We want prenup

Lila's Story
December 1989


Competition...


   Lila Fowler is the richest girl at Sweet Valley High. She wears designer clothes, lives in a mansion, and has an allowance at least three times the size of her friends'. And as an only child, she's always had all of her father's affection. Lila has everything a girl could possibly want.
  But before long Lila's happiness is shattered. Her father brings home a beautiful new girlfriend, Joan. And Joan has a daughter, Jacqueline, who's the same age as Lila. Soon it seems that Joan and Jacqueline are taking over Fowler Crest and Lila is furious. Then Mr. Fowler drops a bombshell-he and Joan are getting married! If Lila can't stop them, her life will change forever!

  Read all about the most exciting people at Sweet Valley High in the Super Star Editions!

  Disclaimer: For some reason re-reading this book made me realize that it bore no resemblance to the book in my memory. I remembered that it had to do with golddiggers and Lila having to foil them but... somehow all the other details went poof. It was a bit like reading a new SVH book, but one that seemed terribly off because my brain kept trying to put in different plots. Disconcerting to say the least.

   So, you might know that Lila has daddy issues. She also has regular issues, but it's the daddy issues that are usually on display. For instance, Li isn't big on her father ignoring her, but he continues to do so with the added bonus of throwing a bunch of cash and expensive gifts her way to make up for the fact that he's ignoring her. Occasionally Saint Liz will stop by and remind the man he could save a fortune by just spending a Sunday afternoon with his only child*, but Saint Liz is lacking in this book. Thing is, Lila's always been a bit iffy on her father dating. On the one hand, it means he's more distracted which means even less time for Lila, but her shopping is now completely unrestrained. Lila likes that part. Also, for the most part George is rarely serious about anyone. But when he is, Lila hates them since it means her three seconds of Daddy's attention are permanently sucked away for the duration of his relationship with whomever. See Ms. Dalton.

  Naturally this means that Lila is most displeased when she realizes that her father has gone and fallen into a serious relationship with a woman who drives Lila batty. Joan Borden has somehow managed to ensnare George Fowler and shows no signs of letting him go. While she says that she's well off and from an old money sort of family (asking random people if they're related to people back East and then following with "oh..." and wandering off is never a good idea, Joan), Lila quickly notices that the Bordens (Joan frequently seems to bring her daughter Jacqueline along with her) never seem to pay for anything or host George at their home. Instead they're freeloading off the Fowlers and George doesn't seem to notice or care. Oddly enough he does notice how much Lila's been spending.
   Still, Lila is a little distracted. You see, she's fallen for a random guy at a concert. When Jessica identifies the guy, the terrible duo concoct a scheme to steal dreamboat Evan away from his girlfriend. Luckily for Lila, Evan's girlfriend, Sonia, had a thing for Bruce Patman the year before. Evan is crazy jealous, so it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if you sweet talk Bruce into distracting Sonia, Lila can swoop in to console poor, devastated Evan. The real problem crops up when Bruce can't think of anything he wants from Lila, so she has to promise to do him a favor, any favor, at a later date.
  If this were one of the supernaturally themed supers, this would be proof that Bruce actually is, in fact, the devil. But it's not, so you just know it's going to come back to bite Lila in the duff at the worst possible time. Keep that thought in mind.
   The plan works, because no one can resist the charm of Bruce when they're already a little under his spell. (Lila comes the closest to resisting and we all know how that turns out.) Lila and Evan hit it off immediately and it takes no time at all for Lila to have a boyfriend that we actually hear about that Jessica doesn't come along and steal three seconds later. Sign of the Apocalypse count is up to at least three for this book alone.

   At first Lila finds everything about Evan fascinating. She's drawn to his love for racing, and while she finds it incredibly dull hanging out at the racetrack after the initial rush wears off, she still does it because Evan has told her that Sonia never really supported his racing. Nothing like being told how much better you are than the one who came before you, right? Everything seems pretty awesome on the Evan front, which means that things on the home front have taken a serious nose-dive.

   Joan and Jacqueline have all but moved into Fowler Crest, and Lila ain't happy. While her father is surprisingly home more often, he's frequently making comparisons between Jacqueline (whom I hate because her name is a pain in the ass to type out!) and Lila where Lila falls short. Also miff-worthy is the fact that Joan and George keep foisting Jacqueline off on Lila and Jacqueline is just so damn nice all the time. She's entirely too sweet, but everyone else has the same reaction whenever Lila makes a snide comment about this fact. "What, you'd prefer her to be a bitch?" only in slightly different words. Lila can't get anyone to understand why someone this nice bothers her so much. Not even her boyfriend, a point that irritates Lila greatly.
  On the other hand, Evan's too pretty to dump over something that Lila herself can't properly explain, so she tries to think of ways to get the Bordens out of her life before things get too serious. (They've moved in, Li. I'd say it's pretty damn serious.)

   Evan, once he's started to grate on Li's nerves just a little, begins to show a few more cracks in his perfect facade. He moans about not having the money to compete in a race, but when Lila offers to front him the money (something she feels will bind them together, as he wouldn't just take $500 from someone he wasn't serious about, right? Oh, honey...) he refuses just enough to seem like he's not taking advantage of her. Lila has a bit of a problem just coming up with $500 on the spot, but then she's reminded that her father leaves a petty cash drawer. Thinking she'll kill two birds with one stone, she takes the money and leaves the key in with the Borden's stuff. It mysteriously finds its way back to George's desk, although not where it should be.
   Failure spurs Lila on to think of something better. She attempts to frame Jacqueline as the thief by hiding a necklace in the younger Borden's room, only Jacqueline is sneakier than Lila imagines and has already returned it to Lila's room. So Lila looks like a jackass (again) in front of her father after she's just all but flat out accused Jacqueline of being the thief. (The first time is when George gets wind of Lila's $600 shopping spree and she lies about it. To his face.)
  Before you go thinking that Jacqueline is as innocent as she appears, she pulls a few stunts of her own. She loses Lila's messages from her friends and when George and Joan go out of town, she doesn't even bother trying to keep up appearances unless Eva, the housekeeper, is around.
  Lila's pulled in two directions at once when she realizes that maybe things with Evan aren't quite what she expected at the same time that George announces he and Joan are engaged and will be getting married ASAP. Lila is beyond horrified.
  So she does what any good schemer would do: she decides to beat the Bordens at their own game. She turns on the charm after the engagement party and attempts to be as helpful as possible so that Joan won't know what hit her, while Jacqueline will know something is up, but won't be sure what that something is until it's too late.

   What about Bruce? He calls in his favor. The big race Evan's been going on about all summer is finally at hand (the one Lila paid for), but Bruce wants Lila to get Evan to drop out so that Bruce's friend can win and (because Bruce isn't known for doing things out of the kindness of his heart) Bruce can win his bet. Nice, Patman. Lila reluctantly does so, feeling awful that she's making Evan drop out of something he was so looking forward to, although this way she'll have Evan's support at the engagement party.
  Too bad Evan and Jacqueline hit it off a little too well. When Lila calls Evan on fraternizing with the enemy, he's shocked that she would be so upset about him being nice to her soon to be sister. Li coldly corrects him (stepsister!) and the two sort of make up, mostly agreeing to disagree. In the three weeks leading up to the wedding, Li realizes that while Evan shows up almost daily, he seems to be pulling away all the same. Still, why else would Evan keep coming around if he's lost interest?
   Oh, Lila. There's another attractive brunette in the house these days. Jacqueline. Lila catches them together, although they don't know it, and Lila realizes that much like the Bordens are using George for his money, Evan was doing the same thing to Lila. The racing thing? He fed Jacqueline the same line about Lila not supporting his racing, which is when Lila realizes how much of a fool she's been. Dude can't even think up new lines to hook the gullible girls. Un. Cool.
  Lila has also overheard Joan and Jacqueline discussing their plan to trap George just long enough to get alimony and then they'll finally be super rich. (I'm not the only one with the prenup part of Gold Digger stuck in their head, right?) Doubting he'll believe her, but still knowing she owes it to her father to try, she attempts to share the knowledge with her father. Not surprisingly, he doesn't believe her for a variety of reasons. Spoiled little rich girl, has bitched endlessly about the Js since they arrived, the array of lies Lila's already shared over the course of the book...
   So Lila does her best to seem as excited as possible about the impending nuptials while trying to find a way to stop them. Yeah. It's wedding day and Lila's still stymied, so she wanders around the grounds aimlessly. Somehow she ends up hearing about the soundsystem they've got rigged for the wedding so that all three hundred guests will be able to hear the vows.

  Light. Bulb!

   Lila wires the sunroom where the bride and her maids are awaiting their musical cue and takes a big gamble. When the guests have been seated and everyone is just about ready to wait for the bridesmaids to waltz down the aisle, Lila tells Joan to cut the crap, that Jacqueline already broke character, and that with everyone in the room already in on the plan, there's no need to keep up the act. Joan reacts (fool!) and of course everything they say can and will be used against them in the next scene. When Joan walks down the aisle, the guests turn feral. Clueless, Joan doesn't understand what's happening until George tells her to go to hell. When the Bordens have fled for the house (I do hope that Eva or someone is watching to make sure they've only taken their own things...), George announces that Lila has saved the day. Huzzah! The peasants rejoice.
  Evan appears and Lila tells her father that Evan borrowed the missing money from Jacqueline and that he's ever so anxious to pay it back. Then Lila flounces off, free at last of the annoying people who have spent the last 210 pages making her life miserable.
  Because Lila is Lila Fowler, she finds someone new at the party thrown instead of the reception. The guy Bruce wanted to win the race so Bruce would win his bet? Yeah, he's just what Miss Fowler is looking for after the disaster with Evan.
   Proof that you can momentarily throw Lila off her game but she will win out in the end, so it's best to get out of her way. And that means you, Patman.




* A thought. Does George have other children that he prefers to spend time with and that is why he's always away on "business"? I know it's sacrilege to think that anyone might be more delightful than Miss Lila Fowler, but George, especially in this book, has never struck me as the brightest star in the sky. Besides, if middle school!Amy can have a secret sister, it would make even more sense for Lila. :P Work with me, ghosties of the past!


Trivia:

• It's summer vacation time. Again.


• George Fowler is having Lila stick to a limit on her credit cards.


• Lila's blown it two months in a row.


• Joan Borden is described as very "glamorous" by Amy who sees the couple out at the movies and even Lila admits she's beautiful. She and her daughter, Jacqueline, live in LA. She has a nasty habit of calling George pet names. Her chestnut hair is cut in the "latest" style, whatever that would be. She's elegantly thin, with a penchant for very high heels, is very pale and conscientious of her sun exposure, and her mother was an Alden-Westcott.


• Karla Xavier is a singer-songwriter throwing a benefit concert for the homeless at the SV Stadium. Her voice is described as "rich and deep."


• West End is a new local band opening for KX. Do the Droids know about them? Was there a battle of the bands and we missed it?


• Aaron has a thing for Karla Xavier, so he, Enid, Hugh, Todd&Liz, Amy, Cara, Jess, Steven, and Lila attend the concert, as Liz managed to score ten tickets.


• Last week Lila left her keys in the Triumph's ignition. Oops.


• Li also has a huge gold keyring, and has apparently recently gotten a car phone, much to Jessica's delight.


• George Fowler is 45 with silver tinged hair. Dreamy?


• Lila blows $600 at Lisettes on a suede jacket and skirt, then lies to her father about the charge when he asks her about it.


• I always wondered who Dorota/Blair reminded me of. Turns out it's Lila and her housekeeper, Eva.


• Fowler Crest has lemon trees in the backyard. It also apparently is a 20 room mansion with Picassos here and there.


• When Joan compliments Lila on her father's decorating tastes, Lila gloats that her mother did most of the decorating along with her interior decorators.


• Evan Armstrong is the current object of Lila's affections. He's got a long, lean build, tops out at 6'2", and has sun streaked blond hair, with broad shoulders, square handsome features (naturally), but dresses casually. He graduated from Palisades a year ago and drives a Lancia Coupe. His parents broke up earlier this year.


• Sonia Bentley is Evan's longtime girlfriend. She's a tiny wisp of a thing who tried out for cheerleading and was awful. She's frequently seen wearing sundresses.


• Lila is an inch taller than the twins, is prone to 'extra awful' headaches, and she listens to jazz when she's stressed.


• Sonia had a crush on Bruce, but at the time he was dating Marly Jackson from Sweet Valley College.


• Aaron is friends with Sonia. It's a good thing he has a girlfriend, or else we'd have been robbed of prime Lila/Bruce snark.


• Bruce considers hitting on Jacqueline (which means the girl has to be pretty) but ultimately doesn't.


• Joan orders the most expensive item on the menu at the SV Country Club, a cold seafood salad.


• Lila dances with Winston. Sign of the Apocalypse count has been bumped to four. Maybe five since it's her choice.


• The Droid's newest song is "Why Not You."


• Evan races at the Stoddard Race Club, located at the Davis Speedway out in Los Palmos which is about half an hour away from SV.


• Evan races a red Thunderbird for a guy named Forest.


• Despite the fact that Lila repeatedly calls Joan by her name, Lila is still thrown when Jacqueline calls Mr. Fowler "George."


• Lila hates the rhinestone combs that J&J give her, thinking they're hideously ugly.


• Want a picnic but don't want to have to go to the effort of making up a picnic basket? It's okay, Lila will call and order one delivered, just like she did for Evan when he was out at the track.


• Lila loves La Scala.


• Proof that Jacqueline is evil: She borrows Lila's black and gold maillot from Lisette's that Lila has yet to wear. Also, it cost more than a hundred dollars and she spilled food on it.


• Proof that Evan is evil: He doesn't get that this would bug Lila. Really, dude?


• Pete, the guy who owns Evan's racing team, wants each driver to pony up $500 to help pay the cost of 'reboring the whole fleet.'


• Evan is paid monthly.


• Joan Borden had a chair that George gave Lila's mother reupholstered. She conveniently didn't have any money on her when it was delivered, so George paid $600 for the gift.


• George and Joan go to Honolulu for business and pleasure. I assure you Lila is not the only one cringing at being told that.


• Bruce has money riding on Toby Clement to win the race Evan's been talking about for the entire book. When Lila talks Evan out of the race, Toby does indeed win. Later he'll also catch Lila's eye when she's freed from Evan.


• It rained the night before the wedding.


• George and Joan are going to get married on the grounds of Fowler Crest, under a big white and yellow tent at four in the afternoon.


• Three hundred guests are invited to the wedding.


• Joan will be walking down the aisle to "Jesu." On the sixth bar, Lila and Jacqueline are supposed to start down the aisle.

Quotable Sweet Valley:
  Lila got into her car, and Jessica watched her speed off. She had known Lila for a long time, but she couldn't remember her friend ever getting quite so upset over one of her father's girlfriends. - Really, Jessica? Because Lila had a massive hatred of Ms. Dalton and took to spreading stories about Ken and Ms. Dalton just to break the couple up. I'd say that's pretty upset. Bah! p11

  Her father was acting exactly like a teenager. He blushed and smiled at every single thing Joan said. He asked a zillion ridiculously questions about their ride from L.A. as if they'd taken a space shuttle instead of driving for an hour or so on the freeway. - Lila's mind is a delicious place to stay awhile. p22

  "She's awful, Jess. I have to figure out some way to get rid of her."
  Jessica's eyes brightened. "Can I help? This sounds like the sort of thing I'm good at." - So. True. p32

   As Bruce looked from one girl to the other, a smile slowly spread across his face. "I should've guessed that. Sounds like a Jessica Wakefield plot," he mused. "Actually, I kind of like this idea. I like being the knight in shining armor who clears the way for your big romance." -Make of that what you will. p49

"Lila, your father just said the most flattering thing to me at the bar. He said I don't look old enough to have a daughter Jackie's age. Isn't that silly of him?"
"It certainly is," Lila said. - Marry me, Fowler? p55

  If Lila beat her up, she would probably thank her for it.
  Lila hoped that Amy would show up at the beach. She couldn't wait to see what she would make of Jacqueline Borden. She'd probably destroy her in minutes-something Lila wouldn't exactly mind watching! - This. THIS is why I read SVH. Here's to you both, Lila and Amy. p105

  "Well, you managed to get some glorious color," Evan said, tilting his glass to toast her. - I cannot explain why this tickles me so, but it does. p110

  Not that Lila cared that much about car races, but she really liked the image of herself as the supportive girlfriend, especially since Sonia had let Evan down over and over again when it came to racing. - Oh, Lila. Never change. p160


Fashion!
  Lila had taken special pains getting ready. She was wearing white designer jeans and a new mauve suede vest over a white t-shirt. It was a look she had stolen from Ingenue magazine and it was a big hit. Even Jessica was impressed. - I love that Li dresses to impress... Jess. Also, begin the drinking game for each time a look of Li's has the word "designer" used to describe it. Your liver transplant is scheduled, yes? p31/32

  Lila adjusted the top of the designer jumpsuit she had bought before her father had so severely limited her buying power. She thought the look was dynamite. By opening a few buttons on the oversize top of the white jumpsuit, it slid silkily off one shoulder, an effect Lila intended to use to full advantage. The white showed off her tan to perfection, and the gold chains around her neck were a perfect addition. - What Li wears to Aaron and Winston's Beach Disco party. p59

  She hoped she had chosen the right thing to wear-tight-fitting stonewashed jeans and a magenta T-shirt made by her favorite designer. She wanted to stand out, but not too much. -p77

  Not even the breathtaking view or the pleasure of seeing Evan dressed in a sport coat and fashionable trousers could erase the dreadful memory of the day at the beach.
  She was wearing a creamy white sweater and matching skirt, and the sun had turned her skin a golden tan, the color shown off by her dress and her pearl earrings. - Lila and Evan dressed for dinner at La Scala, p110

   She had to admit Joan's dress was spectacular: a long, straight, elegant off-white satin gown with antique lace. She wished she could say the same about the dresses that Joan had chosen for Lila and Jacqueline to wear. They were stiff, formal, and Lila thought pretty ugly-peach colored satin with little-girl necklines and high waists. p197




   Despite the book being about Lila and my having a soft spot for the Wakefield's best friends, Lila's story was a bit disappointing. Maybe it's because just about any of Lila's love interests seem to either want her best friend or her money or maybe it's because the only other storyline they seem to come up with for Lila hinges on her daddy issues. Possibly it's because I was expecting a different story and spent half the book thinking, "Wait, what?", but Lila's Story seems like it could have been more interesting. Also, I'm a sucker for Lila/Jessica fun times and they were sorely lacking this go round. I'm not expecting L/J to go around making cookies like Enid and Elizabeth do, but one bit of scheming and then Jessica spending the book bitching about Lila's bitchiness does not a warm fuzzy give, ok?

   On the plus side, it's pretty much all Lila, all the time, and I'm not sure Lila would have it any other way. Also, the Lila/Bruce tension is worth the price of admission alone.