the_oracle

Starring Jessica!
January 1991


The spotlight is on Jessica-or is it?

Choose me!



   When TV talk-show host Eric Parker comes to Sweet Valley and announces a contest to find the perfect American teen, Jessica Wakefield vows to win the coveted spot as Eric's special TV guest. She's meant to be a star! Then Lila Fowler, Jessica's best friend, announces she's going to win the spot, and the contest becomes a battle of wills and wits.
 With the help of Bruce Patman, who has his own score to settle with Jessica, Lila devises a brilliant scheme to ruin Jessica's shot at stardom. Will Jessica have her moment in the limelight, or will Lila succeed in stealing the show?


Full disclosure: We're entering a stretch of SVH that is pretty spotty, memory-wise, for me. Some of these books I remember bits and pieces of and some I suspect I'll remember more once I actually crack into them. I'm not sure why there's a memory lapse other than kid!me probably didn't re-read these as many times. Possibly because the library didn't have as many copies or my branch didn't anyway and also definitely because I don't have multiple copies of most of these running around from that whole "book of the month" thing.


   Anyway, Starring Jessica is kinda odd right off the bat. I need you to take a good, hard look at that cover. Does Jessica not seem kinda punchable? Kid!me was never a fan of this cover and that's about all I remember from this book beyond her scheming. But really, you could pick up almost any SVH book and find Jessica scheming. :P I will say this for the cover though: it matches the outfit worn in The Interview. But we'll come back to this later.

  In the last book, Jessica was all hyped up to land the guest spot on a special Sweet Valley episode of Eric Parker's talk show. Eric Parker is apparently some talk show host with a weekly show who graduated from SVH fifteen years ago and is now doing a special "All American Teen" episode. So he's looking for the perfect ordinary American teen. And who's more ordinary perfect than Jessica Wakefield?
Gotta admit, this is probably the other part where my brain just short circuits trying to reconcile the in world fiction with how the twins are perceived out here in reality. Still, in both Jessica isn't exactly average, though I guess with Jessica there's nothing that says she can't be stunningly popular and still be in the running. Otherwise, I suppose her grades are probably good but not Liz Wakefield levels, she's decently well rounded even though this book forgets the summer running theme of her working at a newspaper in an effort to push a Liz is jealous storyline... but I still feel like Cara, Olivia, or Winston or just about anyone else would've been a better fit for the whole "average" teen. Jessica is one of the freakin' stars of the school. Hell, if you stripped Lila's money from the equation, she's still a better fit. But of course we would never do that.

  Running against Jessica are Lila and Winston. Cara and quite a few others are also mentioned, but really Lila and Win get the most screen time. Lila technically doesn't lie on her application, but she does stretch the truth to its very limits and forgets to mention that her father's money is bankrolling whatever parts of town the Patman's money isn't.

   Jessica is outraged that Lila would be so deceitful and it's kinda funny how worked up Jess gets over this. Jess isn't above doing the same thing in nearly any other situation, but since we're supposed to root for her, she decides to approach this far more truthfully. When she eagerly fills out her application, she quickly realizes that on paper she seems, dare I say it, kind of shallow. It's this moment that allows me to buy that Jessica's not willing to outright lie on her application- she wants to win on her own merits, even if they are a bit exaggerated. Still, she needs a baseline before she can exaggerate, so she turns to Liz to help her with her application.

  Liz takes Jessica's brief existential crisis in stride and points out things Jessica's forgotten, like her babysitting experience and that time she was a candy-striper, and later even offers something new: Penny's looking for something new for The Oracle and Liz is sure Jessica could come up with something good. Jessica takes two seconds to think about it before asking Liz for Penny's number. When Penny agrees to let Jess submit a piece, she also asks what Jessica's got in mind. Jessica falters for two seconds before coming up with "The Worst Dates Of My Life" and Penny loves it. She loves it so much that Elizabeth can't help but feel more than a little jealous that Penny thinks it's perfect as is, and Liz can't remember Penny ever saying such a thing about Elizabeth's writing. To be fair, Liz, you did help Jessica and convinced her to change the names to protect the guilty. You just couldn't convince her to come up with harder to figure out aliases.

   Much like Bruce Patman's Guide To Dating, I would very much like to read the entirety of Jessica's article. Alas, we're just given a glimpse or two and some of the references, like Winston and Jess being stranded on an island, or the callback to Magenta Galaxy. Jessica can't resist the urge to take a little creative license and describes kissing Bruce like kissing a dead jellyfish. Liz worries that Bruce is going to be understandably upset, but Jess isn't because of all the guys at school, Bruce is the one who could stand to be taken down a peg or fifteen.

  Yeah. For some reason Bruce is not overjoyed to have everyone taunting him with jellyfish cracks and in a blinding stroke of coincidence, there's an after school extra credit lecture for juniors and seniors and what do we begin with? Jellyfish.

   Bruce vows revenge.


  Also vowing revenge? Lila Fowler. You see, because our book required a little more tension, instead of just announcing the winner, Eric comes to down and has to interview the six finalists because they were all just SO GOOD. There's a great scene where Jessica's name is called first and she's overjoyed and Lila is most decidedly not, and you can tell she's getting madder and madder as each name is called. Lila's name is called last and Jessica is just so unbelievably happy that they both made it that they hug and kind of dance around and it's adorable and this is why I love Jessica and Lila. For a brief nanosecond, they're adorable and my heart can't take it. Naturally they spring apart and immediately decide that none of the other finalists are threats. They shouldn't be right, as Winston, Olivia, Jim Roberts (the photography buff) and Patty Gilbert are all interesting in their own way. Hell, of the six who made the cut, only Winston is one I'd consider average. Olivia's an ~artiste~ even if Lila and Jessica dismiss her as a newspaper editor instead, Patty's a dancer, and Jim's an accomplished photographer. Winston was right at the start of the book when he worried that Elizabeth, should she choose to apply, would've won hands down.

   I digress. Because we need more proof of Lila being devious, the site of the interview changes from the conference room to the SVH auditorium since that's where the actual taping will occur. A note is left on the conference room door and instead of leaving someone trustworthy there to tell people, they rely on a note. Which works until Lila sneaks back by after Olivia's interview and takes the note down so that Jessica, who had the final interview, is none the wiser. Naturally things don't go as planned and Jess runs into Olivia who tells her about the switch. Jessica rushes to her interview and nails it, even managing to get 20 minutes while everyone else was given fifteen. Since Jessica is also no fool, she realizes that Lila tried to sabotage her, so she returns the favor by making sure to not-so-casually mention that the hospital where she volunteered (Eric brought it up) is the Joshua Fowler Memorial Hospital and gosh, is Lila back from Hong Kong already? That girl really does get to travel everywhere, what with daddy being so rich.

  Book. BOOK. You're telling me this guy didn't have an intern or something do background on these kids? Or that someone from Sweet Valley wouldn't have known the name Fowler? Seriously? Oi. I might even buy that if Eric hadn't been spending the last however long in town. Hell, taking five minutes to talk to Chrome Dome or I dunno, Mr. Collins (or any of the teachers) would have helped. Thing is, Lila's wealth couldn't have mattered too much because she's named Jessica's alternate when Jessica is announced the winner.

   But the book can't help itself and Jessica goes from incredibly charming (and she really is throughout a lot of this book) to incredibly stupid as she takes every single opportunity to rub Lila's face in the fact that Lila is only the first runner up and Jessica got the prize. I'm pretty sure there are transfer freshmen who could tell you not to piss Lila off because if you do, she will get revenge. Initially Lila grits her teeth and tries to fake smile her way through congratulating Jessica but Jess immediately pushes too far. So, like I said, Lila vows revenge.

  Which will lead us to the most glorious moment in this book: Lila and Bruce hook team up!

  But I need to address our B plot first.

   When Jessica's article finally comes out, it's an immediate smash hit. It's funny and well written and people love it, even those who find themselves mentioned in it- with one notable exception, that is. For a second Jessica worries that maybe it'll bite her in the ass when one of the guys she's dated in the past calls out to congratulate her but also says, possibly not joking either, that he'd been thinking about asking her out again but doesn't want to appear in part two. Liz points out that she'd like to see the day when the boys aren't lined up to ask Jessica out and all is right in Jessica's world.

  Liz, however, is rattled. She can't help but be jealous over how easily Jessica managed to knock out an amazing piece of writing- something Liz has been struggling with recently. She couldn't really get a handle on her article on Claire, and while that was more Claire being evasive, it still bugs Liz. She also worries that had she actually applied for the talk show gig, she might not have been well rounded enough, as a good chunk of her extracurriculars are literary based. When Todd and Jessica point out that Liz likes literary based things, she admits that maybe Jessica was right when she said that perfection for the twins is somewhere in the middle of fun at almost all costs Jessica and grade-A grind Elizabeth. Not that she puts it in those terms, but she does say she wants to branch out, maybe do something less in the writing field. Perhaps something to do with her burgeoning interest in environmentalism.

  Enid, sensing that Liz might be on the verge of another "take up something wacky like surfing" arc, mentions that she heard about a junior ranger program out at Secca Lake and she was going to look into. She invites Liz to join her and I wish, wish, wish that the ghosty had mentioned that Enid just broke up with her boyfriend, but Hugh and the breakup are never mentioned once this entire book, even though Enid makes more than one joke about appreciating the eye candy at the lake. I would have happily settled for Enid being happy to get to spend more time with Liz, but that doesn't really get stated either.

   Instead, Enid and Elizabeth pass their test and become two of the twelve junior rangers, and right away Liz is tapped to be Don's (the senior ranger in charge of this whole program) assistant. Because of course she does. This leads to Liz feeling increasingly torn between her gig at Secca Lake and her writing for The Oracle. For the first time ever, she has to turn down an assignment and it doesn't sit well with her. Enid points out that Elizabeth wanted to branch out beyond her writing and in doing so, there will be growing pains.

  Since we need things to return to normal though, Liz finds that her Secca Lake gig is physically exhausting and between her busy social life (or Jessica's demands on her time while also refusing to help out with the housework), homework, and writing, she's just spread too thin. Particularly since Don keeps calling her out to help out at the Lake and Liz can't say no since she agreed to be his assistant. Also, Liz isn't good at saying no to people in general, let's be honest.

  Luckily for Liz, when she agrees to help Jessica practice her interview, even though she's dead tired, she remembers why she loves journalism so much. She loves finding the story and finding out what makes someone tick. We could've told you that, Liz,but I get it. She also has a nice moment where she realizes that Jessica being good at writing, even a one-off, and Liz helping her, didn't take anything away from Liz. Scoff if you will, but remember that this is basically the message hammered home years later in Mean Girls. And people love their Mean Girls. (And by people I mean me.)



   Now, I believe I promised you the Bruce Patman and Lila Fowler hook team up? Yup. Lila decides that to make Jessica pay properly, she's going to need some help. Much as it kills her, she realizes that Bruce is the most obvious ally at the moment, what with the jellyfish thing. So she ditches Amy at the DB and heads back to school in order to meet up with Bruce after tennis practice. She doesn't even consider mocking him even a little (gasp) and goes right into her proposal. Bruce is intrigued by Lila's deviousness and agrees that with a lot of luck, they might just get back at Jessica.

  Alas, Lila's plan is far from brilliant though technically it works. She calls Jessica up Thursday night and says that she's thought about it and she's sorry for being such a bad friend and to make it up to Jess, she'd really like to go shopping for the perfect outfit for Jess to wear for her big break. And Jessica falls for it because she misses Lila, too. So Jess cancels her shopping trip with her mother (poor Alice) and agrees to head out with Lila the following day. Which, btw, is the day of the show. Uh oh.

  Lila convinces Jess that the perfect outfit is in Cold Springs, a town an hour away. Jessica's not exactly thrilled because she needs to be at the SVH auditorium, ready to go, at 7pm. Lila points out they'll be back at 5:30, 6pm at the latest. Which is BS as they don't leave til 3pm. You can't convince me that these two shopaholics will find something in less than half an hour, but since we all know Lila's up to something, fine. There's a stupid slip where Lila practically cackles and says You'll be sorry! when Jess agrees, but Jess isn't really paying attention. Jess, you kinda deserve what's about to happen. *facepalm*

  Lila takes Jess to The Lido, and almost immediately they find an outfit that appeals to Jessica. Lila convinces her to try it on and when Jessica goes to head to the dressing room, Li also volunteers to hold her purse. As soon as Jessica's back is turned, Lila scurries out the door and drives away, leaving Jessica stranded. Jess runs out after Lila and the clerks, who've been eying Jessica this whole time, immediately pounce. The cops are called before Jess even manages to run out the door ... because earlier that afternoon a Detective Tapnam called to warn them of a blonde matching Jessica's exact description who had been shoplifting from stores in the area.

  How often are we subjected to being told that Liz and Jessica are the ultimate California dream girls, what with their tans and blonde hair, and blue-green eyes? I'm pretty sure a zillion girls match the same description, though I suppose this all hinges on the fact that high school girls don't typically shop at The Lido? I dunno. Lila didn't need Bruce for this, honestly, as all he did was make a phone call. Lila could've done that. But then we would've been robbed of the next glorious moment.

   Lila practically flies back to Sweet Valley, high on her successful ditching of Jessica. What with the cops interrogating her and the distance, there's no way in hell Jessica will make it back home in time to be on Eric's show. Lila will go on and everything will be perfect. Revenge is exhilarating. She shows up at Patman Manor and finds Bruce climbing out of the pool, so she takes a moment to appreciate the view. She then gives him a thumbs up and says mission accomplished and with any luck, Jess might even be behind bars. Bruce is elated and swings Lila around in celebration and in the distance you can hear a thousand 'shipper hearts take flight. The pair take fiendish delight in the thought of Jessica missing her big break and Lila hugs Bruce. He puts his arms around her and then, for one brief shining moment, the two kiss.

  They immediately spring apart, with Bruce very nearly toppling back into the pool, and Lila plays it off like it's no big deal, but you can tell that Lila most definitely does not think Bruce kisses like a jellyfish, dead or otherwise. And Bruce is equally thrown and my god, this scene erases any and all sins in the rest of the book because um, yeah. Lila and Bruce kiss.


   So, where were we? Oh, yeah. Jessica's stuck at the Cold Springs PD along with the manager of The Lido and two sergeants. Jessica repeats that she didn't mean to steal or even give the impression of it, it was all some stupid prank her friend cooked up and you've just gotta believe her. The cops don't seem all that inclined to see things her way until Mrs. Loring flat out says she doesn't believe Jessica, especially considering that call she got from Detective Tapnam earlier. The cops are confused as not only is there no Tapnam on the force, but there hasn't been a shoplifter in town for weeks now. (I assure you, boys, there's always a shoplifter. People steal all the friggin' time.) Eventually they all believe Jessica, with Mrs. Loring willing to drop charges provided Jessica never darken her doorstep again. Not a problem, lady. Jessica's heartbroken though, as she has no chance of making it home in time to be on Eric Parker's show. She calls home and gets Liz and she wails. Elizabeth tells Jessica to just get home ASAP- Liz has a plan.

  Remember how I mentioned the cover looked rather punchable? That's because that's Elizabeth pretending to be Jessica, which explains the weirdness in the smile. For me, anyway. The rest of you are probably like, "the cover's fine, shut up about it already." to which I say fair enough.

  So yeah, Liz races to the auditorium just in time for Eric Parker to tell Lila to get ready to go on, as obviously Jessica has flaked. Liz waits til Lila is in the dressing room and then she wedges a chair under the door handle and finds Eric, playing up Jessica's total inability to be on time. Eric laughs when he remembers that she was also late to the interview and they head out to begin the show.

   Jessica arrives just before the show ends and despite not wanting to see Lila shine in what should be Jessica's spotlight, she trusts Elizabeth and sneaks in... to see Elizabeth pulling a twin switch. I love that it's not until she sees Liz in action does it occur to Jessica that this is what her twin had planned. Jess sneaks backstage and avoids Lila before Liz appears and commands a twin switch. It takes her a moment, but Jessica realizes that Liz fully intends to let Jessica bask in the spotlight, even if Liz was the one who gave the interview. After the switch, and people begin congratulating her, Jessica spies Lila and braces for a confrontation. Instead, Lila lays into Bruce for fowling up the plan and their blow-up ends with Lila shrieking about Jessica being right- Bruce does kiss like a jellyfish. Jessica wonders briefly how Lila would know and then is plunged back into the spotlight. Still, while we know Jessica wasn't the Wakefield on TV, Lila doesn't, so Jessica snatches Lila's keys and tosses them up in the air, where they land in a rolled up curtain. Lila panics about how she'll get home and Jessica says it's not her problem.

  To wrap things up, Liz steps down from the rangers and instead chooses to write about them in the hopes of sparking interest in her readers. She realizes there's a fine line between well rounded and over-extended and with her passion for writing back, she's fine in at The Oracle.

  Amy and Cara finally tire of being stuck in the middle of Jessica and Lila's war, so they declare a ceasefire. If Lila and Jessica refuse to makeup, then Cara and Amy will declare war on them... and honestly, I don't blame Lila and Jess for immediately folding. Much as I mock SVH Amy, I would not want her working against me alongside Cara. Those two could create so many problems if not for Cara's newfound morality. Also, Jess and Lila miss one another and so the friendship is fixed. I suppose when you spend half your time backstabbing one another, you can't hold too many grudges. Yay, friendship?

  We end with more gushing about Jamie Peters's new music and the appearance of Andrea Slade, a new transfer student who happens to be wearing the exact skirt Jessica's been coveting all book long. Lila immediately thinks she's uninteresting but Jessica's not so sure. We end our book on a ridiculous note:
Is there anything interesting about the mysterious Andrea Slade? Find out in Sweet Valley High #72, ROCK STAR'S GIRL

Gee. I wonder what that could be about.



Trivia:

• Eric Parker is a talk show host from Sweet Valley. He graduated from SVH 15 years ago and most of his teachers have moved on. He's got jet black hair, smoky gray eyes, and a chiseled bronze face. Also, the whitest smile ever, though he doesn't seem to be a jerk which is a nice change.


• Eric's weekly talk show is normally filmed in NYC but since he's shooting a segment called "Growing Up In America" he decided to choose an ordinary student from his old high school to interview.


• Amy starts eying Tom McKay this book even though he's still with Jean West. Amy thinks he's going to break up with Jean because he's looking for "Miss Right." Ahem.


• Dyan Sutton isn't a big fan of Eric Parker.


• When referencing the events of FaF, instead of calling a hate crime or even calling Charlie Cashman out for being a racist, we get this gem instead: "racially motivated disturbance." I kid you not.


• Winston doesn't seem as worried about Lila and Jessica applying as he is about the possibility of Elizabeth throwing her hat into the ring. Liz and Todd aren't interested though.


• References to previous books include: the "racially motivated disturbance" (my head might never stop hurting from me rolling my eyes), Tofu-Glo, Jessica's stint as a candy striper to get to Jeremy Frank, Jessica and Lila taking that cooking class, Jess and Win being lost at sea, Magenta Galaxy and the whole computer dating agency, Ned Wakefield's run for office and the break in his marriage, and Liz's attempt at surfing.


• Liz apparently uses a table as a desk and it's big enough for Jess to just sit down next to Liz, no problem.


• Lila was kicked off the cheer squad due to a prank.


• Jessica's article is "The Worst Dates of My Life."


• When changing names, Winston becomes Kevin Klutz and Bruce is Reginald Rich.


• Liz suggests that Penny print Jessica's article alongside Elizabeth's Eyes and Ears column on page four.


• Cara is downgraded from her usual spot as Jessica's best friend to merely a "good friend" of Jessica's who happens to date Steve.


• Applicants for the show: Jessica, Lila, Winston, Robin, Maria Santelli, Cara, Ken, Aaron, Dana, Bill Chase, DeeDee Gordon, Olivia Davidson, Patty Gilbert, and Jim Roberts.


• Don Wolff is a married graduate from the University of California (three years ago), with a degree in forestry, with a particular interest in environmental education. Enid thinks he's cute.


• In order to become a junior ranger, you have to score 100% on the test.


• Jessica's new picture of Jamie Peters came from Flipside magazine.


• Jessica's favorite song from his last album is "Barefoot Girl" and she and Lila both like to pretend he's singing it to them.


• Jessica, Lila, Winston, Olivia, Patty Gilbert, and Jim Roberts make the final cut, though Jess doesn't even know who Jim is.


• Lila has the first interview at 2:30, Olivia has the fifth at 3:30, and Jessica has the sixth at 3:45. I like that there's no taking into account the time for one person to leave and another to arrive.


• When it's mentioned that Eric gets the key to the city from the Mayor, it's never mentioned that the Mayor is Maria Santelli's father... even though we hear a lot of about Ned's run for office.


• Penny wanted Liz to cover the student government fund raiser and for the first time in her stint at The Oracle, Liz had to turn down an assignment. She didn't really want to do it either and I can't blame her as it sounds boring as hell.


• Only 12 applicants made junior ranger, including Liz and Enid.


• Secca Lake is fed by a stream that travels through an industrial area. Ten years ago, SV residents lobbied for a cleanup which led to the lake being safe to swim in again. Funny how that never comes up as a relatively recent event in SVT or SVK, as far as I know.


• Don picks Liz as his "informal chief of operations."


• Each junior ranger has two shifts a week: one weekend and one during the week.


• They offer a 4pm nature walk and a sunset tour which lasts from 7pm to 9pm. That seems like a bit much but what do I know.


• Secca Lake is a little less than half an hour away from the Wakefield's house.


• Danny Stauffer says he doesn't want to make Jessica's Part 2 right after Jess thinks to herself how cute he is.


• There's an extra credit after school science lecture for juniors and seniors being led by Mr. Russo and the first thing up on the docket? Jellyfish. All eyes are on Bruce.


• Despite Jess admitting she took liberties with her article, Amy agrees that Bruce kisses a bit like a dead jellyfish. To be fair, Amy's still shown to be pretty petty about Bruce.


• Liz thinks of Jessica as Lila's best friend.


• Liz is leading a Nature Education workshop for 6-8 year olds Thursday afternoon when it's pouring.


• The Lido is a little boutique in Cold Springs that carries clothes from Paris and Milan, "one-of-a-kind creations." Mrs. Loring is the store manager.


• Bruce pretends to be Detective Tapnam when alerting the Lido staff to the shoplifter.


• Sergeants Brown and Markowitz show up to bust Jessica.


• Don Wolff seems to want to make Liz a senior ranger after like, a week. That's insane.


• Jessica's eating a turkey sandwich with avocado and sprouts when Cara and Amy drag her away to makeup with Lila.


• Andrea Slade is a new junior.


• Other newbies that Penny wants put in at the end of the E&E column: a few new students and two teachers and a guidance counselor moving up from the middle school.

Quotes:
"If only I were a little more like you," she told Elizabeth now. "I mean, mostly like me, but with a little of your nerdiness thrown in for balance." - p16/17

"Filming a show here is great PR for Sweet Valley," Bill Chase pointed out. "It's just good politics to give the guy the key to the city and all that."
"I wish it was the key to my house," Lila said rapturously.
"So do I," declared Jessica. "Then he'd see where you live and realize that your application is a bunch of baloney and that you're not Little Miss Average after all!" - First, yay for Bill not being dumb and second, I snickered at this. p32

"So who's our competition again?" asked Lila coolly.
"Winston, Patty, Olivia, and Jim Roberts," Jessica recited.
Lila ticked them off on her fingers dismissively. "School clown, dancer, arts editor, photography buff. A classic bunch of nerds." pg47


"I always knew you had an evil streak, Lila, but this time you've really outdone yourself." - high praise from Bruce Patman. p91

"Jessica, you'll be a complete success. Aren't you always?"
Ten seconds had not been long enough to blunt the edge in Elizabeth's voice. Jessica stared at her twin. "No, I'm not always a success," she said matter-of-factly. "I said I was well-rounded- I never said I was perfect. You should know that better than anyone, that there are plenty of times when I need help." - p97

Jessica smiled in anticipation. No doubt about it, growing up in American is pretty fantastic when a sixteen-year-old can end up on TV just talking about what it's like! - I'll take passages that haven't aged well for 200, Alex. p106


She had not lost anything these past few weeks by helping Jessica to be the best person she could possibly be. Jessica's triumphs did not take anything away from Elizabeth.
"Shut up and strip!" - This realization followed by Liz's order crack me up. p138

"If she's worth knowing, she'll find her way to us sooner or later," Todd joked. - I mean, he's not wrong. p145


The Worst Dates Of My Life:
"Whoever said 'Chivalry is dead' and 'It's a jungle out there' must have had the Sweet Valley High dating scene in mind." - this is how The Worst Dates Of My Life begins and I need more, Jessica. p19
"The worst dates are with the type of guy who thinks wearing too much expensive cologne and throwing around a lot of money can make up for the fact that all he does is talk about himself. Bruce Patman falls into this category. I thought it would be fun to go parking in his black Porsche- until I discovered he kisses like a dead jellyfish!" - Don't hold back, Wakefield, tell us how you really feel.



Fashion:
The cropped cherry-red top had big gold buttons, a white sailor-style collar, and a matching miniskirt. - Jess falls in love at first sight and Lila describes it as Very French. Sharp, but not too dressy.

She pulled a short black skirt from a hanger, grabbed a white tank top from the pile on Jessica's bed, and pulled a boxy turquoise jacket off the back of a chair. In a few minutes, Elizabeth was dressed in her twin's clothes. She scrunched up the sleeves of the loose jacket, removed her watch, and put on a silver and turquoise bracelet and a pair of matching earrings.






   This book is SO close to being fantastically good but it misses by just enough to be extremely frustrating. Lila and Bruce's kiss almost seems like it's from another book, the way it's written and presented, but it's also very much what I would consider classic SVH in terms of romance. Which I mean in the BEST possible way. But way back in Playing With Fire, we're told that "Lila had had a brief fling with the handsome, dark-haired senior some months earlier and considered herself an expert on him." (I have got to stop doubting my memory on SVH trivia.) We're told this as Jessica is getting tips on snagging Bruce from Lila, so why are we pretending that never happened in a book that LOVES to reference other books?

  I touched on this previously, but I also wish we'd gotten a little more Enid in the book, or at least one mention of her breakup or even just wanting to spend more time with Liz because of the breakup. Instead we get a lot of Enid making comments about finding Don or the lifeguards pretty attractive but that's about it. I do really love a scene at the Wakefields where Todd, Enid, and the twins are having dinner, and it's not awkward or weird so it's clearly a thing that's happened quite a bit at this point. Jess isn't being snarky and the four of them actually work pretty well and while I'd love to see more of this kind of thing, I also get why we don't. It's something that clearly happens between books or scenes but doesn't really need to work its way into most of the books. But I love it.

  This is also the book to point to later when Liz goes on her eco kick and joins Dawn Schafer in being unbearable in their pursuit of saving the world. Though given the state of the actual world right now, maybe they weren't militant enough. o_O But yeah, Jessica laments that Liz makes her scrub out the dog food cans for recycling and it's cute. My only real problems with Elizabeth's subplot are how of COURSE she's the person picked as Don's assistant, even though Enid seemed just as likely a choice, and how quickly Liz burns out. Seriously, it's an almost immediate thing, which I get is because the book is only so long and we only cover a couple of weeks but still. It's ridiculously quick and makes no sense, really. So again, we're so close and yet so far.

   The best thing that isn't the Bruce/Lila pool scene, is probably how charming Jessica is for a good chunk of the book. If you ignore her feud with Lila, there are quite a few moments where you get why Jessica is so well regarded at school. She and Lila bond cutely over a new photo of Jaime Peters that Jessica has added to her locker shrine and they both adore the same song on his last album. When Winston mentions that he could be mad about making Jessica's article, she sunnily points out that it wasn't Winston that was the problem with the date, but the circumstances. That's right, Jessica Wakefield admitted to kind of thinking of that as a date and also that Winston wasn't the problem in that scenario. Her fears over messing up in the interview are kinda adorable (probably because like Liz, we don't believe for a second that's going to be an issue) as is her freakout over possibly being just a bit shallow.

  Unlike a lot of the early SVH books where we're told how charming Jessica is but are rarely shown anything all that charming beyond a winning smile and a pleading Lizzie!, this Jessica actually walks the walk. Unless you're Bruce or Lila and then all bets are off. Which is a problem. Jessica goads Lila immediately and doesn't let up, even when people point out that it's long past being cute or acceptable. She pretends that Lila knows it's all in fun but Jessica can't be stupid enough to really believe that. She's just still pissed about Lila trying to trick her way into winning and then outright trying to knock Jessica out of the competition. Which is fair enough, except Jess and Lila do this shit all the time. It's why they can make up at the end and not have it seem *too* weird. But she should also know there are limits as to how far you can push people.
  The Bruce thing... eh. He's an ass and I can see Penny letting it slide but that's also part of the problem, in that everyone takes a chance to take a crack at him at some point and that's not entirely right either. I'm calling this a wash though, mostly because of the team-up which requires the mockery. I do wish they'd played that out a little more, though.

   Overall, there's some legitimately good stuff to be found here, especially if you enjoy the good 'ship Bruce/Lila.

Teacher Crush
August 1989


Has Olivia met the man of her dreams?

Madly in love...


  Pretty and talented Olivia Davidson has always seemed independent. So it comes as a total surprise to Elizabeth Wakefield when Olivia confides in her that she's lonely. Everyone she knows is going out with someone, and now she's ready for a new boyfriend.
  Then Stuart Bachman, a gorgeous artist, starts teaching at Sweet Valley High. Olivia takes his class and is completely swept off her feet by him. Soon Mr. Bachman is all Olivia things or talks about. And it looks as if he may return her feelings. Has Olivia found true love, or is she headed for heartbreak?




  "You're so young, sweetie. Your life is just beginning!" It's nearly impossible for me to re-read certain books without looking for foreshadowing of the Terrible Things to Come. Regina Morrow's short stint in the Valley is made even shorter by the countdown to her dalliance with cocaine. Early John Pfeiffer has to duck the cans and rotting fruit thrown his way for what his future!self will do to Lila. To a lesser degree, Jeffrey French has to fight to get people to remember that Liz actually managed to be faithful to him, whereas she cheated on Todd (the guy she'll dump Jeffrey for in just a few minutes) every chance she got. And then there's Olivia.
  Dear, sweet, spacey Olivia, your number is nearly up, sunshine. It's going to take awhile, but not nearly as long as your mother seems to believe... On the very, very slim silver lining side, the fact that you know Olivia's going to end up on the wrong end of the earthquake that killed SVH makes it much easier to write her a free pass for all the stupid assumptions she makes in Teacher Crush.

   Olivia's more than a little lonely. With more than 60 books under our belt, Olivia's noticed that just about everyone in the Valley is paired up, and those that aren't (Jessica or Lila for example) have no shortage of willing volunteers. Artsy Olivia, however, hasn't exactly been fending off a bunch of would be boyfriends ever since she and Roger broke up. But when she mentions feeling like she's the only one not paired up on this extremely strange version of the Ark, Elizabeth tells her she's cr-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy. It's not that bad. And immediately is glomped upon by Jeffrey. Smooth, Wakefield. Real smooth.
   Before we can wallow in too much misery, we're reminded of the co-A plot of this book. You might recall that at the end of the last book we learned that SVH would be doing a two week crash course/workshop that would give students a chance to explore something beyond normal classes. Everyone signs up for three possible classes, with the third being their last choice. It doesn't take a genius to see that some classes are bound to be more popular than others. Film making, painting, and dress design are all very, very popular. Which is why so many people are shocked when Jessica chooses to put down electronics as her third choice. She believes that she'll be the only girl in a room full of cute guys and what could be wrong with that? Still, she's not foolish enough to put it down as her first or second choice.
  Thing is, Wakefield, I know half the city also happens to have last names that end in W, but by the time they got to you, I'm thinking the rest of the classes had filled in and they saw you put down one of the more unusual classes for a girl so... they thought they'd accommodate your unusual request. Or else someone's got a sick sense of humor. Yes. Jess ends up in the electronics class with a bunch of guys she does not consider cute. (Except Jeffrey, but he's rather taken so...) The wacky, hilarious hijinks are sure to follow, yes?

   Not so much. As far as I can tell, the electronic workshop doesn't *teach* a damn thing. They're told they have to create something. And it must work. After that, every time we see Jess in class, she's being asked if she's thought of something and she's always saying no while everyone else is hard at work. I'd have been fantastically thrown, too. I would have thought you'd be doing a little more learning and a little less being thrown into the deep end and told not to electrocute yourself.

  While you ponder Jessica's fate, let's switch back to Olivia. Liv, Liz, and Enid have all made it into the painting class they wanted. Apparently, until this book, Olivia didn't actually create much in the way of art (outside of poetry, perhaps, and her contributions to the Oracle, which mostly seems to be in the field of editing) which is why she wanted to take this course. The fact that their teacher is amazingly hot? Yeah. That didn't hurt either. He's nice and funny and tells them all to call him by his first name (Stuart), but on the downside, he's young enough that a) Olivia believes she has a chance in hell and b) he doesn't know enough to not play favorites. When it becomes obvious to anyone who isn't blinded by cattiness that Olivia is beyond naturally gifted, Stuart lavishes praise on her work and her way of thinking outside the box. Olivia sees this as a sign that they have so much in common and she begins to volunteer to help him with everything. Liv's got stars in her eyes and it only gets worse with every passing second.
  Enid, proving that the sidekicks in these books are the only ones with brains at times (yes, I just lumped Lila and Enid in the same group. Deal with it!) quickly realizes that there are crushes and then there's statutory rape. She worries that Olivia's overly interested in Stuart and, later, that Stuart might actually either be interested in Olivia too, or that he's stringing her along, unintentionally or not.
   Saint Elizabeth laughs this off and there's a weird thing where Enid keeps insisting that while Elizabeth always tries to see the best in people, maybe this trait is blinding her to Olivia's rapidly growing obsession. How is believing that Olivia, who was bitching about being painfully single less than two weeks ago, isn't interested in their teacher "seeing the best" in someone? Isn't that just being dense? Whatever. I was busy gearing up for third grade when this came out, so my view on this particular bit of 80's mindset is probably definitely off.
  So, Saint Elizabeth doesn't believe what we already know. Just in case you're tempted to believe that Olivia wouldn't be throwing herself at someone who is 23/24, Olivia would like to prove you painfully, painfully wrong. In addition to always volunteering to help in class, she offers to come early and help set up for class, stay after class to clean, and looks up Stuart's address so that while she's out running errands and the urge to stop by his apartment is too great... she can actually stop by his apartment on a Saturday morning. Which she does. So early that he's still asleep. Thing is, Stuart is so new to this teaching thing, and so blown away by Olivia's natural talent (and possibly a little flattered that she's interested, though this one is purely speculation), that he invites her up, unchaperoned, to his apartment so they can look through art books and Olivia can drool over him. Somewhere, Enid's spidey sense is tingling big time.

   But what about Lila? you ask. Well, fear not, our ghosty has provided us with some lovely Lila C plot this go round. Lila's father is dating a soap star named Anika Hunt. Apparently she's so popular and famous that when she says jump Hollywood does without a second thought. I'll allow this because once upon a time, soaps were huuuuuuuuuuuge. And besides, Lila's father wouldn't waste his time on some nobody... *cough*
  Lila is so taken by the thought of Anika and her father dating that she goes on and on and ON about it. Which is a nice change of pace, because unlike other flings her father has had, Lila doesn't seem to be plotting to push Anika off a cliff or blackmail her into disappearing. It's refreshing. But then, I do wonder whether Lila really does like her father spending so much time with someone else, time he never spends with her... Whatever. Because Lila is so gaga over Anika, Jessica is sure that Lila is making it up. She never has any proof, like pictures (ah, the days before instant paparazzi hordes descended on anyone just on the off chance they'd get lucky!) or an autograph. Lila points out that she knows her father is dating a star and it would be terribly gauche to ask for an autograph. I mean, really, Wakefield. This is Lila. Why on earth would she lie? I mean, except for that one time... and her shoplifting... and, fine. Okay. I see your point.
  Jess becomes obsessed with proving that Lila is lying, because to believe otherwise would be to concede that Lila is just that fabulous. (She is, though! She is!) Luckily for Jessica, this means that she figures out what she'll be doing for her mini course workshop. She'll be making a lie detector and this time she'll prove Lila's a big, fat liar!
  Lila is completely unaware that her best friend is plotting against her, again (must be Tuesday), as she's a little preoccupied with the realization that she can't sew worth a damn. First she sews the darts of her dress on the wrong side (d'oh!) and then she makes the hem waaaaaaaaay too short and now her teacher is insisting that she wear this travesty in front of the whole school during their little fashion runway. The horror!
  What is a Fowler to do when being threatened by such public humiliation?
  Accidentally uncover the biggest, juiciest piece of gossip to rock the school since... well... you'll see.

   Back to Olivia. At Enid's insistence, Elizabeth has been paying careful attention to the interaction between Stuart and Olivia during class. By now Enid's worrying about whether Stuart realizes how Olivia feels (because the entire class knows, so even Liz has to admit that Olivia's got it bad) but she's willing to allow the thought that maybe Enid isn't cuckoo after all, especially once she hears Stuart and Olivia making plans to see one another. After class. O_O!
  Gasp!
  Shock!

   Before you start thinking something, let Stuart explain. Stuart has been asked to be one of the three speakers at the Riverside Art Academy alumni association's presentation. He's invited Olivia to go along because she's his star pupil and he thinks it would be good for her to meet some of the people at Riverside. Of course Olivia leaps at the chance to go. Thing is, Stuart doesn't realize that to Olivia this is practically a date. To him, he's just helping an aspiring artist. Boys, boys, boys...
   Monday afternoon, Olivia's on top of the world as Stuart introduces her as a talented new artist in his mini course workshop. She's so over the moon that not even people asking where "Monica" is can really bring her down for long. Afterward, Stuart asks if Olivia has to run home already, or if she'll be able to help him out with something. I have a feeling that even if Olivia had to be home immediately after the presentation, she still would have gone shopping with Stuart. Stuart is looking for a present for a special occasion... for a special person. Olivia is sure that he's heard that her birthday is coming up (Friday, the last day of classes!) and she's hoping he's trying to suss out what sort of gift she would like. She finds an absolutely breathtaking picture frame and for half a second Stuart is in love with the piece. But then he comes back down to earth and starts second guessing the genius of it. She's not entirely sure this special occasion is for her, but then she asks Stuart what it is and he tells her not to worry about it and winks at her. Again. Stuart winks a lot and this goes a really long way in making Olivia think he's seriously interested. To some of us, we begin to wonder if he needs his kneecaps taken out.
  Olivia comes home, still riding high on the rush of spending the afternoon with Stuart, and asks if it's okay if she sets up her easel in the basement to work on her painting for class. Her mother agrees and lets Olivia know that she comes by her artistic talent naturally, as her maternal grandmother was also a painter. Olivia is thrilled at this and heads off to artistic glory. When she comes up for air, her mother informs her that she's missed a call. Liv is sure that it's Stuart (...) but Mums tells her it was someone from school named Rod. Olivia is confused until she remembers there's a Rod Sullivan in her English class. Perplexed about why Rod would be calling, we segue way into...
   Rod running into Liv at school. He seems perfectly nice but Olivia is still so enamored with Stuart that poor Rod is written off as a nice guy before he even asks Olivia out. Which he does. And she turns him down. Stuart shows up and flirts a bit with Olivia, but not in a sketchy way. He caught Rod running off and teases Olivia who is sure that his, "Well, he has good taste" comment is a SIGN. Oi.
  Later, Olivia tells Enid and Elizabeth that she doesn't want to hang out with them on her birthday because she's sure that Stuart has something planned for her. Enid and Liz exchange glances as Olivia floats off into the stratosphere.
  Liv finds out that the 22nd (her birthday), Stuart has an exhibit opening at the museum. Which means he can't have a birthday surprise planned for her after all. Olivia feels like a complete ass for a half a second because she's told her parents she doesn't want to do anything and she's just told Enid and Elizabeth the same thing. Oh, cruel fate! But then, before her shame spiral really gets going, Stuart asks that she attend because he has a surprise for her.
  Naturally, Olivia is sure that this means True Love! My cringing for fictional characters probably began with this book, y'know.

   Come Friday, things have gotten a little bit twisty in our B/C plots. Jessica's lie detector is coming along perfectly, probably because Randy Mason has done all the work on it. Jessica is sure that she's going to catch Lila in her lie and then the whole school will know how desperate Lila is for attention. (Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.) Lila is desperate to avoid wearing badly sewn hooker wear, so she's managed to convince Jessica to loan her the dress that's nearly an exact replica of the dress Lila would have sewn... if Lila had any skill as a seamstress. Or, you know, as much as one could have in two weeks without prior experience. She promises to tell Jessica her juicy gossip, especially as it so directly deals with Jessica's family. Jessica is intrigued, but Lila keeps not having to spill because other people keep interrupting.
  Jessica sets up her lie detector and has Winston try it out. Blah, blah, blah, he owes money to Ken. With that out of the way, Jess grabs Lila, who quietly begs Jessica not to expose the dress switch. Jess asks about Anika Hunt and... Lila is telling the truth. Jessica is so distracted that she isn't really paying attention to anything else. Olivia is roped into participating, but some jackass in the back of the crowd asks if she's really in love with Stuart. Olivia turns red as can be and tears out of the room, ready to rip Elizabeth a new one when the sensitive twin follows her. You'd think by now Elizabeth would be sort of used to people screaming at her for spilling their secrets...

   Olivia goes to Stuart's exhibit and quickly realizes her shitty day is just going to get worse. Monica, it turns out, is Stuart's glamorous, beautiful girlfriend who had been out of town Monday. It also happens to be her birthday and Stuart bought her a beautiful picture frame. Poor, poor Olivia. As she's about to lose it, Stuart appears and shows her his surprise. He's taken her painting from class and put it on display because he believes so strongly in her talent. Olivia is blown away by this as well as the realization of how desperate she was.
  It probably doesn't hurt that she's sure that her birthday is ruined since she kept telling people she had other plans... and those plans aren't happening; they never were. Realizing how out of it she was, she stops by Casa Wakefield and appologies to Liz for trying to decapitate her. Liz forgives and forgets. Then Liv goes home, still a little shaken in ways good and bad, and her mother tells her that while they knew she made plans, her parents would like to take her out to dinner. Olivia agrees, and her mother sends her off to pick up her father because his car is in the shop.
  Only it's not. It's a surprise party that her parents had been planning all along! Stuart and Monica show up and everything! Cuz that's not awkward in the slightest! Good, good times!

   But wait. What about Lila's secret? For whatever reason, Jessica has brought along the streamlined version of her lie detector to the party. Her classmates make her admit that she had serious help with the creation of her project (fine, so she lied, but they knew it) and then Jess pounces on putting Liz on the hot seat. Thing is, she can't think of anything to ask. So Lila, sporting a Cheshire Cat smile, asks how well Elizabeth and Jeffrey will fare once Todd Wilkins moves back to the Valley.

  Dun.
  Dun.
  DUN!

  Winston freaks out because no one else is supposed to know and everyone is more than a little relieved that Jeffrey couldn't make it to the party because dude, so awkward, but still. Todd! Is! Coming! Back!

   Well played Fowler. Well played.


Trivia:

• Arts and Vocations program is the official name of the mini courses/workshops being explored this go round. There are no grades, but at the end of two weeks, you will have to show off what you've been working on in front of the whole school. In order to make room for an extra class, five minutes were shaved off each class, including lunch, and ten minutes were tacked onto the end of the day resulting in a fifty minute class that starts at 2:15.


• This means that SVH has seven classes, plus lunch, a day. Ah, math.


• The workshops are only for juniors and seniors. How does this work for the freshmen and sophomores? Are there two sets of bells? (It's not unheard of.) Do they just go about their normal classes because at best, only a handful of sophomores might be in classes with upperclassmen? Do they go home early? Do they all get crammed into homeroom or studyhall or something?


• Workshops offered: film making, pottery, electronics, dress design, modern dance, painting, jewelry design, nutrition and fitness, printing, and engineering.


• Jessica chooses film making, pottery, electronics, and dress design as her four choices, in that order.


• Olivia sees DeeDee & Bill, Winston & Maria, and Jeffrey & Elizabeth all as she's feeling particularly lonely and all one right after the other. This place really is the Ark, Davidson. Pair up or shove off!


• Enid understands Olivia's loneliness while Elizabeth is a bit baffled by it. Enid points out that when you're single, and not necessarily by choice, it can be hard seeing everyone else paired up, and later Olivia will point out that of course Liz wouldn't get it. She's been with Todd and then Jeffrey... and we all chime in on the names of the boys Olivia missed because she doesn't know Liz's inability to be faithful.


• Winston, Jeffrey, Jessica, and Randy Mason (as well as five other boys) are in the electronics workshop taught by Bill Drexel.


• Bill Drexel is skinny with wirerim glasses that sit crookedly on his nose, a penchant for drab, nondescript suits, and he works in an electronics firm.


• Cara Walker got poetry, her second choice, in stead of painting.


• Maria Santelli originally claims that she's in nutrition and fitness and not modern dance, her first choice, but later she's seen in painting class.


• The painting class has Elizabeth, Enid, Olivia, Caroline, and Maria, as well as five others girls who are never mentioned. Maybe they're seniors.


• Lila plans to make a strapless sundress like the one she saw in Ingenue that also happens to be a double of one Jessica recently bought.


• Some of the workshop teachers are from San Diego and L.A.


• Elinore Whitcomb is the dress design adviser/teacher/whatever. Lila claims she looks a little like Anika Hunt.


• Anika Hunt is on the hit soap, "The Willoughbys" and is currently dating Lila's father.


• Unlike 99.9% of the women he dates, Lila seems incredibly enthusiastic about Anika Hunt. Possibly because she's famous and it gives Lila a subplot, or maybe Lila's getting lonely again, although truthfully it sounds like Anika keeps Mr. Fowler away more than you would think Lila would like.


• Stuart Bachman is the painting instructor and he's apparently so hot that most of the girls in the program take notice, and probably some of the boys. Just guessing on that last one because you know they don't allow for that just yet. Anyway, he's got dark, long-ish curly hair, "stylish glasses", green eyes, prefers to be called Stuart and not "Mr. Bachman", and has been an artist since he was five. He doesn't take roll in class. He's a graphic designer at a fashion company and designs logos and helps design ads for the company. But his passion, his passion y'all, is "painting." He went to Riverside Art Academy, his father is a history professor, and his mother is a book keeper. He's a night owl and thus, not much of a morning person, as he tends to work all night and sleep in til noon, at the earliest.


• The first thing Stuart has his class do is guess what he means by an exercise in color. Enid guesses that it might be painting different colors next to one another, and Caroline offers that maybe it's painting different shades of the same color next to one another. When it's Olivia's turn, she suggests (very shyly) that maybe it's painting a color without ever using it. She uses green as an example and bam! She has guessed the first real assignment for the class.


• Caroline tries, sort of, not to laugh in Olivia's face before Stuart announces that Olivia's guess was the right one. Suck it, Pierce.


• The electronics workshop is to design and create a project that will be finished in less than two weeks.


• Randy wants to make a robotic calculator.


• Winston throws out various ideas including musical toaster, electronic page turner, and voice activated coffee maker. Bill Drexler looks more worried by each suggestion. Ultimately he goes with a voice activated toaster.


• Jeffrey is writing a computer game and it's not as easy as he thought it would be.


• Olivia took a watercolor class last year at the community center.


• Liv usually wears a peasant style wrap skirt, big hoop earrings, a pastel tee shirt, sandals, and lots of beads.


• The second day of the workshops, Liv is dressed in a body hugging black dress, leather boots, a leather jacket, large triangular earrings that freak Jeffrey out, and her hair is slicked back with gel. According to a couple of sources, she looks like a model. Me, I can't get past the hair thing.


• Some of Olivia's newfound magazine obsessions include Art World, and A, which has an interview with Stuart.


• Stuart and Olivia share the same favorite artist, David Hockney. Stu has Olivia wax poetic about Hockney's use of colors and shapes to the class.


• Olivia expects to find Stuart in the library at lunch, but instead finds him in the art room. I don't understand why he'd be at the school that early to begin with.


• Jessica's at a loss for what to do for her electronics project. The best she can come up with is a heated coat hanger but she doesn't really think that's a good idea.


• Stuart assigns his class a trip to the art museum over the weekend. They're to find a painting and then write an essay about what the artist was trying to convey/do.


• When Jessica is late to class, she's paired up with Randy. I find this a little hard to believe since Randy is known for being a genius. You'd think the other guys in the class would *want* to pair up with Randy, if only because he'd be able to help make their project that much better.


• Randy Mason: short, small, with braces on both his upper and lower teeth, wears hopelessly outdated corduroy jeans, and has a calculator in his back pocket.


• Olivia tracks down Stuart's address from a copy of the Alumni catalog for Riverside Art Academy and then drives past his apartment building. She stops and visits #214, which is his apartment.


• Olivia's father is six years older than her mother.


• Liv is so caught up in her fixation with Stuart that she doesn't have the proofs for the Arts section of the Oracle.


• Stuart doesn't like borders, at least in art.


• Ty Rourke is a hot, new producer in Hollywood. (I've gotta say I probably couldn't ID any producer in Hollywood.) Anika is taking George to the set of the Willoughbys and then they'll hang out at Ty's for dinner.


• Saturday morning, with less than a week to go, Olivia's mother asks what Liv would like to do for her birthday. Liv lets her mother plan her birthday and still doesn't suspect the surprise birthday Mrs. D plans.


• Lila sews the darts of her dress backwards/inside out. Then she tries to lengthen the hem of her dress, only to chop it off and make it shorter and now it's skank-length I guess.


• Olivia and Stuart leave SVH at 4pm and the art lecture at Riverside is over by 5:30, even with three speakers. (Stuart was the first one.)


• Domain is a store that sells sleek, ultra modern stuff which also happens to be really expensive.


• Olivia finds "a picture frame made of light wood with darker wood inlaid in a geometric pattern." Stuart declares it perfect about half a second before backing off.


• Liv's maternal Grandmother Lea died before Liv was born, and she was also a painter, but did not live in a time when she could pursue her artistic love.


• Rod Sullivan is in Olivia's English class. He's thin with light brown hair, tortoiseshell glasses, and seems to be the sort to become more good looking the more you get to know him. He's taking the printing workshop and wants to help punch up the Oracle. He'd also like to date Olivia.


• Elizabeth gets uncharacteristically mad at Jess for leaving Liz's "good, silk blouse" lying on the closet floor. Usually when Liz is pissed about these things, there's an underlying cause, but Jessica's been too preoccupied with being mad at Lila to really do much to Liz, so what gives?


• Stuart brings a flier for Olivia. It says "New Paintings from Stuart Bachman. Preview, Friday the 22nd, Madison Gallery."


• So Olivia's birthday is the 22nd of some month.


• Enid's pulse, when Jessica is setting up her lie detector, is 120 over 80.


• Liv's mother wants everyone at the Davidson home at eight for the surprise party. For some reason she invites Jessica and Lila (and Amy) and they all go and bring presents and no one acts like this is weird even though Lila and Jessica have both actively plotted against Olivia and repeatedly refer to her as weird over the course of the series. o_O


• Olivia goes shopping at L'Idee, which is right next to Domain. She buys a dark purple silk jumpsuit and pairs it with a silky scarf, a broad, leather belt, and is instructed to not forget the makeup to truly make a statement.


• Grandma's birthday check to Liv pays for this.


• Lila stops at McMahon's Sewing Supplies to pick up some last minute fixits for her doomed dress, and she overhears Winston's mother discussing Bert Wilkins moving back to Sweet Valley.


• Lila manages to keep this a secret until Olivia's party, when she throws it in Elizabeth's face.


• Winston owes Ken $25 from a bet he lost.


• Olivia keeps thinking she's twelve when she's around Stuart.


• Monica, Stuart's girlfriend, is very, very tall, slender, beautiful with "very classical features", "gorgeous high cheekbones, creamy skin, and beautiful blue eyes." Her blond hair is cut in a simple blunt cut with bangs. She seems on the mature side, but she's very nice to Olivia and not at all bitchy like you would imagine she might be.


• Stuart designed earrings for Monica.


• Monica and Olivia share the same birthday.


• At the gallery preview of Stuart's paintings, Olivia is surprised at the fact that no one is really looking at, or commenting on, the paintings hanging around them. Instead they're gossiping with one another.


• There's a woman at the preview with bright, turquoise hair.


• Stuart's surprise for Olivia is that he smuggled her painting to the gallery and displayed it amongst other paintings done by Riverside students, but Olivia has the distinction of being the only artist still in high school and apparently her painting is also generating a fair amount of buzz.


• George and Anika are going to be part of a feature on the private lives of starlets in Celebrity magazine "next month."


• Jessica's pulse rate at Liv's party right before she's interrogated about making the lie detector is 72.


• The fangirl in me squees like crazy at the fact that Ken was at Olivia's birthday party.

Quotable SVH:
  Lila burst out laughing. "Why don't you suggest your own workshop, Jess? Something like 'boys and dating'?"
  " 'Advanced boys and dating,' " Amy Sutton murmured, studying the list. - I love that Amy doesn't even have to pay attention to get a dig in. p2

  She'd had no idea that Olivia had been feeling so down. Olivia was such a pretty, talented girl. Why should she need to have a boyfriend to feel happy? - Normally I agree with the whole "you don't need to be paired up to be happy" philosophy. However, Liv's been single for ages and she's lonely and why is it not okay for her to be lonely for a bit? Why does Liz automatically assume there's something wrong with wanting to be in a relationship when you're single? Let Olivia feel what she feels and then distract her with other activities until either the mood passes or she finds someone. Jesus, Liz. p11

  Enid shook her head. "I don't know. But it doesn't surprise me that much. So many of the girls we know at school have boyfriends. No wonder Olivia feels left out. And I don't blame her for feeling a twinge of jealousy about you and Jeffrey," she added. "You two are such a perfect couple." - Odd how anytime Enid makes comments like this, the ghosties rarely mention Enid's huge crush on Jeffrey and how Elizabeth was supposed to hook those two up and failed. p13


  "Now, Amy," Jessica said calmly, "that is exactly where you're wrong. Don't you know anything about the psychology of lying?" - p56


  Randy covered his mouth with his hand and let out a sound somewhere between a grunt and a giggle. - I... lack the words. p69


  "Jess, I really don't see why you have to be so snide about my father and Anika Hunt. I think it's really nice Daddy finally has a steady girlfriend." She flipped her hair back over her shoulders. "Besides, have you even thought for a minute how hard it is on me, living alone with Daddy without a woman in the house? You ought to be happy for me!" - Oh, Lila. We love you, isn't that enough? p101


  "Well, you're not my mother, Elizabeth. You have no business judging me." - Olivia, where have you been for the last sixty-odd books? This is what Elizabeth *does*. p115



   TC has never been my favorite book of the bunch. I like Olivia, but I hate books/movies/TV shows/whatever where I get to feel painfully embarrassed for someone else. If it's on screen, I have to either cover my ears or turn the channel. Since this is a book and it keeps happening, I have to suck it up and get over it. Or speed read. And then I avoid the book which costs you your monthly snark.
  I like certain things this go round. I like that Enid and Elizabeth are talking about a semi-mutual friend and that while Liz is closer to Liv, it's Enid who understands what the hell is going on and pursues it, even if Liv never really gets that. I love it when someone isn't paired up and isn't thrilled about being single. Except for the saints among us, I think most people who go through an exceptionally long single stage start to get a little stir crazy when everyone else around us is dating (happily, no less) and it makes sense for Olivia to get lonely.
   And I suppose her complete inability to read the writing on the wall concerning Stuart is a nice counterpoint to her magically newfound artistic genius.
  I could have done without all the "Olivia could have died" to show her mortification over things, but hey, I'm no longer the audience intended for these books. :P
  It gives me the giggles that when Lila suggests having Jessica twin-switch with Liz so she can be in Stuart's class, Jessica shoots it down. Not because Liz would see it as Wrong, but because Liz would want to keep the hot teacher for herself. Oh, Jessica... sometimes I'm not sure you know your twin at all. And then I think about the super secret diaries and realize you really do know your twin best of all.

Slam Book Fever
September 1988

Look What's Hit Sweet Valley!

Predictions...

   Slam books are the newest craze at Sweet Valley High. They're do-it-yourself books of lists and predictions about everyone in school. They start out as fun but soon stir up big trouble.

   First, Jeffrey French, Elizabeth Wakefield's boyfriend, gets paired up with another girl under the category, "Couple of the Future." Then Elizabeth gets matched with the new boy at school, A.J. Morgan- and her twin, Jessica is furious because she's the one who's fallen hard for A.J.

   Will the mysterious slam book entries spell the end of happiness for both Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield?


   Ah, Slam Book Fever. The book most non SVH fans remember for whatever reason. Is it due to the law of the '80's and 90's that declared that at least once in every teen girl's life [and the occasional teen boy's as well] she would run across a slam book? That if she were high [or low] enough on the social ladder she would probably have her own and be mentioned in a category or two? Possibly. Or maybe it's because for ages if you looked up SVH online, you'd end up at Dwanollah's site. Which isn't to say you still don't end up there. You do. Don't deny it.

  Whatever the reason, SBF is right up there with Double Love in terms of cover visibility and the Evil Twin for plot recognition.

   But we have a formula to follow...so please, allow me to remind you of the glory that is Slam Book Fever.

  It's been awhile since Amy was in the spotlight, what with that whole being partially responsible for Regina trying coke and then dying thing. So Amy reminds everyone that dude, she went away for four years to Connecticut! And back East, they had these things. Called notebooks. But when you divided them into lists and categories, they magically morphed into Slam Books. Jessica and the rest of the bitchy clique of SVH are intrigued. Tell us more, they implored of Amy, all while reminding us that Amy's personality is mostly that of an annoying know it all, boy crazy, vapid, back stabbing bitch. Sadly, I only editorialized a little there. Anyway, Amy tells them how fantastic these slam books are and how awesome it is to find out what your classmates [at least the girls] really think of you.
   Jessica is sure that she'll crop up under Most Popular [sorority president, [co-]captain of the cheerleaders...] or possibly Most Beautiful... but everyone else has her pegged for Biggest Flirt. And Jessica is outraged that anyone would dare call her a flirt. Cara, Lila, Amy, and just about everyone who has ever met Jessica are a little thrown by how ticked Jessica seems.
   Cara wonders, ever so cautiously, what exactly Jessica would call herself then, if not... flirty?
  Friendly. DUH.
   Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

  Jessica's flip out aside, the Slam Books have everyone's attention. Liz appears so we can have our compare and contrast between the twins, and true to form, Liz points out that the Slam Books have the potential to really hurt people's feelings and she'd hate for someone to be hurt needlessly. Everyone at the catty table points out that there's the big difference between the twins. Jess is full steam ahead and Liz is prophesizing doom and gloom. After school Amy and the coalition for cattiness go and buy matching marble notebooks and the Slam Books begin.

   Meanwhile we run into the new guy on campus. Tall. Red haired. Gorgeous enough to tongue tie Jessica without even trying. You all remember him. A.J. Morgan from Atlanta. Jess is so smitten by A.J. that she acts more like Elizabeth around him than she does herself. She can't make small talk, she can't flirt, she can't really do anything but stand there and sort of drool. She's sure that A.J. thinks she's a complete moron and refuses to admit her crush to anyone, even when specifically asked about it. My soft spot for Jessica grows infinitely in these moments because a) who can't relate, and b) she's no longer Alpha Twin. She's actually more human than she's been in awhile.

  Over in Elizabeth land, Olivia has asked Liz to co-edit the new literary magazine, but Liz had to turn her down because of time constraints and wanting to actually see her boyfriend occasionally. So Olivia asks Jeffrey and he's in the process of turning her down, but he does offer his photography skills to help the lit magazine look gorgeous, while still leaving him time to spend with Liz. Olivia lets it slip that she's got the opposite problem. She's trying to work herself into oblivion because she and Roger are breaking up, but neither one is ready to officially cut the ties that bind just yet. Liz and Jeffrey are both shocked [as was I the first go round] because Olivia and Roger have been together for ages and they always seemed like such a rock solid couple.* L/J both worry that if Olivia and Roger can break up, the Wonder Couple could, too. So they reassure each other how much they love one another and that's that.
   Only it's not because that's less than a third of the way into the book.

  Back to the slam books. Everyone's enjoying the hell out of them until... Jessica catches sight of being named Biggest Flirt. She's ticked and hurt and worried that AJ will think she's not his type and definitely not worth his time now. Liz is a bit surprised when everyone starts putting Olivia and Jeffrey down as a new couple in the Crystal Ball section of the slam books. At first she's ready to play it off as people and their idle gossip, but then it keeps happening and she starts to wonder if maybe they're seeing something she just doesn't want to see. Her suspicions rise when Olivia and Roger really do break up and suddenly Olivia and Jeffrey are spending all their time together. Then again, Jeffrey had warned her beforehand that he was going to use Olivia as his model for the lit magazine because he needed someone who could pull of moody and he just couldn't see Elizabeth that way. Oh, sweet sledgehammer of subtlety and foreshadowing. Bet he saw her in a different light when Cara told Elizabeth she saw Jeffrey and Olivia making out at a rest stop on Route 9 and Liz immediately went off to flirt like crazy with AJ.

   Lila of all people offers to help mediate, and Jeffrey... takes her up on it. And so does Liz. It never occurs to anyone that Li would have an ulterior motive. Because apparently they all took their stupid pills. But it's also a bit fitting, because Liz has been proven to have a serious jealous side [see Todd] and Jeffrey's a bit thick. Or maybe just figures that Liz should know him better by now, that he's not the game playing sort and if he wanted to see Olivia instead, he'd tell Liz. But he doesn't, so he doesn't, and she's still flirting with AJ. Which is pissing Jessica off to no end.

   Olivia isn't exactly thrilled that Elizabeth has turned on her and since she knows Jeffrey is still in love with Liz, Olivia decides to figure out who started the stupid Liv + Jeff = <3 thing in the first place. She gets the idea that whomever started the rumour wouldn't have bothered to put it in their own slam book, and... well, Lila has never been known for her selfless acts, has she? So Olivia and Jessica, masquerading as Elizabeth doing an article on the Slam Book stats, round up as many slam books as they can find. Only Lila doesn't have Jeffrey and Olivia down under future couples. They run to tell Elizabeth their suspicions because Lila is on her way to tell Jeffrey to give up on Elizabeth. Liz realizes she's been duped by Lila Fowler and runs to explain her insanity to Jeffrey. See below.

( Elizabeth Wakefield's Slam Book )

  Yes. They kiss and make up and all is Right With The World. Liv and Liz create a new category in the slam books called Class Sneak and Lila knows she's been busted.

( Slam Book Entries )

  Now that Liz isn't chasing after AJ, Jess feels free to.... continue to act more like Elizabeth than herself because she thinks AJ would prefer a sweet, gentle, quiet Wakefield twin. Everyone else can see how badly this will turn out, but Jess is too far gone to care. She's in Love.

*- I really wish they'd had the Olivia/Roger thing be it's own book, or at least a C-plot for the last couple of books leading up to this. As it was, hello whiplash. Even knowing it's coming, it still seemed out of left field, which takes some skill. That said, I did like their brief scenes together, which is probably why I wanted more, damn it.

Trivial Pursuit:

• For whatever reason, the SVH caf is exceptionally crowded the day Amy unveils her slam book idea.


• Liz likes ham and swiss cheese sandwiches.


• Chez Victoire is one of the most exclusive French restaurants in LA.


• Jessica does not like being called a flirt. At all. It makes her crazy.


• The best slam books are in marble notebooks. Everything is better in marble. It's what I use when writing the trivia for these things. Well. What I started with. Then Liz confiscated my slam book. Or I lost it. Whatever. Marble!


• When pondering the categories she's sure to sweep, Jessica thinks along the lines of Most Popular, Most Beautiful. Everyone else is thinking Biggest Flirt.


• Slam Book Categories : Least Likely To Go On A Date Before The Year 2000, Most Likely To Always Be A Millionaire, Best Dressed, Least Down to Earth, Most Likely To Have A Million Dollars By Age 30, Most Likely To Get Married First, Most Likely To Be Famous, Class Clown, Most Likely To Be In People Magazine, New Couples of The Future, Biggest Flirt,


• Winston is chosen for the People category. It's a bit of a pity one though, as he seems genuinely hurt that he's only thought of as Class Clown. On, Winston. We love you.


• Olivia is working on a literary magazine which she asked Liz to co-edit, but Liz declined.


• Did we know Bruce's father's middle name was Wilson? Henry Wilson Patman.


• Out of nowhere, Liv and Roger are not only on the rocks, but breaking up.


• Wave One of Slam Book Fever: Lila, Jessica, Cara, Robin, Maria, and Amy


• Jess breaks in Amy's slam book, Amy does Lila's, and Lila does Robin's.


• First Category in Jessica's sb? Class Clown.


• The first category in either Cara or Maria's is Most Conceited.


• Jess puts Bruce down as Most Concieted. Biggest Brain? Peter DeHaven.


• Liz and Jeffrey are first in someone's book as Best Couple.


• Most Fascinating New Male [Lila's book] has AJ written twice. Seriously, how many 'new' guys could possibly win this, Li? For shame.


• A.J. Morgan: Adam Joseph, he's an army kid from Atlanta, red hair, tall, basketball player [new to the game] who loves baseball as well. He's apparently catnip to the senior girls in his art class, according to Maria who is in the same class.


• Anatomy of an Olivia/Roger fight: Roger hurts Olivia's feelings, intentionally or otherwise. Olivia strikes back or picks a fight. Liv and Roger find themselves unwilling to let go and unable to truly fix whatever has gone wrong, so the cycle repeats.


• At the first sign of potential waning attention to her slambook idea, Amy has them create the Crystal Ball sections. Someone is desperate for attention...


• AJ scores 28 points in his first game while Jess fumbles horribly in various cheers. Whoops. Sandy picks up on Jessica's crush first.


• When Liz asks Alice if she ever gets jealous, Alice scoffs at the idea and then admits that when Ned first started at his current law firm, there was a young, pretty British woman named Annabel who was very interested in Ned. To your fanfics, people!


• Cara had a dental appointment in Riverside and along Route 9 she sees Jeffrey and Cara in what she thinks is a passionate embrace. Their eventual excuse? Olivia had something in her eye. Seriously, guys. The proper lie is Olivia was so overcome with sadness over the breakup that she needed a hug. That Liz and I could buy. This whole speck of dust or whatever? No.


• Aaron Dallas, the poster child for anger management, never once gets ticked when his best friend's girlfriend throws herself at the new guy in front of him. Repeatedly. I cry bullshit. Or maybe the ghosty didn't know that Aaron was the wrong backup character to use because he's Jeffrey's bestest [and only] friend. Whatever. Boy would have beaten A.J. down or at least pulled Liz aside and asked when she started taking skank pills.


• Lila bets she can get Liz to talk to Jeffrey after he and Olivia show up at the beach with their lame "something in Liv's eye" story, and of course Lila probably tells Liz that Jeffrey and Olivia were holding hands or something, so Liz glares at Jeffrey and stalks off. So, Lila loses her bet and "has" to take Jeffrey to L'Escalier. No one is intially suspicious of Lila's newfound philonthropy because she never makes a bet she'll definitely lose, especially not an expensive one. Guys, really. It's not losing if it's essentially a date with a guy you've been into for the last... 15 books or so. :P


• Dear Ghostwriters of the Past: I don't know where in the South you all grew up, but I really don't think "quiet and sweet" are necessarily words you should use to describe Southern girls in a general way. This, by the way, is AJ's type. Everyone snickers when he describes Jess this way, and even Jess is a little thrown, but hey, compliments about her? Always. Welcome.


• I never understood why Lila's never bothering to hook Jeffrey and Olivia's names in her own slam book was damning evidence. Surely she would have missed someone else's slam book? Oh, and Lila's handwriting is kind of distinct. Just sayin'...


• Jess and Olivia gather 31 slam books and even Elizabeth has one.


• Olivia's literary magazine is called Visions. Aren't all HS lit mags called Visions?


• AJ is under the impression Jess writes childrens books. Everyone else chokes at the thought.


• Liz is reading Tender Is The Night and Jess wants the Cliff's Notes version. Because reading is like, hard and stuff.


• I think it's cute that we get Liv, Liz, and Li.

Quote This:

  Jessica was certain that she was only going to find out good things about herself. Or, at least, things she already knew. She wouldn't be surprised if she were described as most popular. After all, she was a co-captain of the cheerleading squad and the president of Pi Beta Alpha, the most exclusive sorority at Sweet Valley High. Or maybe even most beautiful... - Modest as ever, Jessica. p 5

   Amy and Jessica exchanged a glance. It was just like Elizabeth to come up with a sensible objection. - Pepsi snorted through nose? Painful. p 6

  Jessica felt her face burn. "I'm not a flirt," she objected. "I don't know what you guys are talking about."
  Amy started to laugh. "Come on, Jess. You- not a flirt? Are you kidding?"
  Jessica was beginning to get annoyed. "I'm not kidding," she said flatly. "I don't happen to think of myself as flirtatious."
  The table fell quiet for a minute. "Jess," Cara said a bit timidly," what would you call it if it isn't being flirtatious?"

  "I guess I deserve all the credit," she mused. "I mean, just think about it. If it weren't for me, no one would even know what a slam book is." She frowned. "Do you think everyone appreciates me for introducing the idea? Or is everyone going to forget it was mine?"
  Jessica patted her on the arm. "We'll all remember, Amy. We'll put up a big commemorative plaque in the front hallway." - This is why I love SVH. Truly. Amy/Jess, p 29/30

  "I'm not a flirt," she added sulkily, not giving Lila a chance to protest. "Since when have you guys seen me flirting?"
  Lila started to tick off on her fingers. "Remember that chef who taught the gourmet cooking class?"
  "What about all those friends of Steve's from college?" Cara added. Cara dated Steven, the twins' older brother, and knew how many times Jessica had fallen for one of his friends. Or at least flirted with them.
  "Not to mention Aaron Dallas, Nicholas Morrow..." Lila offered.
  "And Alex Kane," Cara added, referring to a musician Jessica had recently had a crush on.
  "And what about Jeremy Frank?" Lila demanded.
  Jessica cut her off. "That was all ages ago. It's ancient history. Can't you guys see I've changed?"
  Lila and Cara looked at her, then at each other. "You look the same to me," Lila said philosophically. p 34





   Seriously, what else do you need to know about Slam Book Fever? It's awesome and it's awful all at the same time. Jessica's certifiable but she teams up with Olivia, and that's worth the price of admission right there. Amy offers one of her only contributions to the SVH legacy [the others being stealing Bruce thus killing Regina and helping Tom realize he's totally gay] and it's Slam Book Fever. Really. Go.

  But while you're reading [most likely re-reading] this classic, please tell me why Aaron Dallas didn't punch AJ? Or pull Liz aside and ask why she was cheating on his best friend? Cuz really, Aaron, even after the anger management, probably would have had at least something to say.

Oh, and this doesn't live up to my terribly high standards, blame technology. It kept dying on all fronts as I tried. That, or you could blame Amy. Cuz she's the root of all known evil.

Caught In The Middle
January 1988


Is love enough to keep Sandra and Manuel together?

Off-limits...


   Sandra Bacon has finally found a boy to love. Manuel Lopez is kind, sensitive, and handsome, and he cares about Sandra as much as she cares about him.
   But there is one problem: Sandy's parents don't approve of Manuel. So the couple must keep their love and their precious moments together a secret.
   Then eyewitnesses place Manuel at the scene of a life-threatening accident, and only Sandy can clear his name. If she tells the truth, she may lose her parents' trust and love; but if she doesn't, she will certainly lose Manuel forever.

  So. Mexicans are people, too, right? Yeah, I think we all knew this going in the first go round, but twenty-some odd years later, really. We get it. That said, this would be another star-crossed lovers book. And one I hated for years as a kid simply because this cover did not belong in my collection. It was WRONG. Not because Manuel is Mexican, or because there is no way in Hades that those two on the cover are high school juniors, but because it was lacking in Wakefield. And color. Really, really blah. And I like grey, but this was pushing it.

  Anyway. Sandy Bacon has earned herself another book, only this time she finally gets a guy. He's handsome, he's charming, he's a gentleman, he's kind, he's totally not realistic in anyway, because he's perfect. Except for the fact that he's Mexican. This doesn't bother Sandy, but it might very well kill her racist parents. We're told that Sandy's father wrote a letter to the editor about how the Mexicans [how many times will I have to type the word Mexican?] are taking over and ... good lord, man. Ahead of your time.
   So, in the tradition of all great loves kept apart by disapproving parents, Sandy lies. A lot. At first she lies to Manuel about why he hasn't met her parents yet. She says they're really busy a lot and this might've gone on longer had Manuel [I really want to call him Manny. Damn you, TV show!] not overheard her lying to her parents about where she was. Sandy confesses that as awesome as Manuel is, her parents would just see him as someone unfit to date their daughter because they've got a raging hatred of zee Mexicans. I wonder if it's just the Mexicans or if anyone not whiter than white would also be greeted at the door with a shotgun and a shovel?
  Manuel understands that some people in the world are just stupid, but really believes that if her parents met him they'd see how awesome he is too! Nice ego there, mate. But I have to agree. Manuel is the perfect boyfriend, if a little on the dull side. Sandy agrees, but also doesn't. She knows her parents and she's highly doubtful that they'd see anything other than the color of his skin and the parade of all the other people they've hated before him. They wouldn't see Manuel at all. Still, she agrees to try and talk to them.
   And she does. She tries the hypothetical, "Mom, what if I fell in love with someone who was, I dunno, Mexican. Would you be happy that I found someone who loves plain old me, or would you call the cops and have him escorted from the premises while shouting horrible things to him?" Yeah, not quite that phrasing, but that would have been fun. Sandy's mother does that country club laugh and tells Sandy that she's got a vivid imagination, but why oh why would she think of such a thing? At Sandy's next approach she points out that love is hard enough without the added burden of being from different backgrounds, so she'd have to say no to that on those grounds as well.
  At this point I'd have lost my sanity and just blurted it out, or waited until we were in public somewhere that a mob probably wouldn't have formed and just crash-introduced them. I don't have the patience Sandy or Manuel seem to have, y'know?
   Still, Manuel's tired of having to pick Sandy up someplace other than her home. He's tired of sneaking around and feeling bad about himself. He's tired of Sandy lying.
  And Jeanie West is tired of covering for Sandy. I can see how exhausting that would be, given that Jeanie's and Sandy's mothers hang out a lot, but that, honey, that was your in. If Jeanie's mother doesn't share Mrs. Bacon's views, talk. to. her. Have her talk to your mother for, or at least with you, Sandy. DUH.

   Instead, this is Sweet Valley and we haven't had an explosion in a very long time. So, we're off to Secca Lake where we can blow shit up without anyone batting an eyelash.
  Sandy invites Liz on her boating date with Manuel so she can tell her mother that she was out with Liz. She tells Liz it'll be fun and leaves out the part where she's using the other blond, and tells Manny that Liz invited herself along. Charming.
  While out on Sandy's motor boat, something goes wrong with the engine and the ensuing explosion sends Liz and Manuel flying into the water. Sandy doesn't get so lucky and is knocked unconscious and left on the burning boat. Manuel swims back to save Sandy before the boat can explode [gas cans and fire, children] and all three manage to swim far enough away that when the boat does blow, they aren't hurt anymore than they were before.
  On shore, Sandy wakes up enough to thank Manuel for saving her life, but then tells him to get lost as she can't have her parents finding out about him. Liz will take the hero-credit and all will be right with the world.
   Manuel and Elizabeth are both stunned, but neither can manage to articulate the fact that if ever Sandy was going to tell her family about Manuel, doing so when he's the frickin' HERO who saved her life would be the time.
  Manuel disappears and Liz reluctantly takes the spotlight.
  It's not until the police suspect someone tampered with Sandy's boat, given the description numerous witnesses gave of there being three people near the boat before it went into the water and only two taking credit for having been there after, that Manuel realizes that maybe Sandy's never going to come clean with her parents. Sandy's parents are called to the police station and they take Sandy with them. For one completely awful moment, Sandy tells everyone that she's never seen Manuel before in her life. The police decide this means he really did do something to the boat and are about to take him away when Manuel plays the perfect boyfriend card again.
   Instead of yelling or screaming or calling her a bitch [or any real show of temper whatsoever] Manuel asks how Sandy could do this. And Sandy crumbles and admits she's in love with Manuel and that he saved her life and she was so ashamed of her parents and afraid of how they'd see Manuel, how they'd treat him, that she was ready to... to what, Sandy? See if you could get him sent to frickin' jail? That's bad for any relationship, honey.
   Sandy's parents asks Liz, who has timed her arrival just right so as to be there to hear Sandy's confession and back her up, if this is true, and she does that backing Sandy thing up.
  Sandy's father asks Manuel if it's true, if he's in love with Sandy, if he risked his life to save her, and if he would have taken the rap for something he didn't do. Manuel says yes, yes, and are you crazy? Mr. Bacon is awfully accepting of Manuel, considering he's the one we were warned about first. It's really Mrs. B who has the issues and she tries to get over them, but it's obviously a struggle. Ah, reality...
   It all ends well, with Manuel and Sandy together again, Manuel not being sore over Sandy lying to the police about him, and Liz no longer being the heroine of the hour.

   In our sadly underused B-story for the week, it's Lila's birthday. Again. Didn't she already have a birthday? No matter. Jessica decides to throw Lila a surprise-surprise party. They'll all ignore Lila on her birthday and the weeks leading up to it, all the better to really surprise her the day after with the party to end all party! Which 30 people will show up to.
  It all goes as planned. Lila's feelings are hurt for more than a week, but give her one hour or so of being the center of attention again and she's cool with everyone.
  I hate this storyline in that it's awful to be that much of a bitch to someone and include other people so that someone will feel that low all for one euphoric high. Also, it kept making me hope that when people had forgotten my birthday, they were really just pretending.
  They weren't.



Trivia:

• Jessica gripes that Liz won't go anywhere without Jeffrey.*


• Ricky is still the cheerleaders' manager.


• Cheerleading practice starts earlier on Tuesday afternoons.


• Jessica agrees with Sandy as they both think Sandy is average, though Jess will admit that since falling for Manuel, Sandy's begun to glow.


• Manuel is a junior at SVH with dark, curly hair, and chocolate brown eyes. He's taller than Sandy, but not too tall, so she doesn't get a crick in her neck looking up at him and kissing doesn't involve apple crates. He's got four little brothers and one younger sister and he works part time after school as an assistant track coach at the elementary school.


• Manuel's siblings: Carlos is 6, then Juan, Pedro, Miguel, and Maria is 13.


• Sandy meets Manuel's extended family at his cousin's birthday party.


• Jessica dreams that Lila tires of being rich, so she writes Jessica a check for all Daddy Fowler's money.


• Lila's birthday is in a week at the start of the book.


• Sandy still has three unnamed older brothers.


• Sandy's parents bought their Spanish-style house ten years ago.


• There were riots in Los Perros and people were hurt, which just added fuel to Sandy's parents' bigotry. Or something.


• Sandy's mother, Irene, is forever going on about how she was raised in a racially charged environment and that skewed her view as it were.


• The Bacons are members of the country club.


• Mr. Bacon works at a local advertising agency.


• Sandy is sure that Carl Pierce, the guy her parents want her to date, is going to be blond, blue eyed, and terribly boring because he loves golf. No clue if he is though. I kept thinking, "Whoa, Caroline Pierce?"


• Cara feels badly for Lila until Jessica reminds her that Lila made a snotty comment about Cara's wardrobe being two years out of style.


• Jessica and Cara pretend they're going with Amy to see "the Boys" in concert at Westwood Stadium on Lila's birthday.


• Sandy says she's going to Casey's and she'll be picked up at Enid's. Does Sandy really spend enough time with Enid that this alone wouldn't raise Irene's suspicions, or is there some other life we don't know Enid has?


• Sandy got a speedboat for her last birthday and it's called Solar One.


• Manuel worked at the Secca Lake Boat house last summer.


• Mr. Fowler offered to take Lila to Jacque's in San Mirabel for her birthday dinner.


• Jessica describes the banner she and Cara are making for Lila's birthday as a "trade union banner" with each panel depicting an aspect of Lila, like... "Lila Shopping" or "Lila Giving Parties."


• Enid's grandfather died a few months ago and she's hoping to convince her grandmother to move from Chicago to California.


• Sandy drives her mother's Toyota. What, she doesn't have her own car, but she has a motorboat?


• Elizabeth introduces Sandy and Manuel to Alice, but shouldn't Mrs. Wakefield know who Sandy is by now? She's been on the cheerleading squad off and on for at least two years and she's definitely B-list of Jessica's friends and had to have gone to other parties Jessica and Liz have thrown over the year.


• Don is the park ranger who asks Sandy and Liz questions after the explosion.


• There's a blond guy who called for the ambulance, and he tries to convince Don that he and his friend Bert both saw a guy with Liz and Sandy. Don tells him to take a hike because he's upsetting Sandy. Brilliant.


• Local Girl Saves Friend In Boating Accident- Headline the next day in the Sweet Valley News.


• Mrs. Abernathy is still the PTA president.


• Sandy suffers second degree burns on her palms after the accident.


• The Bacons give Elizabeth a lovely rope link gold bracelet from Stowe's, the nicest jewelery store in town. Dude, Sandy's loaded.


• Blue is Manuel's favorite color.


• Pete Young is the coach at Sweet Valley Elementary.


• Officer Richard Patterson and Sergeant James take Manuel in for questioning.


• Jeffrey and Elizabeth make Lila a 'Surprise Surprise Party!' banner.


• Around 30 people attend Lila's birthday party at the Wakefields. So, that'd be... Jessica, Elizabeth, Jeffrey, Cara, Amy, Enid...


• There's foreshadowing in this book for Jessica to fall head over heels for AJ. Some might argue that it's for any big Jessica crush, but all the "one day you'll understand when you really, truly fall" and the "ready for one of your infamous Jessica-style head over heels" type discussions smack more of AJ than boy of the week.


• Also, despite Double Jeopardy coming between this and the last book, we pick up right after Outcast. Right. After.

*I hate it when people neglect their friends/family simply because they're dating/married/shackled to someone else. It's annoying. Stop it!

Quotable Sweet Valley:

"Come inside and help me make dinner," she begged.
"Make dinner?" Lila said blankly.
"Yeah, it's what the rest of the world does while your cook makes yours." - I applaud the Jessica/Lila exchange, even if we've already seen Li half-assedly help the Wakefields make dinner at least once before. p 12

Sandra felt she had to pinch herself to prove she wasn't coming. - ...I... I had to re-read that twelve times, and another time this morning, because I was sure that my eyes were playing tricks on me. They might still be. p 18

"Come on, Liz. Manuel really wants you to come, too." This last comment couldn't have been farther from the truth, but Sandra figured she would have plenty of time to convince Manuel that Elizabeth would make the outing even more fun. - p 75. Because I'm mean, I'll take this to mean that even before Liz was named Heroine of the year, Manuel didn't particularly care for Saint Liz. :P

"Jessica," Elizabeth said reproachfully, "don't you have the tiniest little sense of right and wrong?"
Jessica reached for another piece of toast. "Not in this case," she said cheerfully. "You're only going to mess things up if you start worrying about the truth now." - Sometimes Elizabeth surprises me with just how often she can misjudge her twin's morality levels. p102



   I dragged my feet in starting to re-read Caught in the Middle because it's never been one of my favorites. Partly it's that I think the cover is painfully boring, and as happy as I am that Sandy got a second cover, this is just blah, and I spend more time trying to figure out what, aside from the art, could be done to fix it than I did actually reading the book itself.
   Thing is, it's not a bad book. Yeah, it's obviously one of those Very Special Issue books, but it attempts to wobble that line between exceptionally preachy and just plain after school special. I'm not entirely sure where it falls because I cut it slack for being a young adult book written for an ongoing series in the 80's as well as it being SVH, so the standards, I admit, are considerably lower than what I'd expect for most other things.
   Manuel's a bit of a saint, even if I tire of typing his name out each time. He's also probably a better boyfriend than anyone the Wakefields ever hook up with. I like that "plain" Sandy gets the great guy, and I like that they didn't have Sandy magically grow the stones to tell her parents immediately, and that her mother was still having trouble accepting Manuel even after she found out he'd saved her baby's life. Can't really say that this book made me like Sandy all that much. There's a line you don't cross, and telling the cops you don't know your boyfriend? Yeah, that leaps across that line, backs up, and then drags the carcass of your relationship back over the line.
   Normally I'm all for a Lila subplot, but dude, hasn't this one been done before already? In this series? Maybe it's just that I swear they trot this out at least once in every SV series where Lila plays any part whatsoever. Bah.
   Final verdict: You could do worse. You could, however, do better.



P.S.- If you've got the re-released cover and you want to share, I'll love you. Forever. There's always gotta be one cover that's a bitch to find. Meh.

Power Play
January 1984

The Wakefield twins have taken sides- against each other!

Elizabeth and Jessica in a tug of war...

   Chubby Robin Wilson has been following Jessica around for months. First she wanted to be her friend- now she wants to join Pi Beta Alpha, Sweet Valley High's snobby sorority.
   When Elizabeth, Jessica's twin, nominated Robin for the sorority, Jessica is furious. Robin may be friendly and smart, but she's certainly not beautiful or popular enough to be a Pi Beta. Jessica's determined to find a way to keep Robin out.
   But Elizabeth is just as determined to make Robin a sorority sister. soon the twins are locked in a struggle that develops into the biggest power play at Sweet Valley High...


  Power Play is one of those books where I desperately wish I could find the author, as well as Francine Pascal, and beat the tar out of them. Robin Wilson, prior to her transformation, is an insult to anyone who ever even just knew the fat kid in school, let alone anyone who actually was. Every time you see Robin, she's either kissing ass OR stuffing her face. I'm sure, somewhere, there are kids who stuff their face all the time, but this is just over the top. It's as if that's all they can do to show that poor Robin is never going to be the perfect size six of her idols. Time has given the fat kids the last laugh in that regard, what with sixes being considered big these days, but since that doesn't actually help anything, we won't dwell there.
  So. Robin wants desperately to join PBA, which Jessica has taken control of finally, what with the previous [unnamed, no less] president having suddenly moved. You'd think they'd have someone else, possibly a senior, waiting in the wings, maybe a VP of the sorority, but it seems that would be asking too much. I do wonder if it pisses any of the seniors off that Jessica is somehow the most popular girl in school. Ah, well. Jess has been promising to put Robin up for membership for the last FOREVER, but it's obvious to anyone who isn't Robin that she has NO intention of doing so. So obvious, in fact, that Robin's mother tearfully tries to find a tactful way of asking Liz to step up to the plate. She chickens out, but fear not, Robin has no shame. While stuffing her face on a giant chocolate bar, she asks Liz to help a girl out. Liz agrees, and Robin celebrates with another candy bar. What the f... No. Save it for later.
  Jess comes home to find an overjoyed [and sugar high] Robin leaving to go on a shopping trip with her mother [in which she seems to buy nothing but tent dresses] and immediately becomes suspicious. Liz tells her that she's going to sponsor Robin and thus she'll get into PBA and all is well. Jesus, Liz, by now you should know that you might as well have said, "I double dog dare you to ruin that poor girl's life!" as that's exactly what Jessica heard.
  And so the rest of the book goes. Jessica schemes ways to keep Robin from passing her pledge tasks, and Liz schemes right back, making sure Robin pulls through. Observe:
  First up, Robin has to run around the track five times a day. Liz tells the naysayers [Oi, Patman, I mean you] to shove it, and you know full well she goes daily to cheer Robin on. You just know it. Then Robin has to don a bikini, head to the beach, and play volleyball. So Liz ropes Enid, George, and Todd into helping make Robin's day a little less humiliating. Robin needs to get Bruce Patman to take her to the Discomarathon? Liz bribes him with the promise of an article all about his tennis prowess, complete with photo.
  However, this is where things start to get dicey. Bruce brings Robin, but immediately dumps her, loudly and painfully. Robin attempts to run away, and is once more accosted by the nice Wakefield twin, who sweeps her away to the ladies room, leaving Enid to guard the door. She lies to Robin, telling her that while, sure, she ain't tiny, she's got a lovely face. Only, once Liz looks again, she realizes she actually means it. She expects the old, "sure you're fat, but you have a very pretty face" cliche to work wonders. She seems shocked when it doesn't make Robin's day to hear this. Fuck you, Liz Wakefield. Robin runs away. Liz is torn. Does she prevent her boyfriend from getting suspended for punching Bruce in his all too pretty face, or does she chase after Robin, again?
  Problem solved. She runs into some guy we've never heard of before, and sends him after Robin. Which he does. Because no one dares to ignore an order handed down by one of the twins, I suppose. Thing is, Bruce deserves to get punched. Nothing is ever heard again on that front, by the way. Instead, we follow Allen, the tallest, smartest, and of course, shyest boy at SVH, as he races after Robin. He catches up with her and she rakes him over the coals for daring to come anywhere near her. Heaven forbid someone finally actually gives a damn, Wilson. Realizing that lashing out at Allen makes her no better than Bruce, she tries to apologize, only she makes it worse. They bond over a love of old movies, and Robin convinces Allen to head back into the inferno where they share one awkward dance, before heading home, stars in their eyes.
  Time for the PBA to vote on their three new pledges. I know, three? We find out one of them is Suzanne Hanlon, whom Lila feels is perfect for PBA given that she has access to a Rolls Royce. Riiiight, Lila. One by one the girls drop their marbles.... into a box to decide the fate of poor Robin, not because the Kool Aid was spiked or anything fun. In a move Jessica all but illustrated prior to the meeting, Robin is blackballed. I remember being so shocked that anyone could be so cruel, and yet, wishing I had that kind of power when I first read it. Liz is also shocked, but only because she didn't see it coming. IDIOT. Jess kept dropping all these "cryptic" clues about not being sure that Robin would get in, popularity of the twins and pledge tasks completed notwithstanding. The only logical way to accomplish this would be to vote against her. Oi.
  Jess volunteers to tell Robin the bad news in person, and does so, making even Liz tell her to shut the hell up. Robin freaks out and all but threatens suicide. Then she drops off the radar. Allegedly she's visiting an aunt out of town, but haven't we already played the mysterious aunt card already?

  That's right, it's B story time! All book long, Liz has been noticing Jessica's been sporting some really nice things she could never afford, even if her parents went crazy and gave her free use of their credit card. Liz suspects maybe Jess is stealing, but then dismisses it because Jessica would never do anything so horrible as shoplifting. [Because ruining someone's life on a regular basis is that much better, Liz?] While shopping at the mall, Liz finds a new store, one we'll come to know well. Lisette's is an upscale shop that seems to be run by particularly snooty women. Liz notices a scarf identical to the one Jessica claims Lila gave her, a re-gifted gift from an aunt in New York. Snooty Worker tells Liz that the scarf she's pawing has a twin [get it?] but that it was stolen. Whom exactly did she say she saw with said twin? Liz runs away, cuz that ain't suspicious at all. Next time she's at the mall, looking for a gift for Todd, she watches as Lila actually steals something. GASP! Lila Fowler, the richest girl in all the Valley, is stealing! Go figure. Again, SW thinks Liz is the thief, or hell, maybe she just wanted to talk to Liz. No one knows, since Liz ran away.
  Eventually Liz decides she'll just never say a word to anyone, avoid Lila, and all will be well. Until Liz gets a call from hysterical Lila. It seems Jessica's been busted for shoplifting. Why Jessica? Well, it's possible they thought she was Liz and that Liz was the shoplifter, what with her suspicious behavior at the mall as of late. Liz cons Lila into telling the truth, Jess is busted from mall jail, and Liz tries to convince Mr. Fowler to stop neglecting his only child. Lila hugs Liz, there are warm fuzzies everywhere, and all is well for now.

  Unless you're Robin Wilson. Then you're walking around SVH [yes, she's back!], ignoring everyone. Which is great if you want a laugh at how she snubs the bitchy PBAs, but again, they make Robin out to be a little wacky in the brain. It takes super genius Liz entirely too long to figure out what exactly is different about Robin, but if you're paying any attention whatsoever, it's that Robin is losing a ton of weight. This makes things a little sketchy in the timeline department. If Double Love took about two months, and Playing With Fire took at least a few weeks, we should be deep into November by now, at the very least. But we haven't even hit the homecoming game [never fear, we'll hit that now] and midterm cheerleading tryouts. I swear, this is when you should just check your brain at the door, cuz the timeline is collapsing.
  Now, I only mentioned those because they're crucial to the new Robin Wilson and her plot for revenge. She tries out for the cheering squad, and not only makes it, but makes co-captain. Take that, Wakefield! Bruce Patman is terribly smitten and not even the knowledge that this is the girl he previously referred to as Queen Mary can keep him away. Robin runs for Miss Sweet Valley High, much to the consternation of the rest of PBA, particularly Jessica. Robin wins, gets in another dig at Bruce, and pretty much publicly declares her affection for Allen. Aww. The PBAs try to get Robin to join, but she tells them to kiss her noticeably smaller arse.

Random stuff:

• Jess is PBA's president. The other one moved suddenly. Right. I'm sure no voodoo dolls or embarrassing rumors were started to help her along.


• Robin's mother is under the impression that her daughter is on the verge of dropping out.


• In case you wondered, the beach is 15 minutes from the Wakefield home.


• Jane Fonda's workout tape is Jessica's workout tape of choice. Who knew?


• Apparently Liz isn't the only one allowed to call Jessica "Jessie." Lila does so as well. It's cute.


• Robin overuses "Omigod" this book. If someone tries to con you into a drinking game involving shots for each use, you might as well kiss your liver goodbye.


• If you're stalking the characters, make note that Liz and Todd are both in Mr. Fellow's History class.


• Palomar House is the poshest restaurant in the Valley.


• Louis Westman isn't just another W name for the series, he's also the editor at The Sweet Valley News.


• Liz gets her first byline in TSVN this go round, apparently for a story about The Football Queen. Like the rest of the Valley gives a damn that Robin won.


• Apparently, the French, if google is to be believed, changed Robin to Marian. Egads, Brain, she's stolen my name and done dirty things with it!

Quote-tastic:
"Let's share the work," Jessica had said. "You clean the johns, and I'll arrange the flowers." p5
Oh, Robin, if you're Jessica's best friend, Atilla the Hun is the prom King. - Liz, p8
"Run errands for you. Lick your boots."
"Liz Wakefield, you know perfectly well I only use leather cream on my boots." Liz/Jess 13
That's just my point. I'd have a better chance with a dead superstar than a live Bruce Patman!" -Robin, 38
The combination of human and Bruce Patman almost made Elizabeth gag. 41
Elizabeth shook her head, wondering why she was always the one people turned to when things got tough. 107
"Don't worry, Liz. I've learned how to swim with sharks".- Robin, 126
"Not the whole team. I haven't dated a single boy who isn't on the first string." -Jess 133
Robin Has Us Throbbin', defensive line supports Robin. Dirty!


137, the number of the beast? :
Robin can get carried away four hundred and thirty seven times a day, you know?
She's taking about thirty-seven extra courses.
And everybody knows we have thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents in the treasury, so there's no need for a treasury report.
Oh, my head is going to burst into at least five hundred and thirty-seven pieces!
I encouraged her? If I told her once, I told her eight hundred and thirty-seven times that blimps were not popular people!
Nothing but the usual hundred and thirty-seven disasters and boring business and politics, she said to herself.
Bruce Patman is the jerkiest person in thirty-seven states and Mexico.
Oh, Liz, that nonsense is about seven hundred and thirty-seventh on my list of concerns."







  The last half of the book should have been awesome. And once Robin found a personality, it was. I loved her snarky digs at Jessica and even Liz. When Liz continues to try and stick up for Jess, Robin tells her to stop, and it's kinda awesome. Granted, the "we don't love Jessica" club is getting bigger all the time, it's always nice to hear someone say it aloud. It's rare for anyone in the series who isn't a love interest for one of the twins to tell them off in any way. Robin? Does it quite naturally. Sarcastic and a little bitter suits her much better than desperate wannabe ever did. Which, I suppose, is half the problem of the book. Fat Robin is someone you want to shake almost as much as you want to shake the people behind her. Thin Robin happens too fast if you stop and think about how much time could possibly have passed, but not so much in the context of the book by itself.
  I do have to say this, even though I'm sure I read this as a kid, I don't remember feeling bad about myself after reading this. I just remember thinking Fat Robin was written really poorly and any idiot would have known to go back and fix certain things. Even Saint Liz thinks snarky mean thoughts towards the girl and we're given the most annoying intro EVER:
Though Elizabeth and Jessica certainly didn't have Robin's figure problems, they still watched their diets carefully.
  Why so annoying? It's done immediately after introducing poor Robin. Oi. Also? A bit condescending, really. Almost as bad as Robin sitting down and digging into a whole cherry cheesecake by herself. Come on, let the girl have a giant, supersized slice, don't leave me with this mental picture of her picking at the whole thing. Come on.


  On the other hand, the style the book is written is vastly different from most SVH books. The tone is a bit more tongue-in-cheek and Liz is definitely the star. She gets some great lines, and sometimes Jess is mentioned, but not actually heard on the page. If not for all the Robin munching, I might actually like this book. As it is, skip halfway through and make it easier on yourself. However, whenever Liz claims she's too busy with her Eyes & Ears column to do anything, I wonder if she's on crack. It's a gossip column, and while it might take a little time to figure out how to best word things, you live with one of the biggest gossips in school! Info cannot be difficult to come by, ok?
  Also, anytime Liz refers to the three witches of PBA, I mentally edit it to the "three bitches of PBA." The word you were looking for is not snobs or witches, Liz. It's bitches. Learn it. Love it.
  However, the best part of the book falls somewhere in the middle. Which twin actually did Robin the most damage? Jessica blatantly used her and made no real secret of the fact that she had no intention of inviting Robin to join the sorority. None. I bet if pledge time had come and gone and Robin hadn't been asked to join, she'd have been upset for awhile, probably no longer a minion of the Jessica, but not risked total and complete meltdown. Granted she probably would have missed super gorgeous Robin, but we don't know that for sure. Indignation at being left out could have worked almost as well as complete and total humiliation, but without the memory of Bruce publicly embarrassing her to no end. Liz, however, got Robin's hopes up numerous times and ignored the neon warning signs that screamed someone was going to get hurt. Robin nailed it later on when she mentioned that Liz was already in. She was in the sorority, she's dating one of the most popular guys, she's popular, she's one of the IT girls, so for her, life may not be perfect, but it's easier, so Liz would never understand what PBA meant to Robin, since she didn't need it the same way Robin felt she did. And Liz never does get that, which is about the time my disillusionment with Liz began to worm it's way into my brain. It'd sit and fester for awhile, but this isn't a flattering look for anyone except maybe Allen and sarcastic!Robin.