Secrets
April 2008

For all the changes in Double Love, you'd expect Secrets to get a massive overhaul. You would be so, so very wrong. I guess the appeal of trashing your sister's best friend in an attempt to get a stupid crown is universal?
But three very important aspects of the story remain the same.
I still don't know who the guy on the cover is. Ronnie? Bruce? George? I'm thinking Bruce is a bad bet.
April 2008

For all the changes in Double Love, you'd expect Secrets to get a massive overhaul. You would be so, so very wrong. I guess the appeal of trashing your sister's best friend in an attempt to get a stupid crown is universal?
- Enid and George email, because apparently NO ONE writes letters any more. There's some nonsense about Enid dragging a folder full of emails to Liz's desktop because Liz needs to seriously defrag her computer, and then of course the E/E are too stupid to delete the file even though it's bound to catch Jessica's attention when she next uses Elizabeth's computer to check her email. Seriously, at least the letter fluttering away wasn't as farfetched as forgetting to get rid of damning evidence.
- Everyone, but Enid, who reads George's emails realizes he's in love with her. Even Winston knows.
- George had people call him Geo. I nearly died when I read that. Geo? Seriously?
- Geo and Enid got fucked up on E, pot, and vodka only to end up with a massive case of the munchies. So they ran over a kid, paralyzed him for life, and now Geo's parents are paying for the kid's medical bills from now until the end of time. Good job, guys. In the original [if you need a refresher] the kid had a mild concussion and a broken arm. Wow, twenty five years later and they stick it to you for life. Sucks for the kid.
- Geo, Enid, and Winston knew each other from camp. E only transfered schools to escape the stigma that follows one when they royally screw someone else's life up.
- Winston skateboards now. I'm having a hard time believing this, considering what a klutz he's supposed to be. Then, what do you know, they mention he's obviously fallen more than a few times recently.
- Cara actually gives a decent explanation of why Jessica should fear the odds of Enid actually beating her unlike before, when she thought Ronnie would just, I dunno, pound people until they voted for Enid. Lila will sweep the sophomore votes because they're more sophisticated [bitch, Cara! I love you] and worship Lila's celeb connections, Jessica will likely garner the normal freshmen, Jess, Lila, and Liz will split the normal juniors and seniors, but Enid? Enid's gonna get the outcast votes. All the people who want to see a total upset? They'll vote Enid. And there are always more people on the outside looking in than there are on the inside. Well, unless you were in my classes. Then, I swear, out of 20 kids, there were five outsiders, and three of them weren't so much outsiders as not quite inner circle. The other two? Me and the girl who taught me the joys of skipping school. *cough* Good lord, actual logic in SV, and it made sense. Call the authorities! Apocalypse impending!
- Caroline is described as having friends. I know, right? When the heck did that happen?
- Mr. Collins isn't a young Robert Redford anymore and as a result, his fashion sense has taken such a nosedive even Liz can mock his outfits. Ouch.
- Olivia Davidson does the opinion section on The Oracle site. Uh, what, arts have been rendered obsolete by the computer age?
- Liv also says, "Oh. My. Goddess!" In fact, nothing much is said concerning her artistic ways, although to be fair, originally she was more feminist powerhouse with a heaping of clueless moreso than super!passionate but totally one dimensional [in the wrong hands] artiste. Still, I don't recall quite that much science love coming from her the first go round...
- Lila's handy with the photoshop, as instead of someone scribbling "If you don't know what a french-kiss is, ask Ken Matthews" on the blackboard, Lila finds a picture of Ms. Dalton with her eyes closed, licking her lips, and one of Ken laughing "giddily." When Ken finds out, he refuses to go to the dance with Lila, but will... show up to the after-party. Parties that necessitate their own after-parties are weird.
- Lila's having a martini-tasting party, instead of a get together where she breaks out Daddy's good wine. I'm not going to ask how this is a good update...
- "Hey, you don't look too happy for someone who's going to the dance tonight with the most fantastic guy on the West Coast."
- "Burt Reynolds is taking me to the dance?" Burt is now Jake Gyllenhaal, and Todd's upgraded himself to "hottest guy". I dunno why, but I always figured Jake for more of a East Coaster rather than your typical Hollywood sort. Doesn't matter.
- Liz rats Jessica out, unlike the original which had Liz protecting Jessica, even as Enid asked who'd managed to stab her in the back.
- Instead of seeking Ms. Dalton out at her apartment, Enid runs into her at the grocery store, where the gods have aligned the planets just so in order to have all three of Enid's favorite Ben & Jerry's flavors available at once. Obviously she is meant to buy, and eat, them all instead of going to homecoming.
- George's eyes are green, instead of their original grey.
- This book is padded. The original is 118 pages. The new one? 154.
- Jessica has a pink cellphone, surprising no one.
But three very important aspects of the story remain the same.
- George is still hotter than hot has a right to be.
- Enid is so distracted by the hotness than she forgets she's not wearing shoes when he first tries to whisk her away to the dance.
- Winston still says, "Anyway, I know people thinks I'm some big blabbermouth, but I can keep my lips zipped when it counts." Okay, what he originally said was, "I know everyone thinks I have a big mouth, but I know how to keep it shut when it counts." Technically, that's far more timeless than the update, but he still gets a kiss from Liz, and it still makes me love him anyway. Yay, Winston!
I still don't know who the guy on the cover is. Ronnie? Bruce? George? I'm thinking Bruce is a bad bet.