the_oracle

Mar. 26th, 2008

The New Jessica
November 1986

Elizabeth's twin has become a complete stranger!

Time for a change...

   Jessica Wakefield is sick and tired of being an identical twin. Her parents make jokes about it, and recently people at school having been mistaking her for her sister, Elizabeth. So Jessica's determined to make sure no one mixes up her and her twin ever again; she's going to create a new Jessica!
   She gets a complete makeover and dyes her hair black. Then she starts to wear outrageous clothes and read European magazines. Soon everyone at Sweet Valley High is talking about the new, sophisticated Jessica Wakefield.
   But one person isn't thrilled with Jessica's transformation. Elizabeth feels as though she's lost her twin sister forever. Is the old Jessica gone for good?

The funny thing about The New Jessica is that I tend to focus so much on Jessica's twin-life crisis that I forget that Elizabeth goes completely and totally mentally insane. If Jess is a bit loopy, Liz is full blown cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

First Jessica. After the numerous "Oh, you're not Liz?" moments of the previous books, Jess decides to showcase her individuality... by borrowing a dress their grandmother gave to Elizabeth. Liz even says she's only worn it a couple of times, and apparently all of those times were to school, cuz the moment Jessica steps foot on campus, everyone is all, "Hey, Liz!" Jessie no happy. Jess immediately declares herself to be in the midst of an identity crisis, to which Lila and Cara politely ask if maybe she's been drinking the funny water again. Jess is hurt that no one believes how torturous it is to be constantly compared to and mistaken for Liz. In fact, Lila and Cara both wonder if maybe it would be worse for Liz to be mistaken for Jess, what with Jessica's propensity for getting into trouble. Ouch, when even your own friends have something catty to say... wait, these are Elizabeth's bitches of SVH we're talking about. They don't do warm and cuddly.

At home, Ned makes a Clone One and Clone Two comment and Jess does a little more than pout. She finds it insulting to be thought of as nothing more than a carbon copy of her more perfect twin. Liz asks if she should be insulted that Jessica so minds being mistaken for her, and I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one who thought Duh.

Now, to be fair, I can see both sides. I'm fairly certain quite a few, possibly even most of us non-twin/triplet/whatever types have, at least on occasion, wished for a twin/triplet/whatever, especially of the identical variety. Ready made best friend, the perks of a really good twin switch, the attention twins can generate. Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. So for Liz to like all of that, and feel hurt that Jessica isn't loving it as much as Liz does, or even Jessica used to, well, that's perfectly understandable. Too bad that's all shoved aside for a bowl of Crazy-o's. Why go for the natural drama when you could manufacture more of it for half the price? Bah. But again, we'll get to that.
I also understand Jessica loathing to be compared to someone ALL the time. It's even worse when you're trying to find out who you are [lame, I know] and people seem to be disappointed that you aren't just like someone else. So it's not surprising that Jess was the first twin to crack. And crack she does. After an outing at the mall with Lila, Jessica hatches a brilliant plan.

Makeover! I know, I thought makeover montages were for the nerdy and hopeless, but I guess even the popular kids need them in order to keep up the cool quotient. They dye Jessica's hair black, heap on the pale makeup, and dress her in Lila's new Parisian wardrobe. Suddenly Jessica is no longer the all American girl, but a Sophisticated European. Rightio. Thing is, on the cover, she looks like crap. The hair color does her no favors with her weird tan and it all looks like she's two steps away from her skin going leather. I'm willing to buy that it looks awesome in the world of SVH, though. Cuz, y'know, no one screamed in horror just looking at Margo and Nora before their homicidal tendencies were obvious, and they were supposed to be the Wakefields with grey eyes and black hair. Show of hands, anyone else cackling that Jessica is essentially channeling Nora at this point?
The New Jessica Wakefield is a hit at school. Ms. Dalton doesn't recognize Jessica and everywhere she goes, everyone's falling all over themselves to tell her how awesome she looks.
Well, everyone except for Liz. Liz thinks she looks awful. If I were a catty sort, I might wonder if maybe she thinks Jess looks so bad simply because Jess does not look like HER anymore. But, alas, I'm not quite that bad. I suspect it has more to do with the fact that Jessica doesn't look like Jessica, and is also wearing sixteen tons of makeup. Which is only pretty in photographs and from fifty feet away.
It doesn't help that with everyone enjoying being able to tell the twins apart from across the campus, Jeffrey is practically wetting himself over the fact that he'll never mistake Jess for Liz again. The rest of us realize he means he won't awkwardly go up to Jessica and all but grope her before realizing, d'oh! Wrong one! Liz, however, hears all this and thinks it means he likes Jessica's new look so much that he's realized he picked the wrong twin.

Uh, wha? The way it's written is pretty clear, Liz. For all his talk last book about being able to tell you apart, the boy is still easily confused. Now he doesn't have to worry! The blond is Liz, the brunette is Jessica. Fool proof! Still, Liz goes all paranoid. Jessica is acting distant, Jeffrey obviously wants to be with Jessica, and oh, gosh, Liz has lost her diary.
Again, we know damn well where to start looking, since the neon sign announcing, "PENNY HAS YOUR DIARY!" is too obvious for Liz. She's convinced someone's taken it from the Oracle office and is reading juicy bits right this second. Um, no. That won't happen for another fifty books or so. Thank you for playing, please try again. So Liz mopes around for the rest of the book. It's annoying. So annoying that Jessica's affected pseudo-British accent ala Madonna isn't half as annoying as it should be.
Because we can't have the twins easily identifiable in any physical way except for the ponytail/barrettes/loose sexy waves and fashion choices sort of ways, Jessica has to choose to revert back to her blond bombshell ways. But how to do that...
I know! Have Jessica try to model. DeeDee hooks her up with a photographer who thinks she looks super glam with her sixty tons of makeup and will be perfect for a local runway show. Jess comes back with Liz in tow, and Jess is shot down for being too edgy. What they really wanted was something classic, some good old apple pie. He spies Liz in the waiting room is all over that. He offers her the job immediately and Liz is less than thrilled. She just wants to go home and mope. Jess is beyond pissed.
   "Dude! I look just like that under the drugstore hair dye and makeup applied with a trowel! We're twins! Tell him, Lizzie!"
   Liz mopes. "It's true. We're twins. My life is over. Siiiiiiiigh."
   Mahler: "No way. I'm a pro, and you look similar, sure, but there is no way the two of you are related, let alone twins. The blond is in, the brunette is just scaring me. Security!"

Jess is torn. If she returns to her blond roots, people will just go back to thinking of her as JessORLiz instead of seeing her as her own [made-up] person. Is she ready to put Jessa Fields to rest?
Then again, Liz is obviously insane without her. She thinks Jeffrey is hot for Jess when he's really crazy head over heels in love with Liz and can't figure out what the hell is wrong with the blond twin. Jess knows this because she was all set to hit on the boy until he started sighing over his relationship woes. Jessica's pride was hurt too much to tell Liz how crazy she was, but now...
Then Penny drops Elizabeth's diary off and Jessica can't help but peek at a more recent entry and realizes how lonely she is without Liz. So she's back to blond and she and Liz make up and Liz and Jeffrey make up and Jess is off to the fashion show. Mahler busts Jessica when her parents go on about how nice it was that Jessica could be in the show after all. So he offers to let Liz join in too, and the twins are a smash. Woo.

Never did dye my hair black, but I did know a girl in middle school who did. Well, I knew her well in elementary school, and she was as blond as the twins are always depicted on the earlier covers. More white blond than yellow. Anyway, she tried coming back from her black phase and honey, there ain't no way Jessica did that shit overnight without pulling a string or two with Lila's and George's help.

And the last couple of pages set us up for Dana Larson to FINALLY get her own book. Sort of. Her cousin is coming to live with them, her brother's throwing a shitfit, and we rest until next time, here at SVH.

Trivial Pursuit:

Liz is described as the "sober" twin. This will never not be funny, just so you know.

For those keeping score, this go round our twin lovelies have oval faces.

Grandma Wakefield sent Liz a peach colored knit dress and Jessica wound up with a history book since she was so enthused about Grandma going back to school. Or maybe Grandma thought Liz could use something pretty for once and Jessica could work on her brain? Grandmas are tricky like that.

We're told that Jeffrey's blond, handsome outdoorsy looks made him stand out. He's in frickin' stereotypical California. How on earth would that make him standout? Well, these days I guess not being plastic would do the trick, but this is 1986!

If you're recreating the Wakefields meals, you should make some sort of soup that Jessica nearly destroyed, broccoli, and dinner rolls. Yum.

Liz wore her peach dress the week before Jess conned her out of it, and so everyone keeps mistaking Jess for Liz.

Those people would include Mr. Collins, Jeffrey, and Lila. All people who should know better.

For all we're told how close Mr. C and Liz are, to the amusement and icky feelings of many, he mistakes her twin for her an awful lot. Like, every third book.

Lytton and Brown is the big department store at the East end of the mall.

Jessica based her new look on a model named Katrina that she saw in Vogue.

Jess and Lila use shampoo-in dye that lasts for two shampoos. Yay?

George at The Silver Door does Lila's makeup. Wow, references to books 21, 25, and 28, all in a short time.

Since when is a purple jumpsuit and lizard boots considered casual?

Um, Jess, you've been to France. You know the kiss on both cheeks from that, not some stupid Italian movie.

Ned loves his Sunday afternoon naps. So do I, Neddy boy. So do I.

Jessica picks up a copy of Paris Match and carts it around school, amazing the easily amazed. *coughCarolinecough* It's a French magazine, in case we missed the sledgehammer of subtlety slamming into our temples.

Alice ain't thrilled with the makeover, but Ned says she can do what she wants within reason. Basically, her body, her choice. Again, too easy.

To avoid spending time with Liz, Jessica goes to the library occasionally [I know!] or, more often, to L'Autre Chose, a "chic coffee bar" a few blocks from the mall. Usually with Lila.

DeeDee is so enamored of Jessica's new look that she forgets that Jess? Is a bitch to her more often than not [I don't care about their truce, you know Jessica. I know Jessica. Nothing changed for good.] and tells her she should totally model. She then gives Jessica Simon Avery's card and tells her to go see him for some head shots.

Simon Avery is a photographer at Avery and Dennis, Photographers. I know, that's some clever naming going on there. He's also a new agent and thinks Jess is hot, sophisticated European goodness. Rightio. Jess was expecting, I dunno, maybe more of a Nigel from ANTM and ended up with a younger HRG from Heroes. Seriously, Simon is described as a guy in his 30's, more lawyer or businessman than photographer, and horn rimmed glasses.

Simon tells Jessica that while she's too short for most runway work, she'd be fine for junior modeling. Jess? Is sure that she's so hot, they won't care that she's only 5'6.

Mr. Richard Mahler is the art director at L&B.

The runway gig pays $500, but there's a 10% agent's fee, the photographs cost $125, and Jessica racked up $67 at Lisette's. You and I can tell Jessica she's pretty much spent it all before she even earned it, but Jessica just hears "Five hundred dollars!"

When everyone is exclaiming over her outfits, she doesn't mention most are Lila's. I like to think most of the smarter people figured it out, but hey. That's just me.

Am I the only one who really doesn't understand why Enid isn't at least a little awkward with the whole Jeffrey/Liz and Liz fucking it up thing? I mean, yeah, Enid's a saint, but she doesn't even point out that, hello, throwing away the guy away without even trying? Stupid. I'd be a smidge bitter myself, but then, I'm no saint.

The Ramsbury fair is the day after Jessica's runway show. It's in Ramsbury, which is ten minutes away from SV, and there's a hayride, an amusement park, games, and square dancing! Little trivia in the trivia: My Barbies had a square dancing outfit my aunt made them. It was super fantastic and Enid got to wear it a lot. Cuz, y'know, Lila wouldn't be caught dead in square dancing attire.

Anyway, Jessica declares that Jessa is too mature for such things, and so Liz offers to cancel with Jeffrey who uses sarcasm, which totally flies over Elizabeth's fluffy little head. Observe:

Jeffrey, by the way, wanted to invite his cousin Bryce to go with them to the fair, which is how that whole mess started.

Jim is Simon's assistant, presumably the one who took Jessica's photographs. He and Jessica were plotting to cut her hair and Liz pretty much throws a pity party for herself.

When she hears about Liz/Jeffrey splitting, Lila refuses to chase after Jeffrey, preferring to salvage her dignity. She does, however, send Jessica after him.

Which is a total waste, as we all know once you've had the repressed Liz, nothing else is ever quite good enough.

Lila's more interested in Greg McGinnis.

Mr. Mahler offers Liz $600 if she'll do the runway gig. Jessica manages to not spontaneously combust right then and there. Impressive! Rich is so enamored of Liz's looks that he will not take no for an answer. Seriously, Liz says no a thousand times and he comes back with, "oh, my pretty little fool. Go home, sleep on it, talk to your parents, and call me and tell me yes, yes, yes, my darling!" Only, I of course added a little to that. Just a tad.

Ned and Alice want to splice together some home movies for the grandparents.

For their first trip to Ramsbury, the twins wore denim overalls and plaid shirts.

More memories mentioned: the twins' commencement from middle school, complete with white gowns that Jessica thinks makes them look weird and makes her parents promise not to send the grands. Screw that, Ned! That's the stuff they WANT. They might also want Steven pretending to shove Liz and Jessica down a snow covered mountain while they're learning to ski.

Elizabeth's idea of a midnight snack? A red apple and peanut butter. She's not smart enough to get the glass of milk to go with it, she waits until afterward. Fool!

During her stint as Jessa, Jessica lost three pounds.

Jeffrey says he gets lost the minute he steps foot in a department store.

Winston, Olivia, Roger, Bruce, Regina, Lila, Cara, Caroline, Bill & DeeDee, and Dana all show up for Jessica's runway debut.

When Winston yanks her wig off, Liz is asked to join Jessica on the runway since, duh, Liz and Jess really are twins. Rich makes some vague comment about how he can't pay her more, but she and Jessica can split it all evenly. Um, so... are they splitting $600? Or do they each get $600? I'm confused. Cuz if I were Jess and the addition of Liz cost me half my paycheck? I'd be pissed.

The runway show is helped in a huge room normally used for displaying sportswear. Oookay.

Dana Larson's cousin Sally is 17, but due to all her moving around, she'll be placed in the junior class.

Uncle Bill, Sally's father, left his wife and daughter 13 years ago. Shortly thereafter, Sally's mother gave Sally to the first of many foster families. I still don't understand why Sally didn't go live with Dana's family, and obviously neither is the ghost writer.

Dana's mother made the needlepoint throw pillows around the house.

Say wha:
He didn't look well, she decided. Kind of tired and pale, as if he hadn't been sleeping much. He must really be crazy about me, she thought happily, if he's losing sleep. - Jessica reaches new heights of self delusion. p88

Was it possible that her twin was not only blind and deaf, but completely senseless as well? - Jessica realizes Liz is a moron, p 90

"Boy, I can't tell you how good it is to see her without all that makeup on."
"I didn't think she looked half-bad," Enid protested.
Elizabeth gave her a dirty look, and Enid backed down, laughing. "All right, all right," she said with mock resignation. "I agree, Liz. Thank heavens she's restored to her usual degree of gorgeousness!" - This would be funnier if Liz weren't dead serious about making Enid back down. Liz, you gots some issues, honey. p 120

"Just promise me one thing. Promise me we'll always be this close."
"I promise." - See, I cry a little knowing Jeffrey's going to get his heart broken and this is all just a phase between poor Todd and rich Todd. *weep*

Actually Jessica had never expected to convince her sister to make dinner; she was more than happy to put off seeing Lila until the next day. It was one of Jessica's tried and true tactics-make someone feel guilty about saying no about one thing when what she really wanted was the second thing she'd asked for! - Jessica's evil genius makes an appearance. p5

"Well, how are my favorite carbon copies?"
"Fine, Dad."
"Don't call us that, Daddy. You know I can't stand it."
"I've offended Twin Number Two."
"I'm sure Jessica is just kidding."
"I'm not 'just kidding.' Who wants to go through life as 'Twin Number Two?' Elizabeth and I are separate people with completely different personalities."
"What do you have to say to that, Liz?"
"Ditto." - dinner at the Wakefields, everybody! p 8/9

"That isn't exactly what it's like having a sister," Jessica told her. "For your information, it can be kind of a pain."
"I could understand this coming from Liz," Lila retorted. "But what has Liz ever done to annoy you?" - Oh, Lila. p 13

"Who else could I possibly be? I don't have a brother or a sister, let alone a twin. There's only one Lila Fowler, Jessica." - Lila is just that awesome. p19

"Please, if I took every crisis you went through seriously, I'd be a nervous wreck." - Score another one, Lila! p26

"I can't believe Jessica would do a thing like this to me," she wrote furiously in her journal. "We've always looked exactly alike, and now she doesn't even look like my sister! I can't help thinking that she's done this because she doesn't want to be close to me anymore. And I just can't understand it." - Way to make it all about you, Liz. p34

The New Jessica is pretty much a classic, if for nothing other than giving the world Jessa Fields. It would be an infinitely better book if the Liz-insanity had been scaled back down from eleven and they'd trusted more in the basic underlying panic over losing someone while they aren't technically going anywhere.
Brownie points for referencing Runaway, the last full blown Jessica panic attack, although I'm not sure how I feel about her feelings being belittled each time the premise of the story is brought up. I know you don't want to dwell, but at the same time, the girl did have some valid concerns and they were all flat out ignored. Ditto this time. Why, oh why is it that when Liz is feeling something, people hop to, but Jessica's mocked?
Oh. Wait. Epic case of the blond vixen who cried identity crisis. Duh!

Oh, and this book should have been titled "The New Jessica Wakefield" because the TNJ is awkward and my brain keeps wanting to add her last name anyway. It's all about me.

Oh, and anyone else need to gouge their eyes out with a spoon? :

Oh, my lord.

Liz is described as the "sober" twin. This will never not be funny, just so you know.

For those keeping score, this go round our twin lovelies have oval faces.

Grandma Wakefield sent Liz a peach colored knit dress and Jessica wound up with a history book since she was so enthused about Grandma going back to school. Or maybe Grandma thought Liz could use something pretty for once and Jessica could work on her brain? Grandmas are tricky like that.

We're told that Jeffrey's blond, handsome outdoorsy looks made him stand out. He's in frickin' stereotypical California. How on earth would that make him standout? Well, these days I guess not being plastic would do the trick, but this is 1986!

If you're recreating the Wakefields meals, you should make some sort of soup that Jessica nearly destroyed, broccoli, and dinner rolls. Yum.

Liz wore her peach dress the week before Jess conned her out of it, and so everyone keeps mistaking Jess for Liz.

Those people would include Mr. Collins, Jeffrey, and Lila. All people who should know better.

For all we're told how close Mr. C and Liz are, to the amusement and icky feelings of many, he mistakes her twin for her an awful lot. Like, every third book.

Lytton and Brown is the big department store at the East end of the mall.

Jessica based her new look on a model named Katrina that she saw in Vogue.

Jess and Lila use shampoo-in dye that lasts for two shampoos. Yay?

George at The Silver Door does Lila's makeup. Wow, references to books 21, 25, and 28, all in a short time.

Since when is a purple jumpsuit and lizard boots considered casual?

Um, Jess, you've been to France. You know the kiss on both cheeks from that, not some stupid Italian movie.

Ned loves his Sunday afternoon naps. So do I, Neddy boy. So do I.

Jessica picks up a copy of Paris Match and carts it around school, amazing the easily amazed. *coughCarolinecough* It's a French magazine, in case we missed the sledgehammer of subtlety slamming into our temples.

Alice ain't thrilled with the makeover, but Ned says she can do what she wants within reason. Basically, her body, her choice. Again, too easy.

To avoid spending time with Liz, Jessica goes to the library occasionally [I know!] or, more often, to L'Autre Chose, a "chic coffee bar" a few blocks from the mall. Usually with Lila.

DeeDee is so enamored of Jessica's new look that she forgets that Jess? Is a bitch to her more often than not [I don't care about their truce, you know Jessica. I know Jessica. Nothing changed for good.] and tells her she should totally model. She then gives Jessica Simon Avery's card and tells her to go see him for some head shots.

Simon Avery is a photographer at Avery and Dennis, Photographers. I know, that's some clever naming going on there. He's also a new agent and thinks Jess is hot, sophisticated European goodness. Rightio. Jess was expecting, I dunno, maybe more of a Nigel from ANTM and ended up with a younger HRG from Heroes. Seriously, Simon is described as a guy in his 30's, more lawyer or businessman than photographer, and horn rimmed glasses.

Simon tells Jessica that while she's too short for most runway work, she'd be fine for junior modeling. Jess? Is sure that she's so hot, they won't care that she's only 5'6.

Mr. Richard Mahler is the art director at L&B.

The runway gig pays $500, but there's a 10% agent's fee, the photographs cost $125, and Jessica racked up $67 at Lisette's. You and I can tell Jessica she's pretty much spent it all before she even earned it, but Jessica just hears "Five hundred dollars!"

When everyone is exclaiming over her outfits, she doesn't mention most are Lila's. I like to think most of the smarter people figured it out, but hey. That's just me.

Am I the only one who really doesn't understand why Enid isn't at least a little awkward with the whole Jeffrey/Liz and Liz fucking it up thing? I mean, yeah, Enid's a saint, but she doesn't even point out that, hello, throwing away the guy away without even trying? Stupid. I'd be a smidge bitter myself, but then, I'm no saint.

The Ramsbury fair is the day after Jessica's runway show. It's in Ramsbury, which is ten minutes away from SV, and there's a hayride, an amusement park, games, and square dancing! Little trivia in the trivia: My Barbies had a square dancing outfit my aunt made them. It was super fantastic and Enid got to wear it a lot. Cuz, y'know, Lila wouldn't be caught dead in square dancing attire.

Anyway, Jessica declares that Jessa is too mature for such things, and so Liz offers to cancel with Jeffrey who uses sarcasm, which totally flies over Elizabeth's fluffy little head. Observe:

Jeffrey, by the way, wanted to invite his cousin Bryce to go with them to the fair, which is how that whole mess started.

Jim is Simon's assistant, presumably the one who took Jessica's photographs. He and Jessica were plotting to cut her hair and Liz pretty much throws a pity party for herself.

When she hears about Liz/Jeffrey splitting, Lila refuses to chase after Jeffrey, preferring to salvage her dignity. She does, however, send Jessica after him.

Which is a total waste, as we all know once you've had the repressed Liz, nothing else is ever quite good enough.

Lila's more interested in Greg McGinnis.

Mr. Mahler offers Liz $600 if she'll do the runway gig. Jessica manages to not spontaneously combust right then and there. Impressive! Rich is so enamored of Liz's looks that he will not take no for an answer. Seriously, Liz says no a thousand times and he comes back with, "oh, my pretty little fool. Go home, sleep on it, talk to your parents, and call me and tell me yes, yes, yes, my darling!" Only, I of course added a little to that. Just a tad.

Ned and Alice want to splice together some home movies for the grandparents.

For their first trip to Ramsbury, the twins wore denim overalls and plaid shirts.

More memories mentioned: the twins' commencement from middle school, complete with white gowns that Jessica thinks makes them look weird and makes her parents promise not to send the grands. Screw that, Ned! That's the stuff they WANT. They might also want Steven pretending to shove Liz and Jessica down a snow covered mountain while they're learning to ski.

Elizabeth's idea of a midnight snack? A red apple and peanut butter. She's not smart enough to get the glass of milk to go with it, she waits until afterward. Fool!

During her stint as Jessa, Jessica lost three pounds.

Jeffrey says he gets lost the minute he steps foot in a department store.

Winston, Olivia, Roger, Bruce, Regina, Lila, Cara, Caroline, Bill & DeeDee, and Dana all show up for Jessica's runway debut.

When Winston yanks her wig off, Liz is asked to join Jessica on the runway since, duh, Liz and Jess really are twins. Rich makes some vague comment about how he can't pay her more, but she and Jessica can split it all evenly. Um, so... are they splitting $600? Or do they each get $600? I'm confused. Cuz if I were Jess and the addition of Liz cost me half my paycheck? I'd be pissed.

The runway show is helped in a huge room normally used for displaying sportswear. Oookay.

Dana Larson's cousin Sally is 17, but due to all her moving around, she'll be placed in the junior class.

Uncle Bill, Sally's father, left his wife and daughter 13 years ago. Shortly thereafter, Sally's mother gave Sally to the first of many foster families. I still don't understand why Sally didn't go live with Dana's family, and obviously neither is the ghost writer.