Thriller before thrillers were cool

Hostage!
February 1986

Can anyone save Regina Morrow?

Regina's life-in jeopardy...

   When Elizabeth Wakefield learns that Regina Morrow has returned unexpectadly to Sweet Valley from Switzerland, she drops by to visit. A strange woman answers the door and says Regina cannot have vistors. With the help of Jessica, her twin, and Bruce Patman, Regina's boyfriend, Elizabeth discovers that Regina and her parents are being held hostage!
   If Elizabeth calls the police, the Morrows may be killed. So she, Bruce, Jessica, and Regina's brother, Nicholas, vow to rescue the Morrows on their own-before the kidnappers take desperate action!

  Ah, good old Hostage! I spent years forgetting this book even existed. I don't know why since it's so obviously the kick off for the thriller books, but I could never get the book to stick in my head. Maybe it's the lack of a b-plot, maybe I didn't read it as a kid, maybe I always thought of it as just another version of Kidnapped! Who knows? Doubtful anyone but the voice in my head cares.

  Hostage! is the triumphant return of Regina Morrow. Admit it, you wondered where the little deaf girl was, didn't you? Well, after being spotted by Eddie Strong last book, Liz is still obsessing over Regina's sudden return to the Valley under such mysterious circumstances. It seems that Bruce is positive that Regina has no aunts, no uncles, no nothing of that sort. Jessica will be playing the role of the voice of reason, and if that isn't worth the price of admission, what the hell is? Jess points out that maybe Bruce is wrong. Maybe she's a cousin or a friend of the family who calls herself an aunt. Maybe Bruce is, again, full of it? Liz reluctantly agrees that it's possible, but it doesn't feel that way.
  So she calls Bruce and decides she'll go back and visit the Morrow mansion and see if she can find out anything more. This makes so little sense as to be painful, especially since the last time she was there, the gates were closed. What, was she going to stand at the gates and scream, "REGIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNAAAAAAAA!"?
  To push the story along, and prove that Liz wasn't wasting time, she arrives and the gates are open, but still the place is giving her the creeps, something that wouldn't be unusual for the Patman mansion or even Fowler Crest, but Liz loves the Morrow place, so... Creepy vibe. Got that?
  She pulls the Fiat up as close to the front door as possible, rings the bell, and runs into creepy Aunt Claire. Aunt Claire is in her mid to late 30's, already graying auburn hair, and creepy slanted gray eyes. I object to the gray eyes being the creepy aspect! Anyway, she claims to be Skye Morrow's stepsister. While she's busy telling Liz in no uncertain terms is Regina home, Regina wanders by, stops, and stares with big scared blue eyes at Liz. Liz is all, "Regina! We've missed you!" Regina doesn't say a thing. Claire backpeddles just a smidge and fusses at Regina while Liz does some complicated hand movements that I guess were supposed to mean, "Scream if you need rescuing." Discouraged, Liz leaves, sure that Regina is in some awful trouble. But instead of going to Bruce's house, which has to be closer if Regina later considers running away to his house, on foot, she goes home. Liz decides that if her father caught wind of her plans, she'd be grounded for life, so she rushes in to tell Jess to keep quiet about Regina.
  Jess is a little worried that maybe Liz has gone insane, especially when Liz calls the police. They call back at dinner to report that she should mind her own damn business. Since the man won't help, Jessica decides there must be something to Liz's paranoia. First order of business? Getting word to Regina that they want to help. Liz is stumped, but Jess has hatched a plan over dinner. Jesus, Liz, you've had a day or two to mull this over, but Jessica had dinner to come up with a plan. We sure that they didn't switch brains?

  Jessica's plan is simple. Call Eddie, ask when the Morrows get their next delivery, and then have Bruce pose as the delivery boy, sneaking a message to Regina in a magazine, since Aunt Claire is obviously no fashionista.
  So that's what they do, with the twins hiding out of sight with the Porsche. Bruce comes running and Liz fumbles with the keys because she never thought to have the right key ready to start the car, even though their backup plan involved getting the fuck out of dodge at the first sign of trouble.
  My brain, she aches...

  They go back after dark to see if Regina dropped a letter out a window for them to find. She did.
  Regina's letter says the following: Being held hostage, parents are kidnapped, dunno where, crazy broad and her accomplice are planning to steal my father's mythic microchip prototype, but if you call the police again, they will kill me. Nicholas is in San Fran with Buddy Ames. You're my only hope, Obi-wan. Love, Regina.
  GASP! Liz feels guilty about the cops, Bruce wants to kill someone, and Jess is freaked out, but that might be just because she's snuggled up to Bruce.

  What to do, what to do. Bruce calls Nicholas, tells him something has come up, everyone's fine, come home, and by home, he means the Patman estate. Nich wonders why he can't just go home and Bruce uses his Jedi mind tricks to persuade him to skip home... for now. When Nicholas arrives, Bruce tells him what's goin on, and then the twins arrive. Liz literally runs to Nicholas, but then Nicholas ruins the moment by going on about how wonderful Bruce is, and how he'd have probably gotten everyone killed by punching Claire but Bruce held him back. Possibly literally...
  So... Nicholas decides he's going to go spy on his home, and Jessica [voice of reason, remember?] says that's an awful idea, Liz, talk him out of it. Liz does the opposite. "Wait, I'll go with you!" ...I'm not sure if it was so much that she really thought he'd go one way or another, or thought maybe he'd back down if she offered, although we're told the former is the reason, but I still say she thought he'd rethink it when he realized she'd be in danger. HA! Didn't work, did it, Lizzie?
  Upon pulling up near the Morrow estate, they see a beat up blue car coming towards them, so Nich, ever the smooth operator, says, "I'm going to kiss you." And does. Did teenagers really drive around, making out in rich neighborhoods in the 80's? Whatever. It works. Shaken by this close call [what close call, the other car turned the other way] Nicholas agrees to abandon his plan... whatever that exact plan might have been.
  They return to the Patman mansion, and I should mention that Bruce's parents are in Boston for something or other, so he's living the bachelor life.

  What's that you say? Where's Roger? Who knows? This is the first book in ages that mentions Bruce, his family, his home, and makes no mention at all of his poor relation Roger. Is Roger just in the other wing? Did he go with his aunt and uncle? Is he shaking up with Olivia somewhere? We'll never know, I suppose.
  We go through the whole, "Does your family have any enemies?" and Nicholas replies, "Everyone loves my father." Obviously not, kiddo. Then magically he remembers there was this one guy, embezzling funds five years ago, and hey, he got out, moved to California, and maybe that's him, especially since, oh yeah, that's who was driving the blue car!
  ...Kissing Liz shook a few braincells awake, I guess. So they look Phillip Denson up [that's the guy] and he's in the phone book. Well, a P. Denson is. They descend on this guy's place and they see a cute, shirtless young Matthew McConaughey guy, whom they all agree cannot be Phillip. So they send Jessica, after an amusing little "Lucky for us we have a secret weapon, i.e, Jessica" moment, they send the flirt out to do what she does best. Dazzle the menfolk.
  And she does! Turns out shirtless is named Mitch, his father is Phillip, and no, she really can't go inside, but he'll be happy to run in and get her something to drink. When he does that, Jess peeks inside and what should appear? Mr. and Mrs. Morrow! Well, how about that?
  She makes excuses to Mitch, flirts a bit, and runs off to share the news.
  Now the foursome must come up with a plan to rescue the Morrows, all at the same time. Plus there's this whole "money is heaven" thing Regina overheard Claire-bear say to Phil.
  Jessica figures out that to someone with less than perfect hearing, Monday at seven and Money is heaven sound alike. GASP! Jessica cracked the code!
  Why is Liz there anyway?
  To come up with the plan to spring the Morrows. I guess, spurred on by being shown up by Jess at every turn, Liz comes up with a plan that's so full of holes that Jessica easily pokes holes in it within seconds. Luckily for Liz, Nicholas is still semi-hot for her, so he says they should use the plan. Which is simple...ish.
  While Regina is picking up the microchip, two of their intrepid group will spring Ma and Pa Morrow, and then they'll... call the cops and the cops will deal with Claire while Regina is still at the factory, under the watchful eye of security.
  Uh, yeah, but what about Phillip? They attempt to find out through Mitch, but somehow end up at the beach. Seriously, who goes to the beach when their girlfriend is being held hostage down the road? Or their friend? Sister? These four. I could see relaxing by the pool and napping but no matter how they try and reason it, it still comes across as callous at best.

  Monday. Prior to seven. Liz and Nicholas are going to the plant, Jess and Bruce are taking Nicholas' Jeep as it has a car phone. Bruce asks if Nich has enough change for the pay phone and I giggled to myself, even though I'm one of those people who doesn't have a cell phone these days. Anyway...
  Jess flirts with Mitch, Bruce goes in to break out the Morrows, Phillip comes back early, and there's a lovely moment where Jess bites Mitch, he lets her go, she runs through the house screaming, running right into Bruce, who falls backward, and then Mitch runs into Skye and Phillip's got a gun. Lest anyone panic, Mitch tackles his father when Phil threatens Jessica, and they run for freedom.
  Back at the plant, Liz has no idea how to stall Claire, so she pretends to be a reporter asking all these questions neither Claire nor Regina would possibly know anyway. Nich has called 911 and is having a hell of a time getting anyone to pay attention to him, believing it to be another crank call concerning Regina. Nicholas sputters, "But I'm Nicholas Morrow" and somewhere I hear a celebrity demand, "Don't you know who I am?" The cops, they don't care and put him on hold to chat with Kurt Morrow. When they tell Nich they're coming, Nich runs off to play hero.
  Phil arrives on the scene with his son Mitch in tow, and the shit hitteth the fan royally. Kurt Morrow asks Phil what it is he wants, what he really wants. Spice Girls moment aside, Phil answers that he wants Kurt to suffer like he made Phil suffer. Rightio. By now, we've established that while nuttier than fruitcake, Phil isn't particularly stupid, and he's obviously going to off all the witnesses to his crime, but we're reminded of it again. I'm thinking he could have done this better, but whatever. I'm not the psycho from the 80's now am I?

  Just as Phil is getting into his whole evil super villain gloat thing, sirens wail and as he's distracted, Bruce and Nicholas tackle that bitch. Claire waves her gun around, shots are fired, and Jessica screams bloody blue murder. Awesome. No one's hurt, the cops read Claire and Phil [and poor Mitch, too!] their rights, but Phil's all badass. "I regret nothing!" Stupid sonofabitch. Claire wisely keeps her mouth shut.
  Jess is sad over poor Mitch and when they go to the station to tell their stories [I'm thinking a bit of "we told you so, idiots" went on, too...] and she pleads for Mitch to be let go as he's really a victim as much, if not moreso, than anyone else. A hero, too, since he saved her life. Aww. It works and the next we hear, he's off to Jersey to live with his aunt who is supposed to be really nice, really loving. We'll chat about what a skank his mother must be in a little bit.
  To celebrate everyone not being held hostage or dead, the Morrows decide to throw a party. They have another reason as well. Regina's hearing is almost back to normal [yay!] and she can do her last round or so of treatments in the Valley. Diet pill induced infant deafness is curable! Party on, Sweet Valley. Party. On.
  Oh, and there's some boring crap about Suzanne Hanlon and Kenny, but really, you know it's all a set up for the next book anyway.



Trivial:

• Eddie Strong works part time at Thrift Mart. What a great name for a 24 hour grocery store, eh?


• Skye and Kurt Morrow are only children. No aunties and uncles for Nicholas and Regina. Woe.


• The great Centennial Celebration is mentioned again, only Bruce is actually working on it now [unlike the last time it was mentioned and Bruce was being a slacker] and he puts Jess in charge of the picnic.


• Claire Davis: mid to late 30's, gray streaked auburn hair, pale, slanted gray eyes. Passes herself off as Skye's stepsister.


• Liz returns from her first reconnaissance meeting at 6:30.


• Sergeant O'Brien tells Liz to stop wasting police time when her girlfriend can't come out and gossip. Guess someone'll be eating those words, eh?


• Alice's world famous blue cheese dressing is mentioned again.


• Apparently Jessica reads Agatha Christie novels at the beach while Liz is buried in giant tome of doom.


• Why is Bruce present at Ken's meeting with Chrome Dome and the coach? Seriously, why?


• The escape plan: If Bruce whistles twice, take 1Bruce1 to the Patman mansion and wait. If he's not there in half an hour or less the pizza is free kindly call the cops.


• Claire Davis gives Bruce a fifty cent tip for delivering the groceries. I wonder if he gave it to Eddie...


• While traipsing around the Morrow's grounds, Bruce and the twins don't bring an actual flashlight. Instead, they rely on Bruce's pen light, which the ghost writer uses three or four times in the span of a couple of paragraph. Oi.


• Jess complains about having to miss cheerleading in order to help Regina. Bruce effectively tells her to shut the fuck up.


• Phillip Denson drives a beat up blue Dodge and lives at 1386 Lakewood Drive, Fort Carroll, CA. Send your love letters, kiddies.


• Mitch Denson is sandy haired and hot, though a bit uncomfortable around the super flirt powers of one Jessica Wakefield. Is it because he's a dork or because his father's a criminal with two hostages in the living room?


• Suzanne Hanlon, aka Hands Off Hanlon: tall willowy sophomore with silky dark hair, wide set hazel eyes, and more money than sense. Isn't quite stuck up, but hasn't learned that good manners mean that you don't make someone else feel like they're lacking them. Ta, Julia Sugarbaker.


• When they mention Nicholas is staying with Buddy Aames in San Fransisco, all I can think of is Charles in Charge. [Willie Aames was Buddy. Get it? Welcome to my brain.]


• While most teens would have gone through a brief stage where they resented the hell out of Skye for choosing dieting over the wellbeing of her unborn child, Regina feels nothing but love for the mother who is so overcome with grief that she suffers debilitating headaches which just makes her that much more of a shitty parent. You couldn't think of the kid first back then and now you can't get over yourself long enough to not make the family dance around your "mysterious" headaches. Right. Great. I'd kick Skye in the kneecaps.


• Maria is the Patmans' maid. There are an awful lot of Marias in the Valley.


• Money is heaven is really Monday at seven.


• Peter Straus is the Palisades quarterback and he's already being scouted. If Ken's good enough to kick this guy's ass, how come he's not being scouted yet?


• Jessica only calls her twin Lizzie when she's feeling unusually close to her sister. Awkwardly worded, but cute sentiment.


• Jessica bites Mitch so he'll let her go warn Bruce about Phil showing up early during their botched rescue mission.


• To stall Claire, Liz pretends to be a reporter for the Sweet Valley News.


• Microtech is on Route 5. For those who wonder, most of the employees leave at 5pm, the plant officially closes at 6, and Walker the manager leaves sometime after that.


• Kurt Morrow is the one who actually designed the microchip. Guess that kills the theory about dumb former jocks, eh?


• By the end of the book, Regina has regained 85% normal hearing.


• Again, not a single mention of Todd. Not even in the "Nicholas wanted Liz, but the timing was off" intro.

Quotable:
"You're getting a Nancy Drew complex, that's what I think," Jessica said critically, frowning up at the sun. She giggled suddenly. "Only I can hardly imagine Bruce as Ned Nickerson!" - Todd is more Ned's type anyway. p7

"Everyone likes English," Bruce said gloomily. "Even I did-until about three o'clock this afternoon." -p29

"Our biggest job is going to be hiding the car, come to think of it," Jessica remarked.
"Why?" demanded Elizabeth.
Jessica dissolved into a fit of giggles. "Have you ever heard of a delivery boy driving around in a black Porsche?" - So true, Jessie. So true. p31

"Well, Mitch isn't a maniac," Jessica said defensively. "In fact, I think he's kind of sweet. He's got really nice shoulders."
"Who cares about his shoulders?" Bruce retorted. - Don't lie, Bruce. You care. p64

"I'd be willing to read the hottest parts of my diary," Jessica suggested. "That would draw crowds!" - Jessica is always willing to lend a helping hand. p71

"Yeah," Bruce grumbled. "I don't know what his problem is. Junior English is really easy!" - Bruce, you're 17, not 117, and you're hanging around with juniors. Deal. p86

"Well," Lila said conspiratorially, "I wasn't going to bring that up, since I simply hate spreading dirt around about people I like."
"Ha!" Jessica interjected. -p131




   Hostage! is a fun little book. For me it's really the kickoff of the Thrillers, as at least one features Nicholas Morrow as their sidekick and it's the start of their rescuing other people while being shot at themselves. Good times. Still, give me four months and I'll mostly forget all about the book. I don't know why, it's just like that. I do love that it takes less than ten books for Regina's hearing to be pretty much restored to normal.
  In thrillers and chillers [SVT, yes?] it always amazes me that one twin will go completely off the deep end of sanity and the other will at most humor her until there's undeniable proof, but it doesn't really matter which twin it is. If it's Jess, we're told it's because she's flighty and an idiot. If it's Liz, it's because of her vivid writer's imagination.
  As to Mitch's mother, she leaves Phil because he's a moron and an ex-con. I can buy that. What I don't get is why this lady of obvious virtue left her teenage son with the dirtbag and why she won't step up for the kid after daddy proves he really liked the orange jumpsuit too much to leave it behind. Woe is Mitch.

  Another nice little touch is the flashback bits to Elizabeth's brief stint with Carl, the crazy custodian. Love that Jess points out, at the beginning before she's proven wrong, that this is nothing like Carl's fascination with Liz, and that as awful as that was, it's possible nothing fishy is going on at all. Yes, but then what would our plot be, Jess? We don't have a B-plot except the set up for the next book.
  And when they go on about how this microchip will revolutionize the computer industry, all I can think of is that Kim Possible episode where she gets the prototype back and you find out it's for a greeting card. :P

Thriller before thrillers were cool

Hostage!
February 1986

Can anyone save Regina Morrow?

Regina's life-in jeopardy...

   When Elizabeth Wakefield learns that Regina Morrow has returned unexpectadly to Sweet Valley from Switzerland, she drops by to visit. A strange woman answers the door and says Regina cannot have vistors. With the help of Jessica, her twin, and Bruce Patman, Regina's boyfriend, Elizabeth discovers that Regina and her parents are being held hostage!
   If Elizabeth calls the police, the Morrows may be killed. So she, Bruce, Jessica, and Regina's brother, Nicholas, vow to rescue the Morrows on their own-before the kidnappers take desperate action!

  Ah, good old Hostage! I spent years forgetting this book even existed. I don't know why since it's so obviously the kick off for the thriller books, but I could never get the book to stick in my head. Maybe it's the lack of a b-plot, maybe I didn't read it as a kid, maybe I always thought of it as just another version of Kidnapped! Who knows? Doubtful anyone but the voice in my head cares.

  Hostage! is the triumphant return of Regina Morrow. Admit it, you wondered where the little deaf girl was, didn't you? Well, after being spotted by Eddie Strong last book, Liz is still obsessing over Regina's sudden return to the Valley under such mysterious circumstances. It seems that Bruce is positive that Regina has no aunts, no uncles, no nothing of that sort. Jessica will be playing the role of the voice of reason, and if that isn't worth the price of admission, what the hell is? Jess points out that maybe Bruce is wrong. Maybe she's a cousin or a friend of the family who calls herself an aunt. Maybe Bruce is, again, full of it? Liz reluctantly agrees that it's possible, but it doesn't feel that way.
  So she calls Bruce and decides she'll go back and visit the Morrow mansion and see if she can find out anything more. This makes so little sense as to be painful, especially since the last time she was there, the gates were closed. What, was she going to stand at the gates and scream, "REGIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNAAAAAAAA!"?
  To push the story along, and prove that Liz wasn't wasting time, she arrives and the gates are open, but still the place is giving her the creeps, something that wouldn't be unusual for the Patman mansion or even Fowler Crest, but Liz loves the Morrow place, so... Creepy vibe. Got that?
  She pulls the Fiat up as close to the front door as possible, rings the bell, and runs into creepy Aunt Claire. Aunt Claire is in her mid to late 30's, already graying auburn hair, and creepy slanted gray eyes. I object to the gray eyes being the creepy aspect! Anyway, she claims to be Skye Morrow's stepsister. While she's busy telling Liz in no uncertain terms is Regina home, Regina wanders by, stops, and stares with big scared blue eyes at Liz. Liz is all, "Regina! We've missed you!" Regina doesn't say a thing. Claire backpeddles just a smidge and fusses at Regina while Liz does some complicated hand movements that I guess were supposed to mean, "Scream if you need rescuing." Discouraged, Liz leaves, sure that Regina is in some awful trouble. But instead of going to Bruce's house, which has to be closer if Regina later considers running away to his house, on foot, she goes home. Liz decides that if her father caught wind of her plans, she'd be grounded for life, so she rushes in to tell Jess to keep quiet about Regina.
  Jess is a little worried that maybe Liz has gone insane, especially when Liz calls the police. They call back at dinner to report that she should mind her own damn business. Since the man won't help, Jessica decides there must be something to Liz's paranoia. First order of business? Getting word to Regina that they want to help. Liz is stumped, but Jess has hatched a plan over dinner. Jesus, Liz, you've had a day or two to mull this over, but Jessica had dinner to come up with a plan. We sure that they didn't switch brains?

  Jessica's plan is simple. Call Eddie, ask when the Morrows get their next delivery, and then have Bruce pose as the delivery boy, sneaking a message to Regina in a magazine, since Aunt Claire is obviously no fashionista.
  So that's what they do, with the twins hiding out of sight with the Porsche. Bruce comes running and Liz fumbles with the keys because she never thought to have the right key ready to start the car, even though their backup plan involved getting the fuck out of dodge at the first sign of trouble.
  My brain, she aches...

  They go back after dark to see if Regina dropped a letter out a window for them to find. She did.
  Regina's letter says the following: Being held hostage, parents are kidnapped, dunno where, crazy broad and her accomplice are planning to steal my father's mythic microchip prototype, but if you call the police again, they will kill me. Nicholas is in San Fran with Buddy Ames. You're my only hope, Obi-wan. Love, Regina.
  GASP! Liz feels guilty about the cops, Bruce wants to kill someone, and Jess is freaked out, but that might be just because she's snuggled up to Bruce.

  What to do, what to do. Bruce calls Nicholas, tells him something has come up, everyone's fine, come home, and by home, he means the Patman estate. Nich wonders why he can't just go home and Bruce uses his Jedi mind tricks to persuade him to skip home... for now. When Nicholas arrives, Bruce tells him what's goin on, and then the twins arrive. Liz literally runs to Nicholas, but then Nicholas ruins the moment by going on about how wonderful Bruce is, and how he'd have probably gotten everyone killed by punching Claire but Bruce held him back. Possibly literally...
  So... Nicholas decides he's going to go spy on his home, and Jessica [voice of reason, remember?] says that's an awful idea, Liz, talk him out of it. Liz does the opposite. "Wait, I'll go with you!" ...I'm not sure if it was so much that she really thought he'd go one way or another, or thought maybe he'd back down if she offered, although we're told the former is the reason, but I still say she thought he'd rethink it when he realized she'd be in danger. HA! Didn't work, did it, Lizzie?
  Upon pulling up near the Morrow estate, they see a beat up blue car coming towards them, so Nich, ever the smooth operator, says, "I'm going to kiss you." And does. Did teenagers really drive around, making out in rich neighborhoods in the 80's? Whatever. It works. Shaken by this close call [what close call, the other car turned the other way] Nicholas agrees to abandon his plan... whatever that exact plan might have been.
  They return to the Patman mansion, and I should mention that Bruce's parents are in Boston for something or other, so he's living the bachelor life.

  What's that you say? Where's Roger? Who knows? This is the first book in ages that mentions Bruce, his family, his home, and makes no mention at all of his poor relation Roger. Is Roger just in the other wing? Did he go with his aunt and uncle? Is he shaking up with Olivia somewhere? We'll never know, I suppose.
  We go through the whole, "Does your family have any enemies?" and Nicholas replies, "Everyone loves my father." Obviously not, kiddo. Then magically he remembers there was this one guy, embezzling funds five years ago, and hey, he got out, moved to California, and maybe that's him, especially since, oh yeah, that's who was driving the blue car!
  ...Kissing Liz shook a few braincells awake, I guess. So they look Phillip Denson up [that's the guy] and he's in the phone book. Well, a P. Denson is. They descend on this guy's place and they see a cute, shirtless young Matthew McConaughey guy, whom they all agree cannot be Phillip. So they send Jessica, after an amusing little "Lucky for us we have a secret weapon, i.e, Jessica" moment, they send the flirt out to do what she does best. Dazzle the menfolk.
  And she does! Turns out shirtless is named Mitch, his father is Phillip, and no, she really can't go inside, but he'll be happy to run in and get her something to drink. When he does that, Jess peeks inside and what should appear? Mr. and Mrs. Morrow! Well, how about that?
  She makes excuses to Mitch, flirts a bit, and runs off to share the news.
  Now the foursome must come up with a plan to rescue the Morrows, all at the same time. Plus there's this whole "money is heaven" thing Regina overheard Claire-bear say to Phil.
  Jessica figures out that to someone with less than perfect hearing, Monday at seven and Money is heaven sound alike. GASP! Jessica cracked the code!
  Why is Liz there anyway?
  To come up with the plan to spring the Morrows. I guess, spurred on by being shown up by Jess at every turn, Liz comes up with a plan that's so full of holes that Jessica easily pokes holes in it within seconds. Luckily for Liz, Nicholas is still semi-hot for her, so he says they should use the plan. Which is simple...ish.
  While Regina is picking up the microchip, two of their intrepid group will spring Ma and Pa Morrow, and then they'll... call the cops and the cops will deal with Claire while Regina is still at the factory, under the watchful eye of security.
  Uh, yeah, but what about Phillip? They attempt to find out through Mitch, but somehow end up at the beach. Seriously, who goes to the beach when their girlfriend is being held hostage down the road? Or their friend? Sister? These four. I could see relaxing by the pool and napping but no matter how they try and reason it, it still comes across as callous at best.

  Monday. Prior to seven. Liz and Nicholas are going to the plant, Jess and Bruce are taking Nicholas' Jeep as it has a car phone. Bruce asks if Nich has enough change for the pay phone and I giggled to myself, even though I'm one of those people who doesn't have a cell phone these days. Anyway...
  Jess flirts with Mitch, Bruce goes in to break out the Morrows, Phillip comes back early, and there's a lovely moment where Jess bites Mitch, he lets her go, she runs through the house screaming, running right into Bruce, who falls backward, and then Mitch runs into Skye and Phillip's got a gun. Lest anyone panic, Mitch tackles his father when Phil threatens Jessica, and they run for freedom.
  Back at the plant, Liz has no idea how to stall Claire, so she pretends to be a reporter asking all these questions neither Claire nor Regina would possibly know anyway. Nich has called 911 and is having a hell of a time getting anyone to pay attention to him, believing it to be another crank call concerning Regina. Nicholas sputters, "But I'm Nicholas Morrow" and somewhere I hear a celebrity demand, "Don't you know who I am?" The cops, they don't care and put him on hold to chat with Kurt Morrow. When they tell Nich they're coming, Nich runs off to play hero.
  Phil arrives on the scene with his son Mitch in tow, and the shit hitteth the fan royally. Kurt Morrow asks Phil what it is he wants, what he really wants. Spice Girls moment aside, Phil answers that he wants Kurt to suffer like he made Phil suffer. Rightio. By now, we've established that while nuttier than fruitcake, Phil isn't particularly stupid, and he's obviously going to off all the witnesses to his crime, but we're reminded of it again. I'm thinking he could have done this better, but whatever. I'm not the psycho from the 80's now am I?

  Just as Phil is getting into his whole evil super villain gloat thing, sirens wail and as he's distracted, Bruce and Nicholas tackle that bitch. Claire waves her gun around, shots are fired, and Jessica screams bloody blue murder. Awesome. No one's hurt, the cops read Claire and Phil [and poor Mitch, too!] their rights, but Phil's all badass. "I regret nothing!" Stupid sonofabitch. Claire wisely keeps her mouth shut.
  Jess is sad over poor Mitch and when they go to the station to tell their stories [I'm thinking a bit of "we told you so, idiots" went on, too...] and she pleads for Mitch to be let go as he's really a victim as much, if not moreso, than anyone else. A hero, too, since he saved her life. Aww. It works and the next we hear, he's off to Jersey to live with his aunt who is supposed to be really nice, really loving. We'll chat about what a skank his mother must be in a little bit.
  To celebrate everyone not being held hostage or dead, the Morrows decide to throw a party. They have another reason as well. Regina's hearing is almost back to normal [yay!] and she can do her last round or so of treatments in the Valley. Diet pill induced infant deafness is curable! Party on, Sweet Valley. Party. On.
  Oh, and there's some boring crap about Suzanne Hanlon and Kenny, but really, you know it's all a set up for the next book anyway.



Trivial:

• Eddie Strong works part time at Thrift Mart. What a great name for a 24 hour grocery store, eh?


• Skye and Kurt Morrow are only children. No aunties and uncles for Nicholas and Regina. Woe.


• The great Centennial Celebration is mentioned again, only Bruce is actually working on it now [unlike the last time it was mentioned and Bruce was being a slacker] and he puts Jess in charge of the picnic.


• Claire Davis: mid to late 30's, gray streaked auburn hair, pale, slanted gray eyes. Passes herself off as Skye's stepsister.


• Liz returns from her first reconnaissance meeting at 6:30.


• Sergeant O'Brien tells Liz to stop wasting police time when her girlfriend can't come out and gossip. Guess someone'll be eating those words, eh?


• Alice's world famous blue cheese dressing is mentioned again.


• Apparently Jessica reads Agatha Christie novels at the beach while Liz is buried in giant tome of doom.


• Why is Bruce present at Ken's meeting with Chrome Dome and the coach? Seriously, why?


• The escape plan: If Bruce whistles twice, take 1Bruce1 to the Patman mansion and wait. If he's not there in half an hour or less the pizza is free kindly call the cops.


• Claire Davis gives Bruce a fifty cent tip for delivering the groceries. I wonder if he gave it to Eddie...


• While traipsing around the Morrow's grounds, Bruce and the twins don't bring an actual flashlight. Instead, they rely on Bruce's pen light, which the ghost writer uses three or four times in the span of a couple of paragraph. Oi.


• Jess complains about having to miss cheerleading in order to help Regina. Bruce effectively tells her to shut the fuck up.


• Phillip Denson drives a beat up blue Dodge and lives at 1386 Lakewood Drive, Fort Carroll, CA. Send your love letters, kiddies.


• Mitch Denson is sandy haired and hot, though a bit uncomfortable around the super flirt powers of one Jessica Wakefield. Is it because he's a dork or because his father's a criminal with two hostages in the living room?


• Suzanne Hanlon, aka Hands Off Hanlon: tall willowy sophomore with silky dark hair, wide set hazel eyes, and more money than sense. Isn't quite stuck up, but hasn't learned that good manners mean that you don't make someone else feel like they're lacking them. Ta, Julia Sugarbaker.


• When they mention Nicholas is staying with Buddy Aames in San Fransisco, all I can think of is Charles in Charge. [Willie Aames was Buddy. Get it? Welcome to my brain.]


• While most teens would have gone through a brief stage where they resented the hell out of Skye for choosing dieting over the wellbeing of her unborn child, Regina feels nothing but love for the mother who is so overcome with grief that she suffers debilitating headaches which just makes her that much more of a shitty parent. You couldn't think of the kid first back then and now you can't get over yourself long enough to not make the family dance around your "mysterious" headaches. Right. Great. I'd kick Skye in the kneecaps.


• Maria is the Patmans' maid. There are an awful lot of Marias in the Valley.


• Money is heaven is really Monday at seven.


• Peter Straus is the Palisades quarterback and he's already being scouted. If Ken's good enough to kick this guy's ass, how come he's not being scouted yet?


• Jessica only calls her twin Lizzie when she's feeling unusually close to her sister. Awkwardly worded, but cute sentiment.


• Jessica bites Mitch so he'll let her go warn Bruce about Phil showing up early during their botched rescue mission.


• To stall Claire, Liz pretends to be a reporter for the Sweet Valley News.


• Microtech is on Route 5. For those who wonder, most of the employees leave at 5pm, the plant officially closes at 6, and Walker the manager leaves sometime after that.


• Kurt Morrow is the one who actually designed the microchip. Guess that kills the theory about dumb former jocks, eh?


• By the end of the book, Regina has regained 85% normal hearing.


• Again, not a single mention of Todd. Not even in the "Nicholas wanted Liz, but the timing was off" intro.

Quotable:
"You're getting a Nancy Drew complex, that's what I think," Jessica said critically, frowning up at the sun. She giggled suddenly. "Only I can hardly imagine Bruce as Ned Nickerson!" - Todd is more Ned's type anyway. p7

"Everyone likes English," Bruce said gloomily. "Even I did-until about three o'clock this afternoon." -p29

"Our biggest job is going to be hiding the car, come to think of it," Jessica remarked.
"Why?" demanded Elizabeth.
Jessica dissolved into a fit of giggles. "Have you ever heard of a delivery boy driving around in a black Porsche?" - So true, Jessie. So true. p31

"Well, Mitch isn't a maniac," Jessica said defensively. "In fact, I think he's kind of sweet. He's got really nice shoulders."
"Who cares about his shoulders?" Bruce retorted. - Don't lie, Bruce. You care. p64

"I'd be willing to read the hottest parts of my diary," Jessica suggested. "That would draw crowds!" - Jessica is always willing to lend a helping hand. p71

"Yeah," Bruce grumbled. "I don't know what his problem is. Junior English is really easy!" - Bruce, you're 17, not 117, and you're hanging around with juniors. Deal. p86

"Well," Lila said conspiratorially, "I wasn't going to bring that up, since I simply hate spreading dirt around about people I like."
"Ha!" Jessica interjected. -p131




   Hostage! is a fun little book. For me it's really the kickoff of the Thrillers, as at least one features Nicholas Morrow as their sidekick and it's the start of their rescuing other people while being shot at themselves. Good times. Still, give me four months and I'll mostly forget all about the book. I don't know why, it's just like that. I do love that it takes less than ten books for Regina's hearing to be pretty much restored to normal.
  In thrillers and chillers [SVT, yes?] it always amazes me that one twin will go completely off the deep end of sanity and the other will at most humor her until there's undeniable proof, but it doesn't really matter which twin it is. If it's Jess, we're told it's because she's flighty and an idiot. If it's Liz, it's because of her vivid writer's imagination.
  As to Mitch's mother, she leaves Phil because he's a moron and an ex-con. I can buy that. What I don't get is why this lady of obvious virtue left her teenage son with the dirtbag and why she won't step up for the kid after daddy proves he really liked the orange jumpsuit too much to leave it behind. Woe is Mitch.

  Another nice little touch is the flashback bits to Elizabeth's brief stint with Carl, the crazy custodian. Love that Jess points out, at the beginning before she's proven wrong, that this is nothing like Carl's fascination with Liz, and that as awful as that was, it's possible nothing fishy is going on at all. Yes, but then what would our plot be, Jess? We don't have a B-plot except the set up for the next book.
  And when they go on about how this microchip will revolutionize the computer industry, all I can think of is that Kim Possible episode where she gets the prototype back and you find out it's for a greeting card. :P