If only Jo had let Amy have Peter, Regina might still be alive

Last Chance
May 1987

Will Peter choose Amy...or Johanna?

The final test...

   Dropout Johanna Porter knows that the students back at Sweet Valley High are shocked to see her back in classes. She's never done well in school. Now, with everyone talking about her behind her back, she's finding it practically impossible to succeed. But Johanna's determined to stick with it.
   Peter DeHaven is one of the reasons Johanna wants to stay. She's always had a crush on him, and she thinks he likes her, too. When Peter's girlfriend, Amy, is away for the weekend, Peter and Johanna go out and have a great time. But when she sees Peter at school, he ignores her. Is Peter like all the others who think Johanna's just a failure? Can she prove once and for all that she can make it at Sweet Valley High?

   When we last saw the normal SVH books, it seemed as if we'd see Julie Porter getting her own book, dealing with her brain dead sister's return to the hallowed halls of SVH. Untrue. Julie makes random appearances, but mostly the book belongs to the brain dead sister, Johanna. I suppose I shouldn't joke about the brain dead bit, seeing as she's not, but since she spends the entire book moping about what a dumb excuse for a human being she is, I'll allow it.
  Johanna Porter dropped out of SVH towards the end of her junior year, much to her family's dismay. Six months ago, her mother was killed by a drunk driver, leaving us to wonder, is no one held accountable in the valley for their own horrible driving? Is it all the work of some mysterious drunk driver, all to plow it into our young, impressionable minds that friends do not let friends drink and drive? Wait, no, that's not it. Jo finds her mother's diary and realizes her mother desperately wanted to tell Jo to go back to school, but didn't say a word because she felt Jo had to do it on her own. So Jo returns. For her mother. Dead mother. Missed that "on her own" part entirely, she did. Still, I shouldn't mock her too much.
  Anyway, Jo's a bit slow in the academic department. But before you go and bond with her over this, you realize she's not slow, she's just weird. She's drawn to math and science and understands them because they always have a concrete answer [I beg to differ, at least for science] whereas English does not. Poor History, always left out in the cold when these things are discussed. So, yes, she's a science geek, but she's been told for so long that she's a moron that she believes it. I'm just not sure who told her this in the first place. Science geeks are geeks, but no one confuses them for being mentally slow, right? Were the high schoolers of the 80's that special that they couldn't tell the difference between retarded and socially retarded? Cuz, whoa, I'm losing respect for them by the second.
  But, this being a series where the book must manage to be longer than 30 pages [as that should be how long it'll take to go from waitress-to-scientist], we have other hurdles thrown our way.

   First up is Jessica's side-plot. This is going to sound annoying, and is just as annoying when reading it, but about five minutes after I finished the book I'd forgotten any of the Wakefields did much more than show up, wave to Jo or at one another and then go home. With that in mind, we continue.
  Jessica has convinced herself that Cara was oodles more fun when she was single and, presumably, unhappy due to the divorce and her huge, hopeless crush on Steven Wakefield outgoing. So, Jessica decides that since she brought Cara and Steven into this world, relationship wise, she'll take them out. She hints to her brother that Cara's been dating other guys and Steve's pretty sure his little sister's crazy, but later we find out that he and Cara started fighting over Jessica's helpful messages. She was also telling Cara that Steven was dating other girls and yet neither one of these two, who both know what a frickin' liar Jessica is when she's bored, thinks "Maybe relationship advice from a psychopath is a bad idea." Well, not until they compare notes at the end, anyway. When they do, they realize she's a complete jerk, but she still comes out on top by pointing out that if their relationship was as solid as they'd like to think, they wouldn't have fallen for her lies. Suck on that Walker/Wakefield.* The best bit is when Lila sees Steve and Cara heading their way and leaves Jessica alone to fry.

   Complicating Jo's life is her crush on Peter DeHaven. So dreamy. So smart. So dating Amy Sutton. He and Jo used to be friends back in the day, but let's cut to the chase. Peter is a self absorbed asshole. The book doesn't even try to hide it. Hell, PETER knows he's a dick, and the only person surprised by any of his actions is Johanna. He's got early admission to MIT, and he's entering some seniors only science thing. Awesome for you, Peter. No one cares. Something about creating a computer program [ooh, so edgy and scientifical!] that's essentially the precursor to eharmony or match.com. Only he can't figure out what to do when he needs to ask various questions regardless of when you said yes or no prior, so he's nattering on and my eyes are glazing over as I wonder "did anyone in HS in the 80's actually write computer programs [did you guys?]" and Jo says, "Dude, I saw this thing where they did almost exactly what you're talking about [so your idea isn't original and shouldn't win] but they used a tree diagram" and Peter scoffs and asks what the hell she'd know about this stuff they call science. A-S-S-H-O-L-E! [Bonus points if you had Dennis Leary singing that to you] Jo decides Peter can go fuck himself because she's sure as hell not up for it now. This is after their date while Amy was out of town.
  Peter is willing to see Jo when Amy's not around, but he refuses to break up with Amy because he's afraid of hurting her feelings. At first I could see how Jo might buy this. He's sensitive! He is not. He stomps all over her feelings, refusing to even say hello to the girl in Amy's company. He won't hurt Amy's feelings, but he'll tear yours to shreds? Bah, you're making me agree with Julie and Liz who are both skeptical of the romance. Despite being sworn to secrecy, Liz tells Jessica [whom she also swears to secrecy] about the Peter/Jo romance, and when Amy gets on Jessica's last nerve, Jess shoots off at the mouth about how Amy can't even keep her boyfriend in line.
  Jo gets an excellent grade in chemistry, but still decides that with the cold war officially on from Slutton's camp, she'll drop out since Peter-the-dick will not/cannot talk to her anymore. Honey, he talked at you, not to you anyway. You're not missing much.
  Jo drops out again, runs back to the Whistle Stop, and Liz tells Peter he's an asshole. He admits as much to himself, what with his inability to follow through and be with the girl who's actually interesting to him, so he goes and asks her to rethink things. She's too good for this, he's an asshole, my eyes glaze over. She tells him to go, it's not all about him anyway. Later Jo and her father finally talk and she admits that she found Mrs. Porter's diary and realized her mother was awfully disappointed, so she wanted to make dead!Mom proud. Mr. Porter reminds her that she had to read about this because Mrs. Porter was right. Jo needs to want to do this for herself, or else there's no point. She'll find her own way and he'll stand behind her no matter what. Jo gets the point and decides she'll go back. Not for Mom, not for Peter, not to prove anything to anyone. Simply because it's worth a real shot.
  Peter uses her suggestion, wins the fair, and dumps Amy. He wants to date Jo after he realizes what an ass he is. It was easy to stay with Amy because they didn't connect. He didn't feel anything for her and never would, so she was safe. Jo was someone he could love. But Peter didn't have, or want to make the time to be with her. When he does go crawling back to her, Jo says that much as she liked him, she's in this for herself and he cannot give her what she needs.
  Woo.
  Oh, and there's a set up for the next book. Classy Susan Stewart has a mystery for a mother and no one knows who it is, they're just sure she's some famous actress. Obviously we'll find out the truth next go round. However will you stand the wait?


Trivial Matters:

• Jess finds a size four, filmy, bare, perfect dress, so she plans to diet including not eating anything the day of the PTA dance, to fit into it.


• Jess takes Rob Atkins from Bridgewater to the dance. Jess and Rob met at the infamous soccer match in the previous book.


• In a surprising move, Jessica waits until Winston isn't listening before she trashes the general male population at SVH.


• While Liz brown bagged it, everyone else on the planet bought the school lunch. Even bad school burgers are better than week three of PB&J, Lizzie.


• Amy's eyes are usually gray, but this book she's been lumped back in with all the other blue eyed blonds. She has "sky-blue" eyes with just a hint of haughty bitch in them.


• It sure didn't take long, but by now Amy has started to annoy even Jessica. That, ladies and gentlemen, takes skill.


• Amy and Peter DeHaven are throwing a pre-PTA dance party. Their first party together. And because my fandoms will collide, all I can think of is little Jenny Humphy's first hosted party and how well that turned out.


• Peter DeHaven, besides being a bitch to type, is a senior with early admit to MIT, and has won just about every science award there is, aside from the "coveted Southern California Science Fair." Tall, "attractive", dark hair, hazel eyes, ace tennis player, and all around conceited jackass. So, uh, why aren't he and Bruce bestest friends?


• Apparently we missed Cabaret Night, where Julie Porter and Winston became friends after working together on a project. CN showcased what a talented piano player Julie is, and Winston's still gaga for her. Don't bother, Win, Julie never manages to achieve social acceptance amongst the A-list.


• Porter family history: Mr. Porter played violin for the Los Angeles Symphony, Mrs. Porter [before she died six months ago] was a well-known opera singer. Double J had traveled most summers and sometimes had been yanked from school to accommodate their parents work schedules. Julie adjusted, Johanna did not.


• Julie enlists Jessica, Liz, Winston, Maria, Cara, and maybe Amy to help ease Johanna's transition back to high school. Amy almost blurts out that she'd die of embarrassment if her dumb ass of a sister dropped out and then came back and had to be put in her grade, but Liz stops her. Pre-Steven Cara was never *this* bad...


• Johanna has dark, wavy hair, dark eyebrows, green eyes, and is constantly referred to as unusually pretty. Looks-wise, she takes after her mother. Alas, she's got grades that would make Claudia Kishi wince.


• Johanna worked out at the Whistle Stop, on Route 1.


• Yvonne White and Lisa Howard are both bitchy seniors. Yvonne has black eyes [creepy?]


• Julie, red haired, round faced, takes after her father.


• Mr. Porter has a Ph.D. in music theory from UCLA, he teaches music, is big on philosophy, and relaxes by doing crossword puzzles and other word games. Mrs. Porter had a thing for Russian novels... still in Russian. None of this translated crap for her.


• Mrs. Porter taught at the Music Academy in LA.


• Johanna's in Elizabeth's English class and Liz tutors Jo for English.**


• Jo has to write about Babylon Revisited and can't seem to muster up any feeling at all. She ain't even trying.


• The Porters have a housekeeper named Simone.


• Peter teaches a mini class in chemistry at SVMS. He's in a summer course at Harvard, and when he goes to MIT, he'll be majoring in computer science. He's got it all planned: his undergraduate degree in computer science will lead to working with artificial intelligence/robotics. I'm sensing that Peter would be the science geek who accidentally sets us all up for an apocalyptic future where only Will Smith can save us...


• Julie is Julliard bound.


• Las Palmas Canyon is twenty miles away, and a friend of Peter's older brother has computer notes for Peter, so while Amy's gone to the mountains with her parents, Peter invites Jo along. After said friend spends more time talking to Jo than Peter has the entire book combined, the boys geek out. Afterward, Jo and Peter go to the canyon and smooch.


• Larry Mills is Peter's brother's friend. He's in his early 20's, works at a major computer manufacturer.


• Peter asks Jo if he may kiss her, which would be sweet if he weren't dating Amy Slutton.


• Much is made of the view of the canyon as well as the new moon. Um, dude? If there's a new moon, you wouldn't have a view unless there's some real lighting issues out there at the canyon. Headlights do not make a pretty view.


• Steve takes Cara to Maison Blanche, a new French place that Jason took Betsy to and recommended. Yay, subtle references to past books and minor characters.


• Jo wears a blue cotton flower print Laura Ashley dress on her date with Peter.


• Peter drives a navy blue Mazda.


• The Science Fair prize is a scholarship to be used at any college/university the winner chooses. Sweet.


• Peter doesn't think Johanna is the sort to say "she/her" whenever someone, namely Peter, says "he/his". Johanna thinks it's weird that he would think of her as any type at all since he never lets her speak.


• Given the amount of Victorian this and lace that, I'm surprised Steve didn't fall all over Johanna since she seems to have what I imagine was Tricia's fashion sense. Tragic!beauty.


• Math isn't Steve's best or favorite subject.


• Johanna shows Steve how to do his spatial relationship math problems and admits to having done such things as fun when she was younger. Everyone is amazed at the sheer brilliance! I yawn and point out that I did them for fun, too, but I still managed to do horribly in math, so really Jo, don't set your hopes too high. :p


• Jo has Ms. Taylor for Math.


• Bruce and Roger wiped the courts with Jess and Cara.


• Whoever our ghostwriter is, they're certainly fond of "pains". Behold! Jo takes "extra special pains" on her first day back at SVH, p14. Jo takes "unusual pains" for her date with Peter, p44. "special pains"were taken the Monday after their date and Sunday chat. Basically, the first time you see Jo for the day, she's taken some sort of pains to look fantastic. The first two times, I let it slide, but by the third, I was wondering if I was hallucinating or just having major deja vu. None of the above. Repetitive writing. Fine for me, bad for you, ghosty.


• Lucy Hawkins is thin, with mousy brown hair, and has always been mean to Johanna. She makes a bitchy comment right behind Johanna's back [literally] to her friend Carol Ulrich.


• Bridgewater is fifteen/twenty minutes away. It's an exclusive suburb, and the Bridgewater Ball is coming. Debutantes, ahoy!


• When Peter invites Jo out and offers to take her someplace in Bridgewater, she never realizes that he's only taking her there because no one will see them. She's right. She IS a moron.


• Jo continues to hold onto her crush on Peter because he makes her feel that anything is possible, a feeling she lost when she a)grew up and b) her mother died.


• Julie goes to the PTA dance with John Pfeifer.


• Lila's date is from Bridgewater.


• Jessica did buy her size four dress. You know, since you were dying to know. Thing is... she doesn't wear it. At the dance we're told that she's wearing a skimpy white top and a leather mini. This is not the dress, guys. What happened? Where's my size six beauty in a filmy, sheer, bare dress that's a size too small for her? Where's THAT secret diary entry, dammit?


• When Amy hits the library with most of the cheerleaders in tow, I realized that on their own, without Jessica or maybe Cara [or Li back in the day, or Heather in the future] the SVH cheerleaders aren't all that bitchy. Amy's trying her best to make Jo feel like shit and all I can think is that she's got the wrong crowd. Robin may steal your boyfriend [hey, something in common with Jo!] but she's not going to go out of her way to make someone feel like crap. Maria's always seemed like the nice one. Sandy might join in the bitchery, but Jean's too much a lady for true bitchery. Amy, honey, you brought the wrong crowd.


• When the cheerleaders leave, ghosty says the four girls leave the library, but um, Maria, Robin, Amy, Sandy, and Jean? Five girls. Unless one of them has a secret none of us know...


• Johanna has Mr. Russo for fourth period, and she's the only one in the class to get an A [92] on their electromagnetic configurations test. Woo?


• With summer classes, Jo could take calculus and physics next year.


• In a bold move, Amy is NOT happy about Jessica's scheme to break Cara/Steve up simply because Jessica is bored with their relationship. This is one of the few times I say "Yay, Amy!" and mean it.


• Steve took Eve Young to Amy's predance party and then to the PTA dance. I'm not gonna ask why he even went.


• Cara went with Ken. Poor Ken, every girl's backup pretty boy.


• Rob, Jessica's date, has blond hair.


• Susan Stewart, our star for the next book dates Gordon Stoddard but they hang out with mostly Bridgewater kids. Susan's guardian is Helen Reister. Remind me to care next book. I'm still wondering why the wardrobe change, Jessie.


• Enid's date for the dance is Scott Long.


• Jo has Mr. Fellows for History. Doesn't everyone?


• Jo saw an idea like Peter's on NOVA.


• Alicia Benson, a sophomore, hints that with Peter "tutoring" Jo, her grades must be doing better. This freaks Jo out because everyone knows, but Peter's still with Amy.


• When she runs late for gym, Jo manages to overhear Yvonne and Lisa bad mouthing her, wondering why Peter would trade one airhead for another.


• When Amy confronts him about Jo, Peter lies and says he's just taking pity on the charity case and she tells him to never see Jo again or they're through. He writes her a letter and Jo's shattered. Woe, you have lost the 'friendship' of an asshole. My heart, it bleeds.


• Mrs. Porter's favorite piece of music was Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Jo writes a computer program to play it.


• Jo's father finally gets Jo to realize that she cannot go back to school for someone else, she has to do it for Jo.


• Susan Stewart lives on Trowbridge Street, and Lila calls it "the cinders." Oh, Lila. You're so snobby. We love you.

Quotable:

  What was it that could make a sixteen year old girl want to ruin her social life by dating only one guy? - Oh, Jessica... p5

  "Peter DeHaven?" Elizabeth repeated. She had to catch herself to avoid displaying the surprise she was feeling. She had been one second away from blurting out, "But he's so smart!" - I howled at this. Aw, Amy, everyone thinks you're an annoying dumbass by now. Good times. Good, good times. p7

  "Science," Amy repeated, as if it were a foreign word. "Oh, well, I'm not," she conceded. "I think it's about the most boring thing in the world. But Peter's adorable. And he never talks about any of of that stuff when we're together. I wouldn't let him, even if he tried. We talk about fun things-like the party next week," she concluded dreamily. "You know, stuff like that." - p8

  She was waiting in the lunch line, surrounded by other students, none of whom she knew very well. Some had moved to Sweet Valley during her absence, such as Regina Morrow, the stunning, raven-haired girl who had overcome deafness through a series of treatments in Switzerland. - This physically pains me. p 21

  Elizabeth looked thoughtfully at her twin. "Can I ask you a question?"
  Jessica giggled. "Nope. No questions tonight, Liz. I can't think and keep my thighs in shape at the same time." -This is why I love Jessica. p60

  Lila gave her one of her scathing don't-you-know-anything-about-the-things-that-matter looks. - I hope Jess is shaking in her boots. p 74

  "Couldn't you at least do a little better than Johanna Porter? The girl can barely spell her own name!" -Amy gets her bitch on, p 90

"I absolutely love this sort of thing," Lila Fowler declared. "It's so-you know, primitive. Nothing like dancing right where you had gym class this morning to make you feel romantic." -Lila, p. 100

Typical Peter DeHaven. Everything is wonderful until you get to the love and intimacy part. - Jo, you bitter? p111




  You know the biggest problem with Last Chance? The entire premise, that Johanna can't relate to her family because she's not musical is proven to be completely untrue in the SVT series. Lila hijacks her voice because it's THAT good. So, um, no. I do not buy that in the two/three years between then and now she lost her fantastic voice and that it was never once mentioned that she used to be amazing and now... isn't. That'd be more fun to read, honestly.
  For all I bitch, Last Chance isn't bad. It's just that it could have been, and probably should have been better. But mostly if your story hinges on a guy, shouldn't he occasionally not seem like a jerk BEFORE the end? Bah.

  I love that the reenactment, if you will, photo makes Amy look like she's the love of Peter's life and that Jo's the evil girlfriend who won't step aside so their love can finally be out in the open. Yes, that hurt me to say, why do you ask?



* I'm beginning to wonder if Tricia didn't have to die simply because her last name didn't begin with a W. Jeffrey couldn't last for the same reason. Lookit. Elizabeth Wakefield/Todd Wilkins. Jessica Wakefield/Sam Woodruff. Steven Wakefield/Cara Walker. That's a lot of Ws without a single White being uttered. He's not til SVU anyway.

** Um, if Johanna's in the easiest classes the school/state will let her get away with, why in the hell is she in Elizabeth's English class? Wouldn't Liz [for as much as her writing is mocked by the readers, she's still supposed to be one of the most gifted students in the English area, ja?] be in one of the harder classes? At the school I went to, and from things other people said, you had the honors classes where you had to be declared dead to drop and then you had most everyone else. The everyone else classes were then broken up and you tended to have the really smart kids, where Liz would have been if she hadn't managed to make the honors thing and there were a few mixed bags, but there was always at least one class where you had the kids that were taking English Whatever for the third time and dammit, this time they were going to pass. Jo? Would have NOT been in Elizabeth's class if they really did put her in the easy classes. Liz would have to be in one of the harder classes, yes?
Or was our school system set up totally different and everyone else was just fucked?

If only Jo had let Amy have Peter, Regina might still be alive

Last Chance
May 1987

Will Peter choose Amy...or Johanna?

The final test...

   Dropout Johanna Porter knows that the students back at Sweet Valley High are shocked to see her back in classes. She's never done well in school. Now, with everyone talking about her behind her back, she's finding it practically impossible to succeed. But Johanna's determined to stick with it.
   Peter DeHaven is one of the reasons Johanna wants to stay. She's always had a crush on him, and she thinks he likes her, too. When Peter's girlfriend, Amy, is away for the weekend, Peter and Johanna go out and have a great time. But when she sees Peter at school, he ignores her. Is Peter like all the others who think Johanna's just a failure? Can she prove once and for all that she can make it at Sweet Valley High?

   When we last saw the normal SVH books, it seemed as if we'd see Julie Porter getting her own book, dealing with her brain dead sister's return to the hallowed halls of SVH. Untrue. Julie makes random appearances, but mostly the book belongs to the brain dead sister, Johanna. I suppose I shouldn't joke about the brain dead bit, seeing as she's not, but since she spends the entire book moping about what a dumb excuse for a human being she is, I'll allow it.
  Johanna Porter dropped out of SVH towards the end of her junior year, much to her family's dismay. Six months ago, her mother was killed by a drunk driver, leaving us to wonder, is no one held accountable in the valley for their own horrible driving? Is it all the work of some mysterious drunk driver, all to plow it into our young, impressionable minds that friends do not let friends drink and drive? Wait, no, that's not it. Jo finds her mother's diary and realizes her mother desperately wanted to tell Jo to go back to school, but didn't say a word because she felt Jo had to do it on her own. So Jo returns. For her mother. Dead mother. Missed that "on her own" part entirely, she did. Still, I shouldn't mock her too much.
  Anyway, Jo's a bit slow in the academic department. But before you go and bond with her over this, you realize she's not slow, she's just weird. She's drawn to math and science and understands them because they always have a concrete answer [I beg to differ, at least for science] whereas English does not. Poor History, always left out in the cold when these things are discussed. So, yes, she's a science geek, but she's been told for so long that she's a moron that she believes it. I'm just not sure who told her this in the first place. Science geeks are geeks, but no one confuses them for being mentally slow, right? Were the high schoolers of the 80's that special that they couldn't tell the difference between retarded and socially retarded? Cuz, whoa, I'm losing respect for them by the second.
  But, this being a series where the book must manage to be longer than 30 pages [as that should be how long it'll take to go from waitress-to-scientist], we have other hurdles thrown our way.

   First up is Jessica's side-plot. This is going to sound annoying, and is just as annoying when reading it, but about five minutes after I finished the book I'd forgotten any of the Wakefields did much more than show up, wave to Jo or at one another and then go home. With that in mind, we continue.
  Jessica has convinced herself that Cara was oodles more fun when she was single and, presumably, unhappy due to the divorce and her huge, hopeless crush on Steven Wakefield outgoing. So, Jessica decides that since she brought Cara and Steven into this world, relationship wise, she'll take them out. She hints to her brother that Cara's been dating other guys and Steve's pretty sure his little sister's crazy, but later we find out that he and Cara started fighting over Jessica's helpful messages. She was also telling Cara that Steven was dating other girls and yet neither one of these two, who both know what a frickin' liar Jessica is when she's bored, thinks "Maybe relationship advice from a psychopath is a bad idea." Well, not until they compare notes at the end, anyway. When they do, they realize she's a complete jerk, but she still comes out on top by pointing out that if their relationship was as solid as they'd like to think, they wouldn't have fallen for her lies. Suck on that Walker/Wakefield.* The best bit is when Lila sees Steve and Cara heading their way and leaves Jessica alone to fry.

   Complicating Jo's life is her crush on Peter DeHaven. So dreamy. So smart. So dating Amy Sutton. He and Jo used to be friends back in the day, but let's cut to the chase. Peter is a self absorbed asshole. The book doesn't even try to hide it. Hell, PETER knows he's a dick, and the only person surprised by any of his actions is Johanna. He's got early admission to MIT, and he's entering some seniors only science thing. Awesome for you, Peter. No one cares. Something about creating a computer program [ooh, so edgy and scientifical!] that's essentially the precursor to eharmony or match.com. Only he can't figure out what to do when he needs to ask various questions regardless of when you said yes or no prior, so he's nattering on and my eyes are glazing over as I wonder "did anyone in HS in the 80's actually write computer programs [did you guys?]" and Jo says, "Dude, I saw this thing where they did almost exactly what you're talking about [so your idea isn't original and shouldn't win] but they used a tree diagram" and Peter scoffs and asks what the hell she'd know about this stuff they call science. A-S-S-H-O-L-E! [Bonus points if you had Dennis Leary singing that to you] Jo decides Peter can go fuck himself because she's sure as hell not up for it now. This is after their date while Amy was out of town.
  Peter is willing to see Jo when Amy's not around, but he refuses to break up with Amy because he's afraid of hurting her feelings. At first I could see how Jo might buy this. He's sensitive! He is not. He stomps all over her feelings, refusing to even say hello to the girl in Amy's company. He won't hurt Amy's feelings, but he'll tear yours to shreds? Bah, you're making me agree with Julie and Liz who are both skeptical of the romance. Despite being sworn to secrecy, Liz tells Jessica [whom she also swears to secrecy] about the Peter/Jo romance, and when Amy gets on Jessica's last nerve, Jess shoots off at the mouth about how Amy can't even keep her boyfriend in line.
  Jo gets an excellent grade in chemistry, but still decides that with the cold war officially on from Slutton's camp, she'll drop out since Peter-the-dick will not/cannot talk to her anymore. Honey, he talked at you, not to you anyway. You're not missing much.
  Jo drops out again, runs back to the Whistle Stop, and Liz tells Peter he's an asshole. He admits as much to himself, what with his inability to follow through and be with the girl who's actually interesting to him, so he goes and asks her to rethink things. She's too good for this, he's an asshole, my eyes glaze over. She tells him to go, it's not all about him anyway. Later Jo and her father finally talk and she admits that she found Mrs. Porter's diary and realized her mother was awfully disappointed, so she wanted to make dead!Mom proud. Mr. Porter reminds her that she had to read about this because Mrs. Porter was right. Jo needs to want to do this for herself, or else there's no point. She'll find her own way and he'll stand behind her no matter what. Jo gets the point and decides she'll go back. Not for Mom, not for Peter, not to prove anything to anyone. Simply because it's worth a real shot.
  Peter uses her suggestion, wins the fair, and dumps Amy. He wants to date Jo after he realizes what an ass he is. It was easy to stay with Amy because they didn't connect. He didn't feel anything for her and never would, so she was safe. Jo was someone he could love. But Peter didn't have, or want to make the time to be with her. When he does go crawling back to her, Jo says that much as she liked him, she's in this for herself and he cannot give her what she needs.
  Woo.
  Oh, and there's a set up for the next book. Classy Susan Stewart has a mystery for a mother and no one knows who it is, they're just sure she's some famous actress. Obviously we'll find out the truth next go round. However will you stand the wait?


Trivial Matters:

• Jess finds a size four, filmy, bare, perfect dress, so she plans to diet including not eating anything the day of the PTA dance, to fit into it.


• Jess takes Rob Atkins from Bridgewater to the dance. Jess and Rob met at the infamous soccer match in the previous book.


• In a surprising move, Jessica waits until Winston isn't listening before she trashes the general male population at SVH.


• While Liz brown bagged it, everyone else on the planet bought the school lunch. Even bad school burgers are better than week three of PB&J, Lizzie.


• Amy's eyes are usually gray, but this book she's been lumped back in with all the other blue eyed blonds. She has "sky-blue" eyes with just a hint of haughty bitch in them.


• It sure didn't take long, but by now Amy has started to annoy even Jessica. That, ladies and gentlemen, takes skill.


• Amy and Peter DeHaven are throwing a pre-PTA dance party. Their first party together. And because my fandoms will collide, all I can think of is little Jenny Humphy's first hosted party and how well that turned out.


• Peter DeHaven, besides being a bitch to type, is a senior with early admit to MIT, and has won just about every science award there is, aside from the "coveted Southern California Science Fair." Tall, "attractive", dark hair, hazel eyes, ace tennis player, and all around conceited jackass. So, uh, why aren't he and Bruce bestest friends?


• Apparently we missed Cabaret Night, where Julie Porter and Winston became friends after working together on a project. CN showcased what a talented piano player Julie is, and Winston's still gaga for her. Don't bother, Win, Julie never manages to achieve social acceptance amongst the A-list.


• Porter family history: Mr. Porter played violin for the Los Angeles Symphony, Mrs. Porter [before she died six months ago] was a well-known opera singer. Double J had traveled most summers and sometimes had been yanked from school to accommodate their parents work schedules. Julie adjusted, Johanna did not.


• Julie enlists Jessica, Liz, Winston, Maria, Cara, and maybe Amy to help ease Johanna's transition back to high school. Amy almost blurts out that she'd die of embarrassment if her dumb ass of a sister dropped out and then came back and had to be put in her grade, but Liz stops her. Pre-Steven Cara was never *this* bad...


• Johanna has dark, wavy hair, dark eyebrows, green eyes, and is constantly referred to as unusually pretty. Looks-wise, she takes after her mother. Alas, she's got grades that would make Claudia Kishi wince.


• Johanna worked out at the Whistle Stop, on Route 1.


• Yvonne White and Lisa Howard are both bitchy seniors. Yvonne has black eyes [creepy?]


• Julie, red haired, round faced, takes after her father.


• Mr. Porter has a Ph.D. in music theory from UCLA, he teaches music, is big on philosophy, and relaxes by doing crossword puzzles and other word games. Mrs. Porter had a thing for Russian novels... still in Russian. None of this translated crap for her.


• Mrs. Porter taught at the Music Academy in LA.


• Johanna's in Elizabeth's English class and Liz tutors Jo for English.**


• Jo has to write about Babylon Revisited and can't seem to muster up any feeling at all. She ain't even trying.


• The Porters have a housekeeper named Simone.


• Peter teaches a mini class in chemistry at SVMS. He's in a summer course at Harvard, and when he goes to MIT, he'll be majoring in computer science. He's got it all planned: his undergraduate degree in computer science will lead to working with artificial intelligence/robotics. I'm sensing that Peter would be the science geek who accidentally sets us all up for an apocalyptic future where only Will Smith can save us...


• Julie is Julliard bound.


• Las Palmas Canyon is twenty miles away, and a friend of Peter's older brother has computer notes for Peter, so while Amy's gone to the mountains with her parents, Peter invites Jo along. After said friend spends more time talking to Jo than Peter has the entire book combined, the boys geek out. Afterward, Jo and Peter go to the canyon and smooch.


• Larry Mills is Peter's brother's friend. He's in his early 20's, works at a major computer manufacturer.


• Peter asks Jo if he may kiss her, which would be sweet if he weren't dating Amy Slutton.


• Much is made of the view of the canyon as well as the new moon. Um, dude? If there's a new moon, you wouldn't have a view unless there's some real lighting issues out there at the canyon. Headlights do not make a pretty view.


• Steve takes Cara to Maison Blanche, a new French place that Jason took Betsy to and recommended. Yay, subtle references to past books and minor characters.


• Jo wears a blue cotton flower print Laura Ashley dress on her date with Peter.


• Peter drives a navy blue Mazda.


• The Science Fair prize is a scholarship to be used at any college/university the winner chooses. Sweet.


• Peter doesn't think Johanna is the sort to say "she/her" whenever someone, namely Peter, says "he/his". Johanna thinks it's weird that he would think of her as any type at all since he never lets her speak.


• Given the amount of Victorian this and lace that, I'm surprised Steve didn't fall all over Johanna since she seems to have what I imagine was Tricia's fashion sense. Tragic!beauty.


• Math isn't Steve's best or favorite subject.


• Johanna shows Steve how to do his spatial relationship math problems and admits to having done such things as fun when she was younger. Everyone is amazed at the sheer brilliance! I yawn and point out that I did them for fun, too, but I still managed to do horribly in math, so really Jo, don't set your hopes too high. :p


• Jo has Ms. Taylor for Math.


• Bruce and Roger wiped the courts with Jess and Cara.


• Whoever our ghostwriter is, they're certainly fond of "pains". Behold! Jo takes "extra special pains" on her first day back at SVH, p14. Jo takes "unusual pains" for her date with Peter, p44. "special pains"were taken the Monday after their date and Sunday chat. Basically, the first time you see Jo for the day, she's taken some sort of pains to look fantastic. The first two times, I let it slide, but by the third, I was wondering if I was hallucinating or just having major deja vu. None of the above. Repetitive writing. Fine for me, bad for you, ghosty.


• Lucy Hawkins is thin, with mousy brown hair, and has always been mean to Johanna. She makes a bitchy comment right behind Johanna's back [literally] to her friend Carol Ulrich.


• Bridgewater is fifteen/twenty minutes away. It's an exclusive suburb, and the Bridgewater Ball is coming. Debutantes, ahoy!


• When Peter invites Jo out and offers to take her someplace in Bridgewater, she never realizes that he's only taking her there because no one will see them. She's right. She IS a moron.


• Jo continues to hold onto her crush on Peter because he makes her feel that anything is possible, a feeling she lost when she a)grew up and b) her mother died.


• Julie goes to the PTA dance with John Pfeifer.


• Lila's date is from Bridgewater.


• Jessica did buy her size four dress. You know, since you were dying to know. Thing is... she doesn't wear it. At the dance we're told that she's wearing a skimpy white top and a leather mini. This is not the dress, guys. What happened? Where's my size six beauty in a filmy, sheer, bare dress that's a size too small for her? Where's THAT secret diary entry, dammit?


• When Amy hits the library with most of the cheerleaders in tow, I realized that on their own, without Jessica or maybe Cara [or Li back in the day, or Heather in the future] the SVH cheerleaders aren't all that bitchy. Amy's trying her best to make Jo feel like shit and all I can think is that she's got the wrong crowd. Robin may steal your boyfriend [hey, something in common with Jo!] but she's not going to go out of her way to make someone feel like crap. Maria's always seemed like the nice one. Sandy might join in the bitchery, but Jean's too much a lady for true bitchery. Amy, honey, you brought the wrong crowd.


• When the cheerleaders leave, ghosty says the four girls leave the library, but um, Maria, Robin, Amy, Sandy, and Jean? Five girls. Unless one of them has a secret none of us know...


• Johanna has Mr. Russo for fourth period, and she's the only one in the class to get an A [92] on their electromagnetic configurations test. Woo?


• With summer classes, Jo could take calculus and physics next year.


• In a bold move, Amy is NOT happy about Jessica's scheme to break Cara/Steve up simply because Jessica is bored with their relationship. This is one of the few times I say "Yay, Amy!" and mean it.


• Steve took Eve Young to Amy's predance party and then to the PTA dance. I'm not gonna ask why he even went.


• Cara went with Ken. Poor Ken, every girl's backup pretty boy.


• Rob, Jessica's date, has blond hair.


• Susan Stewart, our star for the next book dates Gordon Stoddard but they hang out with mostly Bridgewater kids. Susan's guardian is Helen Reister. Remind me to care next book. I'm still wondering why the wardrobe change, Jessie.


• Enid's date for the dance is Scott Long.


• Jo has Mr. Fellows for History. Doesn't everyone?


• Jo saw an idea like Peter's on NOVA.


• Alicia Benson, a sophomore, hints that with Peter "tutoring" Jo, her grades must be doing better. This freaks Jo out because everyone knows, but Peter's still with Amy.


• When she runs late for gym, Jo manages to overhear Yvonne and Lisa bad mouthing her, wondering why Peter would trade one airhead for another.


• When Amy confronts him about Jo, Peter lies and says he's just taking pity on the charity case and she tells him to never see Jo again or they're through. He writes her a letter and Jo's shattered. Woe, you have lost the 'friendship' of an asshole. My heart, it bleeds.


• Mrs. Porter's favorite piece of music was Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Jo writes a computer program to play it.


• Jo's father finally gets Jo to realize that she cannot go back to school for someone else, she has to do it for Jo.


• Susan Stewart lives on Trowbridge Street, and Lila calls it "the cinders." Oh, Lila. You're so snobby. We love you.

Quotable:

  What was it that could make a sixteen year old girl want to ruin her social life by dating only one guy? - Oh, Jessica... p5

  "Peter DeHaven?" Elizabeth repeated. She had to catch herself to avoid displaying the surprise she was feeling. She had been one second away from blurting out, "But he's so smart!" - I howled at this. Aw, Amy, everyone thinks you're an annoying dumbass by now. Good times. Good, good times. p7

  "Science," Amy repeated, as if it were a foreign word. "Oh, well, I'm not," she conceded. "I think it's about the most boring thing in the world. But Peter's adorable. And he never talks about any of of that stuff when we're together. I wouldn't let him, even if he tried. We talk about fun things-like the party next week," she concluded dreamily. "You know, stuff like that." - p8

  She was waiting in the lunch line, surrounded by other students, none of whom she knew very well. Some had moved to Sweet Valley during her absence, such as Regina Morrow, the stunning, raven-haired girl who had overcome deafness through a series of treatments in Switzerland. - This physically pains me. p 21

  Elizabeth looked thoughtfully at her twin. "Can I ask you a question?"
  Jessica giggled. "Nope. No questions tonight, Liz. I can't think and keep my thighs in shape at the same time." -This is why I love Jessica. p60

  Lila gave her one of her scathing don't-you-know-anything-about-the-things-that-matter looks. - I hope Jess is shaking in her boots. p 74

  "Couldn't you at least do a little better than Johanna Porter? The girl can barely spell her own name!" -Amy gets her bitch on, p 90

"I absolutely love this sort of thing," Lila Fowler declared. "It's so-you know, primitive. Nothing like dancing right where you had gym class this morning to make you feel romantic." -Lila, p. 100

Typical Peter DeHaven. Everything is wonderful until you get to the love and intimacy part. - Jo, you bitter? p111




  You know the biggest problem with Last Chance? The entire premise, that Johanna can't relate to her family because she's not musical is proven to be completely untrue in the SVT series. Lila hijacks her voice because it's THAT good. So, um, no. I do not buy that in the two/three years between then and now she lost her fantastic voice and that it was never once mentioned that she used to be amazing and now... isn't. That'd be more fun to read, honestly.
  For all I bitch, Last Chance isn't bad. It's just that it could have been, and probably should have been better. But mostly if your story hinges on a guy, shouldn't he occasionally not seem like a jerk BEFORE the end? Bah.

  I love that the reenactment, if you will, photo makes Amy look like she's the love of Peter's life and that Jo's the evil girlfriend who won't step aside so their love can finally be out in the open. Yes, that hurt me to say, why do you ask?



* I'm beginning to wonder if Tricia didn't have to die simply because her last name didn't begin with a W. Jeffrey couldn't last for the same reason. Lookit. Elizabeth Wakefield/Todd Wilkins. Jessica Wakefield/Sam Woodruff. Steven Wakefield/Cara Walker. That's a lot of Ws without a single White being uttered. He's not til SVU anyway.

** Um, if Johanna's in the easiest classes the school/state will let her get away with, why in the hell is she in Elizabeth's English class? Wouldn't Liz [for as much as her writing is mocked by the readers, she's still supposed to be one of the most gifted students in the English area, ja?] be in one of the harder classes? At the school I went to, and from things other people said, you had the honors classes where you had to be declared dead to drop and then you had most everyone else. The everyone else classes were then broken up and you tended to have the really smart kids, where Liz would have been if she hadn't managed to make the honors thing and there were a few mixed bags, but there was always at least one class where you had the kids that were taking English Whatever for the third time and dammit, this time they were going to pass. Jo? Would have NOT been in Elizabeth's class if they really did put her in the easy classes. Liz would have to be in one of the harder classes, yes?
Or was our school system set up totally different and everyone else was just fucked?