Lila just might be the patron saint of snark

Troublemaker
August 1988


Has Julie Porter fallen for the wrong guy?

Blind love...


   No one at Sweet Valley High can understand why a shy, sensitive girl like Julie Porter is attracted to someone as conceited as Bruce Patman. But no matter what anyone says, Julie detects a warmth in Bruce's piercing blue eyes that's meant only for her.
   Julie's longtime neighbor and friend, Josh Bowen, isn't fooled. He's trying to get into Bruce's fraternity, and he knows what the arrogant senior is really like. When he hears that Bruce has invited Julie to a Phi Epsilon party as his date, he's sure that Bruce has a rotten trick in mind. Josh tries to warn Julie and she's furious. She's never had a serious boyfriend before, and she can't understand why everyone's trying to spoil her happiness. But will Bruce make Julie happy, or is he just out to break another heart?


  In an effort to sucker in the SVT readers who were slowly outgrowing the Twins series and were ready for the big leagues, the powers that be behind SVH decided to throw poor Julie Porter into the mix. In the grand scheme of SVH, she matters very little. But since she was a fairly big player [as big as one of Liz's backup geeks can be] in the Twins series, we've got to find something for her to do. So, the PtB decided to have her fall for Bruce.
   In a way, it's genius. Back in the day Julie and Amy were friends, too. Now Julie's the band geek and Amy's the pretty popular cheerleader, and yet both have fallen for Bruce because they're both... cuckoo for self-centered millionaires?


  Which is why this has taken so long. Troublemaker is not my most favorite of the SVH books. Mostly because Julie... is an idiot. But I'm skipping ahead again. Let's back up, shall we?

   Julie and Elizabeth have been hanging out quite a bit with their recorder duets and Liz does what Liz does best. Is nosy. She meets Julie's friend Josh who is, as the cover art shows us, super hot. [Seriously, while it's not Bruce's finest hour, Josh? Is yummy. And I normally never say these things.] Liz does that Liz thing where she asks why the two aren't hooking up and the Js are surprised she'd even think such a thing because hello, not interested. A little prying and we learn that Julie thinks Bruce Patman is the epitome of hot. Cover of this book aside, I can agree with that assessment. Liz can't fault the guy for his physical aspects, but tries to point out that the Regina arc aside, he's an ass. Why she doesn't point out that he was an ass even to REGINA I'll never understand. It's logical and logic in the Valley dies a quick, painful death I suppose. Julie argues that Bruce has obviously been hurting since Regina's death and that she believes she could help him get over the pain. One sweet girl for another one?
  Liz tries to argue against this logic but cannot because it could, in theory, happen.

   Except we've figured out that half the allure for Bruce was that there was a lot of drama going on with Regina. It was not a normal relationship even before you factored into the equation Regina's stunning good looks and massive wealth, both of which are things the Patmans do so love ever so much.
  So Liz thinks that it could, maybe happen, except usually Bruce goes for the flashier girls. Later Jessica will echo this exact same sentiment. Still, neither Liz nor Julie really sees the point in dwelling too long because odds are good Bruce and Julie will never really cross paths.

  Dun.
  Dun.
  DUN!

   Josh, you see, is pledging the fraternity and because Bruce is Bruce, he's leading the pledge hazing this go round. There's being shoved into lockers, eating ice cream til you puke, cross dressing, cleaning, acting like an organ grinder's monkey... Really, sounds like a blast, huh? Actually, it doesn't sound so horrible as far as hazing goes, right?
  Except... Bruce keeps humiliating Josh in front of Julie. Bruce hatches a plan that kills whatever might have been left of his nice guy image. He invites Julie to the frat party and then, instead of picking her up, arranges for her to meet him there. Julie agrees because he's Bruce Patman *dreamy sigh* and even if they don't work out, it'll be a night to remember. Oh, Julie... So, Julie and Bruce are in the makeout alcove and Bruce gets up to change the music under the guise of wanting Their Song to be something special. He picks out some Jazz Fusion combo thing and Jules is swooning over there when the lights are dimmed further and 'Bruce' returns and they start kissing.
  Only they've got an audience. And when they both open their eyes, Josh and Julie realize Bruce is an asshole.
   Wait. No. Josh realizes this and Julie thinks Josh was in on it for his precious, stupid frat prank. Julie runs out, Josh is torn, and I'm so bored I could cry. Even as a kid I could tell you where this was going. Julie blames Josh, Josh wants to live up to his older brother's reputation so he sticks with his pledging even though he thinks Bruce is a complete asshole and none of the other frat boys stick up for Josh [or any of the other pledges] because Todd Wilkins is in Vermont and as a parting gift, half the frat handed their balls over to him. The other half belong to Bruce. You know how it goes.
   After the kiss, Josh is set up as the aforementioned monkey, kissing girls at random and of course, just as soon as Julie starts to think she'll get over her humiliation, he kisses her in public again. And she runs off. Again.
  Josh is still torn. He wants to be just like Phil was in HS, but this... doesn't seem like something Mythic Brother would have been apart of. Hurting Julie repeatedly is not what he signed up for, but what does he care? She's not his... and yes. Saint Elizabeth was right. He's got feelings for her. And she must because she keeps freaking out more than even shy girls [that'd be me] would. GASP. But she's mad! Furious, even! So he ropes Liz into telling Julie his side, Julie listens but won't give him a chance until he tells Bruce to back the fuck off.
   Josh finally grows a pair when Bruce asks him to do yet another prank aimed at hurting Julie. Something with a lot of Jello. Yeah. Our climactic scene involves Jell-o. Now, you might remember that Bruce has a thing against people dumping food or drinks on him. So what does Josh do? He creates a stunning pyramid of Jell-o and dumps it all over Bruce.
  I wake up and cheer because, well, Bruce may be pretty, but he's an ass. And I always cheered when someone popular and evil got what was coming to them.
   Josh hurries over to Julie to explain that he's finally figured out that she's more important to him than the stupid fraternity or living up to Phil's legacy and she shushes him. They kiss and all is well. Yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwn.

   Jess, on the other hand, has been doing more wacky hijinks. DeeDee Gordon tells her there's a new play and that it involves dancing. You might recall from the SVT series that Jess used to take ballet and was very, very good. And if you don't remember any of this don't worry. They'll remind you with the sledgehammer of subtlety. Ow. Liz points out that this was four years ago and dude, she's bound to be a little rusty. Jess blows her off and is sure that she'll be prima ballerina in no time. One sprain later and Jess is willing to admit that maybe, just maybe, someone else might be better.
   But only because she's obviously a super awesomely dedicated ballerina named Danielle. We run into her blond bitchery while Jess and Lila are shopping for a leotard for Jess to wear during her audition. Jess takes one look at Danielle and realizes that this girl oozes grace without trying. If she tries out, too, Jess. Is. DOOMED. Lila points out that someone who is obviously that dedicated to dance wouldn't bother with a stupid high school production and is probably concentrating on her Career. Jess goes over, hints, and finds out that Lila is right.
   Only Li isn't right. Danielle shows up at auditions and is going for Jessica's role. Jess flounces off, certain she'll never get the role now... only when she comes back, realizing that if she leaves now everyone will know she was too chicken to compete, she sees Danielle klutzing it up all over the stage. Oooh! Not so good now, are you ballerina girl? So Jess tries out. And tries to do too much and ends up with her grand floppe, which is the only reason to read this damn book. The grand floppe is LEGENDARY. Our director loves it and begs for more. So.. Jess does. It's not until Jess wins the part that she realizes her character, Essie, is supposed to be a delusional tutu wearer. She's supposed to be awful. Jess is... the comic relief! Noooooooooooo!

   Epic. I snorted my Pepsi at the wink-wink moment there. Jess considers backing out but Liz points out that really, people will love her even more for acting the fool. And for once, Liz is right. This doesn't stop Jess from trying to prove that she's really a good dancer being forced to look like an idiot, but eventually Jessica goes with the flow and is fantastic.

  Everything ends happily and we're set up for Slambook Fever. SCORE? Score!

Trivia

• DeeDee is the new president of the Drama Club.


• The barre Ned and Alice set up is still in the basement of the Wakefields' home.


• The play this week is You Can't Take It With You. Neither twin has read it.


• The call backs from You Can't... interfere with the Phi Epsilon party at Bruce's at 8pm. Don't worry, everyone makes it there. Eventually.


• According to TM, it's been six months since Mrs. Porter's death. Which would be fine, I guess, but it was six months ago back in book 37. You can't tell me we aren't up to at least month seven.


• Liz plays her recorder beautifully until the end of any given piece and then she flubs fantastically.


• Julie is so short that she has to get up on tip-toe to reach the top of her locker.


• Josh Bowen is tall with brown hair, and is the same height and build as Bruce Patman. He drives a blue Chevrolet.


• Phil Bowen is a sophomore at Princeton and thus obviously Josh's older brother. He was class valedictorian, president of the senior class, and a member of Phi Epsilon.


• Elizabeth mentions how when Todd was a member of Phi Ep, the frat wasn't all mean spirited hazing. For some reason I rejoice at this casual mention of Toddikins.


• Apparently Bruce and NEXT would be a perfect fit, seeing as that's essentially Bruce's dating preference. Ten seconds to prove yourself and then, if you're found wanting... NEXT. I feel dirty being able to make that connection.


• I misread "How did your duet go with Julie this afternoon" as "How did your date with Julie.." And I kept doing so for the entirety of the book. You know you did, too.


• Casey's Concoction: Sundae covered with three sauces and chocolate dust.


• Casey's Diet Breaker: Ice cream mixed with several kinds of candy and nuts [in this case pistachio ice cream], four choc chip cookies sticking out from the sides, covered with crushed pineapple and butterscotch sauce, all topped by an inch or two of whipped cream.


• Mrs. Bowen is 2nd chair clarinet in the Orchestra with Mr. Porter.


• Jules bitterly points out the various things the guy in the frat have in common. Breathing, eating, sleeping... I think she left out one crucial bit of anatomy that also bonds them together.


• Frat Roll Call: Bruce Patman, Ronnie Edwards, Winston, Michael Harris, Tom McKay, Bill Chase, John Pfeifer


• Frat Hazing: Locking pledges in lockers, forcing Josh to eat 5 of Casey's Concoctions and other assorted sundae types, dressing in costume/drag, setting up for the party, cleaning up for the party, acting as if the SVH caf was a restaurant and acting as hosts and waiters.


• Danielle Alexander [senior] has blond hair, is fantastically tall [I thought ballerinas were supposed to have the long legs but not necessarily the height?], and glides instead of merely walking. She's trying out for the LA Ballet Company.


• Hugh is going to the basketball game at his school instead of a frat party at Bruce's with Enid. I'm... wondering whether this is a brilliant move on his part or boneheaded because of the mansion of awesome?


• Liz confuses Julie's playing with that of Horowitz or Rubinstein. Either she's that good or Liz is that delusional. Discuss.


• Jeffrey bought Liz cologne when a department store spritzer sprayed him by mistake. Well, Jeffrey is awfully pretty...


• Lila and John Pfeifer have been out on a couple of dates and now he's completely hung up on Li. She wants Liz to invent a bit of Oracle gossip about Lila and a UCLA football playing male model to get John off her case. In about... forty books or so Liz, you might wish you had.


• Ha! Liz gets gossip blocked by Lila when Liz won't make up the aforementioned UCLA story.


• Bruce's mysterious first date for the party is a tall, slender, blond senior. Hrmm, who could that be? Oh, yeah, Danielle.


• This is the birth of Jessica's grand floppe!


• Julie doesn't know which mansion is Bruce's. I cannot believe that in the entire run of the SVT series, even just the ones up to when TM was published, Bruce hadn't had a party at his mansion. They were forever having Lila or Bruce throw a party and even Elizabeth's friends were invited. Seriously.


• Josh is forced to wear a long blond wig as greeter at the Phi Ep party.


• Bruce's room has a four poster mahogany bed. One wall has pictures of Bruce in his tennis outfits as well as his track team gear. Another wall is filled with trophies for the aforementioned sports and a third wall sports a glossy poster of a Porsche just like 1Bruce1.


• John Pfeifer [the closest thing, aside from Roger, Bruce seems to have to a best friend] informs Josh that Bruce is such a hardass towards him because Bruce sees the nicer version of himself in Josh.

Quotes:
  Obviously there was something on her twin's mind that couldn't wait-something of absolute, earth shaking importance, which, for Jessica, usually meant a new outfit or a cute guy who had started paying attention to her. - Oh, Liz. You original SV snarkster, you. p2

  "Yeah, look at her," Lila muttered. "She's got the ballerina walk down pat. Duck feet and all." - this is why Lila is the patron saint of Snark. All hail Lila! p44

  "I guess you and I have been displaced in Elizabeth's life by an old wooden stick- or is it plastic?- with holes." - Jeffrey makes me giggle and think the wrong thing as he talks to Enid. p 53

  Try as she could, Elizabeth was unable to imagine why Bruce would ask Julie to the party. If he wanted to make his ex-girlfriend, Amy Sutton, jealous, he would have asked someone truly stunning. - Brutal, Lizzie. Absolutely brutal. p56

  "He said he'd let himself get too soft- too vulnerable when he was going out with Regina. Somehow he thinks if he'd been tougher, he wouldn't be hurting so much." - John repeats Bruce's slightly delusional thought patterns. Bruce? Honey? If you hadn't been screwing around with Amy you might not be hurting so much now, too. p74
  Off to the left, a tennis court had been cut into the hill. Just below it was an Olympic size swimming pool.
  "Like it?" Bruce asked.
  "Wonderful," Julie answered. "Too bad I didn't bring my bathing suit."
  Bruce turned back to the house. "It's fun to come out here at two in the morning and go skinny dipping," he observed. - p105



  I dread reading Troublemaker because I own the damn thing in triplicate. I went years without reading it and thus always thought, "hey, I've never read this one..." and would buy it at the used bookstores that used to populate the city.
   Dude, no matter what you think, you do not need three copies of this book. Honest. Bruce ain't drool worthy, Julie looks even more underage than she actually is, and Josh, well...he looks like he's got a thing for Bruce and dude, why won't Bruce just stop with the ladies for one freakin' second.
   On that note, I kept misreading various things throughout the book. When Jeffrey is teasing Liz about her always being busy with her duets with Julie, I kept reading dates. Ditto for Enid's reactions, too.
  I like that Todd is mentioned in regards to PE because you know that by now the writers knew Todd would be back within a year.

Lila just might be the patron saint of snark

Troublemaker
August 1988


Has Julie Porter fallen for the wrong guy?

Blind love...


   No one at Sweet Valley High can understand why a shy, sensitive girl like Julie Porter is attracted to someone as conceited as Bruce Patman. But no matter what anyone says, Julie detects a warmth in Bruce's piercing blue eyes that's meant only for her.
   Julie's longtime neighbor and friend, Josh Bowen, isn't fooled. He's trying to get into Bruce's fraternity, and he knows what the arrogant senior is really like. When he hears that Bruce has invited Julie to a Phi Epsilon party as his date, he's sure that Bruce has a rotten trick in mind. Josh tries to warn Julie and she's furious. She's never had a serious boyfriend before, and she can't understand why everyone's trying to spoil her happiness. But will Bruce make Julie happy, or is he just out to break another heart?


  In an effort to sucker in the SVT readers who were slowly outgrowing the Twins series and were ready for the big leagues, the powers that be behind SVH decided to throw poor Julie Porter into the mix. In the grand scheme of SVH, she matters very little. But since she was a fairly big player [as big as one of Liz's backup geeks can be] in the Twins series, we've got to find something for her to do. So, the PtB decided to have her fall for Bruce.
   In a way, it's genius. Back in the day Julie and Amy were friends, too. Now Julie's the band geek and Amy's the pretty popular cheerleader, and yet both have fallen for Bruce because they're both... cuckoo for self-centered millionaires?


  Which is why this has taken so long. Troublemaker is not my most favorite of the SVH books. Mostly because Julie... is an idiot. But I'm skipping ahead again. Let's back up, shall we?

   Julie and Elizabeth have been hanging out quite a bit with their recorder duets and Liz does what Liz does best. Is nosy. She meets Julie's friend Josh who is, as the cover art shows us, super hot. [Seriously, while it's not Bruce's finest hour, Josh? Is yummy. And I normally never say these things.] Liz does that Liz thing where she asks why the two aren't hooking up and the Js are surprised she'd even think such a thing because hello, not interested. A little prying and we learn that Julie thinks Bruce Patman is the epitome of hot. Cover of this book aside, I can agree with that assessment. Liz can't fault the guy for his physical aspects, but tries to point out that the Regina arc aside, he's an ass. Why she doesn't point out that he was an ass even to REGINA I'll never understand. It's logical and logic in the Valley dies a quick, painful death I suppose. Julie argues that Bruce has obviously been hurting since Regina's death and that she believes she could help him get over the pain. One sweet girl for another one?
  Liz tries to argue against this logic but cannot because it could, in theory, happen.

   Except we've figured out that half the allure for Bruce was that there was a lot of drama going on with Regina. It was not a normal relationship even before you factored into the equation Regina's stunning good looks and massive wealth, both of which are things the Patmans do so love ever so much.
  So Liz thinks that it could, maybe happen, except usually Bruce goes for the flashier girls. Later Jessica will echo this exact same sentiment. Still, neither Liz nor Julie really sees the point in dwelling too long because odds are good Bruce and Julie will never really cross paths.

  Dun.
  Dun.
  DUN!

   Josh, you see, is pledging the fraternity and because Bruce is Bruce, he's leading the pledge hazing this go round. There's being shoved into lockers, eating ice cream til you puke, cross dressing, cleaning, acting like an organ grinder's monkey... Really, sounds like a blast, huh? Actually, it doesn't sound so horrible as far as hazing goes, right?
  Except... Bruce keeps humiliating Josh in front of Julie. Bruce hatches a plan that kills whatever might have been left of his nice guy image. He invites Julie to the frat party and then, instead of picking her up, arranges for her to meet him there. Julie agrees because he's Bruce Patman *dreamy sigh* and even if they don't work out, it'll be a night to remember. Oh, Julie... So, Julie and Bruce are in the makeout alcove and Bruce gets up to change the music under the guise of wanting Their Song to be something special. He picks out some Jazz Fusion combo thing and Jules is swooning over there when the lights are dimmed further and 'Bruce' returns and they start kissing.
  Only they've got an audience. And when they both open their eyes, Josh and Julie realize Bruce is an asshole.
   Wait. No. Josh realizes this and Julie thinks Josh was in on it for his precious, stupid frat prank. Julie runs out, Josh is torn, and I'm so bored I could cry. Even as a kid I could tell you where this was going. Julie blames Josh, Josh wants to live up to his older brother's reputation so he sticks with his pledging even though he thinks Bruce is a complete asshole and none of the other frat boys stick up for Josh [or any of the other pledges] because Todd Wilkins is in Vermont and as a parting gift, half the frat handed their balls over to him. The other half belong to Bruce. You know how it goes.
   After the kiss, Josh is set up as the aforementioned monkey, kissing girls at random and of course, just as soon as Julie starts to think she'll get over her humiliation, he kisses her in public again. And she runs off. Again.
  Josh is still torn. He wants to be just like Phil was in HS, but this... doesn't seem like something Mythic Brother would have been apart of. Hurting Julie repeatedly is not what he signed up for, but what does he care? She's not his... and yes. Saint Elizabeth was right. He's got feelings for her. And she must because she keeps freaking out more than even shy girls [that'd be me] would. GASP. But she's mad! Furious, even! So he ropes Liz into telling Julie his side, Julie listens but won't give him a chance until he tells Bruce to back the fuck off.
   Josh finally grows a pair when Bruce asks him to do yet another prank aimed at hurting Julie. Something with a lot of Jello. Yeah. Our climactic scene involves Jell-o. Now, you might remember that Bruce has a thing against people dumping food or drinks on him. So what does Josh do? He creates a stunning pyramid of Jell-o and dumps it all over Bruce.
  I wake up and cheer because, well, Bruce may be pretty, but he's an ass. And I always cheered when someone popular and evil got what was coming to them.
   Josh hurries over to Julie to explain that he's finally figured out that she's more important to him than the stupid fraternity or living up to Phil's legacy and she shushes him. They kiss and all is well. Yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwn.

   Jess, on the other hand, has been doing more wacky hijinks. DeeDee Gordon tells her there's a new play and that it involves dancing. You might recall from the SVT series that Jess used to take ballet and was very, very good. And if you don't remember any of this don't worry. They'll remind you with the sledgehammer of subtlety. Ow. Liz points out that this was four years ago and dude, she's bound to be a little rusty. Jess blows her off and is sure that she'll be prima ballerina in no time. One sprain later and Jess is willing to admit that maybe, just maybe, someone else might be better.
   But only because she's obviously a super awesomely dedicated ballerina named Danielle. We run into her blond bitchery while Jess and Lila are shopping for a leotard for Jess to wear during her audition. Jess takes one look at Danielle and realizes that this girl oozes grace without trying. If she tries out, too, Jess. Is. DOOMED. Lila points out that someone who is obviously that dedicated to dance wouldn't bother with a stupid high school production and is probably concentrating on her Career. Jess goes over, hints, and finds out that Lila is right.
   Only Li isn't right. Danielle shows up at auditions and is going for Jessica's role. Jess flounces off, certain she'll never get the role now... only when she comes back, realizing that if she leaves now everyone will know she was too chicken to compete, she sees Danielle klutzing it up all over the stage. Oooh! Not so good now, are you ballerina girl? So Jess tries out. And tries to do too much and ends up with her grand floppe, which is the only reason to read this damn book. The grand floppe is LEGENDARY. Our director loves it and begs for more. So.. Jess does. It's not until Jess wins the part that she realizes her character, Essie, is supposed to be a delusional tutu wearer. She's supposed to be awful. Jess is... the comic relief! Noooooooooooo!

   Epic. I snorted my Pepsi at the wink-wink moment there. Jess considers backing out but Liz points out that really, people will love her even more for acting the fool. And for once, Liz is right. This doesn't stop Jess from trying to prove that she's really a good dancer being forced to look like an idiot, but eventually Jessica goes with the flow and is fantastic.

  Everything ends happily and we're set up for Slambook Fever. SCORE? Score!

Trivia

• DeeDee is the new president of the Drama Club.


• The barre Ned and Alice set up is still in the basement of the Wakefields' home.


• The play this week is You Can't Take It With You. Neither twin has read it.


• The call backs from You Can't... interfere with the Phi Epsilon party at Bruce's at 8pm. Don't worry, everyone makes it there. Eventually.


• According to TM, it's been six months since Mrs. Porter's death. Which would be fine, I guess, but it was six months ago back in book 37. You can't tell me we aren't up to at least month seven.


• Liz plays her recorder beautifully until the end of any given piece and then she flubs fantastically.


• Julie is so short that she has to get up on tip-toe to reach the top of her locker.


• Josh Bowen is tall with brown hair, and is the same height and build as Bruce Patman. He drives a blue Chevrolet.


• Phil Bowen is a sophomore at Princeton and thus obviously Josh's older brother. He was class valedictorian, president of the senior class, and a member of Phi Epsilon.


• Elizabeth mentions how when Todd was a member of Phi Ep, the frat wasn't all mean spirited hazing. For some reason I rejoice at this casual mention of Toddikins.


• Apparently Bruce and NEXT would be a perfect fit, seeing as that's essentially Bruce's dating preference. Ten seconds to prove yourself and then, if you're found wanting... NEXT. I feel dirty being able to make that connection.


• I misread "How did your duet go with Julie this afternoon" as "How did your date with Julie.." And I kept doing so for the entirety of the book. You know you did, too.


• Casey's Concoction: Sundae covered with three sauces and chocolate dust.


• Casey's Diet Breaker: Ice cream mixed with several kinds of candy and nuts [in this case pistachio ice cream], four choc chip cookies sticking out from the sides, covered with crushed pineapple and butterscotch sauce, all topped by an inch or two of whipped cream.


• Mrs. Bowen is 2nd chair clarinet in the Orchestra with Mr. Porter.


• Jules bitterly points out the various things the guy in the frat have in common. Breathing, eating, sleeping... I think she left out one crucial bit of anatomy that also bonds them together.


• Frat Roll Call: Bruce Patman, Ronnie Edwards, Winston, Michael Harris, Tom McKay, Bill Chase, John Pfeifer


• Frat Hazing: Locking pledges in lockers, forcing Josh to eat 5 of Casey's Concoctions and other assorted sundae types, dressing in costume/drag, setting up for the party, cleaning up for the party, acting as if the SVH caf was a restaurant and acting as hosts and waiters.


• Danielle Alexander [senior] has blond hair, is fantastically tall [I thought ballerinas were supposed to have the long legs but not necessarily the height?], and glides instead of merely walking. She's trying out for the LA Ballet Company.


• Hugh is going to the basketball game at his school instead of a frat party at Bruce's with Enid. I'm... wondering whether this is a brilliant move on his part or boneheaded because of the mansion of awesome?


• Liz confuses Julie's playing with that of Horowitz or Rubinstein. Either she's that good or Liz is that delusional. Discuss.


• Jeffrey bought Liz cologne when a department store spritzer sprayed him by mistake. Well, Jeffrey is awfully pretty...


• Lila and John Pfeifer have been out on a couple of dates and now he's completely hung up on Li. She wants Liz to invent a bit of Oracle gossip about Lila and a UCLA football playing male model to get John off her case. In about... forty books or so Liz, you might wish you had.


• Ha! Liz gets gossip blocked by Lila when Liz won't make up the aforementioned UCLA story.


• Bruce's mysterious first date for the party is a tall, slender, blond senior. Hrmm, who could that be? Oh, yeah, Danielle.


• This is the birth of Jessica's grand floppe!


• Julie doesn't know which mansion is Bruce's. I cannot believe that in the entire run of the SVT series, even just the ones up to when TM was published, Bruce hadn't had a party at his mansion. They were forever having Lila or Bruce throw a party and even Elizabeth's friends were invited. Seriously.


• Josh is forced to wear a long blond wig as greeter at the Phi Ep party.


• Bruce's room has a four poster mahogany bed. One wall has pictures of Bruce in his tennis outfits as well as his track team gear. Another wall is filled with trophies for the aforementioned sports and a third wall sports a glossy poster of a Porsche just like 1Bruce1.


• John Pfeifer [the closest thing, aside from Roger, Bruce seems to have to a best friend] informs Josh that Bruce is such a hardass towards him because Bruce sees the nicer version of himself in Josh.

Quotes:
  Obviously there was something on her twin's mind that couldn't wait-something of absolute, earth shaking importance, which, for Jessica, usually meant a new outfit or a cute guy who had started paying attention to her. - Oh, Liz. You original SV snarkster, you. p2

  "Yeah, look at her," Lila muttered. "She's got the ballerina walk down pat. Duck feet and all." - this is why Lila is the patron saint of Snark. All hail Lila! p44

  "I guess you and I have been displaced in Elizabeth's life by an old wooden stick- or is it plastic?- with holes." - Jeffrey makes me giggle and think the wrong thing as he talks to Enid. p 53

  Try as she could, Elizabeth was unable to imagine why Bruce would ask Julie to the party. If he wanted to make his ex-girlfriend, Amy Sutton, jealous, he would have asked someone truly stunning. - Brutal, Lizzie. Absolutely brutal. p56

  "He said he'd let himself get too soft- too vulnerable when he was going out with Regina. Somehow he thinks if he'd been tougher, he wouldn't be hurting so much." - John repeats Bruce's slightly delusional thought patterns. Bruce? Honey? If you hadn't been screwing around with Amy you might not be hurting so much now, too. p74
  Off to the left, a tennis court had been cut into the hill. Just below it was an Olympic size swimming pool.
  "Like it?" Bruce asked.
  "Wonderful," Julie answered. "Too bad I didn't bring my bathing suit."
  Bruce turned back to the house. "It's fun to come out here at two in the morning and go skinny dipping," he observed. - p105



  I dread reading Troublemaker because I own the damn thing in triplicate. I went years without reading it and thus always thought, "hey, I've never read this one..." and would buy it at the used bookstores that used to populate the city.
   Dude, no matter what you think, you do not need three copies of this book. Honest. Bruce ain't drool worthy, Julie looks even more underage than she actually is, and Josh, well...he looks like he's got a thing for Bruce and dude, why won't Bruce just stop with the ladies for one freakin' second.
   On that note, I kept misreading various things throughout the book. When Jeffrey is teasing Liz about her always being busy with her duets with Julie, I kept reading dates. Ditto for Enid's reactions, too.
  I like that Todd is mentioned in regards to PE because you know that by now the writers knew Todd would be back within a year.