Stepmonsters are cheap

Nowhere to Run
January 1986

Will Emily lose everything she loves?

What will The Droids do without Emily?

   Elizabeth Wakefield is surprised when Emily Mayer tells her she wants to join the school newspaper. After all, Emily's a musician, not a writer. Why would The Droids' crack drummer turn to writing, especially after the band is so popular?
   Emily confides to Elizabeth that she's having problems at home. Her stepmother has imposed a strict curfew and gets annoyed whenever Emily practices her drumming. What's worse, Emily's father seems to agree with his new wife. Emily's certain her stepmother is out to get her-and she's succeeding. Can Elizabeth help Emily before the situation at the Mayer home reaches the breaking point?


  Poor Emily. Her stepmother is a crazy bitch and her father is too blind to see that. At first you might think Emily's exaggerating, that her stepmother Karen couldn't possibly be planning to execute that most infamous of stepmother threats: "You'll behave to my specifications, which will be impossible by the way, or to boarding school with you!"
  But she totally is. Karen leaves boarding school brochures lying around, and since she's had Emily's father hire a housekeeper, it's not like this is an accident. No, she's purposely keeping the threat in plain sight. She convinces Mr. Mayer that the Droids are a terrible influence on his daughter, and he seems to be buying this, despite the fact that Emily's been with the band for quite awhile, and they sound like the cleanest cut band I've ever heard of. Hell, look at the cover! Pink polo shirt, all the buttons done. Emily's about as wild as...damn it, I've got nothing that vanilla. Even Liz is showing more skin than Emily.
  In addition to the step monster from Hades, there's little Karrie, the new baby. Yeah, they named the kid after Karen. I've never understood that. Why do you name your own kid after you? I can sort of see it if you're like, Bruce Patman the third or something, or if you're possibly dying, but still, that's an awful lot of pressure to put on a kid. But Karen's fine, crazy but fine, so it's really just massive ego, I guess.
  Anyway, Karen keeps changing the rules on poor Emily, so when Em is playing her drums in the limited time frame she's been allotted, she thinks nothing of going crazy since it's not like the baby is put down in that time frame. Only, you know it's coming, Karen flies down the stairs and pitches an absolute bitch fit because little Karrie just fell asleep and how dare you do the one thing you love in that time frame I gave you? How dare you! Epic amounts of crazy to the point where you yearn for Emily to reach back and just punch Karen one.

  Meanwhile, in the land of the Wakefields, Jessica spends the entire book being good.

  Yes. Really. The lowest she'll slink is calling her twin a rat. That's it. Jessica's excited and in such a good mood because Grandma and Grandpa Wakefield are coming all the way from Michigan to visit. The twins haven't seen their grands for more than a year and so they're positively over the moon. Or Jessica is, and Liz might be if she weren't so busy butting in to Emily's business.
  To be fair, Dana ropes Liz in first, asking her to convince Emily that babies are cute and shit. They are, but Christ, no one sane loves them every second of every day. Liz slips out of the conversation with as much grace as one can in such a situation and might have let things be, even after Emily's revelation that Karen wants to ship her away, had Mr. Collins not dropped Em back in Elizabeth's lap.
  Emily, in a foolish quest to conform to Karen's ideals, has decided to shoot for a slot on the Oracle. Liz is confused and will not let go of the theory that if one is a musician, one cannot also be interested in being a journalist. Emily's not, but I'd imagine at least one person in the Droids has a way with words, so the two interests could combine, Liz. If not, might I gouge my brains out and point out Conner from SY? *twitch*
  Em confesses her sins her horrible home life to Liz as well as the secret she's been keeping for the last nine years. Her mother didn't die. Instead, she just walked out on her family one day. Left a note on the table and that was it. Emily obsesses over what sort of mother would do that, and all I can think is, "Hey, why aren't she and Li in the same support group?" Yeah, they retcon Grace Fowler, but for the longest time we're told that she also just up and left her family, so... yeah. That didn't hurt Lila's popularity, Em. Just something to ponder.
  Liz agrees to keep this a secret and away Emily goes to the house that sucks her soul out. Karen blows up at her again in front of Emily's crush, conveniently Dan Scott from the Droids. Karen lets the whole your mother's still alive and a TRAMP to boot thing out of the bag. Emily freaks the fuck out, calls Liz and invites herself over. She tells her whole story of woe to the Wakefields, grands included, and they ponder how best to handle this. They say she may spend the night, but she has to call her family and let them know where she is. She does, her father goes ballistic and demands that she come home and if she doesn't, he'll put her drums out by the side of the road. He means it, y'all.
  So Em goes home. When next we see her, she's like robot Emily. She blows Dan off, and not in a fun kinky sort of way, commits to the paper, and puts an ad in the Oracle to sell her drums. I might ask why not put them in the SV News, but I imagine she doesn't actually want them to sell and since the Oracle can't have that many wannabe drummers reading it, she figures she'll be okay.
  Only Dan decides he'll buy the drums before someone who might actually want them does, and he keeps them for Emily. This makes my heart grow a size or two larger.

  Back at Casa Wakefield, Alice is feeling neglected. She's a bit jealous of the attention the twins are lavishing upon her in-laws and feels that they don't need her anymore. Only all her attempts to connect with the twins? Burned. Shot down. FAIL. So she's miffed. How can a mother compete with hot air ballooning? How indeed? She shares her worries with Ned and he tells the twins and they ask Alice [tee] for her help in throwing a going away party for the grands. It works! Alice feels needed and all is right with the world.

  Emily devotes herself to being Karrie's babysitter and putting up with Karen's shit. Karen is what Lila would be like as a [step]mother. Horribly inept and bitchy to cover the insecurities up. But Karen isn't as awesome as Li. Just spoiled. So when Emily points out that the rag doll Karen's just given the baby isn't safe, naturally Karen ignores Emily and bitches her out. So then we all know that Karrie's going to worry the little eye bead off the doll, pop it in her mouth, and choke to death.
  Well, if you didn't know, that's what happens. Luckily Emily's taken a first aid class or two and knows how to save Karrie. She does and as the aftermath spreads, Mr. Mayer comes home to find everyone still freaking out. He accuses Emily of hurting her little sister and tells her to get out. She grabs the money Dan gave her for the drums and runs to Elizabeth's house.
  Where Ned and Alice again agree she can spend the night, but only if she calls her father to tell him where she is. Emily won't. Alice tells Liz to do it. Jess calls her a rat, and my brain finally explodes. More on that in a bit.
  While Liz turns informant on Emily, Emily is learning that GASP! Bob Wakefield [grandpa] was married prior to Grandma and that First Wife died in a horrible train accident, leaving behind a son named Louis. Grandma was a witch to Louis after Ned was born and they finally worked things out and everyone who have ever glanced at the Wakefields of Sweet Valley cough into their fists *bullshit*. Yeah, I think Grandma totally made that story up. It's something the twins would do...
  Emily's family descends, Karen admits she was wildly jealous of Emily's capableness in running the home and how much Mr. Mayer loved Emily and let's just call a bitch a bitch. She was a bitch. She begs forgiveness, and because SV is meant to be an idyllic place, Emily cries and agrees. Happily Ever After.

  But what about the bomb drums?

  At the going away party, Liz arranges to have the Droids show up, drums in tow, and play, luring Emily back to the band. It works and everyone is happy!

  Except for Eddie Strong who is, to my knowledge, possibly never mentioned again, although he's a friend of Regina's and hey, who knew she was back in town? But when Liz goes to visit, the gates are closed and Bruce is all, "but Regina doesn't have an aunt. Who's the crazy broad pretending to be her aunt?"

  The intrigue will have to kill you, because that's all she wrote.


Trivial:

• Someone likes the phrase "in ages." Page one brings us, the biggest family event... in ages, and then Jess turns around and says, "we haven't seen them in ages." Less trivial, more amusement for moi.


• Ned's parents are visiting from Michigan.


• Emily Mayer is 5'2" with long, wavy brown hair, and hazel eyes that land more in the green and grey variety.*


• Mr. Mayer's name is Ronald and his wife calls him Ron. I'll just go with Mr. Mayer, as Ron conjures redheaded sidekicks and Ronald conjures redheaded clowns...


• Emily's drum teacher was Cliff Green.


• While Grandpa Wakefield is given a name [Bob], his wife is only Grandma.


• Grandma is, by the way, the oldest student going for her P.h.D. in American History at the University of Michigan.


• The twins make a big deal about their Grands taking them to Hampshire Place, a mall that recently opened in the next town. Thrills!


• Crazy Karen decides that Emily's curfew should be 10 on weeknights and 12 on weekends. Don't members of the BSC have a later curfew? Emily points out that this fucks her royally since the band practices after dinner on weeknights [so they can do homework before?] and that anything less than two hours is a waste and since they have to assemble their instruments... Emily's dad tells her to shove it.


• Dan Scott is almost 17 with sun streaked baby fine brown hair, gray eyes, and is the object of Emily's affections despite not being conventionally handsome. I'd say it's the band thing, but Em's in the band, too.


• Apparently one of the best Cantonese restaurants in the country is just half an hour away from Sweet Valley.


• Ned's still allergic/loathes the Chinese food and a big deal is made of this.


• Alice, unaware of the Chinese food for dinner plan, left work early, grabbed some steaks and was all set to grill up fabulousness.


• Emily lives a mile and a half from school and enjoys the walk. I hate her.


• When Karen is throwing around accusations [super tramp!] about the first Mrs. Mayer, she goes off on not setting curfew for Emily. Emily was, at this point, seven years old. Karen should not have been allowed to breed.


• Emily's selling her drums for $200, or best offer.


• Dan buys the drums for his "friend" Jaime, who allegedly goes to Palisades and is a sophomore. In reality, Dan keeps them until Emily kills Karen or snaps out of her funk.


• Unsurprisingly, Jessica has a blast hot air ballooning, and Liz would pretty much be satisfied to never go up again.


• Dan wants to study physics sometime later. I guess everyone needs a backup plan if the rock star dream doesn't pan out.


• Eddie Strong, a blond sophomore at SVH who's interested in graphics and designs layouts for the Oracle, works at the grocery store, although it's just for a month or so, and when making a delivery to the Morrows in his light brown Ford, spies Regina Morrow, back from Switzerland entirely too early.


• Emily's mother is Joanne Edwards, although the name has probably changed since she married and moved to Mexico. Emily is crushed that the mother she hasn't heard from and who left her to go live the trampy life in Chicago didn't inform her of hew new life. And yet, snark aside, I still feel bad for her.


• Bob Wakefield was married prior to Grandma Wakefield and by the time she came along, his son Louis was eleven years old, motherless after a train accident claimed her life. Ned is at least twelve years younger than Louis.


• There is no mention, at all, of Todd Wilkins. None. Not even in that mirror image opening.

Quotable:
Jessica looked disappointed. "How you can stand working in that office is beyond me," she grumbled. "That place is a mess!" - pot, have you met kettle? p4

"Oh, Grandma Wakefield!" Emily cried, throwing her arms around the plump, kindly woman. -Oh, gag me! p141

Because I love you all:


Elizabeth was completely baffled. "But Eddie seemed so sure," she told him. "He said she was back in town with her aunt. Do you think-"
"Wait a minute," Bruce interrupted. He padded across the patio and disappeared into the house. A minute later he was back, a cordless phone in his hand.
"My father's latest toy," Bruce explained and smiled, showing her the phone. "Designed for people too lazy to budge. You can keep the phone next to you wherever you go."
"Don't let my sister find out about that," Elizabeth said. "That's all we need!" pages 151/152




  I actually like Nowhere to Run. It's realistic enough that you cheer when Emily finally slaps Karen [when K is hysterical and won't let go of the baby long enough to let Emily save the kid's life] and mentally play it over and over...
  The big problem I have with this book is that neither Ned nor Alice steps up to the parental plate when dealing with Emily. Alice shouldn't have had Elizabeth call and rat out Emily, she should have done it herself, or at least have had Ned do it. Why? Because they'd have the adult authority to say, "whoa, back the fuck up. She'll be fine here overnight, but you need to calm the fuck down. Now, bitches." Occasionally you have to do that. My parents did on more than one occasion, and my father was not the nosy sort, so it's not like he liked doing it. Sometimes you just... have to. But they didn't. Which is disappointing, since they could have pulled off the robot Emily thing even with her spending the night.
  Sigh.
  When I was little, I thought Grandma copping to being a horrible stepmother was awesome. Then along came the Sagas and I was cheated. :P

  * Alright, I have to ask. Am I the only one, based on the early covers who kept snorting/mocking/laughing every time the twins were described as having long hair? On average, their hair curls up a good inch or two before touching their shoulders. Not long, people! This screwed with my head as a kid whenever I'd try to write. I'd wonder, seriously, is that considered long hair?
  No. No it isn't. Woe for you, Emily, but your cover hair isn't long either. Totally superficial here, but Em's cute and Liz's head is too big for her body. Bobblehead Liz, get 'em while they're hot!

Stepmonsters are cheap

Nowhere to Run
January 1986

Will Emily lose everything she loves?

What will The Droids do without Emily?

   Elizabeth Wakefield is surprised when Emily Mayer tells her she wants to join the school newspaper. After all, Emily's a musician, not a writer. Why would The Droids' crack drummer turn to writing, especially after the band is so popular?
   Emily confides to Elizabeth that she's having problems at home. Her stepmother has imposed a strict curfew and gets annoyed whenever Emily practices her drumming. What's worse, Emily's father seems to agree with his new wife. Emily's certain her stepmother is out to get her-and she's succeeding. Can Elizabeth help Emily before the situation at the Mayer home reaches the breaking point?


  Poor Emily. Her stepmother is a crazy bitch and her father is too blind to see that. At first you might think Emily's exaggerating, that her stepmother Karen couldn't possibly be planning to execute that most infamous of stepmother threats: "You'll behave to my specifications, which will be impossible by the way, or to boarding school with you!"
  But she totally is. Karen leaves boarding school brochures lying around, and since she's had Emily's father hire a housekeeper, it's not like this is an accident. No, she's purposely keeping the threat in plain sight. She convinces Mr. Mayer that the Droids are a terrible influence on his daughter, and he seems to be buying this, despite the fact that Emily's been with the band for quite awhile, and they sound like the cleanest cut band I've ever heard of. Hell, look at the cover! Pink polo shirt, all the buttons done. Emily's about as wild as...damn it, I've got nothing that vanilla. Even Liz is showing more skin than Emily.
  In addition to the step monster from Hades, there's little Karrie, the new baby. Yeah, they named the kid after Karen. I've never understood that. Why do you name your own kid after you? I can sort of see it if you're like, Bruce Patman the third or something, or if you're possibly dying, but still, that's an awful lot of pressure to put on a kid. But Karen's fine, crazy but fine, so it's really just massive ego, I guess.
  Anyway, Karen keeps changing the rules on poor Emily, so when Em is playing her drums in the limited time frame she's been allotted, she thinks nothing of going crazy since it's not like the baby is put down in that time frame. Only, you know it's coming, Karen flies down the stairs and pitches an absolute bitch fit because little Karrie just fell asleep and how dare you do the one thing you love in that time frame I gave you? How dare you! Epic amounts of crazy to the point where you yearn for Emily to reach back and just punch Karen one.

  Meanwhile, in the land of the Wakefields, Jessica spends the entire book being good.

  Yes. Really. The lowest she'll slink is calling her twin a rat. That's it. Jessica's excited and in such a good mood because Grandma and Grandpa Wakefield are coming all the way from Michigan to visit. The twins haven't seen their grands for more than a year and so they're positively over the moon. Or Jessica is, and Liz might be if she weren't so busy butting in to Emily's business.
  To be fair, Dana ropes Liz in first, asking her to convince Emily that babies are cute and shit. They are, but Christ, no one sane loves them every second of every day. Liz slips out of the conversation with as much grace as one can in such a situation and might have let things be, even after Emily's revelation that Karen wants to ship her away, had Mr. Collins not dropped Em back in Elizabeth's lap.
  Emily, in a foolish quest to conform to Karen's ideals, has decided to shoot for a slot on the Oracle. Liz is confused and will not let go of the theory that if one is a musician, one cannot also be interested in being a journalist. Emily's not, but I'd imagine at least one person in the Droids has a way with words, so the two interests could combine, Liz. If not, might I gouge my brains out and point out Conner from SY? *twitch*
  Em confesses her sins her horrible home life to Liz as well as the secret she's been keeping for the last nine years. Her mother didn't die. Instead, she just walked out on her family one day. Left a note on the table and that was it. Emily obsesses over what sort of mother would do that, and all I can think is, "Hey, why aren't she and Li in the same support group?" Yeah, they retcon Grace Fowler, but for the longest time we're told that she also just up and left her family, so... yeah. That didn't hurt Lila's popularity, Em. Just something to ponder.
  Liz agrees to keep this a secret and away Emily goes to the house that sucks her soul out. Karen blows up at her again in front of Emily's crush, conveniently Dan Scott from the Droids. Karen lets the whole your mother's still alive and a TRAMP to boot thing out of the bag. Emily freaks the fuck out, calls Liz and invites herself over. She tells her whole story of woe to the Wakefields, grands included, and they ponder how best to handle this. They say she may spend the night, but she has to call her family and let them know where she is. She does, her father goes ballistic and demands that she come home and if she doesn't, he'll put her drums out by the side of the road. He means it, y'all.
  So Em goes home. When next we see her, she's like robot Emily. She blows Dan off, and not in a fun kinky sort of way, commits to the paper, and puts an ad in the Oracle to sell her drums. I might ask why not put them in the SV News, but I imagine she doesn't actually want them to sell and since the Oracle can't have that many wannabe drummers reading it, she figures she'll be okay.
  Only Dan decides he'll buy the drums before someone who might actually want them does, and he keeps them for Emily. This makes my heart grow a size or two larger.

  Back at Casa Wakefield, Alice is feeling neglected. She's a bit jealous of the attention the twins are lavishing upon her in-laws and feels that they don't need her anymore. Only all her attempts to connect with the twins? Burned. Shot down. FAIL. So she's miffed. How can a mother compete with hot air ballooning? How indeed? She shares her worries with Ned and he tells the twins and they ask Alice [tee] for her help in throwing a going away party for the grands. It works! Alice feels needed and all is right with the world.

  Emily devotes herself to being Karrie's babysitter and putting up with Karen's shit. Karen is what Lila would be like as a [step]mother. Horribly inept and bitchy to cover the insecurities up. But Karen isn't as awesome as Li. Just spoiled. So when Emily points out that the rag doll Karen's just given the baby isn't safe, naturally Karen ignores Emily and bitches her out. So then we all know that Karrie's going to worry the little eye bead off the doll, pop it in her mouth, and choke to death.
  Well, if you didn't know, that's what happens. Luckily Emily's taken a first aid class or two and knows how to save Karrie. She does and as the aftermath spreads, Mr. Mayer comes home to find everyone still freaking out. He accuses Emily of hurting her little sister and tells her to get out. She grabs the money Dan gave her for the drums and runs to Elizabeth's house.
  Where Ned and Alice again agree she can spend the night, but only if she calls her father to tell him where she is. Emily won't. Alice tells Liz to do it. Jess calls her a rat, and my brain finally explodes. More on that in a bit.
  While Liz turns informant on Emily, Emily is learning that GASP! Bob Wakefield [grandpa] was married prior to Grandma and that First Wife died in a horrible train accident, leaving behind a son named Louis. Grandma was a witch to Louis after Ned was born and they finally worked things out and everyone who have ever glanced at the Wakefields of Sweet Valley cough into their fists *bullshit*. Yeah, I think Grandma totally made that story up. It's something the twins would do...
  Emily's family descends, Karen admits she was wildly jealous of Emily's capableness in running the home and how much Mr. Mayer loved Emily and let's just call a bitch a bitch. She was a bitch. She begs forgiveness, and because SV is meant to be an idyllic place, Emily cries and agrees. Happily Ever After.

  But what about the bomb drums?

  At the going away party, Liz arranges to have the Droids show up, drums in tow, and play, luring Emily back to the band. It works and everyone is happy!

  Except for Eddie Strong who is, to my knowledge, possibly never mentioned again, although he's a friend of Regina's and hey, who knew she was back in town? But when Liz goes to visit, the gates are closed and Bruce is all, "but Regina doesn't have an aunt. Who's the crazy broad pretending to be her aunt?"

  The intrigue will have to kill you, because that's all she wrote.


Trivial:

• Someone likes the phrase "in ages." Page one brings us, the biggest family event... in ages, and then Jess turns around and says, "we haven't seen them in ages." Less trivial, more amusement for moi.


• Ned's parents are visiting from Michigan.


• Emily Mayer is 5'2" with long, wavy brown hair, and hazel eyes that land more in the green and grey variety.*


• Mr. Mayer's name is Ronald and his wife calls him Ron. I'll just go with Mr. Mayer, as Ron conjures redheaded sidekicks and Ronald conjures redheaded clowns...


• Emily's drum teacher was Cliff Green.


• While Grandpa Wakefield is given a name [Bob], his wife is only Grandma.


• Grandma is, by the way, the oldest student going for her P.h.D. in American History at the University of Michigan.


• The twins make a big deal about their Grands taking them to Hampshire Place, a mall that recently opened in the next town. Thrills!


• Crazy Karen decides that Emily's curfew should be 10 on weeknights and 12 on weekends. Don't members of the BSC have a later curfew? Emily points out that this fucks her royally since the band practices after dinner on weeknights [so they can do homework before?] and that anything less than two hours is a waste and since they have to assemble their instruments... Emily's dad tells her to shove it.


• Dan Scott is almost 17 with sun streaked baby fine brown hair, gray eyes, and is the object of Emily's affections despite not being conventionally handsome. I'd say it's the band thing, but Em's in the band, too.


• Apparently one of the best Cantonese restaurants in the country is just half an hour away from Sweet Valley.


• Ned's still allergic/loathes the Chinese food and a big deal is made of this.


• Alice, unaware of the Chinese food for dinner plan, left work early, grabbed some steaks and was all set to grill up fabulousness.


• Emily lives a mile and a half from school and enjoys the walk. I hate her.


• When Karen is throwing around accusations [super tramp!] about the first Mrs. Mayer, she goes off on not setting curfew for Emily. Emily was, at this point, seven years old. Karen should not have been allowed to breed.


• Emily's selling her drums for $200, or best offer.


• Dan buys the drums for his "friend" Jaime, who allegedly goes to Palisades and is a sophomore. In reality, Dan keeps them until Emily kills Karen or snaps out of her funk.


• Unsurprisingly, Jessica has a blast hot air ballooning, and Liz would pretty much be satisfied to never go up again.


• Dan wants to study physics sometime later. I guess everyone needs a backup plan if the rock star dream doesn't pan out.


• Eddie Strong, a blond sophomore at SVH who's interested in graphics and designs layouts for the Oracle, works at the grocery store, although it's just for a month or so, and when making a delivery to the Morrows in his light brown Ford, spies Regina Morrow, back from Switzerland entirely too early.


• Emily's mother is Joanne Edwards, although the name has probably changed since she married and moved to Mexico. Emily is crushed that the mother she hasn't heard from and who left her to go live the trampy life in Chicago didn't inform her of hew new life. And yet, snark aside, I still feel bad for her.


• Bob Wakefield was married prior to Grandma Wakefield and by the time she came along, his son Louis was eleven years old, motherless after a train accident claimed her life. Ned is at least twelve years younger than Louis.


• There is no mention, at all, of Todd Wilkins. None. Not even in that mirror image opening.

Quotable:
Jessica looked disappointed. "How you can stand working in that office is beyond me," she grumbled. "That place is a mess!" - pot, have you met kettle? p4

"Oh, Grandma Wakefield!" Emily cried, throwing her arms around the plump, kindly woman. -Oh, gag me! p141

Because I love you all:


Elizabeth was completely baffled. "But Eddie seemed so sure," she told him. "He said she was back in town with her aunt. Do you think-"
"Wait a minute," Bruce interrupted. He padded across the patio and disappeared into the house. A minute later he was back, a cordless phone in his hand.
"My father's latest toy," Bruce explained and smiled, showing her the phone. "Designed for people too lazy to budge. You can keep the phone next to you wherever you go."
"Don't let my sister find out about that," Elizabeth said. "That's all we need!" pages 151/152




  I actually like Nowhere to Run. It's realistic enough that you cheer when Emily finally slaps Karen [when K is hysterical and won't let go of the baby long enough to let Emily save the kid's life] and mentally play it over and over...
  The big problem I have with this book is that neither Ned nor Alice steps up to the parental plate when dealing with Emily. Alice shouldn't have had Elizabeth call and rat out Emily, she should have done it herself, or at least have had Ned do it. Why? Because they'd have the adult authority to say, "whoa, back the fuck up. She'll be fine here overnight, but you need to calm the fuck down. Now, bitches." Occasionally you have to do that. My parents did on more than one occasion, and my father was not the nosy sort, so it's not like he liked doing it. Sometimes you just... have to. But they didn't. Which is disappointing, since they could have pulled off the robot Emily thing even with her spending the night.
  Sigh.
  When I was little, I thought Grandma copping to being a horrible stepmother was awesome. Then along came the Sagas and I was cheated. :P

  * Alright, I have to ask. Am I the only one, based on the early covers who kept snorting/mocking/laughing every time the twins were described as having long hair? On average, their hair curls up a good inch or two before touching their shoulders. Not long, people! This screwed with my head as a kid whenever I'd try to write. I'd wonder, seriously, is that considered long hair?
  No. No it isn't. Woe for you, Emily, but your cover hair isn't long either. Totally superficial here, but Em's cute and Liz's head is too big for her body. Bobblehead Liz, get 'em while they're hot!