah, blah, blah, he owes money to Ken. With that out of the way, Jess grabs Lila, who quietly begs Jessica not to expose the dress switch. Jess asks about Anika Hunt and... Lila is telling the truth. Jessica is so distracted that she isn't really paying attention to anything else. Olivia is roped into participating, but some jackass in the back of the crowd asks if she's really in love with Stuart. Olivia turns red as can be and tears out of the room, ready to rip Elizabeth a new one when the sensitive twin follows her. You'd think by now Elizabeth would be sort of used to people screaming at her for spilling their secrets...

   Olivia goes to Stuart's exhibit and quickly realizes her shitty day is just going to get worse. Monica, it turns out, is Stuart's glamorous, beautiful girlfriend who had been out of town Monday. It also happens to be her birthday and Stuart bought her a beautiful picture frame. Poor, poor Olivia. As she's about to lose it, Stuart appears and shows her his surprise. He's taken her painting from class and put it on display because he believes so strongly in her talent. Olivia is blown away by this as well as the realization of how desperate she was.
  It probably doesn't hurt that she's sure that her birthday is ruined since she kept telling people she had other plans... and those plans aren't happening; they never were. Realizing how out of it she was, she stops by Casa Wakefield and appologies to Liz for trying to decapitate her. Liz forgives and forgets. Then Liv goes home, still a little shaken in ways good and bad, and her mother tells her that while they knew she made plans, her parents would like to take her out to dinner. Olivia agrees, and her mother sends her off to pick up her father because his car is in the shop.
  Only it's not. It's a surprise party that her parents had been planning all along! Stuart and Monica show up and everything! Cuz that's not awkward in the slightest! Good, good times!

   But wait. What about Lila's secret? For whatever reason, Jessica has brought along the streamlined version of her lie detector to the party. Her classmates make her admit that she had serious help with the creation of her project (fine, so she lied, but they knew it) and then Jess pounces on putting Liz on the hot seat. Thing is, she can't think of anything to ask. So Lila, sporting a Cheshire Cat smile, asks how well Elizabeth and Jeffrey will fare once Todd Wilkins moves back to the Valley.

  Dun.
  Dun.
  DUN!

  Winston freaks out because no one else is supposed to know and everyone is more than a little relieved that Jeffrey couldn't make it to the party because dude, so awkward, but still. Todd! Is! Coming! Back!

   Well played Fowler. Well played.


Trivia:

• Arts and Vocations program is the official name of the mini courses/workshops being explored this go round. There are no grades, but at the end of two weeks, you will have to show off what you've been working on in front of the whole school. In order to make room for an extra class, five minutes were shaved off each class, including lunch, and ten minutes were tacked onto the end of the day resulting in a fifty minute class that starts at 2:15.


• This means that SVH has seven classes, plus lunch, a day. Ah, math.


• The workshops are only for juniors and seniors. How does this work for the freshmen and sophomores? Are there two sets of bells? (It's not unheard of.) Do they just go about their normal classes because at best, only a handful of sophomores might be in classes with upperclassmen? Do they go home early? Do they all get crammed into homeroom or studyhall or something?


• Workshops offered: film making, pottery, electronics, dress design, modern dance, painting, jewelry design, nutrition and fitness, printing, and engineering.


• Jessica chooses film making, pottery, electronics, and dress design as her four choices, in that order.


• Olivia sees DeeDee & Bill, Winston & Maria, and Jeffrey & Elizabeth all as she's feeling particularly lonely and all one right after the other. This place really is the Ark, Davidson. Pair up or shove off!


• Enid understands Olivia's loneliness while Elizabeth is a bit baffled by it. Enid points out that when you're single, and not necessarily by choice, it can be hard seeing everyone else paired up, and later Olivia will point out that of course Liz wouldn't get it. She's been with Todd and then Jeffrey... and we all chime in on the names of the boys Olivia missed because she doesn't know Liz's inability to be faithful.


• Winston, Jeffrey, Jessica, and Randy Mason (as well as five other boys) are in the electronics workshop taught by Bill Drexel.


• Bill Drexel is skinny with wirerim glasses that sit crookedly on his nose, a penchant for drab, nondescript suits, and he works in an electronics firm.


• Cara Walker got poetry, her second choice, in stead of painting.


• Maria Santelli originally claims that she's in nutrition and fitness and not modern dance, her first choice, but later she's seen in painting class.


• The painting class has Elizabeth, Enid, Olivia, Caroline, and Maria, as well as five others girls who are never mentioned. Maybe they're seniors.


• Lila plans to make a strapless sundress like the one she saw in Ingenue that also happens to be a double of one Jessica recently bought.


• Some of the workshop teachers are from San Diego and L.A.


• Elinore Whitcomb is the dress design adviser/teacher/whatever. Lila claims she looks a little like Anika Hunt.


• Anika Hunt is on the hit soap, "The Willoughbys" and is currently dating Lila's father.


• Unlike 99.9% of the women he dates, Lila seems incredibly enthusiastic about Anika Hunt. Possibly because she's famous and it gives Lila a subplot, or maybe Lila's getting lonely again, although truthfully it sounds like Anika keeps Mr. Fowler away more than you would think Lila would like.


• Stuart Bachman is the painting instructor and he's apparently so hot that most of the girls in the program take notice, and probably some of the boys. Just guessing on that last one because you know they don't allow for that just yet. Anyway, he's got dark, long-ish curly hair, "stylish glasses", green eyes, prefers to be called Stuart and not "Mr. Bachman", and has been an artist since he was five. He doesn't take roll in class. He's a graphic designer at a fashion company and designs logos and helps design ads for the company. But his passion, his passion y'all, is "painting." He went to Riverside Art Academy, his father is a history professor, and his mother is a book keeper. He's a night owl and thus, not much of a morning person, as he tends to work all night and sleep in til noon, at the earliest.


• The first thing Stuart has his class do is guess what he means by an exercise in color. Enid guesses that it might be painting different colors next to one another, and Caroline offers that maybe it's painting different shades of the same color next to one another. When it's Olivia's turn, she suggests (very shyly) that maybe it's painting a color without ever using it. She uses green as an example and bam! She has guessed the first real assignment for the class.


• Caroline tries, sort of, not to laugh in Olivia's face before Stuart announces that Olivia's guess was the right one. Suck it, Pierce.


• The electronics workshop is to design and create a project that will be finished in less than two weeks.


• Randy wants to make a robotic calculator.


• Winston throws out various ideas including musical toaster, electronic page turner, and voice activated coffee maker. Bill Drexler looks more worried by each suggestion. Ultimately he goes with a voice activated toaster.


• Jeffrey is writing a computer game and it's not as easy as he thought it would be.


• Olivia took a watercolor class last year at the community center.


• Liv usually wears a peasant style wrap skirt, big hoop earrings, a pastel tee shirt, sandals, and lots of beads.


• The second day of the workshops, Liv is dressed in a body hugging black dress, leather boots, a leather jacket, large triangular earrings that freak Jeffrey out, and her hair is slicked back with gel. According to a couple of sources, she looks like a model. Me, I can't get past the hair thing.


• Some of Olivia's newfound magazine obsessions include Art World, and A, which has an interview with Stuart.


• Stuart and Olivia share the same favorite artist, David Hockney. Stu has Olivia wax poetic about Hockney's use of colors and shapes to the class.


• Olivia expects to find Stuart in the library at lunch, but instead finds him in the art room. I don't understand why he'd be at the school that early to begin with.


• Jessica's at a loss for what to do for her electronics project. The best she can come up with is a heated coat hanger but she doesn't really think that's a good idea.


• Stuart assigns his class a trip to the art museum over the weekend. They're to find a painting and then write an essay about what the artist was trying to convey/do.


• When Jessica is late to class, she's paired up with Randy. I find this a little hard to believe since Randy is known for being a genius. You'd think the other guys in the class would *want* to pair up with Randy, if only because he'd be able to help make their project that much better.


• Randy Mason: short, small, with braces on both his upper and lower teeth, wears hopelessly outdated corduroy jeans, and has a calculator in his back pocket.


• Olivia tracks down Stuart's address from a copy of the Alumni catalog for Riverside Art Academy and then drives past his apartment building. She stops and visits #214, which is his apartment.


• Olivia's father is six years older than her mother.


• Liv is so caught up in her fixation with Stuart that she doesn't have the proofs for the Arts section of the Oracle.


• Stuart doesn't like borders, at least in art.


• Ty Rourke is a hot, new producer in Hollywood. (I've gotta say I probably couldn't ID any producer in Hollywood.) Anika is taking George to the set of the Willoughbys and then they'll hang out at Ty's for dinner.


• Saturday morning, with less than a week to go, Olivia's mother asks what Liv would like to do for her birthday. Liv lets her mother plan her birthday and still doesn't suspect the surprise birthday Mrs. D plans.


• Lila sews the darts of her dress backwards/inside out. Then she tries to lengthen the hem of her dress, only to chop it off and make it shorter and now it's skank-length I guess.


• Olivia and Stuart leave SVH at 4pm and the art lecture at Riverside is over by 5:30, even with three speakers. (Stuart was the first one.)


• Domain is a store that sells sleek, ultra modern stuff which also happens to be really expensive.


• Olivia finds "a picture frame made of light wood with darker wood inlaid in a geometric pattern." Stuart declares it perfect about half a second before backing off.


• Liv's maternal Grandmother Lea died before Liv was born, and she was also a painter, but did not live in a time when she could pursue her artistic love.


• Rod Sullivan is in Olivia's English class. He's thin with light brown hair, tortoiseshell glasses, and seems to be the sort to become more good looking the more you get to know him. He's taking the printing workshop and wants to help punch up the Oracle. He'd also like to date Olivia.


• Elizabeth gets uncharacteristically mad at Jess for leaving Liz's "good, silk blouse" lying on the closet floor. Usually when Liz is pissed about these things, there's an underlying cause, but Jessica's been too preoccupied with being mad at Lila to really do much to Liz, so what gives?


• Stuart brings a flier for Olivia. It says "New Paintings from Stuart Bachman. Preview, Friday the 22nd, Madison Gallery."


• So Olivia's birthday is the 22nd of some month.


• Enid's pulse, when Jessica is setting up her lie detector, is 120 over 80.


• Liv's mother wants everyone at the Davidson home at eight for the surprise party. For some reason she invites Jessica and Lila (and Amy) and they all go and bring presents and no one acts like this is weird even though Lila and Jessica have both actively plotted against Olivia and repeatedly refer to her as weird over the course of the series. o_O


• Olivia goes shopping at L'Idee, which is right next to Domain. She buys a dark purple silk jumpsuit and pairs it with a silky scarf, a broad, leather belt, and is instructed to not forget the makeup to truly make a statement.


• Grandma's birthday check to Liv pays for this.


• Lila stops at McMahon's Sewing Supplies to pick up some last minute fixits for her doomed dress, and she overhears Winston's mother discussing Bert Wilkins moving back to Sweet Valley.


• Lila manages to keep this a secret until Olivia's party, when she throws it in Elizabeth's face.


• Winston owes Ken $25 from a bet he lost.


• Olivia keeps thinking she's twelve when she's around Stuart.


• Monica, Stuart's girlfriend, is very, very tall, slender, beautiful with "very classical features", "gorgeous high cheekbones, creamy skin, and beautiful blue eyes." Her blond hair is cut in a simple blunt cut with bangs. She seems on the mature side, but she's very nice to Olivia and not at all bitchy like you would imagine she might be.


• Stuart designed earrings for Monica.


• Monica and Olivia share the same birthday.


• At the gallery preview of Stuart's paintings, Olivia is surprised at the fact that no one is really looking at, or commenting on, the paintings hanging around them. Instead they're gossiping with one another.


• There's a woman at the preview with bright, turquoise hair.


• Stuart's surprise for Olivia is that he smuggled her painting to the gallery and displayed it amongst other paintings done by Riverside students, but Olivia has the distinction of being the only artist still in high school and apparently her painting is also generating a fair amount of buzz.


• George and Anika are going to be part of a feature on the private lives of starlets in Celebrity magazine "next month."


• Jessica's pulse rate at Liv's party right before she's interrogated about making the lie detector is 72.


• The fangirl in me squees like crazy at the fact that Ken was at Olivia's birthday party.

Quotable SVH:
  Lila burst out laughing. "Why don't you suggest your own workshop, Jess? Something like 'boys and dating'?"
  " 'Advanced boys and dating,' " Amy Sutton murmured, studying the list. - I love that Amy doesn't even have to pay attention to get a dig in. p2

  She'd had no idea that Olivia had been feeling so down. Olivia was such a pretty, talented girl. Why should she need to have a boyfriend to feel happy? - Normally I agree with the whole "you don't need to be paired up to be happy" philosophy. However, Liv's been single for ages and she's lonely and why is it not okay for her to be lonely for a bit? Why does Liz automatically assume there's something wrong with wanting to be in a relationship when you're single? Let Olivia feel what she feels and then distract her with other activities until either the mood passes or she finds someone. Jesus, Liz. p11

  Enid shook her head. "I don't know. But it doesn't surprise me that much. So many of the girls we know at school have boyfriends. No wonder Olivia feels left out. And I don't blame her for feeling a twinge of jealousy about you and Jeffrey," she added. "You two are such a perfect couple." - Odd how anytime Enid makes comments like this, the ghosties rarely mention Enid's huge crush on Jeffrey and how Elizabeth was supposed to hook those two up and failed. p13


  "Now, Amy," Jessica said calmly, "that is exactly where you're wrong. Don't you know anything about the psychology of lying?" - p56


  Randy covered his mouth with his hand and let out a sound somewhere between a grunt and a giggle. - I... lack the words. p69


  "Jess, I really don't see why you have to be so snide about my father and Anika Hunt. I think it's really nice Daddy finally has a steady girlfriend." She flipped her hair back over her shoulders. "Besides, have you even thought for a minute how hard it is on me, living alone with Daddy without a woman in the house? You ought to be happy for me!" - Oh, Lila. We love you, isn't that enough? p101


  "Well, you're not my mother, Elizabeth. You have no business judging me." - Olivia, where have you been for the last sixty-odd books? This is what Elizabeth *does*. p115



   TC has never been my favorite book of the bunch. I like Olivia, but I hate books/movies/TV shows/whatever where I get to feel painfully embarrassed for someone else. If it's on screen, I have to either cover my ears or turn the channel. Since this is a book and it keeps happening, I have to suck it up and get over it. Or speed read. And then I avoid the book which costs you your monthly snark.
  I like certain things this go round. I like that Enid and Elizabeth are talking about a semi-mutual friend and that while Liz is closer to Liv, it's Enid who understands what the hell is going on and pursues it, even if Liv never really gets that. I love it when someone isn't paired up and isn't thrilled about being single. Except for the saints among us, I think most people who go through an exceptionally long single stage start to get a little stir crazy when everyone else around us is dating (happily, no less) and it makes sense for Olivia to get lonely.
   And I suppose her complete inability to read the writing on the wall concerning Stuart is a nice counterpoint to her magically newfound artistic genius.
  I could have done without all the "Olivia could have died" to show her mortification over things, but hey, I'm no longer the audience intended for these books. :P
  It gives me the giggles that when Lila suggests having Jessica twin-switch with Liz so she can be in Stuart's class, Jessica shoots it down. Not because Liz would see it as Wrong, but because Liz would want to keep the hot teacher for herself. Oh, Jessica... sometimes I'm not sure you know your twin at all. And then I think about the super secret diaries and realize you really do know your twin best of all.

Against The Odds
January 1989


Will Ronnie Edwards lose the biggest gamble of his life?

A dangerous game...

   Ronnie Edwards is having the time of his life. By betting successfully on high school sports, he's made more money than he knows what to do with. He's even offered Jessica Wakefield a loan. Unfortunately, he hasn't been keeping up with the payments to his bookie, Big Al. When Big Al decides to collect, Ronnie's out of cash. So Big Al offers him another option: if Ronnie can fix the state championship soccer game, Big Al will forget about Ronnie's debt.
  Ronnie turns to the only friend he has-Elizabeth Wakefield's boyfriend, Jeffrey French, star soccer player for Sweet Valley High. A college scout is coming to see the game, and if Jeffrey doesn't play his best, he'll jeopardize his future. But if he doesn't help Ronnie out, his friend may not have a future.

   Against the Odds is an incredibly quick read. I'm not sure if this is due more to the book itself or the fact that I had to sit here and wait for ages while my computer underwent it's virus scan the other day. I read it in under an hour, which still left me with two hours to sit here and want to slam my face into the desk. However that's neither here nor there so let's move on.

  AtO is actually a pretty classic SVH book once you boil it down. You've got Liz involved with our B-lister of the week and their problems. You've got a Wacky!Jessica B-plot, Alice is on hand to dole out loving parental advice, and Liz's boyfriend gets screwed, but not in the way he'd probably like. There are differences, most noticeably in that Jeffrey takes a much more active role in things than Todd ever did. Todd basically sat in the car until someone needed to be punched in the face.
  Jeffrey, however, manages to intimidate someone just by a smidge of tough talk. Seriously. Jeffrey. Go look ahead and find the cover to Brokenhearted. GO. I've got time.

   Got that image firmly in mind? Good. That guy. That one right there. Mmhmm. Him. He manages to scare off three wannabe thugs who are all ready to mug Ronnie Edwards. Not one punch is thrown. Jeffrey's only six feet tall and I've actually found that the shorter a guy is (after a certain age), the scrappier they are because they get shit for it. So they learn to throw a punch or at least start the blitz attack before the bigger guy sees it coming. But Jeffrey. JEFFREY manages to talk three of these guys out of a fight.
  Then Jeffrey defies Wakefield Law and sort of befriends someone who is on their blacklist. Ronnie, you probably don't recall (because you have lives or your memory is not necessarily holding onto useless 80's trivia like this) is the guy who dumped Enid when he found out she had herpes did drugs Once Upon A Time and still talked to her ex. In letters. While he was in reform school. Ronnie, I must admit, has been on my blacklist because you don't make Enid sad and make me happy. Also, he was an all around ass.
   But! Jeffrey still decided that since Ronnie obviously had no friends and was probably a semi-decent guy who could be better if he just had someone who didn't want him thrown face-down in a ditch somewhere, Jeffrey doesn't tell him to fuck off.
  Now, we all know this turns out to be a mistake. But for awhile, Jeffrey has the balls to tell Liz he's capable of making his own friends and she doesn't have to marry the guy, she just has to turn the nagging down because EVERYONE deserves a friend. Isn't that what Liz is always preaching?
   Dude. French, I love you at this point. The only thing Todd was allowed to stand up to Liz about was Jessica and that's only because of how they started. After awhile he even loses bitching rights there.

   But I've skipped ahead a little. The book opens with a big soccer match. Excuse me while I yawn. I never really caught the soccer bug despite the 80's pushing it as the best new drug ever, so no matter how many terms SVH throws at me, I can't help but have my eyes glaze over as the flashbacks begin. (Your goalie should not possess the preternatural skill to duck and avoid things coming her way. It's the opposite of what you want, in fact.) Liz goes on a bit about how Jeffrey isn't the flashiest player or even necessarily the best, but he's dependable. Oh, Jeffrey. Woe. Then she points out that he's the backbone of the team and has definitely helped them get to point where they're one step away from tying with Big Mesa for the division championship. To get to that point, they have to beat the Palisades Pumas. We all know what happens next.
  Jeffrey manages to score the winning goal. Cheers erupt all around. SVH is set to advance to the playoff game with Big Mesa or something. Jeffrey's welcomed as the team hero down at the DB after the game. Which leads us to our actual plot.

   Ronnie's been flashing cash all around town lately and no one can figure out where it's coming from. Lila gets a few very loverly snarky comments in and I love that she's always got to know where people's money comes from. She just... has to. She's not interested in Ronnie, she just wants to know how the hell he has enough money to offer to buy everyone at the popular table food from the DB. Soooo new money, Fowler. We love that.
  Jeffrey's a smart guy and has figured out that Ronnie's been betting on various games and he's disgusted by the whole thing, so he leaves the table. One of the aforementioned thugs wanders over and starts chatting to Ronnie about his new Mustang convertible and Enid can't take the weirdness anymore, so she and Hugh jump ship. Liz watches as Thug #1 lures Ronnie outside and a few moments later, Thugs 2 and 3 head outside after them. She runs over to Jeffrey and he goes out, alone, and scares the thugs away.
  That's when Ronnie latches on and decides Jeffrey is his bestest friend ever. He follows Jeffrey around like a puppy (and is described as such repeatedly) and soon Liz is ticked the hell off. She wants sexy alone time with her boyfriend and Ronnie just won't leave. When Liz mentions this to Jeffrey after A.J. has finally gotten rid of him for Jeffrey, Jeff points out that he's allowed to have friends and that maybe Ronnie needs a friend more than most people do since no one seems to like him, and hey, isn't Saint Liz always going on about how we should be good to our fellow man? Liz agrees, begrudgingly but points out that he was an ass to her bestfriend and that's hard to get over.
   Reality has given us a drive-by. So true. Your best friend isn't going to forgive the guy who dumps you in front of the entire school and bad mouths you afterward. Which is why you should always make it a point to never tell your BFF every shitty thing your boyfriend does, so that when you break up and then make up, she won't be forced to smile pretty while a montage of all the crappy things he's done plays on an endless loop in her head.
  The two agree to disagree.

   Ronnie, meanwhile, goes from having entirely too much cash for a high school boy to not having nearly enough. It seems that he's been living a bit of a lie. His flashy new Mustang is really Big Al's and Big Al is a bookie, and not the type with a heart of gold. Ronnie's behind on his debts and Big Al has called in to collect the two grand Ronnie owes him. I have no clue where all Ronnie's money went in a couple of days, but it's gone. Ronnie's parents are divorced and his mother is long gone, and his father hasn't been Big Al's biggest supporter, so Ronnie turns to his new best friend to bail him out of his new jam. He hits Jeffrey up for a hundred dollars, then drops it down to fifty. Jeffrey's more than a little put off because a) who does that? and b) Ronnie finally cops to his gambling as the source of his revenue. Jeffrey finds out that Ronnie owes a lot more than a hundred bucks but all Jeffrey has is $25, but he gives that to Ronnie and advises Ronnie to make other arrangements to pay Big Al off and then cut all ties. Immediately.
  Ronnie says yeah, yeah, but he's already planning on hitting up his Phi Epsilon brothers. Right. Because the first place I'd want to go and advertise the fact that I'm temporarily broke is a meeting held at Bruce Patman's mansion. Riiiiiiiiiight. Ronnie's awfully clueless, man. He hits Winston up for cash, Winston has none, and Bruce overhears and makes typical bitchy comments. Tom McKay is playing the part of one of the sock puppets this go round, for those who like to keep tabs on him. Bill Chase is slightly more polite when he turns Ronnie down, but the damage is done. Ronnie's pissed that his brothers won't front him the cash. Some brotherhood.
  Bitch, please.
   Anyway, Ronnie gets in touch with Big Al (Ronnie's Smallfry. If you need me for the next twenty minutes, don't bother. I'll still be laughing.) and Big Al is pissed until Ronnie says he'll do anything he can to make it up to Big Al. Big Al informs Ronnie that it's his lucky day, and you can feel the Cheshire cat grin from here.
  Ronnie turns to Jeffrey once more, only this time things are worse. Big Al's solution is to fix the SVH/Big Mesa game. If SV wins by two points and only two points, Ronnie's off the hook. When Ronnie suggests this to Jeffrey, Jeffrey's pissed. He tells Ronnie to go fuck himself because a real friend wouldn't ask something like that and it's unfair of Ronnie to expect Jeffrey to bail him out of a jam he created for himself. This scene is repeated a few times and during one of them, Jeffrey gets all snippy and points out that he hates being called Jeff, which is what Ronnie keeps calling him.

   The problem with this is that Big Al keeps threatening Ronnie and even goes so far as to meet up with him at SVH Friday morning, scare him into a bit of a car chase that ends at one of the beaches. Ronnie gets his ass handed to him. When he finally makes it back to school, he demands that Liz tell him where Jeffrey is. Liz tells him that he's taking an exam, Ronnie doesn't believe her because it's lunchtime. Liz explains that it's a long story and Ronnie? Demands she tells him the long story. I won't lie. I snorted my drink at that point because I'm easily amused. Ronnie finds Russo's classroom and tries to get to see Jeffrey. Jeffrey is pissed because DUDE, he's in the middle of taking an exam that determines whether he'll get to play soccer on the school team anymore. STFU, Ronnie! Jeffrey finally throws in the towel and goes out to see what the hell Ronnie wants now. Ronnie starts up with the whole two point spiel and Jeffrey tells him, again, to get lost. Ronnie's freaked out due to the ass-whuppin' he just endured. Jeffrey notices the sand on Ronnie's shoes and lets Ronnie speak. Eventually Jeffrey realizes that Ronnie was right. Big Al might actually seriously hurt or kill him. Jeffrey struggles to figure out what the right thing to do is in this case.
  On the one hand, he knows that not playing his best in an effort to intentionally fix the score is wrong. There's no way around that. It goes against everything that Jeffrey holds dear and has lived his life by, but then so does turning his back on a friend who could seriously be hurt and only Jeffrey can help.
  Still... A little more waffling and then Jeffrey agrees to sell Ronnie part of his soul. Jeffrey agrees to do what he can to keep Ronnie from ending up fish food.

   But we need a twist, so Liz finds out that a college scout from Branford college is coming just to see Jeffrey. Jeffrey has no idea until Liz tells him about it after school. Now Jeffrey's even more confused. Doubt the boy could live with himself if Ronnie ended up broken, let alone killed, even if Ronnie did bring it on himself. On the other hand, now we're talking about Jeffrey's future.

  Doesn't seem to matter. The inner conflict is making it so that even the JV team can kick Jeffrey's ass on a regular basis. The day of the big game, Jeffrey gets a telegram. Everyone on the team assumes it's from Liz, which is.. weird, to say the least, but hey. Really it's from Big Al who has decided that maybe Jeffrey would leave Ronnie out to dry and now threatens Jeffrey himself. Gulp?
  Liz is on her way to her seat when she sees Ronnie being escorted off by a shady looking dude in sunglasses... on an overcast sort of day. Being the nosy sort, Liz follows Ronnie to the bad part of town (everyone wave to the Martins!) where Liz is completely unfamiliar with the landscape, thus proving someone doesn't volunteer for the truly less fortunate. As Liz is calling the police on a pay phone, she's abducted and taken to the dive bar where Ronnie's being held.
  Taking a page from Jeffrey's book, Liz talks tough and is bound and gagged for her troubles. Ronnie eventually finds his balls and knocks their kidnapper, Max, out with a liquor bottle to the head. Good show, Edwards. Took you long enough. Ronnie and Liz call the police and head back to the big game.
  Where Jeffrey is playing horribly. Liz rushes over to Coach Horner and we're given a bit of a tangent about how Liz thinks the coach respects her from her gig at the Oracle. I...won't make any obvious jokes here, but you can supply your own. Coach calls a time-out and Liz tells Jeffrey he's free to play like the star he really is or some such nonsense. I'm distracted by the fact that Big Al and Ronnie are both carted off by the cops but Liz isn't. You'd think as the kidnap victim she'd be taken down to the station as well, but what do I know?
  Blah blah, SV wins 3-to-2 and the crowd, she goes wild. I think it's time to take a peek at Jessica's wacky B plot.

   Jess is making some seriously ugly 80's oversize jewelry that her friends are too polite/taste challenged to tell her look like arse. But I guess it was the 80's and her stuff actually does seem popular when she manages to sweet talk the manager of Treasure Island into stocking her designs (with a little help from Lila who still can't act). When all but three of the pieces sell almost immediately, the manager asks Jessica to bring in all the other pieces she's made and they set up a verbal agreement. Idiot. You get this in writing for the very reason you're about to find out...
  Remember when Ronnie was flashing all that money around? Well, he offered Jess a loan of up to two grand and Jess files this away for future use. When she's told to bring in her stock (and she has none) she decides it would be insane not to make a ton of pieces, which requires quite a chunk of change. She asks her mother who agrees to float her $200. Jessica calls up her supplier (again, too easy) and he talks her into nine hundred dollars worth of stuff. Jess freaks out and asks Ronnie for the money about the time he's desperately trying to con Jeffrey into partially throwing the big game. He laughs in her face and tells her she's barking up the wrong money tree. Jess is more than a little miffed but she's pretty good in the face of rejection.
  She then returns to Alice and manages to sweet talk Alice into forking over the credit card. Sadly for Jessica, this victory was entirely too easy because any second now the manager at TI is going to call and say the store owner is changing the store's direction and getting rid of the funky and going more for clothes and established jewelry lines. Poor Jess is now stuff with massive credit card debt to the point that her father is declined at the gas station. When the parentals find out how much she charged, it's decided Jessica needs a job. She mistakingly jokes that she could get a job at TI since they're hiring and Ned tells her obviously it was meant to be.
  Oh, Jessica!

   There's the lead in to the next book and hey, John Pfeiffer is acting like an ass with anger management issues. OR, you know, if you still don't know what he did to Lila, then he's acting like a guy who just found out the girl he's mooning over is falling for Rick Andover.
   But that's next time. Same bat station, same bat time. Or something.


Trivial Matters:

• SVH's Gladiators are playing the Palisades Pumas as the book opens. If SVH wins (and they do), they'll tie Big Mesa for the first place in their division, leading to a special play off game to decide who gets the championship.


• The seating up in the stands seems to be: Julie, Liz, Enid, A.J.


• Jess blows a kiss to A.J., people actually turn to see who she's directing her affection to. Duh, guys. It's totally Enid.


• When Jeffrey helps win the big game, there's a scene after everyone rushes out where Liz takes a few minutes to savor the moment. Which is, in hindsight, foreshadowing for when Todd comes back and Liz pretty much forgets Jeffrey ever existed except when it's needed for a future plot.


• Soccer players still seem to be Aron, Tony Esteban, Michael Schmidt, and Brad Tomasi.


• When Enid fails to see the genius in Jessica's big ol' ugly 80's earrings, Lila and Amy both stick up for Jess. Not surprisingly, my heart only turns to mush for Lila.


• Ronnie is usually in jeans and a rugby shirt. Sorta like Kristy from the BSC, only with less sweaters? Lately though, he's been sporting designer shirts, pleated pants, and a Mustang Convertible.


• The Mustang is Big Al's car and for some inexplicable reason, he's letting a HS student drive it. Dude?


• Ronnie may look like a weasel on the cover (sorry, weasels!), but he does have lovely sapphire blue eyes.


• Enid and Jeffrey both walk away from Ronnie when he starts flashing his money and offering to buy everyone's lunch. Enid. And Jeffrey. Two of the nicest people at SVH.


• Enid, you might recall, dated Ronnie back in book 2 though no one understood why. She was so nice and mousy and he was so new and shiny and a world class a-hole. Then Jessica broke them up, Enid dated George, then George dumped Enid for Robin, and now Enid's dating Hugh who has all the personality of wet cardboard. But at least he's not a weasel.


• Brad Tomasi is the left wing, Michael is the co-captain of the soccer team with Aaron.


• Three creepy older, leather wearing, stubble sporting, heavy cigarette smoking guys are giving Ronnie the eye and only Liz notices.


• One of those guys introduces himself as Bruno and is shorter than six feet tall, another is "heavy-set with dark beard stubble", and the third is a blond with a ripped leather jacket.


• Ronnie screams when Bruno starts to rough him up.


• Jeffrey's 6' tall.


• Ronnie usually drives an old Toyota his mom left behind after the divorce.


• Mr. Edwards owns an all night grocery store.


• Big Al Remsen is the richest, most cold hearted bookie in the area. But for some reason he lets Ronnie, whom he's never actually met, drive his convertible.


• Big Al and Ronnie 'met' through a customer at Mr. Edwards' store.


• Ronnie is not a fighter, can't even talk tough, and while his confession makes me a little uncomfortable, Jeffrey decides that all Ronnie needs is a friend to make him less of a weasel.


• When Enid has an art project and the other Oracle editors are working on their assignments, Liz realizes she has no one to sit with at lunch. Luckily, A.J. pulls out a chair for her at Jessica's table. For some reason this gives me warm fuzzies.


• Cara's Jessica Wakefield original earrings involve small, bright colored feathers. Neither A.J. or Elizabeth is all that impressed. But they obviously do not fully appreciate fashion.


• Jessica decides to sell her stuff at Treasure Island boutique.


• Jessica hits Ronnie up for money and when asked how much she'd need, Jessica says five hundred. Ronnie laughs and says she thought real money, like a grand or two. When Jess perks up a little too much at that thought, A.J. all but pushes him towards the lunch line to get rid of him.


• Jack Everly, Big Mesa's left wing, twisted his knee two weeks ago and is allegedly out of commission for the play-off game.


• The Gladiators need a C or better in each class, not a C average, which means Jeff is screwed because apparently chemistry is not his strong suit.


• Mr. Russo offers to stay late after school or at lunch for any students who need help figuring out chem before the big exam Friday. The soccer players manage to convince him to let them take the test at lunch instead of at the end of the day, which is when their class is. I... don't really understand why giving up at least one, probably two class periods you could, in theory, use to cram is helpful. You want to take the test EARLIER? Someone explain this to me!


• Coach Horner's training seems to involve ten laps around the track, corner kick practice, dribbling around corners, scrimmages, and other things too boringly gruesome to have been mentioned.


• Ronnie hits Jeffrey up for a hundred bucks, then lowers his expectations to fifty, figuring that'll help keep his L.A. 'business contacts' from breaking some legs, namely his. Jeffrey gives him twenty five bucks.


• Ronnie isn't too worried because he figures he'll hit up the Phi Ep brothers, only none of them offer a dime. Bruce, to no one's surprise, mocks Ronnie for blowing all his cash.


• Phi Ep members mentioned: Winston, Bruce, Ronnie, Tom McKay, Michael Harris, Bill Chase. Of those, only Bill and Winston seem sorry to be unable to help Ronnie, and even then... the weasel factor makes them less sorry than they would be for, I dunno, Todd or someone.


• Sadly, the 'odds makers' were expecting two grand and all Ronnie has is $25. Big Al makes Ronnie an offer. SVH beats Big Mesa by two points or ELSE.


• Lila helps Jessica convince Ms. Lussier at Treasure Island that Jessica's designs actually do appeal to people.


• Ronnie's code name from Big Al? Smallfry.


• Jessica dropped eight pieces of jewelry off at the TIB and only three are left. Two pairs of earrings and one necklace.


• Big Mesa's the Bulldogs, only I never remember this. Pumas I remember, but not the Bulldogs.


• Jeffrey snaps at Liz over Ronnie and Liz tries not to cry. My heart, she feels for you, Lizardbreath.


• Chris Wells is the SVH Jr. Varsity forward and actually manages to score off Jeffrey since Jeffrey is so distracted because of Ronnie.


• Alice once gave factory measurements in feet, not yards. Jessica comes by her talent naturally.


• Alice agrees to loan Jessica $200, which should be enough for ten more pieces.


• Stuart, Jessica's sales dude supplier at Classic Land, manages to talk her into $908.10 worth of stuff. This can't end well.


• Classic Land closes at 6pm.


• Ronnie freaks when he sees a silver Lincoln Continental with some dude with black hair, a suede jacket, and sunnies waiting for him outside SVH. For good reason. Sunnies follows Ronnie to the beach and then... well, let's just say it ain't pretty.


• Jeff has issues with the differences between molarity and molality in chemistry.


• Ronnie's last class of the day is in room 302, Mr. Frankel's math class.


• There's a cute scene with Penny and Liz teasing John about being in love, but then you remember what John becomes and the cute wears off. Still, Oracle teasing cuteness ahoy!


• Bradford College sends a talent scout to scope Jeffrey out. It seems their star halfback will graduate in time for Jeffrey to take over or something. I cannot imagine they'd mention the halfback thing if it weren't what Jeffrey were up for but I, like much of America, do not follow soccer. Sorry!


• Big Al loves cigars.


• Jessica's agreement with T.I. is only an oral agreement. Had she gotten her deal in writing, maybe she wouldn't be stuck with $900 worth of beading stuff and no place to sell it.*


• Winston, Tom, and Bill all help hold up a banner that says, "Phi Epsilon Says Go Gladiators!"


• Liz follows Max Roper and Ronnie to Wilby's Bar and Grill where Max is holding Ronnie semi-hostage.


• Jeffrey gets a telegram from Big Al that warns him to fix the game or Ronnie's toast. All the guys on the team think it's from Liz since Jeffrey doesn't exactly share the message with them.


• Dave Evans is the soccer team manager. He also happens to give Jeffrey the telegram.


• Max ties Liz to a chair and uses a handkerchief as a gag.


• Max considers knocking out teeth, kneecaps, and tying Ronnie and Liz back to back and leaving them in the basement for the rats.


• Despite taking the time to tie Liz up, Max leaves Ronnie free and pays for it when Ronnie breaks a liquor bottle over Max's head.


• At the end of the first quarter, the score is Big Mesa 2, SV 1.


• Big Al plans to fuck Jeffrey up the same way he does Ronnie. Thoughtful!


• Liz would rather Sweet Valley lost the game than win by two points. Remember, she's the nice twin.


• Ultimately Sweet Valley wins by one point. (SV: 3, BM: 2)


• Elizabeth believes Coach Horner respects her as a journalist.


• When the police (Liz and Ronnie stopped at a pay phone to call them) show up at the game, they only take Ronnie (and Big Al) and not Elizabeth. Really? I'm doubting that highly, guys.


• Jeffrey scores two goals and has his picture taken for the Sweet Valley News.


• Jeffrey's final score on the chem test? B-minus.


• Jessica made fifty pieces and missed the soccer game all for nothing because T.I. changed it's business focus.


• Ned's card was declined at the gas station and he argued with the attendant about it, then felt like a jackass when Jess and Alice spilled the beans. Dude, Ned, what could the guy do? Give the guy a break, man.


• Ned forces Jessica to take the job at Treasure Island to pay the money back.


• Jennifer Mitchell is the latest girl to fall under Rick Andover's spell, thus leading John P. to be all jealous and bitchy towards Penny.


• Do. Not. Call. Jeffrey. Jeff. Unless, of course, we're in SVH: SY. Then he's cool with it.

* I get that Jessica's fickle, but you'd think she'd try another boutique or something to sell her stuff, if only to avoid having to go back to T.I. for a job.


Quotable Sweet Valley:

  But for a moment she wanted to stand still and take it all in. Jeffrey looked so wonderful, and she wanted to remember this moment for a long time. - Liz knows the end is coming... p5

  Ronnie shook his head listlessly. In a soft, almost inaudible voice, he said, "You don't understand. If I can't guarantee this, I may not make it to this weekend." p54

  "I hate to say this," Enid whispered to Elizabeth with a sly look, "but those earrings look ridiculous."
  Elizabeth tried to suppress a giggle. Amy, Cara, and Lila were all wearing Jessica-designed earrings. "Come on, Enid. They're just trying to support Jessica," Olivia said sympathetically.
  "Must be tough. I'm sure it's hard enough just supporting those earrings." - for those of you who like your Enid/Olivia/Liz trio. p77

  "You just don't have a business sense, Lila."
  Lila shrugged. "I guess not. But then, I don't need one, do I?" -Jess/Lila p78

  "Come on, now. That wasn't so bad, was it?" Mr. Russo asked.
  "Nah," Michael Schmidt said. "Piece of cake."
  "Big talk, coming from the guy who thought uranium was the name of a planet," Tony retorted. - sometimes the ghosties get it right. p84

   "So you're going to play badly on purpose, just because-"
  "Just because what, Elizabeth?" Jeffrey snapped. Suddenly his eyes were ablaze with emotion. "Just because Ronnie might be hurt or killed? I mean, come on. I know the game is important, but we're talking about the real world here! When guys like Al Remsen don't get their way, the hurt people. What am I supposed to do? Stick to my principles and let him do what he wants to Ronnie? That would really teach him a lesson, wouldn't it?" - Time has erased how feisty Jeffrey really was from my memory and I'm enjoying the hell out of the reminder. You tell her, French! p107/108





Elizabeth let her head roll back and forth with each stroke of his hand. "Mmmm, keep doing that and I'll forgive anything." - I think we all know I took that completely out of context, but way to go, Jeffrey. p 143

Fashionably SV:
  She dropped her leather bag onto a kitchen chair and adjusted the shoulder pads of her cream-colored silk blouse. - Alice, I know it's the late 80's, but shoulder pads were rarely a good idea.




   I have to admit that some of my favorite parts of this book are the throwaway bits with A.J. I love that he's polite enough to snag Liz a chair at the lunch table when Jeffrey's running late and Liz has no other friends to sit with. I love that he's possessive enough to tell Ronnie he'd better leave, but polite enough that he uses the excuse that the lunch line is almost over to get rid of him.
  But my irrational favorite moment comes during the big game at the start of the book, when Jessica blows A.J. a kiss, he blushes, and my inner conspiracy theorist points out that yes, Jess probably intended it for him... but Enid was also sitting to Elizabeth's right, which means the J/Enid pairing is totally possible.
  ...Shut up. I just like to point out the possibilities.

  I also like the foreshadowing that goes on in this book. Right after Jeffrey helps the team win against Palisades, everyone is rushing the field/off to the DB, and Liz wants to just bask in the moment. She wants to remember Jeffrey just like that. Which works in a couple of ways. One? The type of girl Liz is would totally do something like that. (Guilty. You?) Two: Jeffrey's not long for this world, at least as Liz Wakefield's better half, and as a kid I adored the joys of hindsight.
  A bit of foreshadowing for John and his anger issues, but that you could reasonably argue was just typical teen/human behavior.

  But most of all we love Lila sticking up for Jessica even when she doesn't have to. Yay, Lila!
  Obviously this book is held together by little bits of joy and as such you should ignore Jessica's old lady hair on the cover and read it.

Caught In The Middle
January 1988


Is love enough to keep Sandra and Manuel together?

Off-limits...


   Sandra Bacon has finally found a boy to love. Manuel Lopez is kind, sensitive, and handsome, and he cares about Sandra as much as she cares about him.
   But there is one problem: Sandy's parents don't approve of Manuel. So the couple must keep their love and their precious moments together a secret.
   Then eyewitnesses place Manuel at the scene of a life-threatening accident, and only Sandy can clear his name. If she tells the truth, she may lose her parents' trust and love; but if she doesn't, she will certainly lose Manuel forever.

  So. Mexicans are people, too, right? Yeah, I think we all knew this going in the first go round, but twenty-some odd years later, really. We get it. That said, this would be another star-crossed lovers book. And one I hated for years as a kid simply because this cover did not belong in my collection. It was WRONG. Not because Manuel is Mexican, or because there is no way in Hades that those two on the cover are high school juniors, but because it was lacking in Wakefield. And color. Really, really blah. And I like grey, but this was pushing it.

  Anyway. Sandy Bacon has earned herself another book, only this time she finally gets a guy. He's handsome, he's charming, he's a gentleman, he's kind, he's totally not realistic in anyway, because he's perfect. Except for the fact that he's Mexican. This doesn't bother Sandy, but it might very well kill her racist parents. We're told that Sandy's father wrote a letter to the editor about how the Mexicans [how many times will I have to type the word Mexican?] are taking over and ... good lord, man. Ahead of your time.
   So, in the tradition of all great loves kept apart by disapproving parents, Sandy lies. A lot. At first she lies to Manuel about why he hasn't met her parents yet. She says they're really busy a lot and this might've gone on longer had Manuel [I really want to call him Manny. Damn you, TV show!] not overheard her lying to her parents about where she was. Sandy confesses that as awesome as Manuel is, her parents would just see him as someone unfit to date their daughter because they've got a raging hatred of zee Mexicans. I wonder if it's just the Mexicans or if anyone not whiter than white would also be greeted at the door with a shotgun and a shovel?
  Manuel understands that some people in the world are just stupid, but really believes that if her parents met him they'd see how awesome he is too! Nice ego there, mate. But I have to agree. Manuel is the perfect boyfriend, if a little on the dull side. Sandy agrees, but also doesn't. She knows her parents and she's highly doubtful that they'd see anything other than the color of his skin and the parade of all the other people they've hated before him. They wouldn't see Manuel at all. Still, she agrees to try and talk to them.
   And she does. She tries the hypothetical, "Mom, what if I fell in love with someone who was, I dunno, Mexican. Would you be happy that I found someone who loves plain old me, or would you call the cops and have him escorted from the premises while shouting horrible things to him?" Yeah, not quite that phrasing, but that would have been fun. Sandy's mother does that country club laugh and tells Sandy that she's got a vivid imagination, but why oh why would she think of such a thing? At Sandy's next approach she points out that love is hard enough without the added burden of being from different backgrounds, so she'd have to say no to that on those grounds as well.
  At this point I'd have lost my sanity and just blurted it out, or waited until we were in public somewhere that a mob probably wouldn't have formed and just crash-introduced them. I don't have the patience Sandy or Manuel seem to have, y'know?
   Still, Manuel's tired of having to pick Sandy up someplace other than her home. He's tired of sneaking around and feeling bad about himself. He's tired of Sandy lying.
  And Jeanie West is tired of covering for Sandy. I can see how exhausting that would be, given that Jeanie's and Sandy's mothers hang out a lot, but that, honey, that was your in. If Jeanie's mother doesn't share Mrs. Bacon's views, talk. to. her. Have her talk to your mother for, or at least with you, Sandy. DUH.

   Instead, this is Sweet Valley and we haven't had an explosion in a very long time. So, we're off to Secca Lake where we can blow shit up without anyone batting an eyelash.
  Sandy invites Liz on her boating date with Manuel so she can tell her mother that she was out with Liz. She tells Liz it'll be fun and leaves out the part where she's using the other blond, and tells Manny that Liz invited herself along. Charming.
  While out on Sandy's motor boat, something goes wrong with the engine and the ensuing explosion sends Liz and Manuel flying into the water. Sandy doesn't get so lucky and is knocked unconscious and left on the burning boat. Manuel swims back to save Sandy before the boat can explode [gas cans and fire, children] and all three manage to swim far enough away that when the boat does blow, they aren't hurt anymore than they were before.
  On shore, Sandy wakes up enough to thank Manuel for saving her life, but then tells him to get lost as she can't have her parents finding out about him. Liz will take the hero-credit and all will be right with the world.
   Manuel and Elizabeth are both stunned, but neither can manage to articulate the fact that if ever Sandy was going to tell her family about Manuel, doing so when he's the frickin' HERO who saved her life would be the time.
  Manuel disappears and Liz reluctantly takes the spotlight.
  It's not until the police suspect someone tampered with Sandy's boat, given the description numerous witnesses gave of there being three people near the boat before it went into the water and only two taking credit for having been there after, that Manuel realizes that maybe Sandy's never going to come clean with her parents. Sandy's parents are called to the police station and they take Sandy with them. For one completely awful moment, Sandy tells everyone that she's never seen Manuel before in her life. The police decide this means he really did do something to the boat and are about to take him away when Manuel plays the perfect boyfriend card again.
   Instead of yelling or screaming or calling her a bitch [or any real show of temper whatsoever] Manuel asks how Sandy could do this. And Sandy crumbles and admits she's in love with Manuel and that he saved her life and she was so ashamed of her parents and afraid of how they'd see Manuel, how they'd treat him, that she was ready to... to what, Sandy? See if you could get him sent to frickin' jail? That's bad for any relationship, honey.
   Sandy's parents asks Liz, who has timed her arrival just right so as to be there to hear Sandy's confession and back her up, if this is true, and she does that backing Sandy thing up.
  Sandy's father asks Manuel if it's true, if he's in love with Sandy, if he risked his life to save her, and if he would have taken the rap for something he didn't do. Manuel says yes, yes, and are you crazy? Mr. Bacon is awfully accepting of Manuel, considering he's the one we were warned about first. It's really Mrs. B who has the issues and she tries to get over them, but it's obviously a struggle. Ah, reality...
   It all ends well, with Manuel and Sandy together again, Manuel not being sore over Sandy lying to the police about him, and Liz no longer being the heroine of the hour.

   In our sadly underused B-story for the week, it's Lila's birthday. Again. Didn't she already have a birthday? No matter. Jessica decides to throw Lila a surprise-surprise party. They'll all ignore Lila on her birthday and the weeks leading up to it, all the better to really surprise her the day after with the party to end all party! Which 30 people will show up to.
  It all goes as planned. Lila's feelings are hurt for more than a week, but give her one hour or so of being the center of attention again and she's cool with everyone.
  I hate this storyline in that it's awful to be that much of a bitch to someone and include other people so that someone will feel that low all for one euphoric high. Also, it kept making me hope that when people had forgotten my birthday, they were really just pretending.
  They weren't.



Trivia:

• Jessica gripes that Liz won't go anywhere without Jeffrey.*


• Ricky is still the cheerleaders' manager.


• Cheerleading practice starts earlier on Tuesday afternoons.


• Jessica agrees with Sandy as they both think Sandy is average, though Jess will admit that since falling for Manuel, Sandy's begun to glow.


• Manuel is a junior at SVH with dark, curly hair, and chocolate brown eyes. He's taller than Sandy, but not too tall, so she doesn't get a crick in her neck looking up at him and kissing doesn't involve apple crates. He's got four little brothers and one younger sister and he works part time after school as an assistant track coach at the elementary school.


• Manuel's siblings: Carlos is 6, then Juan, Pedro, Miguel, and Maria is 13.


• Sandy meets Manuel's extended family at his cousin's birthday party.


• Jessica dreams that Lila tires of being rich, so she writes Jessica a check for all Daddy Fowler's money.


• Lila's birthday is in a week at the start of the book.


• Sandy still has three unnamed older brothers.


• Sandy's parents bought their Spanish-style house ten years ago.


• There were riots in Los Perros and people were hurt, which just added fuel to Sandy's parents' bigotry. Or something.


• Sandy's mother, Irene, is forever going on about how she was raised in a racially charged environment and that skewed her view as it were.


• The Bacons are members of the country club.


• Mr. Bacon works at a local advertising agency.


• Sandy is sure that Carl Pierce, the guy her parents want her to date, is going to be blond, blue eyed, and terribly boring because he loves golf. No clue if he is though. I kept thinking, "Whoa, Caroline Pierce?"


• Cara feels badly for Lila until Jessica reminds her that Lila made a snotty comment about Cara's wardrobe being two years out of style.


• Jessica and Cara pretend they're going with Amy to see "the Boys" in concert at Westwood Stadium on Lila's birthday.


• Sandy says she's going to Casey's and she'll be picked up at Enid's. Does Sandy really spend enough time with Enid that this alone wouldn't raise Irene's suspicions, or is there some other life we don't know Enid has?


• Sandy got a speedboat for her last birthday and it's called Solar One.


• Manuel worked at the Secca Lake Boat house last summer.


• Mr. Fowler offered to take Lila to Jacque's in San Mirabel for her birthday dinner.


• Jessica describes the banner she and Cara are making for Lila's birthday as a "trade union banner" with each panel depicting an aspect of Lila, like... "Lila Shopping" or "Lila Giving Parties."


• Enid's grandfather died a few months ago and she's hoping to convince her grandmother to move from Chicago to California.


• Sandy drives her mother's Toyota. What, she doesn't have her own car, but she has a motorboat?


• Elizabeth introduces Sandy and Manuel to Alice, but shouldn't Mrs. Wakefield know who Sandy is by now? She's been on the cheerleading squad off and on for at least two years and she's definitely B-list of Jessica's friends and had to have gone to other parties Jessica and Liz have thrown over the year.


• Don is the park ranger who asks Sandy and Liz questions after the explosion.


• There's a blond guy who called for the ambulance, and he tries to convince Don that he and his friend Bert both saw a guy with Liz and Sandy. Don tells him to take a hike because he's upsetting Sandy. Brilliant.


• Local Girl Saves Friend In Boating Accident- Headline the next day in the Sweet Valley News.


• Mrs. Abernathy is still the PTA president.


• Sandy suffers second degree burns on her palms after the accident.


• The Bacons give Elizabeth a lovely rope link gold bracelet from Stowe's, the nicest jewelery store in town. Dude, Sandy's loaded.


• Blue is Manuel's favorite color.


• Pete Young is the coach at Sweet Valley Elementary.


• Officer Richard Patterson and Sergeant James take Manuel in for questioning.


• Jeffrey and Elizabeth make Lila a 'Surprise Surprise Party!' banner.


• Around 30 people attend Lila's birthday party at the Wakefields. So, that'd be... Jessica, Elizabeth, Jeffrey, Cara, Amy, Enid...


• There's foreshadowing in this book for Jessica to fall head over heels for AJ. Some might argue that it's for any big Jessica crush, but all the "one day you'll understand when you really, truly fall" and the "ready for one of your infamous Jessica-style head over heels" type discussions smack more of AJ than boy of the week.


• Also, despite Double Jeopardy coming between this and the last book, we pick up right after Outcast. Right. After.

*I hate it when people neglect their friends/family simply because they're dating/married/shackled to someone else. It's annoying. Stop it!

Quotable Sweet Valley:

"Come inside and help me make dinner," she begged.
"Make dinner?" Lila said blankly.
"Yeah, it's what the rest of the world does while your cook makes yours." - I applaud the Jessica/Lila exchange, even if we've already seen Li half-assedly help the Wakefields make dinner at least once before. p 12

Sandra felt she had to pinch herself to prove she wasn't coming. - ...I... I had to re-read that twelve times, and another time this morning, because I was sure that my eyes were playing tricks on me. They might still be. p 18

"Come on, Liz. Manuel really wants you to come, too." This last comment couldn't have been farther from the truth, but Sandra figured she would have plenty of time to convince Manuel that Elizabeth would make the outing even more fun. - p 75. Because I'm mean, I'll take this to mean that even before Liz was named Heroine of the year, Manuel didn't particularly care for Saint Liz. :P

"Jessica," Elizabeth said reproachfully, "don't you have the tiniest little sense of right and wrong?"
Jessica reached for another piece of toast. "Not in this case," she said cheerfully. "You're only going to mess things up if you start worrying about the truth now." - Sometimes Elizabeth surprises me with just how often she can misjudge her twin's morality levels. p102



   I dragged my feet in starting to re-read Caught in the Middle because it's never been one of my favorites. Partly it's that I think the cover is painfully boring, and as happy as I am that Sandy got a second cover, this is just blah, and I spend more time trying to figure out what, aside from the art, could be done to fix it than I did actually reading the book itself.
   Thing is, it's not a bad book. Yeah, it's obviously one of those Very Special Issue books, but it attempts to wobble that line between exceptionally preachy and just plain after school special. I'm not entirely sure where it falls because I cut it slack for being a young adult book written for an ongoing series in the 80's as well as it being SVH, so the standards, I admit, are considerably lower than what I'd expect for most other things.
   Manuel's a bit of a saint, even if I tire of typing his name out each time. He's also probably a better boyfriend than anyone the Wakefields ever hook up with. I like that "plain" Sandy gets the great guy, and I like that they didn't have Sandy magically grow the stones to tell her parents immediately, and that her mother was still having trouble accepting Manuel even after she found out he'd saved her baby's life. Can't really say that this book made me like Sandy all that much. There's a line you don't cross, and telling the cops you don't know your boyfriend? Yeah, that leaps across that line, backs up, and then drags the carcass of your relationship back over the line.
   Normally I'm all for a Lila subplot, but dude, hasn't this one been done before already? In this series? Maybe it's just that I swear they trot this out at least once in every SV series where Lila plays any part whatsoever. Bah.
   Final verdict: You could do worse. You could, however, do better.



P.S.- If you've got the re-released cover and you want to share, I'll love you. Forever. There's always gotta be one cover that's a bitch to find. Meh.

Jealous Lies
September 1986

Someone doesn't want Jean in Pi Beta Alpha-
her best friend, Sandra.

Backstabber...


   It's pledge season for Pi Beta Alpha, and everyone in the exclusive Sweet Valley sorority expects Sandra Bacon to nominate her best friend, Jean West. But Sandra's tired of always hearing about Jean's perfect figure, terrific grades, and fantastic cheerleading. The sorority is the only thing Sandra has that Jean doesn't, and even though Jean is her best friend, Sandra wants to keep Pi Beta Alpha for herself.
   When Sandra unwillingly becomes Jean's pledge sponsor, she's determined to do everything she can to insure Jean doesn't make it through the pledge period. But how far can Sandra go and still remain friends with Jean?


  Sandy Bacon is one of those characters who reduces me to my fourth grade self. Mostly I snicker like a fool whenever I read her last name. Also, I really crave breakfast foods. Go figure. Aside from that, she also reminds me of how I felt in fourth/fifth grade. Like Sandy, I had a really close friend who I thought was smarter, prettier, nicer, better, more fantastical than I could ever hope of being. Unlike Sandy, I never intentionally set her up for absolute failure. I figured all her 'better than me' stuff came at a price, namely, I had a summer vacation [and spring, winter, and any other extended period of time off from school] and she... well, she didn't. I could read SVH and she had to read the classics. I could eat junk food and the closest she came was making the most disgusting Jell-o concoctions known to mankind that none of us would ever eat.
  But enough of me, that's for later anyway.

  Sandy and Jeanie West are best friends. They're mentioned off and on throughout the series thus far, although we know more about Sandy than Jeanie at this point. We know Sandy's a klutz and not so hot under pressure [her wipe-out during the great cheerleading tryout debacle] but pretty funny all the same. Jeanie is Sandy's best friend and an excellent cheerleader, one of the nicer ones in fact, but that's about it.
  With this in mind, we step into a whole mess of insecurities. Jeanie's not only an ace cheerleader, she's an A student, really sweet, really nice, really pretty, and sophisticated. No jeans for Jean. Nope, she's all about the skirts and dresses, although I suspect the occasional trouser sneaks its way into her wardrobe. She's a girlie girl with an athletic side.
  Sandy feels painfully average next to her overachieving best friend. Been there, honey. The one thing Sandy has that Jeanie doesn't is membership in PBA. Jean's all excited over joining and really, really wants into the sorority, but Sandy would rather keep her best friend out. She's sure that the moment Jean gets in, she'll dump Sandy after having realized that Sandy's just plain boring. Which isn't exactly an irrational fear, considering how horrible girl world can be. That said, Jeanie's usually described as really pretty, really nice, and Sandy's best friend. I think she knows you're average by now, Miss Bacon. Or maybe, y'know, she sees you in a better light than you see yourself.
  All of this is beyond Sandy, although it must be pointed out that she's well aware that she's being nutty about this whole thing. Figuring too many questions will come up if she doesn't, Sandy nominates Jeanie for PBA. Jeanie's so popular that three or four girls all second her at the same time. Not even Amy Sutton got that kind of love. Since she's the one who nominated Jean, Sandy is her pledge sponsor. It's her job to make sure that Jean finishes all her pledge tasks and makes it into the sorority. Except, y'know, she totally stabs Jean in the back.

  Their first task is to get a certain assigned guy to go with them to a pledge party at Cara's. Upon hearing that Tom McKay isn't all that fond of Jeanie, Sandy suggests that Tom be Jean's assigned date. Lila's not so sure about this, since the general consensus among the kids at school is that after Jessica screwed with his emotions so long, Tom's given up on the female sex forever. She ruined him for all girls. I'd totally forgotten this little tidbit and snorted Pepsi. Foreshadowing! Anyway, Lila relents and Jean is assigned Tom. In an uncharacteristic show of kindness, Lila offers her expertise on guys in an effort to help Jeanie snag her boytoy. It works [like there was any doubt] and Sandy is more than a little miffed. Her plan did not include Tom falling for Jeanie's charms. Still, him standing her up would be even better/worse than just shooting her down to begin with, so she heads over to the mall one afternoon and lets it slip that Jean may or may not have asked him to Cara's party as a pledge prank.
  Tom ain't thrilled about this, especially since he's had a crush on Jean for awhile and fallen even harder since she asked him out. So, he blows her off. Sort of. He calls her well after he should have been there, saying she should grab a sandwich or something, he's on his way. Hours pass and then he calls again, claiming to be at the hospital with food poisoning. Jean heads to the party where Sandy suggests that Jean call and verify Tom's story. Jean is pissed that Sandy is humiliating her, but does it. He's not there, hasn't been there, and poor Jeanie's up shit creek without a paddle. Until she decides that she'll get Tom back by pretending she believed him, getting him to go with her to the Friday the Thirteenth dance, and then when she's supposed to ask him to dance, she'll call out some other boy's name. The PBA girls are all atwitter over this and readily agree.
  Sandy's pissed but what can she do? Doesn't matter. Jeanie falls for Tom and realizes she can't publicly humiliate him, so she never tells him that she's being given the honor of the first dance [as is Dana] since Friday is her birthday, and confesses to Sandy that she's fallen for Tom.
  Then Tom tells Jean that it was Sandy who told him about the pledge party and Jean is crushed. Why would Sandy do this to her? All she wanted was to join PBA so she could spend even MORE time with Sandy... But she decides not to confront Sandy about the knife sticking out of her back, figuring Sandy will either fess up or... I dunno, she'll die from blood loss.

  At the dance, everyone is all freaked out when Jean calls Tom's name, and they're ready to boot her right then and there. Sandy stands up to them and says it was all her fault. She sabotaged Jeanie's first date because she was jealous of her perfect best friend, and had she not done that, Jean would have been a shoo in for PBA. So let Jean in and kick Sandy out.
  Sandy and Jean hug and make up, and the witches of PBA consider their options. In a rare moment of non-bitchery, they decide to keep both girls. It's all very touching.

  On the flip side, we can't have a SVH novel without some Wakefield drama, and this go round we're back to Steven. Steven has decides to drop out of SVU and get a job on his roommate's father's cruise ship. He expects everyone to tell him what a complete ass he's being, but instead they've all listened to Saint Elizabeth and are pretending they think it's great. Naturally her plan works and Steve eventually snaps out of it, but for awhile he actually thinks Cara would wait around without seeing [or really hearing from]him for seven to nine months. Idiot. When I haven't just read a Steven storyline, I think he's fab. When I have, I think he's a giant dumbass. Although, I do feel for him considering he's pretty much going to be in school for a giant chunk of his natural life. Sucker.

Trivial Pursuit:

• Li is pledge chairman. She takes this job fairly seriously. Yay, Lila!


• Jeanie: Long glossy, dark brown hair, big green eyes, perfect white skin, petite, fast metabolism, no jeans, only skirts/dresses, A student, award winning flutist, fabulous dancer, great cook.


• Jessica nominates Amy for PBA. Cara seconds it.


• Sandy nominates Jean and three or four other girls rush to second it.


• Winston is sending Lovegrams, a paper airplane made from a love note. Li is not amused.


• There's mention of Orion High in reference to tennis. Orion. High. I lack the words...


• Tom McKay's got a thing for Jeanie, but whenever he tries to talk to her she lacks the social skills to make much of a go at it.


• Tom's blond, clean-cut, a tennis freak, science whiz, and an outdoor junkie.


• Steven's roommate is Bob Rose. Mr. Rose, Bob's father, owns the Bellefleur, a cruise ship.


• Tom works at the Tennis Shop, located in Valley Mall. Not even our preppiest of malls has a tennis shop in it.


• Jean West and Dana Larson share the same birthday. It happens to be the 13th of some month, given that they get the birthday honors at the Friday the 13th dance.


• Penny Ayala is on the dance committee.


• Caroline is the head of the dance committee.


• Most shocking of all? Neither of the twins is mentioned as being involved in said dance committee. The end of days is nigh!


• Jean got $100 when a bond her grandparents bought her matured. I thought of Monopoly, how about you?


• Cara's pledge party starts at 8:30 on Saturday night.


• Amy's date was Aaron Dallas.


• Sandy's mother has a Toyota.


• Tom pretends he has food poisoning when he founds out that Jean asked him out as a sorority thing.


• Tom and Jean have a picnic in front of SVH. Jean isn't too thrilled about it, but they have fun.


• Tom mentions he has brothers. I know about, uh, Dylan? From SVT. Who else?


• Jean's oldest brother is Richard.


• Jeanie is afraid of heights, but she manages to make it up to the top of the Ferris Wheel with Tom and they kiss. Aww.


• Pledge pranks abound:


• "Leslie Decker had had to recite a poem in the middle of the corridor; Janice Young and Becky White had had to steal towels from the boys' locker room, and Amy Sutton had to walk backward for an entire day." All we've heard Jean having to do is get Tom to go to two dances with her. Uh, favoritism much? Even if she IS supposed to crush him... though why anyone would care who she picked to dance with first, I dunno.


• Clinton Falls Amusement Park is the site of Tom/Jean's first kiss.


• Dana picks Jerry Novak as her dance partner.


• Jeffrey appears on page 126, but they've been dropping hints for the last two books.

Quote Me:

  "I believe the whole point of having a club is to keep people out."
  "Daddy," Jessica protested, pouting, "it isn't like that at all. Tell them it isn't, Liz." - Jessica's appealing to the wrong girl. p6

He was exactly the kind of guy most girls dreamed about, but he seldom dated. The last girl he'd gone with was Jessica Wakefield, and a few people joked that she had turned him off the female sex forever, having strung him along until someone better came along. - so, so true. p20




   Not the hardest book to get through, and one I could relate to more than a little. I get Sandy feeling second best, I can even understand her thinking that once she and Jean were completely even, Jean, whom she saw as infinitely superior, wouldn't need her, years of friendship aside. I don't think I ever got her sabotaging Jean, but I do understand desperate measures and hoping the other person never finds out.
  But my absolute favorite little twist comes when we realize that for as awesome as Sandy thinks Jean is, the general population of SVH isn't quite so sure. I love that it never occurs to Sandy that her best friend is anything less than perfect and that all the things she admires in Jeanie are things that make other people pause and think, "Hmm, bitch?"
  Also, for years I was convinced that the blond with the unfortunate bangs was Jeanie and that the brunette was Sandy. I don't know how in the hell I could ever have thought this since I own the other Sandy-centric book and it's very clear that she's got short, blond hair and a tendency to look around 30... but yeah. I think my little kid mind decided Jeanie was prettier but looked self assured, which I was positive Jean West was, so that the cover had switched them around. Ignoring, I suppose, the numerous occasions where Jeanie was described as a brunette, and once they went so far as to wax poetically about her ebony hair. For future reference, ebony does not equal dark brown hair, writer of the week.
  The other surprising bit is that when presented with a perfect moment to go batshit crazy, Jean doesn't. She's sure that Sandy had a reason, and she'll try and wait for it. And then it doesn't work, but Jean still tries. Hey, it isn't often you get actual friends in these books, not just frenemies. Also love that they acknowledge that sisters fight, which is something a lot of books gloss over when comparing friendship to sisterhood. My best friends? Sisters. They fight/backstab/annoy the piss out of each other on an hourly basis at times. A little less backstabbing and you can use the same mental picture to describe our friendship. :P
   Oh, I thought the big thing with Robin getting into PBA last go round was that it was essentially her last shot at the sorority... I know the books cycle through time in an endless loop, but if we're still referencing Robin's blackballing, it only stands to reason that we might still remember that little tidbit. Or did I just make up the whole thing? Sleep deprivation...

Love Letters
  March 1985

    Is Caroline's romance for real?

   Make-believe romance...

   Caroline Pearce has always been one of the least popular girls at Sweet Valley High. But when she invents a new out-of-town boyfriend, people finally start to pay attention to her. Brown-eyed, six foot Adam and his romantic love letters are the talk of the school.
   Caroline has everyone fooled-even clever Jessica Wakefield. But what begins as a bid for love and attention quickly becomes the worst jam of Caroline's life, when her friends insist on meeting the boyfriend she's been bragging about. Can Caroline keep the truth a secret, or will her lies be her downfall?

  Love Letters proves that some people should have paid a little more attention to Jan's attention seeking on The Brady Bunch. I know it's the early eighties and all, but shouldn't we have learned by now that making up a boyfriend is a bad, bad, bad idea? Well, no, because if we all learned our lessons, this wouldn't be one of those quintessential stories that a teen series MUST tackle at least once.

  Caroline Pearce is the biggest gossip at Sweet Valley High. When you consider that the school also houses Cara Walker and Jessica Wakefield, you've got to admit this takes some talent, and a whole lot of talking. Thing is, Caroline talks so much, and to anyone who will listen, about absolutely anything she hears or thinks she's heard, or maybe even something she sort of saw while out walking the dog that no one really likes her. You can't tell her anything because you know it'll end up on the SVH gossip-grapevine, probably distorted just enough to make things look really bad for you. And if you can't talk to someone about even the most harmless little thing, you don't really have a shot of hanging out with them at all. Hell, even Saint Elizabeth doesn't really like Caroline. So you know Caroline is lonely. Painfully, mind numbingly, lonely. This hasn't really come up before, what with the inability to talk to Caroline, but this is her show, so now we find out.
  And it makes sense. With the exception of Tricia Martin, so far everyone else brought up in the series has had someone, anyone, to cling to. Annie had her long list of boys, as did Betsy who also had Trish and Steve, Roger had Olivia, Bill had Dee Dee and I'm bored re-capping, so we're done with that now. If you didn't have a single friend at school, you can relate. Hell, if you just had a few friends, you can relate.
  Caroline is tired of being a misfit, always relegated to the outskirts of the SVH-crowd. She decides that enough is enough. She's done with the whole outside looking in crap. So she makes sure that she's got the ears of the demi-gossip-goddesses, and she tells them all about Adam, her amazingly perfectly gorgeous, overly romantic, super secret until now boyfriend.
  Oh, boy does she tell them. She reads his letters, passes them around, details every phone conversation, and in general acts like your best friend's little sister who desperately wants to be cool enough to hang out with you guys, if only for an afternoon. Of course, she probably sounds like that because she is like that. Her sister, Anita, seems like your typical perfect older sister. Pretty enough that dating isn't a problem, popular enough to have friends come and go, and just bitchy enough to point out your short comings over breakfast. So it's not like Caroline needs a guy just to impress the in crowd at school. Nope, a boyfriend would shut her older sister up, too.
  Thing is, Adam doesn't exist. He's Caroline's dream boy, but she hasn't met him and he certainly doesn't send her poetry laden letters every other day. Now the rest of us know that Caroline is only going to get so far with letters, even really spectacular letters, before Lila and Jessica pressure her into producing this Adam.
  This is as good a time as any to point out our B and C stories. Both involve the Wakefield twins, and give them different reasons to help or hurt Caroline when things get down and dirty.
  While trying to glom onto either twin, Caroline finds a letter from Alice Wakefield to a design firm in San Francisco, thanking them for their generous job offer and telling them she'll think about it. When Jessica pushes Caroline too far at the beach, Caroline fakes some sympathy for poor Jessica. It must be so hard to concentrate on other people's problems when you're so caught up in the potential move, huh?
  Yeah, not your best move, Caro. By pointing out that Jessica's perfect life is possibly about to come crashing down around her, you've moved straight to the top of her shit list.
  When the twins, led by overly melodramatic Jessica, confront their parents, Alice admits she's been offered the gig and she'd really like it. Ned points out that it's an incredible honor and that with the twins so close to college, it really would be a good thing for them to make more money. Now, call me crazy, but you'd think the cost of living in Frisco would off-set the major pay increase at least a little. Silly me. Anyway, the parental units are ticked when neither twin is thrilled at the thought of their entire lives being uprooted in the midst of their junior year in high school. Jess does make one possibly out of character observation. She points out that while it sucks massively just thinking about moving, what with cheerleading and all, it would KILL Elizabeth to leave Todd. It's never mentioned as a selfish, manipulative comment, and I for one would like to give Jessica the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she had to know it would guilt the 'rents, but it's also... true. And foreshadowing, but we'll make our way back there soon enough.
  The twins combine forces to convince their parents that moving would be a bad, bad, baaaaaad idea. From brochures inundating them with every possible bit of information on Sweet Valley, to nostalgic visits to various restaurants, right on through to trashing San Francisco, the twins have pretty much thought of everything.
  C story is a continued thread from a few books back. Elizabeth's entering a playwright competition and hers is based on the life of Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
  Now, since Adam doesn't exist and it's not likely that Caroline houses the soul of a poet, where has she been getting her letters? Oh, yeah, she's been lifting from Robert Browning. The smart people are snorting and saying, yeah, what are the effing odds of that? Well, it's simple. In life, particularly high school, the one thing that can unravel your pack of lies is infinitely closer than the rear view mirror would indicate.
  However, Caroline skates on, oblivious to her impending doom.
  Anyway, plots C and B combine to sink Caroline's battleship. After a night that is essentially a Taste of Sweet Valley cuisine, Elizabeth reads her family her play and Jessica realizes that parts of it sound awfully familiar. She's certain she's never read Browning's work before and the only other source of poetry in her diet has been Adam's letters. She puts two and two together and comes up with faux boyfriend.
  In a twist, Lila points out that Caroline could still be telling the truth, completely unaware that her boyfriend has been lifting his lines from a dead poet guy. Jessica all but snorts and asks, "What crack are you on, Fowler?" Lila carefully points out that there are obvious, and normal, explanations for each of Jessica's protests. Adam could have terrible handwriting, leading to him typing his letters. Since he's not doing the heavy thinking parts of the letters, his frequency in mailing them is nothing to look twice at.
  Caroline knows that she can't keep Lila and Jessica at bay for much longer with just letters, so she says she's going to Cold Springs one weekend to visit Adam. Lila and Jessica coo over this and point out that it leaves the following weekend for Adam's party. Perfect !
  Yeah, except for Adam not existing. So Caro "brings back" proof. There's the "Property of Cold Springs Athletic Department" shirt she claims is from Adam, but is really a left over from her cousin Sally's dating disaster with a Cold Springs boy. There's a newspaper picture of 'Adam', though it's from a basketball game and blurry to boot, though that came in a letter. Oh yeah, and then there's the fact that Jessica saw Caroline while she was supposedly out of town.
  Thing is, Lila and Jess are both thrown by the proof. Maybe the guy really does exist...
  Also thrown is Anita, Caroline's big sister. Caro shares the joy and fakes a phone conversation and she and Anita bond. Which is really annoying later on, given how much of a bitch Anita is the first time she shows up. It takes your little sister inventing a boyfriend for you to give her the time of day? Nice, real nice.
  Anyway, to ensure that Caroline can't use the "But Adam is broke..." excuse, Lila buys the elusive Adam a bus ticket. Nice, huh?
  Jessica also sets things up so that Liz finally hears one of Adam's letters. Liz is worried that Caro doesn't realize they aren't legit, but Caro confides that's the least of her worries. Liz points out that Caroline might have some friends if she weren't such a busy body, always poking into other people's business. Yes, you may snort with laughter now.
  Caroline begs Liz not to read her play, as that will expose Caroline as a fraud. Liz reluctantly agrees, and goes home to bitch Jessica out. Anita then busts Caroline, sort of. Seems Mama Pearce doesn't know a thing about Adam, so Caroline confesses. Anita gives her a much longer, much bitchier version of Elizabeth's speech, and Caroline realizes the error of her ways. GASP! Liz failed and bitchy eating disorder riddled older sister prevails!
  The next day, Caroline tells Elizabeth that it was wrong of her to ask Liz to not read her play, and it's okay. She's just going to have to suck it up and admit that she's a big ol' liar. Because of this, Saint Liz and her sidekick Todd resume work on Operation Rescue. Uh...huh.
  However, Caroline chickens out the first time she's given a chance to come clean, and continues to chicken out all week. Not that I blame her, but Jesus, you'd think coming clean at school would beat making a total ass of yourself at a party thrown partially in your honor. It's not like having your execution catered would make it any easier to die.
  For the party, Anita goes all out on Caroline and the girl is glowing so much that Todd gives her a fantastically backhanded compliment. At the party, Caroline decides to bypass the goodies and head straight for the guillotine. She has Lila kill the music and just as she's about to confess her lie, a handsome, 6'2", wavy brown haired, chocolate brown eyed sweetheart of a guy rushes up, apologizes for being late, and kisses Caroline for all the world to see. It seems Adam has finally arrived.
  Operation Rescue involved Todd asking a friend of his to pretend to be Adam to save Caroline the pain of being publicly humiliated. I suspect Todd agreed solely to thwart Jessica's plan for Caroline's downfall, but that's okay. Normally I'd ask what are the odds that you could find this dead ringer for a made-up boytoy, but when you think about it, it shouldn't be all that difficult. Brown-eyed brunettes aren't exactly hard to come by, and Todd knows Jerry from basketball, so odds are good that the 6'2" bit wasn't that hard to fill. But did anyone else notice that Caroline pretty much conjures up Todd Wilkins up when she creates Adam? Looks-wise, I mean. Every time she'd go on and on about his eyes, I'd think of the numerous times over the series Elizabeth would find herself lost in Todd's gaze.
  Eventually Caroline realizes that while everyone else thinks she's found someone fantastic, she's just as lonely as before, if not moreso. So she confesses and runs away. I cannot fault her for that either, as I'd have run, too. Jerry follows her, tells her he's proud of her, and they kiss for real. It's very sweet, although Caroline asking if she can come visit so quickly is a little forward and obnoxious.
  Overall, Caroline gets a happy ending after all. So do the twins. Seems that Alice and Ned turned the offer down shortly into the "YAY, SV!" blitz, but thought to teach the twins a lesson, so they didn't share the news immediately. Alls well that ends well.
  Or as close as the valley's going to let us get, at this point.


*- Not that I have a hat, but since I won't need to eat it anyway, that really doesn't matter.

Trivial Pursuit:

• Adam is 6'2", dark brown hair, warm laughing brown eyes. He lives in Cold Springs, plays baseball, and is naturally well liked. He was also on the basketball team last year. His mother is an English teacher and perfectly fine with her son's mystery girlfriend spending the weekend at their house.


• Cold Springs is about two hours away from Sweet Valley.


• Anita is Caroline's older sister. She's model thin and constantly makes Caroline feel fat because she doesn't exist on ice water and melon like Anita does. If Anita doesn't have food "issues", I'll eat my hat.*


• Anita suffers under the delusion that the twins are the nicest girls in the junior class.


• According to Caroline, Annie and Ricky's issues are as follows:Ricky promised Annie a ride in his father's white Seville Cadillac, but when he showed up for the date, it was just in his beat up old Chevy. When Annie went to the bathroom to clean herself up after an unfortunate incident involving cocktail sauce, she returned to find Ricky flirting with Maria Santelli.


• Elizabeth makes most of the jokes about Jessica's room.


• John Paine, is the director of the Hurley Group, one of the biggest firms in California. He's offered Alice a job, and even when she declines, he says he'll keep a spot for her anytime she changes her mind.


• Elizabeth based her play on "Sonnets from the Portuguese."


• Mr. Wakefield's receptionist is Mrs. Kelly.


• Jessica runs into Dennis [remember him from book nine?] while visiting her father.


• Caroline keeps Adam's stationary in her 3rd desk drawer. Said stationary is light blue, in case you wondered.


• Caroline has been lifting Adam's letters from Robert Browning: Letters, volumes one through three.


• Miss Priss Caroline finds t-shirts too low cut. Um, mid-80's shirts, no less.


• Bruce helps Regina out with a math problem, then asks her out, and she still manages to call all the shots.


• Liz buys her mother a lovely Amaryllis arrangement from Petal Pushers.


• The 'Taste of Sweet Valley' dinner includes a salad with a special Dijon mustard dressing from Season's Gourmet Shop, Veal Parmesan from Vitos, and a lemon chiffon pie from Caster's.


• The Wakefields used to eat takeout from Vito's at least once a week.


• Caroline is the only member of PBA to have perfect attendance at the meetings. Something tells me Liz and Enid have the worst in recent memory.


• Tiberino's is owned by Sal Ciardi, and it's where Ned proposed to Alice, and their go-to restaurant's for anniversaries.


• Ned is allergic to Chinese food.


• Las Palmas Canyon is twenty miles from SV.


• Elizabeth's play is called "One Woman's Romance."


• Fowler Crest is apparently now Spanish Style. Who knew?


• Jerry Fisher is a friend of Todd's, and he pretends to be Adam, but seems to genuinely like Caroline.

Quoted:

"Caroline has it coming to her anyway. I can't believe she tried to trick us! I'll admit it showed she's got more imagination than I ever gave her credit for, but that's all." Jessica defends her malicious streak. p120

"Yeah. There's something different about you tonight-and it's not just your new dress. You're pretty," he said. Todd trips over his words fantastically. p 138




  It's crucial to make your misfit likable in a story like this. Not only do you have to explain why a previously painfully obnoxious character should be pitied and understood, but you also have to make it so that you want them to rise above their past misdeeds, especially if they lack the effortless charm that other characters are graced with. And the thing is, it works, which is kind of surprising. Caroline manages to walk that fine line between previously established busy-body and misunderstood misfit.
  On the one hand, you have Caroline spreading her usual gossip all around. There are her stories about Annie and Ricky possibly breaking up because of Ricky allegedly flirting with Maria Santelli, John Pfiefer being kicked off the Oracle for consistently turning his sports copy in late, and then there's the one about Bill Chase getting help with his play from Mr. Jaworski.
  On the other hand, it's not like she intentionally tries to screw things up for people. The Annie gossip was meant as something to contribute to a conversation where she felt left out. The Bill thing was an attempt to make small talk that failed madly, and well, John's got worse coming to him in the far future, so really, he got off light.
  Anita comes off as impossible to live up to, so you feel for Caroline at home. At school she's the one person just about everyone attempts to hide from, and as the series manages to churn out spin offs like crazy, you realize this has been going on for forever. So yeah, Caroline brought a lot of this on herself, but she didn't mean to. She just happens to be her absolute worst enemy.
  The funny thing about Love Letters is that it's the first time the character makeover introduced doesn't stick. Caroline momentarily tries to be a better person in this book, and then she pretty much lapses back into her gossip-y ways fairly quickly. What little character definition she was given is snatched back and she goes back to being the stereotypical gossip hungry wannabe.

  Now I leave you with two things. One, the reissue of the book is impossible to read the back cover without your eyes starting to bleed a little. Black on bright effing blue is a bad combination for reading. Two, did Adam sign his name, or did he type that as well?



Various other banners have been updated. I think Double Love, Dear Sister, and whenever it finishes loading, When Love Dies.

When Love Dies
September 1984

What terrible secret is Tricia keeping from Steven?

The end of romance...

  The Wakefield twins' older brother, Steven, is heartbroken. His girlfriend, Tricia Martin, no longer seems interested in him. She breaks their dates and doesn't return his calls. Steven can't understand why Tricia's feelings have changed so suddenly.
  Jessica is thrilled that Steven isn't dating Tricia anymore. She sees it as the perfect opportunity to pair him with her best friend, Cara Walker. Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, thinks that scheming, gossipy Cara is all wrong for Steven. She's determined to find out the reason for Tricia's strange behavior- and horrified when she discovers the awful truth.

  When Love Dies is pretty much the pivotal moment in Steven Wakefield's life. Moreso than when Tricia actually dies [come on, look at the title. While misleading in that she's still alive at the end of this book, she's going to croak SOON] because this is when the angst cranks up to ungodly levels. But let's take a moment to back up, breathe, and start at the beginning.
  Steven Wakefield is upset. His girlfriend of the entire series thus far [though, seriously, how long has this been? Are we still in fall, did we move to spring, or what?] has been blowing him off left, right, and center. He comes home for weekends, basically just to see her, and drop off laundry for Alice to do, and she won't see him. She abruptly ends their calls, she never writes, she won't send flowers, and gosh oh golly, she probably doesn't say I love you either. Zee pain. Oh, the agony. Though to be fair, that must suck. In fact, it does suck, so I'm sorry, Steve. If it weren't for the fact that you'll obsess over this for the rest of your entire LIFE, this would break my heart.
  Anyway, no one can figure out why formerly sweet and devoted china doll Tricia is daring to be all elusive with one of the great Wakefields. Cara Walker begins spreading the word that Tricia's got a new boyfriend. Being the kind, thoughtful, and considerate little sister that she is, Jessica says as much to Steve and offers to hook him up with Cara. Which is a bit cruel as Cara really likes Steve and well, he's still hung up on his tragic girlfriend. In a fit of desperation, Steve goes to the Martins' home and pushes his way past drunk daddy [why doesn't Steve end up in jail? He's an ass at times and he lacks a lot of the bubbly charm his sisters have] to confront Tricia. She's packing and he assumes that she's going away for the weekend with some other guy. She doesn't deny this and they break up. They're both crushed, though Steve thinks Tricia's pain is because she's been caught.
  So the love birds mope around. Jessica can only stand it when she's the one moping, so she convinces Steve to go to a party at Cara's. The catch? Cara isn't throwing a party. They try and whip one up, but for two of the most popular girls in school, all they can manage is Lila Fowler*, Lila's date, Jessica, Aaron Dallas, Steve, and of course, Cara. Seriously? I could get more people to a party on short notice in high school, and I was one of the social outcasts. :P Beers are handed out because Cara's parents are out and the couples break off to go make out. Cara gets to gossiping, which is sort of what Steve wanted, and when he learns that Tricia does indeed have a new boyfriend he overcompensates. Because he's a jealous, impetuous type, Steve ropes Cara out onto the dance floor, and in an effort to prove he's so over Tricia, kisses Cara. While Cara feels the earth move and fireworks explode overhead, all Steve feels inside is cold and dead.
  Jessica skips home afterward, thrilled that her latest matchmaking ploy has worked. Liz is in shock, what could Steve see in Cara? At school, Liz runs into Tricia and they chat awkwardly about why Tricia ran off the last time Liz saw her, but before Liz can ask, "Why're you being so cold to my bestest big brother?" Cara and Jessica waltz by, discussing Steve and Cara's explosive night out. Loudly. Poor Tricia looks as if her heart is breaking, but there isn't anything anyone, even Super!Liz, can do.
  By now we know that Tricia has leukemia and is dying. It's not a maybe, could be, if we're not lucky sort of thing. This is the, aside from God coming down from on high and giving the girl a break, she's toast. Her mother died of the same thing when she was nine, and that's what led Mr. Martin to drink, and probably what led her sister Betsy to being such a skanktastic wonder. Tricia saw how it ruined her family, how it ruined her father, and she decided that she could not, would not, do that to Steve. So they broke up, and she let him hate her, so that when she dies, he won't care as much, and later on he might forgive her, but it'll be okay because he won't be as emotionally entangled as he could have been. The hard part is that this means she's essentially dying alone. I gather Tricia has NO friends at all, because they're never mentioned and you'd think one of them would know, if she had any.
  So as her heart is breaking over the thought of her boyfriend, ex or otherwise, with Cara of all people, part of her hopes that this means Steve is moving on. So she flashbacks to her dates with Steve and tries to be freakishly, superhumanly strong. *sniffle*

  This, by the way, leads us to the B story. Jessica gets wind that Jeremy Franks, a local TV celeb of sorts, is in the hospital with a broken leg. Maybe had he not skied into a tree, his leg would be fine, but when you're that handsome, well, the trees throw themselves in your way. Cara got the word from Janie McBride, a candy striper at the hospital. Jessica decides that she and Liz will finally give back to the community by becoming candy stripers, too. First she has to talk Liz into it, which is a bit more difficult than one would imagine. However, Liz crumbles as she's no match for the youngest Wakefield, and off they go to the hospital, where they both have similarly bad flashbacks. Liz remembers her coma stint and the aftermath of the accident, while Jessica remembers that she just recently drove a girl to attempted suicide. Despite this bit of foreboding, the twins enter and are quickly welcomed to the fold. Jessica gets maternity and Liz gets... some other floor that you know will house Jeremy Franks. It does, Liz meets him, and Jess is jealous. She goes to visit, and flirts. When she leans over to sign his cast, she loses her balances and reaches out, pen still in hand, and somehow manages to jab the poor guy in the knee. This is just the first of many, many horrible things. Poor Jeremy.
  Now, we know that Tricia's going in and out of the hospital, and during one of her In patient moments, Liz goes to see the new girl. They freak out, Tricia confesses that it wasn't a friend, as she'd previously said, but that she's dying and no, you nosy girl, you cannot tell Steve because it would KILL him, and that would kill Tricia even faster. Or something. Liz promises not to tell and it eats her alive. She also promises to tell Steve, after Tricia's been dead awhile, that she really did love him. This complicates matters as Liz is sure that Steve and Tricia should decide together what to do. If he wants to run for the hills, let it be his/their choice.
  So Liz angsts about this for a bit.

  Back at the hospital, Liz and Jeremy have decided that the only way to keep Jessica from spying Jeremy naked again and dropping ice water on him from shock, is for him to pursue her. He gives her roses, he flirts, and eventually he asks her to marry him. For a second it seems as if Project Hurricane is a success. Jessica freaks out and runs away. But given time to think about it, Jessica decides that maybe this will work to her advantage. So she takes him up on it. Too bad it was a bit of a joke/scheme, so he's forced to confess. Jessica agrees to forgive and forget, if he'll let her on his show, something she was angling for all along. Sneaky, sneaky.

  Mr. Collins asks Liz to tutor Max Dellon because he's going to flunk and she's Mr. C's best student. She agrees, but when she's not doing dorky back flips over this, Collins asks what's up. A little prodding later, Liz spills the beans about Tricia. Mr. C never comes out and says she should break her promise, but he does say that some promises were never meant to be kept. Liz decides she's going to tell Steve before Cara gets her hooks in any deeper. We're never really told whether Liz just thinks Cara isn't good enough for Steve, or if she just believes that Trish and Steve are her OTP. Thing is, before she can say a word to him, Steve's off.
  Cara and Steve go to a party at his dorm, where Cara makes the mistake of telling Steve that if they're to be a couple, he can't just go around thinking about Tricia all the time. This makes sense, except that if you have to say that, you have no chance of getting the guy you want, the way you want him. Steve blows up and takes her home, effectively "breaking up" without ever copping to being a couple in the works at all. Liz swoops in and tells him that Tricia still loves him and that she only broke it off with him to protect him. The rest of the story comes tumbling out and Steve is at once heartbroken and elated. Yay! Tricia loves him. Woe! She's going to die. So he runs over to the Martins and tells Tricia that he knows, and they cry and all is good.
  For a second it looks like we'll get a relatively happy ending. Tricia and Steve are joined at the hip, Jessica got her guest stint on Frankly Speaking, and Elizabeth's social calender is filled to the brim. She's on her way to the party at the Morrows after a quick study session with Max. But first she has to make it out of the hospital parking lot. She's made it to her car, all creeped out by the lack of people and the storm heading their way, when Creepy Carl, the orderly who so obviously thinks Liz is beautiful [as he's always staring at her, but rarely says much and is just creeeeeeeeeepy] knocks on her window and says their boss lady needs to see her. Liz reluctantly crawls out of the Fiat and he grabs her, chloroforms her, and gently places her on the mattress he's so thoughtfully put in the back of his creepy van.
  We're told that we have to wait an extra month to find out what happens and we fade to black.


Trivia!:

• Janie McBride is the candy striper who tells Cara about Jeremy's accident and stay at the hospital.


• Jeremy Franks is a local celebrity who hosts 'Frankly Speaking' which is a talk show. He broke his leg when he skied into a tree. Oops.


• Tricia Martin's mother died of leukemia when Tricia was nine. This tore her family apart and drove her father to drink.


• Cara's little brother is 13.


• When word gets out that the new family in the Godfrey mansion [the Morrows] is loaded and has a teenage son, what's Cara's first thought? I wonder what car he drives. My money would have been on, "I wonder if he's cute." Oh well.


• Speaking of the Godfrey Mansion, it's even better than Fowler Crest. Mr. Wakefield was Mr. Godfrey's lawyer and handles the estate now that Mr. Godfrey has died.


• Alice Wakefield was a candy striper when she was around the twins' age.


• Kurt Morrow was the star QB for the Hawks. Now he's into computers and is totally loaded.


• Jeremy Franks is in room 213.


• Tricia Martin is in room 227.


• Elizabeth decides to call her series for The Oracle about her stint at the hospital, "A Candy Striper's Journal." Um, is it just me, or is that painfully dry?


• Carl, the creepy custodian, drives a gunmetal gray Chevy van.

Quotes:
  Jessica gave a huge sigh and announced, "Life has no meaning."
  Elizabeth greeted this statement with only the tiniest flicker of surprise. After sixteen years, she was used to her twin's theatrics. p25



  "You're an angel!" Jeremy called to her as she was leaving.
  "I just hope Jessica doesn't find out about any of this," Elizabeth responded, "or I may end up getting my halo bashed in!" p81




  I won't lie. Back in the day I'd read this book and cry my eyes out. I also would read Lurlene McDaniel books and cry. Emotional masochism at it's best. It was always more about the what if of the story than the actual story itself. What if I were dying and had a really cool boyfriend. Would I tell him, or would I try and hide it until I was gone? If I'd been in Elizabeth's shoes, would I have told Steven, or would I have honored Tricia's wishes? [I'd have told him, even if I knew he'd be all screwed up later on, as he so obviously is.] I could identify with Tricia having a horrible bad hair day on the cover, as my hair desperately wanted to curl when I was in middle school. Now, I'd kill for that problem, but then I had issues. Never did have that sort of bad hair day though, thank the gods.
  I know it's coming, but when Steven says, "Trish, baby, I know," I tear up like a little girl. I hate it when anyone calls anyone who is not a baby "baby", but in this case I make an exception and sniffle like I have for years.
  As time has gone by, I can think of at least two other Jeremy's Jessica's dated. There's that jerk Jeremy [isn't it a Jeremy?] where Jess 'steals' him from Sue or whatever her name is, only he's an ass, and then there's SVH:SY Jeremy, whom I love almost as much as Sam. Not that she actually dates Mr. Franks, it's just one of those names that keeps popping up.
  Totally random, but in the earlier books, before the girls pretty much take over the Fiat, it's so weird to see Jessica and Cara [or any of the characters, really] riding the school bus. Hee.



  *- Lila is almost always referred to as 'Lila Fowler'. Not just her first intro into the book, but anytime Jess or someone says, "Hey, I spent the day with Lila" they always add her last name. It's the ultimate status symbol. I think they knock it off a bit when Cara moves out of the way as Jessica's best friend, but for now she's Lila Fowler. This amuses me, but I'm weird.

Wrong Kind of Girl
July, 1984

  Watch out, Annie Whitman! Jessica's out to get you!

  Jessica's at it again!

   Jessica Wakefield has sworn never to allow Annie Whitman onto the Sweet Valley High cheering squad. Annie may have the beauty, talent, and spirit to be a cheerleader, but she also has the worst reputation in school. She goes out with a different boy every night, and all the kids call her "easy Annie" behind her back. Jessica's pulling every devilish trick to keep Annie from ruining the cheerleaders' image.
   Only Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, knows what Annie's really like. But can she change her sister's mind before Jessica shatters Annie's dreams?

  I'll admit it. When it comes to Annie Whitman, I'm more of a Jessica than an Elizabeth. I don't think she's evil or a bad seed or anything fascinating like that, I just would prefer her kept far, far away from me whenever we're given more than a brief glimpse in her general direction. She annoys me for reasons that WKoG illustrates repeatedly.
  Ready? Annie Whitman wants to be a SVH cheerleader more than anyone could ever possibly want anything, ever in the history of the world, possibly the universe. Fallen angels wanting to return to heaven have got NOTHING on Annie's desire to join the cheerleading squad. Thing is, Annie's a moron. She lacks common sense of any flavor and is related to the talking Barbie who'd spout such wisdom as, "Math is, like, hard... and stuff?" That is essentially Annie's refrain for much of the first half of the book, but instead of 80's Barbie, imagine that she looks like Courteney Cox did in the 80's.
  In order to be one of the SVH cheer elite, you must maintain a certain GPA and Annie's as dumb as a box of rocks in the math department. She might not be [studying is good for fixing this] if not for her second strike against her: her inability to go without a date on any given day that ends in "y." For this reason, Annie has earned the nickname Easy Annie. Not much in terms of wit or any real time spent coming up with it, but it does the job. Annie likes the boys, and the boys like Annie, but they don't really like each other for long. So Annie finds a new boy, and the old boy counts himself among the many, the not so proud, Annie's dudes.
  What, you need it spelled out for you? Annie's a slut. A tramp. However you want to word it, the meaning is still the same. With a reputation like that, the co-captain of the SVH cheerleaders is a little more than worried about Annie trying out for the squad. That would be Jessica, yes. And as you've come to learn, what Jessica wants usually backfires horribly on anyone, and everyone, involved.
  You might be wondering why the cheerleaders are holding tryouts in the middle of the year for the current squad. You might not. Despite living in the South where football players die every summer due to heat exhaustion, our cheerleaders at school weren't exactly big on the tryouts and no one died to get on the squad that I know of. I think they had tryouts for the next year's squad at the end of the year sometime, but I don't know. But we're well into the school year and we shouldn't be having tryouts, yes? No! It seems sometime in the last couple of books, Lila and Cara were kicked off the squad due to a little prank that some didn't find all that hilarious. Lila says to hell with the squad, but Cara desperately wants back on. Remember, these girls are the most popular, beautiful, fantastic girls ever. Lila's rich, so she doesn't need them, but Cara's no fool. Cheerleaders are the stuff of legends. That leaves Lila's space to fill, although Jessica and Elizabeth have a cute little circular argument about whether it's really one space to fill or two. It's one. Short of breaking her neck, we all know Cara will make it back on the team. That leaves the second slot up for grabs. Jess is eying Sandy Bacon as a suitable filler, but she's got one itsy, bitsy, teeny weeny little problem.
  When Annie shows up, along with 74 other girls, on the first day of tryouts, it becomes painfully clear that the girl is good, possibly even great. She can do stuff that some of the squad's been trying to do for ages, but she makes it look effortless. The only one bothered by this display of perfection is Jessica. Either the other girls are used to being shown up, or they figure that with Annie on the team, the whole squad will be that much better. So either they're fools or fantastic girls. No one knows, and no one's given a chance to know, because Jessica moves fast. When she spies Annie heading off with Tim Bradley, she makes a comment or two towards his sister, Helen, about Easy Annie, and Helen starts to worry. Jess seems to think this alone might be enough to keep Annie from making it through the second round of cuts, but Annie's even better than before.
  Proving that Annie is a moron, she shows up to the Beach Disco with Bruce Patman. The guy's a jerk and Jessica hates him. Not winning any brownie points there, sugar. When a dance contest begins, Annie suffers under the delusion that if she does really, really well, she'll impress the other cheerleaders, especially Jessica. Has she met the younger Wakefield twin? She doesn't like anyone else, not even her own sister, to steal her spotlight. Sharing it with anyone on Bruce Patman's arm is really going to burn her. So while Annie's dying of joy over tying with Jessica in the dance contest, Jessica wishes Annie would just die.
  You might be wondering how Annie managed to get around the academic requirement for trying out. Well, she had a little help from super genius Elizabeth. Liz spends the entire book caught between the right thing and the right thing to do by her sister. It never occurs to her to tell Annie that she has a better chance of being hit by a snowball in Hell than getting on Jessica's squad, or coming up with any reason for Jessica to like Annie. Nope, she tries to get Jessica to feel for Annie, which is impossible as early Jessica only gives a damn if you're in a coma of her own design. Liz tutors Annie to keep her math grades up and begins to realize that maybe Annie actually is easy. She repeatedly goes out with the absolute wrong boys, the ones even Jessica couldn't stand for more than a night, and doesn't seem to care if anyone knows she's got two dates for one day, one of them with creepy Rick Andover.
  Liz is also a little creeped out by Annie's home life. Annie's mother, Mona, is a model, and she's also what seems to pass for an alcoholic in the SV world. Namely, if she's acting a little nutty, she's also slurring her words and is obviously well on her way to happy drunk town. She has a creepy boyfriend in the form of "Call me Johnny" who ruined the name Johnny for me forever. Well, him and another Johnny, but yeah, creepy with the leering and whatnot. Annie's got no friends, so she pours out her skanky little heart to Liz.
  She's lonely, none of the girls like her, the boys don't respect her any more than she respects them, and she can't talk to her mother because Mona's a lush who's done sort of okay by her kid, given that she had Annie at 16, got married and divorced before she was 20, and Annie's dad hasn't been in the picture since she was 13, and gosh oh golly, being one of the elite will change EVERYTHING. Liz suspects heavily that Annie's totally unaware that anyone bad mouths her, but she doesn't say, "Hey, have you thought about not entertaining everything with a penis in town? Cuz the girls kinda frown on it and the nice guys are afraid you're going to give 'em the funny syphilis, y'know?" Or the Liz-ified version, which would work too. Nope, Liz just tries to fluff Annie's ego and get the hell out of Annie's apartment before Johnny comes home. :P

  Oh, and speaking of horrible reputations, we're given a little cameo of Steven when he comes home to check on Tricia. Seems Mr. Martin hit some poor woman while he was driving drunk and is spending a couple of nights in jail. Cara is obviously interested in Steve and has been forever, but he doesn't notice her at all. Woe!

  Back to the interesting stuff. Jessica's got a plan. She knows she'll vote for Sandy, as will Jean West, who is Sandy's best friend in the whole world. That's two votes against Annie. She's fairly certain that Robin will vote however the hell she wants to, and Jess has no sway there, so she counts that as a dead end, as well as Maria Santelli's vote, since Maria's practically dying to try out flips with Annie. So she zeros in on Helen, whose brother appears to have reported back that yeah, Annie's a little slutty. No details at all are given, but Jessica points out that the fate of the SVH squad rests on Helen's pretty little shoulders. She can either keep the squad a good, clean sort of entertainment, or she can get used to people assuming she's a whore like Annie. Really, no pressure at all.
  Helen's in, and there's a wicked little scene with Jess, Jean, and Helen by the Wakefield pool, laughing at Liz and the knowledge that they already know who's the final cheerleader before the final cut. Muhahaha...
  And Jessica's little plan would have worked perfectly if only Sandy Bacon weren't such a world class klutz. She wipes out during her final tryout and everyone is sure she's blown it. Sure, they know Sandy'll get Jeannie's vote, but everyone else is expected to pick Cara and Annie. Cara makes it in, no problem. But when Helen dares to vote Annie, Jessica pulls one final massive bitch fit. If they chose to vote Annie Whitman onto the squad, they'll have to turn right around and find another cheerleader, as Jessica will quit right then and there. We're not told that Jessica's plan worked, but considering she didn't sulk the rest of the afternoon, it's a safe bet that Annie will not be getting a regulation short skirt anytime soon.
  Soooooo, Annie finds out that she didn't make the squad and she freaks the hell out. She wanted it so bad, she was so good, and my god, she even studied, how could they do this to her? Which is where Ricky Capaldo steps in to make matters worse. She badgers him until he tells her that Jessica was the one who threw the hissy fit, although he doesn't say she threatened to quit rather than spend anytime with Annie that wasn't strictly necessary. This involves having to share the legacy of Easy Annie and Annie freaks out. She runs away and is absent from school for days.
  In all the time Annie's ditching, Liz never once tries to check up on the girl, despite having spent so much time worrying about Annie/Jessica that Enid and Todd were both feeling neglected. Way to go, Liz. Way to go.
  Liz finally gets a call from Ricky who has terrible news. Annie tried to kill herself by downing a bottle of pills. GASP! Liz ropes Jessica into going with her to the hospital, and Jessica points out that Annie will NOT want to see her. Liz doesn't care, she needs her security blanket Jessica there. So off they go. At the hospital we're not really told much, but we do see Jessica begin to sob when she realizes that she's an awful person and oh yeah, Ricky thinks so too, deep down, because he asks how could anyone be so cruel, so bitchtastic... and then realizes he pushed it a little far when Jessica bursts into tears. Does Jessica feel bad for what she did, or does she feel bad for how it'll look? Dunno.
  Annie wakes up briefly, says something [possibly, "farewell, cruel world"] and slips back into her coma. Cue Super!Jessica. She confesses to Annie's doctor that it's her fault, and why, and his brilliant suggestion? Tell Annie that she's made the squad after all, but don't lie. Either let the girl die OR give her a uniform.
  And Jessica does it. Just like that, she adds another member to the squad and tells Annie all about it. It isn't until Jessica stops talking, after a late night vigil, that Annie comes to. She really wants that uniform, man.
  So Annie's a cheerleader, she's got the guy [she and Ricky are well on their way to coupledom], and Jessica proves that while she does put people in comas, she's just as good at getting them out. Super!Jessica!
  Thus the book can end with Jessica and Liz wondering, which twin gets to go to NYC and which twin is stuck showing off Suzy Devlin?

Trivia:

• SVH Cheerleading Squad before the book starts: Jessica, Robin, Lila, Cara, Helen Bradley, Maria Santelli, Jean West.


• When the book starts: Jessica, Robin, Helen, Maria, Jean


• At the end: Jessica, Robin, Helen, Maria, Jean, Sandy, Cara, Annie


• Lila and Cara were kicked off the squad after they pranked the Palisades cheer squad by turning the sprinklers on during their "cheer display."


• 75 girls tried out for the cheerleading squad.


• Rick Andover's car is a "souped up 1955 Chevy" he calls his "Campbells Special." Yeah, it wasn't cute when Liz heard it either. Stupid Annie.


• Annie's apartment is small, but lovely, if you ignore the people living inside.


• Annie was a model a few years back, when she was 13.


• Sandy Bacon is not known for her gracefulness, particularly after an incident at Lila's when she tried to impress some dude named Mark and instead of doing a complicated dive, did a belly flop instead. Hi-larious!


• Cara's had the hots for Steve for years, but he doesn't seem to know she's alive. Sadness!


• Mr. Martin [Tricia's dad] got busted for drunk driving, after he hit some woman on Palmetto Drive. He's only spending a couple of nights in jail for it, though.


• Tim Bradley is Helen's older brother. He's a senior, but that doesn't stop him from taking Annie [a sophomore] out on a date.


• The first cut for the cheerleading tryouts knocked the potentials down to 25, the second down to 8.


• Annie's infamous double date involved Billy taking her to the Dairi Burger and Rick taking her to the beach that evening for a swim.


• Mrs. Jorgenson lives down the hall and frequently loses her glasses, which Annie helps her find, much to her mother's consternation.


• Liz has known Annie for only about a year, and wouldn't consider them good friends at all.


• The Surfer's Waves are a Northern California band playing at the beach disco. See? The Droids aren't the only band in the state.


• Skip Harmon is a senior who makes it a point to not date junior girls. Jessica bets Elizabeth that he'll make an exception for her, and within a week, too. He does and Liz has to wash the Fiat.


• It isn't until Annie gets a B-minus at crunch time, and runs to Liz to thank her, that Jessica finds how whose been helping get Annie's grades up. Oddly enough, Jessica doesn't do much to kill Liz for this little act, despite Liz worrying for the last few weeks about it.


• Ricky Capaldo, the cheerleaders manager, slips a note to Annie about being one of the final eight, and when she reads it after class, she hugs him and shrieks, "Oh, Rickeeeee!" This is how poor Ricky is greeted for the rest of forever.


• When Ned and Alice explain the New York trip, and tell the girls about Suzy, for some reason we're told that Suzy is beautiful. Really? Couldn't that have waited until next book, or could one of the twins have been shown a picture, because as it stands, Ned calling Suzy beautiful is a little icky.


• Mona Whitman has a tendency to call her daughter kitten, and you know it's the 80's because she lights up in the emergency waiting area of the hospital. WTF?


• Annie's doctor is Dr. Hammond.

Say Wha?:
Jessica stomped out of the kitchen, feeling only helplessness at her brother's infatuation with Tricia. She couldn't get over the feeling that one day her brother would come to grief because of his love for that girl. - Jessica learns foreshadowing, p28
"The three major causes of the Revolutionary War," he noted in his book, "were a denial of basic rights, the Stamp Act, and Annie Whitman." I don't think that's right, Ricky. P 81
"Good heavens, Jess, she's only fifteen years old!" Liz might want to rethink that strategy when trying to call the Jess-dog off Annie's case. p108
"He's right. I am stuck up and cruel. But I didn't know she wanted it so much!" Jessica sniffled and looked pleadingly into her sister's calm eyes. It was very difficult to lie to Elizabeth when she looked at her like that. "Oh, OK, maybe I did know. Or I should have known. After all, I wanted it that much when I was trying out." p122


137:
Jessica had tried over and over again to interest Elizabeth in the cheerleading squad. "The two of us together would be sensational!" she'd told Elizabeth at least a hundred and thirty-seven times. p2



  With Annie, you belong to one of two schools of thought. You either believe that Annie's earned her nickname or she hasn't. I don't think I ever doubted for a second that Annie'd had sex with at least a couple of guys, despite the fact that she's 15 and seems genuinely shocked that anyone would hold any of her "dates" against her. The way she talks of her flings has always struck me as kind of proof that she'd fooled around a little. The interesting thing about Annie is that she's a sweetie, albeit very naive. Hooker with a heart of gold?
  That I'm okay with, although you'd think she'd have heard SOMETHING in all this time. Nope, what bothers me most is that because she didn't get what she wanted, she tried to kill herself. When she comes to, she's given exactly what she wanted and it's all okay. The hell is that? Emotional blackmail of the highest order is what. It's also terribly unrealistic. She's mentally unstable enough to try to commit suicide, but not one mention is made of seeing a shrink, and y'know what? Anytime anyone at our HS tried to kill themselves, everyone knew. They might not lose their friends or anything, but everyone knew, rumors flew, and they did not climb the social ladder immediately. If I'd been at SVH, I'd wonder how come I was fictional, and also, why did Annie get special treatment? What if she hadn't been as good, or Sandy hadn't fallen, would she have still tried to kill herself?
  Yes, I know that it was a whole bunch of stuff that sent Annie spiraling, and it's hinted with her interactions with Liz that she's horribly lonely and possibly depressed, and yeah, her mother kicks Johnny to the curb and this is what seems to make Annie bold enough to turn down the cheerleaders [for all of two seconds], but you've gotta look a bit deeper for that. The average SVH student wouldn't do that, they'd just assume she was batshit crazy.
  The funny thing about this is that later on we'll see she's still got the rep, so the only thing that changed is that she's got the uniform, too.

  The other funny thing is how Jessica treats someone who is so similar to how Jessica herself might be perceived, if she weren't so fantastically fantastic. She dates and flirts easily, like Annie, and has been spotted with some of the bad boys of SV, yet she's not given the same rep. Does Jessica hate Annie because she sees what she could be, if things were just a tiny bit different? That whole hating other people for what you hate most in yourself theory? Possibly, most likely even probably, but we're never actually told.
  Also funny? How Liz still defends Jessica's actions, even when Jess has given up the ghost. "You did what you thought was right." Yeah, not really, but you tell yourself that, Liz.

Heart Breaker
May 1984

Will Jessica break Bill's heart, too?

  Catch a wave...

 The surf's up in Sweet Valley, and gorgeous Jessica Wakefield is making a big splash with Bill Chase, the hottest surfer in town. But after she tricks him into falling madly in love with her, she ignores him completely.
  To complicate matters, shy, quiet DeeDee Gordon is also after Bill. But Jessica has the upper hand. If Bill even looks at DeeDee, Hurricane Jessica blows him off his board and back into her arms. Can Bill escape Jessica's undertow, or is he in over his head?

  Why, oh why, did no one warn Bill that Jessica was a man-eater before he fell head over heels for her? I guess warning wouldn't do much good, as hormones have a way of overriding all logic and common sense, but it might've been worth it. Of course, Todd does try to warn him later, but that's like walking up to the guy whose leg is in a bear trap and saying, "Hey, you might wanna be careful, mmkay?"
  Ah well. Heart Breaker is the tale of How Jessica Gets Revenge. Or possibly, Boys at SVH Are Stupid. As has been hinted at for the last three books or so, Bill Chase is madly in love with the Wakefield twins. He's actually more into them for their looks than anything else, which is why I didn't say he's in love with Liz [he was] or Jess [as this book'll have you believe] since they're sort of interchangeable for him. If you didn't read his character bio in the back of ANL, you just think he's a bit of a raging masochist. You see, Jess managed to sink her claws into him and he's got it bad, but she's pretty much moved on, only throwing him just enough charm to keep him still hopelessly tied to her. What he doesn't know is that Jess is just doing this all out of revenge. Seems Mr. Chase was given the opportunity last year to date Miss Jessica Wakefield and he turned her down. Since no one can do this without the world grinding to a halt and bad things happening, Jessica has decided to turn him into her bitch. And it's working.
  By the time the book has started, they've all tried out for, and gotten parts in the school's production of Splendor In the Grass, with Jess and Bill as the leads. Jess takes great delight in making Bill constantly retry their big love scene. Which makes Bill blush like crazy. Which he will do for most of the book. At first you can't tell if he knows he's being used or if he's completely oblivious to the evil that is Jessica's true nature. What you do notice is that DeeDee Gordon has an incredibly silly name [Sorry to all you DeeDees] and that she's got the hots for Bill. Before you can become too wrapped up in this particular storyline, Jessica shifts the conversation away from her way with torturing Bill to Todd's remarkably hot ex-girlfriend, Patsy Webber. Apparently Patsy went to Paris the year before and France agreed with her. She filled out in all the right places and bam, came back super model ready, possibly ready to rekindle things with Todd. So Liz is jealous. Massively so, but she tries to talk herself out of it. Todd loves Liz, he waited around while she was an awful bitch with memory problems, so why would he leave now? Oh, I dunno, maybe because Patsy could give Jessica a run for the least amount of clothing worn before the word skank is used? Still, Liz convinces herself that nothing is wrong.
  And back we go to Bill, with a cute little scene in the Wakefield kitchen. I'm a sucker for the sisterly interaction. I always wanted a sister [though I suspect that's entirely a theory, as I'd probably hate having one in reality] so when Liz and Jess are goofing off make my little dorky heart that much happier. Unfortunately, Liz still remains a complete idiot when it comes to her twin. By now she should know that if you tell Jessica that her evil plan is coming unraveled because someone else is showing interest in the guy she's currently torturing, it won't make her back off. No, it'll make her step up her game. *cheerfully strangles Liz* So Jess leaves Liz with the lake they've created in their kitchen [as well as the dishes Jess was supposed to do] and skips off to call Bill in an effort to bind him closer to her. And it works. A little while later, while Jess is out with Tom and her parents are on a movie date, Liz hears the doorbell ring. When she answers, she finds Bill looking distinctly unhappy about finding the wrong twin. Liz invites him in and then, in a move that still makes me wonder what the hell, brings him warm root beer but no glass, no ice, no nothing, all because Jessica didn't put the sodas in the fridge. Was there an ice shortage in California that year? Bill leaves, for some reason not having touched the warm root beer, after Liz has tried to gently warn him away from the hurricane that is Jessica Wakefield.
  Switching twins, we go back to Liz's problem with Patsy. Liz goes to call Todd in hopes that Todd can talk some sense into Bill [being Bill's closest and possibly only friend] but instead Todd's mother answers the phone, tells Liz that Todd isn't home, and seems to have some pity for Liz. Wait, what? Liz is convinced that this means Todd is out with Patsy and that since Patsy is 5'9", she's the perfect height to gaze into Todd's eyes and never get a crick in her neck the way Liz sometimes does, and ohmygod, they must be making out! Liz tries to calm herself down, but still feels a little strange. Damn you, writer's imagination. Damn you!

  Now, for all of you who didn't read the little bio three books back, you're given a refresher course. Bill used to live in Santa Monica before his parents got divorced. While there, he was madly in love with his girlfriend, Julianna, and things were good. They liked a lot of the same things, surfing included, although this didn't mean they never fought. Bill picked a fight with Julianna one night at a party, and to spite him, Jules hitched a ride with someone else. Bill immediately felt bad for being a jerk and vowed to call her when she got home. Too bad this tempted fate and Julianna was in an accident on the way home. She died and Bill blamed himself for it. He went a little mad, went surfing in the middle of a storm, and damn near died. He didn't, and eventually came around to the realization that if Julianna really loved him the way he was sure she did, she wouldn't want him to hurt himself. She'd want him to live, the same way he wished she had lived. Very touching, very sweet, actually. When his parents split, Bill came to Sweet Valley with his mother, and found himself seeing Julianna everywhere, particularly wherever he saw Liz Wakefield. Naturally the same thing happened when he saw Jessica, so when she asked him out, he had to say no.
  Now he still sees Julianna whenever he spies one of the twins and is thus helpless against the evil ways of Jessica. The truly standout thing about this little revelation is that Bill doesn't share it with anyone. His past is his own and he doesn't feel the need to share it with anyone, not even Liz Wakefield. Don't worry though, someone else will spill their tragic secret to Liz, so as not to cause the world to explode.
  Another fun little bit of Sweet Valley I love: When the gang hits the beach and cattiness reigns supreme, as well as stupid jokes, I'm a happy little camper. Cara's there, being a lovely study in contrasts with her blond bombshell best friend Jessica, and Liz is there as well, but again Liz proves that she knows noooooooothing. She and Cara both tease Jessica about DeeDee monopolizing Bill's time [they're down the beach and Bill's giving her surfing tips], and only Liz is really surprised when Jessica struts down the beach to reclaim Bill's affections.
  This brings us to DeeDee. She knows Bill has a huuuuuuuuuge thing for Jessica, and when push comes to shove and she has the choice to hand him over to Jessica or keep him for herself, she choses to let Bill have time alone with Jessica since that's what he so obviously wants, and what Jessica was angling for all along. Which is sweet and kind of annoying if you want your characters to fight for something or someone they want. However, it's totally believable as well, as no one in their right mind would choose to compete with Jessica if they didn't have to. With DeeDee out of the picture, Jessica is free to reclaim her property. Later, when Tom McKay shows up, Jessica sends Bill on a food run, begging the question, just how far is the Dairi Burger from the beach? Or did Bill just volunteer to go out of his way completely to get Jessica some food?
  Along with Tom, Lila, Ken, and Patsy show up. When Todd and Patsy run for the water, Liz wanders off to get her book from Todd's car, and runs into Enid who's come to the beach with Olivia and Lois. We're told that Liz doesn't really like Lois because Lois tries too hard, and Olivia's still in her radically weird phase, but it's nice to see that Enid has other friends than just Liz. Enid attempts to console Liz, but Liz is having none of it. Olivia manages to make Liz feel worse, gushing about how Patsy really got hot during her year abroad and how Todd and Patsy never really broke up, she moved and it must've fizzled, and yeah, Liv finally realizes she's stuck her foot in her mouth big time.
  Things only get worse when Elizabeth finds out that Patty does the costumes for the play and that no one told her about it before. She's not thrilled to learn that Patty got the gig because Todd recommended her, and she's sure that all the time spent with Todd cheering Bill on was just a ruse. Obviously Todd is still in love with Patsy. Obviously. When Liz does work up the courage to talk to Todd about it, she sees him rubbing suntan oil on Patsy's back, while her bikini top is untied. Say what you will, but that's a little vexing to stumble across at your own home. I'd be pissed if I saw my boyfriend essentially getting a free grope on my patio, but with some other girl. Thing is, I'd smack him or throw a soda in his face or something. Liz just turns and runs away, refusing to talk to Todd when he attempts to explain it all away.
  This continues on forever. Liz won't talk to Todd because she's sure he just wants to break up, so she just doesn't give him the chance. Girl logic is sometimes hard to explain and even harder to understand.
  Back to the other love triangle! Jess eventually learns that DeeDee's father is a big shot Hollywood agent, but she doesn't start sucking up to DeeDee. Instead, when told that DD's dad really likes one of the actors in the play, she's so sure that it must be her, that she practically gift wraps Bill for DeeDee. I should point out that this isn't such a huge leap of imagination, considering Jessica is supposed to be an amazing actress.
  Sometime in the midst of Elizabeth's angst, she decides to head to her dad's office to interview the guy who owns the building, and instead she runs into Roger Barret. He's been popping up throughout the book, given that he's in the play and in love with Lila [also in the play] but this time he's popping up because he works as a janitor in the building. Poor, poor Roger. No, really, he's so poor that if he doesn't work, his family cannot pay the bills.
  Back to the play! Naturally, DeeDee's father is fawning all over Bill, not Jessica, and Jessica decides that if she can't be the star, she'll deal with being the star's girlfriend. DeeDee steps aside again, bonds with Roger for a moment, and shows up at Lila's party just in time to overhear Bill tell Jessica that her moment has passed and that he's with DeeDee now.
  Wherein we learn that while Jessica doesn't blush often, but when she does, it's a full Technicolor event. To cap off her bad night, it seems Tom McKay has deflected to the Patsy Webber side. Though if Patsy's all over Tom, then doesn't that mean...
  Why yes, yes it does. It means Liz was wrong about Todd and Patsy, which Todd manages to tell her when he grabs hold of her and tells her so. Aww, how sweet. Sort of. If a little creepy all at the same time...

Trivia:

• The play in question this go round is Splendor In the Grass, with Jessica and Bill as leads.


• Also in the play: Lila, Roger, DeeDee, Lois


• DeeDee's parents are divorced and her dad [the talent agent] lives in L.A.


• Bill's parents are also divorced, but his dad is a forest ranger in Idaho.


• DeeDee placed 3rd in the surfing championship.


• Roger and Elizabeth share one class; chemistry.


• Mr. Pendergast owns the building where Mr. Wakefield and Roger both work.


• Jessica bragged that she would get Bruce Patman to take her to the Sophomore Fling, but he asked Lila instead.


• Liz was sick the entire week leading up to the play, though it's possible she sort of made herself sick, obsessing over Todd as she was.


• Julianne's only real resemblance to the Wakefields seems to be that she was blond, blue eyed, and probably tanned.


• Patsy was really skinny when she and Todd were dating, but in the year she's spent in Paris, she filled out nicely, so much so that she was a model. She's 5'9", red hair, and manages to walk the fine line between sleazy and hot without falling into the skanky territory. Also was friends with Olivia's cousin Amy, who lived down the street from the Webbers when Patsy lived in Palisades.


• Jessica hates onions. [yay, Jess!]


• DeeDee was chubby when she was younger, and now she thinks the mysterious Roger is a spy. Or, you know, could be.


• Liz subscribes to the theory that it's okay for her to badmouth her sister, but no one else is allowed to. This I completely understand, and I think most people do as well.


• Without her glasses, Lois Waller is blind as a bat.


• Mr. Jaworksi teaches drama.


• The book is dedicated to Marian Woodruff. Gee, I wonder where Sam's last name came from...

Quote-a-liscious:
"It's not your fault that kissing me is such a deadly chore." Jessica teases Bill, p2
"Since when is turning you down for a date a federal crime?" - Liz, p14
How was it that whenever Jessica tried to console her, she always ended up feeling worse? Liz, p70

137:
"Oh, Bill it'll take a hundred and thirty-seven years to learn all this..." p32




  Yet another book that makes it clear that if you get in Jessica's way, bad things will temporarily happen to you. This book has the distinction of being one of the few that doesn't really involve Jess getting herself or someone else into a scrape and then expecting Liz to bail her out, or letting Liz bail the other person out. Sure, there's that brief scene with Bill and the root beer [come on, Liz, ice! Root beer ain't yummy warm] but otherwise, Liz is too busy worrying about Todd to get involved with anyone else's problems.
  Which brings me to this: Why does Enid never step in when Liz is being a complete idiot? They're in high school and I distinctly remember high school romances and friendships would overlap so that when you and your boyfriend were having a stupid fight that everyone else knew was idiotic, your friend would step in and clue the guy in, and then he'd clue you in, or she'd do so. Sure, sometimes it would get messy as hell, but in this case it should have worked. Yet Enid never does, so... why? Is it because Enid doesn't care? That she was upset that Liz would rather go to the beach with Cara, Jessica, and Todd than with her? Are HS politics such as this beneath her? Or was it simply that the book couldn't survive under the Bill/Jessica/DeeDee triangle alone? We may never know.
  Cover note: Bill looks entirely too old and a little disproportionate to Jessica on the cover. Like she's an evil, snotty doll and he's an actual person.