and when I promised my hand, he promised me back snow cherries from france

Rumors
June 1987

   Can Susan live with the truth?

   Painful lies...

   It's every girl's dream at Sweet Valley High to attend the fabulous Bridgewater Ball, and Susan Stewart has the chance to go with handsome, wealthy Gordon Stoddard. Nobody knows where Susan gets her money and style- or who her real parents are- but everyone agrees she's beautiful, friendly, and fun to be with.
   Then jealous Lila Fowler starts spreading vicious rumors about Susan's mother-who she really is and why she abandoned Susan. No one wants to talk to Susan anymore, not even Gordon. To clear her name, Susan has to find out the truth about her parents. But is she better off not knowing?


   When I was a kid, I didn't really get the point of the books focusing on non!Wakefields or their immediate circle of friends. I was there for the twins, Lila, Enid, and the occasional boy toy. I'd have been happy with a Winston book, for the record, but for the most part these fringe characters that litter the landscape? Yeah, I wasn't really big on a lot of them. I'm not sure how much this has changed over the years, to be honest.
   Just thought I should warn you.

   Woe is Susan Stewart. It's taken 30-something books for us to find out anything about her and when we do, the book you'd think would be her own isn't. It's more about everyone else reacting to Susan than it is about Susan herself, which is an odd perspective, but I suppose it fits for a story taking place in high school. Mostly you are who you see reflected in everyone else's eyes, right? Sure, whatever.
  Susan lives with her guardian, Helen Reister. Everyone knows that Helen isn't Susan's mother, but no one, including Susan, knows who Susan's mother actually is. Rumor has it she's someone famous, and she sends money to alleviate her guilt... I mean, make it easier on Susan. Most people take the Jessica Wakefield approach to Susan: Treat her as if she were Someone. That way, if she is, you're set. If she's not, well, you can turn on her then. No sense making an enemy until you need to do so.
  And so Susan is pretty popular. She's one of the nine billion redheads inhabiting the Valley and has a steady rich-bitch boyfriend named Gordon. His family golfs together and they sound like your stereotypical rich-bitch family. There's talk of lowering standards on the admissions committee to the Club and there's an uncomfortable moment when you feel like someone should ask why the old white guy feels he's so much better than that old white guy, but no one does. Instead Gordon's father, after berating Gordon's mother for her horrible golfing, assures Susan that she's their sort of people.
  Naturally, by this point you know full well that Susan's mother is going to be revealed and that she's not going to be their sort of people at all. You have your suspicions, but you do know that for a fact. Gordon sort of tries to reassure Susan that he'd still love her if she were, y'know, not his sort of people, but not really. It's more of Susan asking if he would and he's evasive enough that DUH, of course he'll dump your ass.
  Susan is desperate to know who her mother is and doesn't understand why her 'Aunt' Helen works so hard when her mother obviously sends her money for fabulous things. If you've realized that Helen is Susan's mother, congrats. You can wear this, "Not an Idiot" pin with pride.
  The big thread left over from last book was that the Bridgewater Ball is coming up. It's the fancy coming out to society sort of party for the ever wealthy members of Bridgewater Society. Fun? Susan is going with Gordon and everyone else is abuzz with news and speculation of who else will be attending the blowout. Liz even devotes an entire gossip column to guessing the attendees. She and Enid decide that Lila, Bruce & Regina, and Roger & Olivia are all sure bets. Lila, however, is a bit up shit creek without a paddle. Her last BW [Bridgewater] date fizzled and she doesn't have another one to the ball. So Lila schemes and schemes big.
  It seems Lila used to go out with Gordon [did she? I don't remember...] until he and Susan hooked up. Lila doesn't forgive or forget unless it's in the interest of the plot, so she doesn't like Susan for that reason. Lila also doesn't like other rich girls [see Regina] and is even less fond of them when they're also pretty [still see Regina], but she really, really, REALLY can't stand the way that Susan is coasting along on the idea that she might be Someone, and not actual proof. So Lila twists this to her advantage and spreads a rumor that Susan's mother is actually in a mental institution for the criminally insane. Not only is she insane, but she obviously killed someone and got caught. Crazy killer too dumb to not get caught! Oh, the shame!
  And because people are idiots, they eat this rumor up like candy. Everyone shuns poor Susan because it must be true. Not only are they mad because, ew, crazy germs, but also because she let them all believe she was better than that. She lied to them! She thought she was Someone and she's really no one and good lord, if someone doesn't break into song in the next two seconds, my brain will never recover.

   To add to all this drama, Jessica's taking a health class and thanks to yet another suggestion courtesy of Lila [the power!], Jess is sure that her mother is pregnant. She's been cranky and has weird cravings, and actually, the way it's presented, it's not outside the realm of possibility. Alice does seem to want another kid, but instead of asking her about it, the twins decide to drop hints that they'd be more than okay having a sibling that's 16/17 years younger than they are. The single best thing of the book is SO good I always forget that it happens because I always forget this subplot.
   While Jeffrey is over and Liz and Jessica are laying it on a little thick, Ned and Alice freak out. After dinner, Alice demands to know which twin is "in trouble." Sex! In a SVH book! I die with joy and laughter and all things good. Alice thinks her kids are having sex!

   They aren't, of course, but oh, this was so good. Um, anyway, Steven comes home when Jess leaves a frantic message and instead of thinking logically and just asking [though he does suggest it], he joins the hint parade. Finally we learn the baby clothes Jess found are for a baby shower and no, Alice isn't preggers and this is all Jessica's fault, and I swear you hear, "Oh, Jessica..." Funny, at my house my parents would point out that whomever is dumb enough to follow the town idiot gets to be mocked just as much, if not more, because they should know better. At Casa de Wakefield, it's just "Oh, Jessica!"

  Back to Susan. Remember Allen Walters, Robin's boytoy before she stabbed Enid in the back? Well, he finally moved on beyond cheating Robin and fell for Susan. Only he'd never make a move on such a beautiful, fantastic, sophisticated girl who was already taken because Allen may be a dork, but he's a noble dork. I'm actually kind of liking Allen, so give me a moment. When everyone else dumps Susan, Allen moves in for the kill and tries desperately to cheer Susan up. He has varying degrees of luck and when he suggests a date, he almost loses it when Susan realizes that the night he's suggesting is the night of the BWB, but she can't go, and Allen is the only person besides Liz Wakefield who has looked at her like she's still human, so what the hell. God, I'm killing the language here. Um, anyway.
  Our other Wakefield subplot revolves around a moving being shot in SV. They're looking for extras and Liz gets it into her head that she'll interview the director because he's donating his salary on the movie to SADD, since his son was killed a year ago by a drunk driver, leaving me to wonder- is it in horrible taste to suggest that for the Sweet Valley Drinking Game, a shot should be done for each car accident, two shots for all accidents being the result of a drunk driver?

  Back to Susan's guardian: She's panicking because Susan really needs to know, but if she knew her mother were just a poor waitress with amazing sewing skills, she'd be less than thrilled. So Helen rips up the confession note she just wrote and is all set to never, ever tell Susan [at least, not til she's 18, and honey, these books will never let that happen, so she's free!] and then there's a knock at the door. It's the director, Jackson Croft! And what's more, Helen knew he'd be by since he was in town! Intrigue!
  Yeah, since Susan can't be Someone because her mother is, she'll be Someone because her father is Jackson Croft, the lone Hollywood director who manages to combine box office entertainment with a message. He's just that awesome, guys. So awesome that when his career was first taking off he left his girlfriend and got married while they were apart, even though said girlfriend was preggers, though he didn't know. What a guy. Susan comes home to find her mother entertaining [alas, not a euphenism] Hollywood royalty. Helen tells Susan to be nice to her father, Susan freaks out, Helen runs away, and Jackson lets it slip that Helen is Susan's mother. Susan freaks out because he kind of strings her along, not realizing Susan doesn't know Helen is her mother, but when it all comes out, Jackson does what he does best. Runs away, leaving Helen and Susan to pick up the pieces. Like I said, what a guy.
  Anyway, happy happy joy-joys ensue, and when Liz tries to get an interview with Jackson, Susan appears and word gets out that Susan is more than they thought, just not on her mother's side. Lila's new date, Gordon, runs back to Susan and Lila is beyond pissed, but Susan actually considers resuming her old life, ready to tell Allen she can't go out with him because it's obvious he was just being, you know, nice... and then Allen appears and is so excited about their date that Susan... realizes he's not an asshole? I dunno, but she tells Gordon she's got better things to do, like Allen, and that's that.

  To recap: Susan Stewart has everyone thinking she's someone special because of her mother. She's not. Her mother is just a simple waitress. Her father, on the other hand, is Jackson Croft, a major Hollywood director, and thus she's redeemed. She's more than someone. She's a Star. Yawn.
  Alice thinks her kids are having sex and her kids think she's having a baby. Turns out they're all wrong.
  Lila starts both of the big rumors floating around this book. All hail Lila!

  The setup for the next book is Regina's been filling Elizabeth's head with wonderful stories about boarding schools in Switzerland and Liz wants to go, but she couldn't possibly afford it. Regina points out that Liz is fantastically smart and talented [and yet, still in Joanna's slow English class...] and could easily score a scholarship, thus setting up the premise for numerous books later on. Liz! In Switzerland! The musical?



Trivia:

• "Mom, could you please pass the butter?" is a really, really boring way to start a book. So is following that with a bunch of lame jokes that aren't even redeemed by the fact that they're supposed to be lame. The whole tone of the beginning of this book is off.


• Ned is in Phoenix until 6pm.


• The Fiat is making odd noises that only Jessica can hear. Car whisperer? Or simply she uses it the most?


• Andrea Van Allen is in charge of this year's Bridgewater Ball.


• Last year's BWB's theme was Mississippi Riverboat. Rumor has it that last year they spent more than five thousand dollars on flowers. They had ice sculptures like a giant steamboat with jumbo shrimp.


• This year? Tales from the Vienna Woods.


• Jessica mixed up Vienna and Venice.


• In a cute moment, Liz waves to other people when she gets to school early, but snags Enid and keeps walking to the Oracle office. In my head it's all, "yeah, you're nice, but Enid's my bestest. Suck on that." Um, but cuter? Remember, I like dorky Liz.


• Enid and Liz decide the following will most likely be attending the Bridgewater Ball: Bruce/Regina, Roger/Olivia, Susanne Hanlon, Lila Fowler.


• Our ghosty decides that Roger is Bruce's half brother. Um, no? What is it about Roger that's so difficult to understand? He's Bruce's cousin! Why does this confuse everyone?


• Liz entitles her speculation: The Chic Mystique: Who Gets To Go To The Year's Most Exclusive Party?


• Dana is rocking skin tight leopard spotted jeans. My mind is totally blown.


• Grant Palmer was Lila's Bridgewater date to the big dance last book, but they fizzled out in record time.


• Jessica thinks Susan and Gordon will go, but Lila doesn't think Susan will, and then says something about how many people from Whitehead Academy will.


• Susan Stewart is a tanned redhead with coppery hair, wide smoky brown eyes, and the ability to ooze sophistication. Honey, that might be your most marketable gift right there. You've got to be born with that.


• Ken and Winston dance around health class. <3 !


• Winston mockingly creates the Poor People's Cotillion, which will be held in the health classroom every February 30th. Potato sacks and shoes with black laces., and no one with an annual income of more than five hundred dollars is allowed.


• Lila doesn't find all the insanity amusing.


• Ms. Rice is the health teacher.


• Mr.Farley Stoddard is described as he of the florid face with light blue eyes, a senior VP at West Cost Oil Cam Cooperation. What. A. Catch.


• Mrs. Binky Stoddard has light brown hair and is forever getting trapped between the 7th and 8th holes on the Sweet Valley Country Club golf course. That's between the duck pond and the winding brook. Binky? Really?


• Binky has a golf pro named Richard.


• Gordon has finely molded, aristocratic features, keen blue eyes, and glossy light brown hair. He's cardboard and plastic, kids. That's all.


• When Susan asks, Binky suggests a long, pale gold gown, along with a corsage of tiny white [with a hint of blush] rosebuds for the BWB.


• Lila and Gordon Stoddard dated.


• Helen Reister is an amazing seamstress, capable of sewing a gown for a ball where the rest of the attendees would probably shell out some exorbitant fee for something not half as pretty, and yet Susan's dress would never be mocked. [If it would be, we would have known about it/seen it.]


• Helen also shares the same coloring as Susan, although Susan doesn't always seem to believe Helen is a blood relative. Honey, redheads who tan? There aren't exactly a million of you in the world.


• By page 39 you know Helen is Susan's mother, even though it hasn't officially been said yet. You just do. Yay, you!


• Jessica makes a fantastic meat loaf, claims she usually does, and is a little miffed that her father assumes Alice or Liz made it. I'm not sure whether to applaud this running continuity [Jessica can cook, but people keep assuming she'll kill them, so if it's good, assume one of the other people at home made it] or bitch-slap a fictional family for annoying me and making me feel sorry for Jessica. Cuz I do, even when she's not all that upset this go round. *bitchslaps Ned Wakefield*


• Alice has crazy-bitchy cravings for pistachio ice cream. Normally no sane Wakefield would ever, ever touch the stuff. Good to know.


• Susan has Mr. Rizzo for Science, and I'm guessing Allen does, too, since she asks him for help.


• Lila thinks that Cara and Caroline are both reformed gossips, but if the dirt's juicy enough, they'll both fall off the wagon. How right she is.


• Lila starts the rumor that Susan's mother is in a home for the criminally insane.


• Prince Albert helps Jessica find a bag from Great Expectations, a maternity store in downtown Sweet Valley. Inside the bag, which was hidden behind old sandals, an outdated macrome hand bag, and a tattered beach blanket, is a yellow sweater and cap set.


• Alice thought one of the twins was pregnant, given the way they kept going on about babies.


• Jackson Croft is a Hollywood movie director. He'll be holding a casting call "next Saturday at Hampton Place shopping center". He's looking for extras, but Jessica is sure that one look at her and he'll decide to make her a star.


• Deborah Carteret canceled dinner with Susan cuz of the crazy rumors.


• Jason Croft, Jackson's son, was 14 when he died a year ago.


• Veronica Hammond is an actress and Jackson's wife/Jason's mother.


• Jackson's movie is La Luna, a drama that takes place over one year in the life of a family.


• Liz is sure that if she can get Jackson to grant her an interview, Louis Westman, the editor at the Sweet Valley News will reprint it in the newspaper.


• Heather Sanford [Aaron's girlfriend, remember her?] made Liz a dress of light blue, feather light cambric. Liz thinks it's a little too tame for Jessica and really doesn't want to lend it to her, but Liz is a doormat.


• Helen is revealed to be Susan's mother on page 118. No one is surprised.


• The following SVH students appear at the casting call: Jessica, Elizabeth, Jean West, Sandy Bacon, Aaron Dallas, Heather Sanford, Sally Larson, Mark Riley, Dana Larson and the rest of the Droids, Enid.


• Alice and Ned were so secretive about a month long vacation that would leave the twins home alone, not about being knocked up again. Dude, no one would leave their teenage daughters, particularly THOSE daughters, alone for a month. It's child endangerment. Or a good way to burn down your house in two days, tops.


• When Gordon tries to crawl back again, Lila dumps soda on his head. We love you, Lila!


• Regina brochures Liz to death with stuff from the Interlochen School.

Quotable SVH:

"That's the problem with morning classes-you have less time to get the work from someone else first." Lila, p15

"Oh, no!" wailed Ken, burying his face in his hands. "And all I ever wanted was to go to the ball and dance with Winston Egbert."
"Well, if that's all you want, why didn't you say so?" Winston jumped down, and while the whole class looked on and laughed, the two boys danced boisterously around the room. - After Winston decides that the first annual Poor People's Cotillion will only accept people whose shoes have black laces. p 22


Mr. Stoddard talked nonstop throughout the meal about his conviction that Sweet Valley was going to the dogs and that they would all be murdered in their beds if the police didn't start to shape up. - Oh, poor, poor Farley. You speak true, but everyone writes you off as the ass that you are. Woe. p33

Pregnant! How could that be?
Jessica lifted one eyebrow and tapped the book on her lap. It was pretty obvious how, she told herself. But why? - p44

"Don't you think that's pretty strange?"
Lila smiled wryly. "You mean for Jessica to study during lunch? Yes. And for that matter," she continued in a sarcastic tone, "I didn't even know she knew where the library was." - Lila wins again! p57

As Lila stood up, Cara grabbed her arm. "Are you sure about this?"
An unpleasant sensation of guilt washed over Lila for a brief moment, but she quickly pushed it out of her mind. "Well," she said slowly,"nobody really knows anything for sure, do they?" - Lila's crafty. p60


" 'A critical and popular success' ," her mother read out loud. " 'Jackson Croft's unerring sense of the issues that capture the public's heart has made him one of the foremost directors in the business. He has been honored at Cannes and by the Motion Picture Academy and has received numerous humanitarian awards.' Talk about having your cake and eating it too," she added with a dry smile. - Alice reading from the paper, p80


"Oh, God!" groaned Jessica, flopping over onto her back. "Can you imagine? Twins? Give me strength!" - Jessica, on the possibility her mother might have twins again. p141

"Oh, Enid!" Elizabeth gasped with relief. "It's a miracle! I'm so glad I found you!"
Enid's green eyes twinkled with amusement. "I had no idea you felt that way about me, Liz!" - Oh, Enid, don't be modest. We all knew. p146


   For the Liz love/hate report, Liz does something that puts her in both categories this go round. In my, "Oh, come ON" list there's Liz trying to console Susan. Instead of listening to the poor girl, she keeps chattering on and on, making Susan feel worse, and oh yeah, not listening. At all. Liz! Shut up!
  But then later on Liz is sweet and shy and nervous when trying to speak to Jackson Croft and looks around for Enid to help her out and there's this moment where she feels almost real. If there's anything I can relate to, it's being tongue-tied and shy. I can't get behind Super!Liz, but when shades of dorkier-twin Liz come out to play, I'm all over them. That's the Liz I love and want to be friends with. Too bad they shoved her aside after awhile.
  Can't say I give much of a damn about Susan. She seems like a cardboard cutout, and her only standout feature is that she's the lone tan redhead in the Valley.

   Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm still giggling over "which one of you two is in trouble?" Gold! Why do I always forget this? Why do I always forget everything about this book except "Helen is Susan's mother. DUH. Next!"?

and when I promised my hand, he promised me back snow cherries from france

Rumors
June 1987

   Can Susan live with the truth?

   Painful lies...

   It's every girl's dream at Sweet Valley High to attend the fabulous Bridgewater Ball, and Susan Stewart has the chance to go with handsome, wealthy Gordon Stoddard. Nobody knows where Susan gets her money and style- or who her real parents are- but everyone agrees she's beautiful, friendly, and fun to be with.
   Then jealous Lila Fowler starts spreading vicious rumors about Susan's mother-who she really is and why she abandoned Susan. No one wants to talk to Susan anymore, not even Gordon. To clear her name, Susan has to find out the truth about her parents. But is she better off not knowing?


   When I was a kid, I didn't really get the point of the books focusing on non!Wakefields or their immediate circle of friends. I was there for the twins, Lila, Enid, and the occasional boy toy. I'd have been happy with a Winston book, for the record, but for the most part these fringe characters that litter the landscape? Yeah, I wasn't really big on a lot of them. I'm not sure how much this has changed over the years, to be honest.
   Just thought I should warn you.

   Woe is Susan Stewart. It's taken 30-something books for us to find out anything about her and when we do, the book you'd think would be her own isn't. It's more about everyone else reacting to Susan than it is about Susan herself, which is an odd perspective, but I suppose it fits for a story taking place in high school. Mostly you are who you see reflected in everyone else's eyes, right? Sure, whatever.
  Susan lives with her guardian, Helen Reister. Everyone knows that Helen isn't Susan's mother, but no one, including Susan, knows who Susan's mother actually is. Rumor has it she's someone famous, and she sends money to alleviate her guilt... I mean, make it easier on Susan. Most people take the Jessica Wakefield approach to Susan: Treat her as if she were Someone. That way, if she is, you're set. If she's not, well, you can turn on her then. No sense making an enemy until you need to do so.
  And so Susan is pretty popular. She's one of the nine billion redheads inhabiting the Valley and has a steady rich-bitch boyfriend named Gordon. His family golfs together and they sound like your stereotypical rich-bitch family. There's talk of lowering standards on the admissions committee to the Club and there's an uncomfortable moment when you feel like someone should ask why the old white guy feels he's so much better than that old white guy, but no one does. Instead Gordon's father, after berating Gordon's mother for her horrible golfing, assures Susan that she's their sort of people.
  Naturally, by this point you know full well that Susan's mother is going to be revealed and that she's not going to be their sort of people at all. You have your suspicions, but you do know that for a fact. Gordon sort of tries to reassure Susan that he'd still love her if she were, y'know, not his sort of people, but not really. It's more of Susan asking if he would and he's evasive enough that DUH, of course he'll dump your ass.
  Susan is desperate to know who her mother is and doesn't understand why her 'Aunt' Helen works so hard when her mother obviously sends her money for fabulous things. If you've realized that Helen is Susan's mother, congrats. You can wear this, "Not an Idiot" pin with pride.
  The big thread left over from last book was that the Bridgewater Ball is coming up. It's the fancy coming out to society sort of party for the ever wealthy members of Bridgewater Society. Fun? Susan is going with Gordon and everyone else is abuzz with news and speculation of who else will be attending the blowout. Liz even devotes an entire gossip column to guessing the attendees. She and Enid decide that Lila, Bruce & Regina, and Roger & Olivia are all sure bets. Lila, however, is a bit up shit creek without a paddle. Her last BW [Bridgewater] date fizzled and she doesn't have another one to the ball. So Lila schemes and schemes big.
  It seems Lila used to go out with Gordon [did she? I don't remember...] until he and Susan hooked up. Lila doesn't forgive or forget unless it's in the interest of the plot, so she doesn't like Susan for that reason. Lila also doesn't like other rich girls [see Regina] and is even less fond of them when they're also pretty [still see Regina], but she really, really, REALLY can't stand the way that Susan is coasting along on the idea that she might be Someone, and not actual proof. So Lila twists this to her advantage and spreads a rumor that Susan's mother is actually in a mental institution for the criminally insane. Not only is she insane, but she obviously killed someone and got caught. Crazy killer too dumb to not get caught! Oh, the shame!
  And because people are idiots, they eat this rumor up like candy. Everyone shuns poor Susan because it must be true. Not only are they mad because, ew, crazy germs, but also because she let them all believe she was better than that. She lied to them! She thought she was Someone and she's really no one and good lord, if someone doesn't break into song in the next two seconds, my brain will never recover.

   To add to all this drama, Jessica's taking a health class and thanks to yet another suggestion courtesy of Lila [the power!], Jess is sure that her mother is pregnant. She's been cranky and has weird cravings, and actually, the way it's presented, it's not outside the realm of possibility. Alice does seem to want another kid, but instead of asking her about it, the twins decide to drop hints that they'd be more than okay having a sibling that's 16/17 years younger than they are. The single best thing of the book is SO good I always forget that it happens because I always forget this subplot.
   While Jeffrey is over and Liz and Jessica are laying it on a little thick, Ned and Alice freak out. After dinner, Alice demands to know which twin is "in trouble." Sex! In a SVH book! I die with joy and laughter and all things good. Alice thinks her kids are having sex!

   They aren't, of course, but oh, this was so good. Um, anyway, Steven comes home when Jess leaves a frantic message and instead of thinking logically and just asking [though he does suggest it], he joins the hint parade. Finally we learn the baby clothes Jess found are for a baby shower and no, Alice isn't preggers and this is all Jessica's fault, and I swear you hear, "Oh, Jessica..." Funny, at my house my parents would point out that whomever is dumb enough to follow the town idiot gets to be mocked just as much, if not more, because they should know better. At Casa de Wakefield, it's just "Oh, Jessica!"

  Back to Susan. Remember Allen Walters, Robin's boytoy before she stabbed Enid in the back? Well, he finally moved on beyond cheating Robin and fell for Susan. Only he'd never make a move on such a beautiful, fantastic, sophisticated girl who was already taken because Allen may be a dork, but he's a noble dork. I'm actually kind of liking Allen, so give me a moment. When everyone else dumps Susan, Allen moves in for the kill and tries desperately to cheer Susan up. He has varying degrees of luck and when he suggests a date, he almost loses it when Susan realizes that the night he's suggesting is the night of the BWB, but she can't go, and Allen is the only person besides Liz Wakefield who has looked at her like she's still human, so what the hell. God, I'm killing the language here. Um, anyway.
  Our other Wakefield subplot revolves around a moving being shot in SV. They're looking for extras and Liz gets it into her head that she'll interview the director because he's donating his salary on the movie to SADD, since his son was killed a year ago by a drunk driver, leaving me to wonder- is it in horrible taste to suggest that for the Sweet Valley Drinking Game, a shot should be done for each car accident, two shots for all accidents being the result of a drunk driver?

  Back to Susan's guardian: She's panicking because Susan really needs to know, but if she knew her mother were just a poor waitress with amazing sewing skills, she'd be less than thrilled. So Helen rips up the confession note she just wrote and is all set to never, ever tell Susan [at least, not til she's 18, and honey, these books will never let that happen, so she's free!] and then there's a knock at the door. It's the director, Jackson Croft! And what's more, Helen knew he'd be by since he was in town! Intrigue!
  Yeah, since Susan can't be Someone because her mother is, she'll be Someone because her father is Jackson Croft, the lone Hollywood director who manages to combine box office entertainment with a message. He's just that awesome, guys. So awesome that when his career was first taking off he left his girlfriend and got married while they were apart, even though said girlfriend was preggers, though he didn't know. What a guy. Susan comes home to find her mother entertaining [alas, not a euphenism] Hollywood royalty. Helen tells Susan to be nice to her father, Susan freaks out, Helen runs away, and Jackson lets it slip that Helen is Susan's mother. Susan freaks out because he kind of strings her along, not realizing Susan doesn't know Helen is her mother, but when it all comes out, Jackson does what he does best. Runs away, leaving Helen and Susan to pick up the pieces. Like I said, what a guy.
  Anyway, happy happy joy-joys ensue, and when Liz tries to get an interview with Jackson, Susan appears and word gets out that Susan is more than they thought, just not on her mother's side. Lila's new date, Gordon, runs back to Susan and Lila is beyond pissed, but Susan actually considers resuming her old life, ready to tell Allen she can't go out with him because it's obvious he was just being, you know, nice... and then Allen appears and is so excited about their date that Susan... realizes he's not an asshole? I dunno, but she tells Gordon she's got better things to do, like Allen, and that's that.

  To recap: Susan Stewart has everyone thinking she's someone special because of her mother. She's not. Her mother is just a simple waitress. Her father, on the other hand, is Jackson Croft, a major Hollywood director, and thus she's redeemed. She's more than someone. She's a Star. Yawn.
  Alice thinks her kids are having sex and her kids think she's having a baby. Turns out they're all wrong.
  Lila starts both of the big rumors floating around this book. All hail Lila!

  The setup for the next book is Regina's been filling Elizabeth's head with wonderful stories about boarding schools in Switzerland and Liz wants to go, but she couldn't possibly afford it. Regina points out that Liz is fantastically smart and talented [and yet, still in Joanna's slow English class...] and could easily score a scholarship, thus setting up the premise for numerous books later on. Liz! In Switzerland! The musical?



Trivia:

• "Mom, could you please pass the butter?" is a really, really boring way to start a book. So is following that with a bunch of lame jokes that aren't even redeemed by the fact that they're supposed to be lame. The whole tone of the beginning of this book is off.


• Ned is in Phoenix until 6pm.


• The Fiat is making odd noises that only Jessica can hear. Car whisperer? Or simply she uses it the most?


• Andrea Van Allen is in charge of this year's Bridgewater Ball.


• Last year's BWB's theme was Mississippi Riverboat. Rumor has it that last year they spent more than five thousand dollars on flowers. They had ice sculptures like a giant steamboat with jumbo shrimp.


• This year? Tales from the Vienna Woods.


• Jessica mixed up Vienna and Venice.


• In a cute moment, Liz waves to other people when she gets to school early, but snags Enid and keeps walking to the Oracle office. In my head it's all, "yeah, you're nice, but Enid's my bestest. Suck on that." Um, but cuter? Remember, I like dorky Liz.


• Enid and Liz decide the following will most likely be attending the Bridgewater Ball: Bruce/Regina, Roger/Olivia, Susanne Hanlon, Lila Fowler.


• Our ghosty decides that Roger is Bruce's half brother. Um, no? What is it about Roger that's so difficult to understand? He's Bruce's cousin! Why does this confuse everyone?


• Liz entitles her speculation: The Chic Mystique: Who Gets To Go To The Year's Most Exclusive Party?


• Dana is rocking skin tight leopard spotted jeans. My mind is totally blown.


• Grant Palmer was Lila's Bridgewater date to the big dance last book, but they fizzled out in record time.


• Jessica thinks Susan and Gordon will go, but Lila doesn't think Susan will, and then says something about how many people from Whitehead Academy will.


• Susan Stewart is a tanned redhead with coppery hair, wide smoky brown eyes, and the ability to ooze sophistication. Honey, that might be your most marketable gift right there. You've got to be born with that.


• Ken and Winston dance around health class. <3 !


• Winston mockingly creates the Poor People's Cotillion, which will be held in the health classroom every February 30th. Potato sacks and shoes with black laces., and no one with an annual income of more than five hundred dollars is allowed.


• Lila doesn't find all the insanity amusing.


• Ms. Rice is the health teacher.


• Mr.Farley Stoddard is described as he of the florid face with light blue eyes, a senior VP at West Cost Oil Cam Cooperation. What. A. Catch.


• Mrs. Binky Stoddard has light brown hair and is forever getting trapped between the 7th and 8th holes on the Sweet Valley Country Club golf course. That's between the duck pond and the winding brook. Binky? Really?


• Binky has a golf pro named Richard.


• Gordon has finely molded, aristocratic features, keen blue eyes, and glossy light brown hair. He's cardboard and plastic, kids. That's all.


• When Susan asks, Binky suggests a long, pale gold gown, along with a corsage of tiny white [with a hint of blush] rosebuds for the BWB.


• Lila and Gordon Stoddard dated.


• Helen Reister is an amazing seamstress, capable of sewing a gown for a ball where the rest of the attendees would probably shell out some exorbitant fee for something not half as pretty, and yet Susan's dress would never be mocked. [If it would be, we would have known about it/seen it.]


• Helen also shares the same coloring as Susan, although Susan doesn't always seem to believe Helen is a blood relative. Honey, redheads who tan? There aren't exactly a million of you in the world.


• By page 39 you know Helen is Susan's mother, even though it hasn't officially been said yet. You just do. Yay, you!


• Jessica makes a fantastic meat loaf, claims she usually does, and is a little miffed that her father assumes Alice or Liz made it. I'm not sure whether to applaud this running continuity [Jessica can cook, but people keep assuming she'll kill them, so if it's good, assume one of the other people at home made it] or bitch-slap a fictional family for annoying me and making me feel sorry for Jessica. Cuz I do, even when she's not all that upset this go round. *bitchslaps Ned Wakefield*


• Alice has crazy-bitchy cravings for pistachio ice cream. Normally no sane Wakefield would ever, ever touch the stuff. Good to know.


• Susan has Mr. Rizzo for Science, and I'm guessing Allen does, too, since she asks him for help.


• Lila thinks that Cara and Caroline are both reformed gossips, but if the dirt's juicy enough, they'll both fall off the wagon. How right she is.


• Lila starts the rumor that Susan's mother is in a home for the criminally insane.


• Prince Albert helps Jessica find a bag from Great Expectations, a maternity store in downtown Sweet Valley. Inside the bag, which was hidden behind old sandals, an outdated macrome hand bag, and a tattered beach blanket, is a yellow sweater and cap set.


• Alice thought one of the twins was pregnant, given the way they kept going on about babies.


• Jackson Croft is a Hollywood movie director. He'll be holding a casting call "next Saturday at Hampton Place shopping center". He's looking for extras, but Jessica is sure that one look at her and he'll decide to make her a star.


• Deborah Carteret canceled dinner with Susan cuz of the crazy rumors.


• Jason Croft, Jackson's son, was 14 when he died a year ago.


• Veronica Hammond is an actress and Jackson's wife/Jason's mother.


• Jackson's movie is La Luna, a drama that takes place over one year in the life of a family.


• Liz is sure that if she can get Jackson to grant her an interview, Louis Westman, the editor at the Sweet Valley News will reprint it in the newspaper.


• Heather Sanford [Aaron's girlfriend, remember her?] made Liz a dress of light blue, feather light cambric. Liz thinks it's a little too tame for Jessica and really doesn't want to lend it to her, but Liz is a doormat.


• Helen is revealed to be Susan's mother on page 118. No one is surprised.


• The following SVH students appear at the casting call: Jessica, Elizabeth, Jean West, Sandy Bacon, Aaron Dallas, Heather Sanford, Sally Larson, Mark Riley, Dana Larson and the rest of the Droids, Enid.


• Alice and Ned were so secretive about a month long vacation that would leave the twins home alone, not about being knocked up again. Dude, no one would leave their teenage daughters, particularly THOSE daughters, alone for a month. It's child endangerment. Or a good way to burn down your house in two days, tops.


• When Gordon tries to crawl back again, Lila dumps soda on his head. We love you, Lila!


• Regina brochures Liz to death with stuff from the Interlochen School.

Quotable SVH:

"That's the problem with morning classes-you have less time to get the work from someone else first." Lila, p15

"Oh, no!" wailed Ken, burying his face in his hands. "And all I ever wanted was to go to the ball and dance with Winston Egbert."
"Well, if that's all you want, why didn't you say so?" Winston jumped down, and while the whole class looked on and laughed, the two boys danced boisterously around the room. - After Winston decides that the first annual Poor People's Cotillion will only accept people whose shoes have black laces. p 22


Mr. Stoddard talked nonstop throughout the meal about his conviction that Sweet Valley was going to the dogs and that they would all be murdered in their beds if the police didn't start to shape up. - Oh, poor, poor Farley. You speak true, but everyone writes you off as the ass that you are. Woe. p33

Pregnant! How could that be?
Jessica lifted one eyebrow and tapped the book on her lap. It was pretty obvious how, she told herself. But why? - p44

"Don't you think that's pretty strange?"
Lila smiled wryly. "You mean for Jessica to study during lunch? Yes. And for that matter," she continued in a sarcastic tone, "I didn't even know she knew where the library was." - Lila wins again! p57

As Lila stood up, Cara grabbed her arm. "Are you sure about this?"
An unpleasant sensation of guilt washed over Lila for a brief moment, but she quickly pushed it out of her mind. "Well," she said slowly,"nobody really knows anything for sure, do they?" - Lila's crafty. p60


" 'A critical and popular success' ," her mother read out loud. " 'Jackson Croft's unerring sense of the issues that capture the public's heart has made him one of the foremost directors in the business. He has been honored at Cannes and by the Motion Picture Academy and has received numerous humanitarian awards.' Talk about having your cake and eating it too," she added with a dry smile. - Alice reading from the paper, p80


"Oh, God!" groaned Jessica, flopping over onto her back. "Can you imagine? Twins? Give me strength!" - Jessica, on the possibility her mother might have twins again. p141

"Oh, Enid!" Elizabeth gasped with relief. "It's a miracle! I'm so glad I found you!"
Enid's green eyes twinkled with amusement. "I had no idea you felt that way about me, Liz!" - Oh, Enid, don't be modest. We all knew. p146


   For the Liz love/hate report, Liz does something that puts her in both categories this go round. In my, "Oh, come ON" list there's Liz trying to console Susan. Instead of listening to the poor girl, she keeps chattering on and on, making Susan feel worse, and oh yeah, not listening. At all. Liz! Shut up!
  But then later on Liz is sweet and shy and nervous when trying to speak to Jackson Croft and looks around for Enid to help her out and there's this moment where she feels almost real. If there's anything I can relate to, it's being tongue-tied and shy. I can't get behind Super!Liz, but when shades of dorkier-twin Liz come out to play, I'm all over them. That's the Liz I love and want to be friends with. Too bad they shoved her aside after awhile.
  Can't say I give much of a damn about Susan. She seems like a cardboard cutout, and her only standout feature is that she's the lone tan redhead in the Valley.

   Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm still giggling over "which one of you two is in trouble?" Gold! Why do I always forget this? Why do I always forget everything about this book except "Helen is Susan's mother. DUH. Next!"?