Last Christmas...
Dec. 4th, 2007 06:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_oracleSpecial Christmas
December, 1985
Deck the halls of Sweet Valley High...
The Wakefield twins and their friends at Sweet Valley High are in festive spirits. It's Christmas vacation, the annual parade is just days away, secret Santas are busy making surprise gifts, and everyone's talking about the holiday dance at the Patmans' mansion. Jessica Wakefield is determined to be named Miss Christmastime, and Elizabeth is counting the days until she's reunited with her faraway boyfriend, Todd Wilkins.
It seems nothing can spoil Jessica and Elizabeth's holiday-until Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield announce the arrival of an unwelcome houseguest. Now it looks as though this Christmas might be the worst ever!
Catch the holiday spirit with Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield and the rest of the Sweet Valley gang. You'll never forget this Special Christmas!
So, the card at the front of my copy of Special Christmas says it's due November 1st.
1994.
With that in mind, onward! Special Christmas is one of those books I actually really like in parts [Jessica's scheming] and hate in others [Suzy's redemption and the last fucking chapter or two] and they combine in a way that sort of requires a bottle of something should be kept handy, just in case. I like the Christmas SV books, even when they're crap. Let's be fair. This is no Evil Twin, or even The Evil Twin Returns. It sure as hell isn't The Magic Christmas, but it's not horrible.
Except that last couple of chapters. Really, so bad, that if you have breakables around you, you should move to a nice windowless, padded room with nothing of interest at all prior to finishing the book.
It's finally Christmas in the Valley and Liz has overdosed on Christmas spirit! She's so happy that you either want to smack her or join her as she runs around spreading Christmas cheer. I'm thinking smacking is the most likely reaction. Mr. Collins gives up trying to teach anyone anything on the last day of school, particularly the last class of the day before their big assembly where we'll run right into the first WTF moment. But before we get there, we find out that Todd is coming back for Christmas, and everyone is expecting a big lovey dovey reunion starring their favorite lovebirds, Liz and Todd. Liz is nervous because Todd's been gone for a few months and she's not sure how well they'll connect.
Let's not dwell on that, as we head out to the assembly where the entire school is matched up as Secret Santas. Take a moment to let that wash over you. Go on. I've got time. My nails need filing anyway.
You ready? Let's poke holes in that little scenario, shall we?
The entire school, guys. What are the odds that you'll get someone you know's name? What are the odds? Can't you see the senior who gets the transfer freshman no one really knows and decides to blow it off? Hmm? At first I thought, well maybe they separate it by grade, but then part of my brain said, no, someone gets Bruce's name, and he's a senior so... Those unpopular kids are screwed six ways to Sunday. What about the Jewish kids? Or anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas? Do they just shut the fuck up because it's the mid-eighties and we haven't gotten so PC yet?
Also, Bruce's family is hosting the entire party for the entire school the following Friday. Ready for even more pain inducing logic? If Mr. C has given up teaching the day before vacation, that means the Secret Santas have to go out of their way during the first week of vacation to gift/spoil/surprise their lucky pick. What if your Secret Santa went on vacation?
Silly me, no one actually leaves the Valley for the holiday. What was I thinking? Must stop overthinking.
There's talk of Hans, the hot German exchange student that Jessica has her eye on. The twins are dressed matchy matchy because they're going to surprise their parents with a picture of themselves all grown up to pair up with the one of them from when they were younger. This is cute enough, but I keep thinking of the one picture I distinctly remember of my brother and I all dressed up and we're in [relatively] sedate Hawaiian shirts. I'm not thinking I want to revisit that look, plus we'd have to bleach our hair, and that's painful...
Anyway, Liz is all excited because the Secret Santas will be awesome, even if she knows for a fact that Hans doesn't have Jessica's name [as Jessica not so secretly hopes] but has Lila's instead. And then Steven comes home. Before the twins can die of joy, Steve announces their parents have obviously been kidnapped and replaced by clones because they've finally lost their damn minds. Seems someone told Suzanne Devlin she could come back to the Valley. You remember Suzy, don't you? Accused Mr. C of rape and that was the highlight of her visit? Freakout ensues. Finally Steve and Liz say maybe they'll just talk to their parents, convince them they're insane and that Suzy should not be allowed back in SV. Really. Ever. It's for the best.
So they try, but Jessica's overly melodramatic and things go south. Quickly. Ned and Alice refuse to back down, offering up cryptic answers when asked why Suzy is so desperate to make amends now, or why Mr. Collins would ever forgive the skank, or much of anything at all. By now, you've realized Suzy is obviously deathly ill or something along those lines, because you're not an idiot and there's nothing subtle here. For whatever reason, Alice decides that Jess should clean her room and they'll stick Suzy there again. Maybe because she's familiar with it, maybe just to get Jess to clean. I dunno. My parents would have just had whichever one of us had the cleaner room move out, and the two of us would have killed one another. Luckily it never came to that.
Anyway, Todd appears and Suzy appears and it's all kinds of awkward. Todd and Liz have no time to themselves because Ken [Todd's staying with Ken this time] has organized a huge welcome back party that rages on until 2am. Rock on, Ken. Rock on. Todd actually gets surprisingly little play, but the Todd/Liz long distance thing gets plenty of airtime, which is... odd. We're told Todd has been gone for months on end by this point, and we've officially just said to hell with any time line at all.
The second Suzy appears on the scene, she's a disarming mix of beautifully tragic and actually sweet mixed in with the memory of how she played everyone last time. Only... there's no hint of bitchcraft this go round. None. But she does freak people out. She's Posh-Spice Skinny. She's beyond pale. She's got the shakes, she has headaches, she takes naps all the time, oh, and she pops pills like they're candy. So Jess deduces that Suzy is a druggie.
Yes. Jessica tries to keep Suzy away from SV by having Liz call and try to dissuade her by pointing out that everyone is still awfully sore about last time. No luck. So she works out a plan with her siblings to be icy cold towards Devilish Devlin. When Steve thaws [wuss!] she enlists Aaron and Winston to be super mean Secret Santas, although she does have to lie to get them to help. They send her mean notes, empty packages, and Suzy realizes no one wants her there. However, this is where the big flaw in Jessica's plan appears. Suzy decides to ask Aaron to lunch to apologize to him. Jess convinces Aaron to tell her, gosh he's sorry, but he's booked all week, maybe she'd like to go to a little get together at his cousin's house prior to Bruce's big party, but don't tell the twins since they can't come? And Suze is thrilled, so she says yes. If Aaron hadn't done that, at Jessica's bidding, Suze would have left already. D'oh!
There's a bunch of little stuff about the Secret Santas mixed in with Liz angsting over her feelings, or lack thereof, towards Todd. Olivia is serenaded by the boy's swim team, clad in their bathing suits and towels, at the DB. Jessica gets a lovely tiny musical jewelry box that plays Fur Elise, so she's sure Hans is her SS. There's Jessica taking over for Cara as an elf at the mall with Santa. She only agrees because she thinks she'll be there for a couple of hours, max, but Santa tells her she's it until the day is over at 5pm. Thing is, Jess has to be at the Civic Center for the Miss Christmastime pageant, and wouldn't you know that Lila set the whole thing up? Cara wasn't sick, but she didn't know Jess would be stuck there, either. Gasp! Jess vows revenge. She's going to trick Lila into having to dress up like an elf for the parade the next week, and Jessica will be wearing that crown and looking lovely on the Miss Christmastime float. Or something. She plots a bit throughout the rest of the book, but we don't find out how she tricks Li.
Lila lovers, that's about as good as you'll get since Li spends most of the book at La Venue getting her thighs toned. Yes. Seriously.
We find out that back in Vermont, Todd ran into Suzy about a month ago while skiing. They hit it off, and Todd realized he sort of thought of kissing her, but then she started asking about Liz and the moment was over. Todd doesn't tell Liz when she informs him of Suzy's arrival, so he has to get Suzy not to spill the beans. Thing is, Jess overhears and decides that Suzy only deigned to visit because she wanted to hook up with Todd, and that the two had planned this behind Liz's back.
By now a few things are painfully obvious:
Todd's got a thing for Suzy. Suzy's really got a thing for Todd. Liz doesn't have a thing for Todd. Todd may or may not still feel something for Liz, but he really wants a shot at Suze. I... really don't give a damn at this point, which is unusual, because you'd think I'd be all over this. Not so.
We somehow find our way to Friday, and Suzy's got some new pills imported from her doc in NYC. She gets ready, looks loverly and channeling Tricia's Victorian look from book 12, proceeds to valiantly drive off into the ether, content to die for the sins of Jessica Wakefield. *yawn* See, Aaron calls, tells Suzy he's got a flat, she should borrow a car from the Wakefields [they've got at least four, after all] and meet him at the house on Forrest Lane. We know this is a trick, that the house has been abandoned for awhile and is quite possibly haunted. Dunno. Don't care. Suzy takes off after a glass of champagne and I do wonder why the Wakefields keep giving their kids and their kids' friends wine/champagne before letting them drive. Do they have fantastic life insurance policies or something?
Suzy heads off in the Fiat and mere seconds later Mr. & Mrs. Wakefield return from their drinks at the Beckwiths. Dr. Harrison, Suzy's NYC doc calls and it's basically, "OMG! If she even looks at this bottle after taking those meds, she'll DIE! How could you let her go off even though we haven't told you what the fuck is going on? How could you?" To which they all crumble. Right. Yes. The kids tell you they don't want the girl around, you force her on them, you leave the booze and tell the kids to have some, but when Suzy drives off after a glass, it's the kids' fault for not using their psychic abilities to know the drug interaction would be bad, even though they didn't know she was taking anything. They just suspected.
My brain. She screams in agony from this point onward.
Suze does her drunk driving impression in front of some cops, and when she flips the Fiat, they're right there to take her to the hospital. Jess gets screamed at for engineering the horrible Secret Santa pranks, and we drive off to the haunted house, only to find no trace of Suze. They call around and find her in the hospital and everyone heads that way. We find out that Suze has MS, and gosh, she might end up in a wheelchair! No wonder she'sfound God apologizing for being a royal bitch before. Um, okay. I guess.
Todd is all frantic and everyone realizes he's got a thing for Suzy, but the best part of this is Jessica recognizing the look on his face. It's the same one he had when he thought he'd killed Liz back in book six/seven. I love that little bit of recognition, but hate just about everything else going on.
Suze is fine, of course, but they're keeping her overnight and then for however longer for observation and to run a battery of tests. Fun times. Jessica accuses Todd and Suzy of sneaking around, Todd sets the record straight, and Liz finds she cares surprisingly little.
They make it to Bruce's where they tell everyone about Suzy and her MS and I'm left to ponder, isn't that just what she DIDN'T want to happen? We find out that Winston is Jessica's Santa, and that Bill was Olivia's. Thrills! Todd and Liz chat and realize they're just friends and that the spark is gone. Liz totally lies and says she's not the jealous type [she is! they both are!] and all is well.
Then Jess schemes a little and the next day at the hospital we find Suzy and Todd snuggling. Then there's a dramatic scene where the SV doctors have found that Suzy never had MS to begin with! She had mono and then a rare reaction to the drugs they've been giving her and that was what was making her sick! She's cured!
I feel cheated because on House, then Foreman would show up and say she's dying because they goofed, or her eyes would bleed or something. Instead the boy's swim team appears again [with shirts that spell out merry Christmas, Suzy] to sing to Suzy. It's all perfectly perfect.
And I throw the fucking book at the wall.
The end.
Trivial:
Quotable:
"Jess," Elizabeth cried, throwing her arms around her twin. "It's almost Christmas!"
"I know, I know," Jessica giggled and tried to disentangle herself. "How long as she been like this?" -since someone spiked the punch? p5
Jessica sighed. "Trust me. What we have on our hands here is a hysterical, devious drug addict. And the sooner we get her out of here, the better." -Sounds about right. p119
Headaches? That's what happened when you tried to swallow half a medicine cabinet with your coffee every morning. - So true, Jessica. So true. p124
"One look at you, and my problems don't seem so insurmountable," Elizabeth told her warmly.
Enid giggled. "Thanks. Does that mean you look at me and think: God, I could look like her?" -Sometimes I really do love these two. Sigh. p171
And now, my holiday gift to you:
"Remember what the Fowlers did last year to decorate their house?"
Elizabeth groaned, then laughed. Lila's father's company had made him a wealthy man practically overnight. Sometimes he went overboard trying to show what he could afford. The previous year he had spent a fortune having a "winter wonderland" set up on the rolling lawn in front of the Fowlers' mansion. The display featured a sleigh with eight plastic reindeer and a life size Santa, false ice statues, and artificial snowmen. "It was the tackiest thing ever," Jessica remembered happily. p13
The triumphant return of 137:
"Then you saw them, too," Jessica remarked.
"Saw what?"
"The pills!" Jessica exploded. "What else? She must have a hundred and thirty-seven different kinds in that little makeup case she's keeping under the sink in the bathroom." -Privacy? What's that? p118
"Pills," Jessica told him. "All sizes and colors. She must carry about a hundred and thirty-seven pounds of them around all the time." - Get your 'scripts here, folks! p129
I hate that they redeemed Suzy. HATE. There are some people in this world who are just bitchy. They will always be bitchy, and not even facing an illness such as MS would change them. Suzy's actions before were obnoxious and don't really scream poor little rich girl, as Lila's similarly fucked on a regular basis, but does she prance around accusing innocent people of rape? Well, not until someone actually does try to, and then she has an excuse, kay?
But what I hate most of all, is that Suzy's "punishment", if you want to look at it that way, was lifted so easily. She comes to SV, gets into a wreck, and they find out that the people in NYC don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Seriously, Suzy's parents are loaded. They didn't get a second opinion? Fucking mono.
Though I do like other parts. I love the singing swim team. I love Suzy going on about how weird it is to have a warm Christmas and Jess informs her that they ALWAYS have warm Christmases... bitch. Of course, part of that is that I can relate to the warm Christmas bit, seeing as I think we've had a white Christmas once in the last twenty or so years. Okay, and I love that she just doesn't think before she opens her mouth and for once, it's okay for Jess to point out that, hello, you're being rude.
I also like the brief alliance of the Terrible Trio. I love betting to see which "responsible" sibling will bail out on Jessica's scheme first. Can't discuss the scheme without discussing Jessica's motivation and getting away with it. My parents might have understood the need to protect the family/friends from an obvious bitch angle, but they would have so punished me for being a bitch in return [unless Jess had happened to be right and Suzy was just there to get with Todd. How awesome...] but of course, that doesn't happen.
Sigh.
Special thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
myfavouritescar for the picture for Germany's version of Special Christmas. And sharing the collection of DOOM [which we say lovingly, I assure you] so that the rest of us are envious and amazed.
December, 1985
Deck the halls of Sweet Valley High...
The Wakefield twins and their friends at Sweet Valley High are in festive spirits. It's Christmas vacation, the annual parade is just days away, secret Santas are busy making surprise gifts, and everyone's talking about the holiday dance at the Patmans' mansion. Jessica Wakefield is determined to be named Miss Christmastime, and Elizabeth is counting the days until she's reunited with her faraway boyfriend, Todd Wilkins.
It seems nothing can spoil Jessica and Elizabeth's holiday-until Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield announce the arrival of an unwelcome houseguest. Now it looks as though this Christmas might be the worst ever!
Catch the holiday spirit with Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield and the rest of the Sweet Valley gang. You'll never forget this Special Christmas!
So, the card at the front of my copy of Special Christmas says it's due November 1st.
1994.
With that in mind, onward! Special Christmas is one of those books I actually really like in parts [Jessica's scheming] and hate in others [Suzy's redemption and the last fucking chapter or two] and they combine in a way that sort of requires a bottle of something should be kept handy, just in case. I like the Christmas SV books, even when they're crap. Let's be fair. This is no Evil Twin, or even The Evil Twin Returns. It sure as hell isn't The Magic Christmas, but it's not horrible.
Except that last couple of chapters. Really, so bad, that if you have breakables around you, you should move to a nice windowless, padded room with nothing of interest at all prior to finishing the book.
It's finally Christmas in the Valley and Liz has overdosed on Christmas spirit! She's so happy that you either want to smack her or join her as she runs around spreading Christmas cheer. I'm thinking smacking is the most likely reaction. Mr. Collins gives up trying to teach anyone anything on the last day of school, particularly the last class of the day before their big assembly where we'll run right into the first WTF moment. But before we get there, we find out that Todd is coming back for Christmas, and everyone is expecting a big lovey dovey reunion starring their favorite lovebirds, Liz and Todd. Liz is nervous because Todd's been gone for a few months and she's not sure how well they'll connect.
Let's not dwell on that, as we head out to the assembly where the entire school is matched up as Secret Santas. Take a moment to let that wash over you. Go on. I've got time. My nails need filing anyway.
You ready? Let's poke holes in that little scenario, shall we?
The entire school, guys. What are the odds that you'll get someone you know's name? What are the odds? Can't you see the senior who gets the transfer freshman no one really knows and decides to blow it off? Hmm? At first I thought, well maybe they separate it by grade, but then part of my brain said, no, someone gets Bruce's name, and he's a senior so... Those unpopular kids are screwed six ways to Sunday. What about the Jewish kids? Or anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas? Do they just shut the fuck up because it's the mid-eighties and we haven't gotten so PC yet?
Also, Bruce's family is hosting the entire party for the entire school the following Friday. Ready for even more pain inducing logic? If Mr. C has given up teaching the day before vacation, that means the Secret Santas have to go out of their way during the first week of vacation to gift/spoil/surprise their lucky pick. What if your Secret Santa went on vacation?
Silly me, no one actually leaves the Valley for the holiday. What was I thinking? Must stop overthinking.
There's talk of Hans, the hot German exchange student that Jessica has her eye on. The twins are dressed matchy matchy because they're going to surprise their parents with a picture of themselves all grown up to pair up with the one of them from when they were younger. This is cute enough, but I keep thinking of the one picture I distinctly remember of my brother and I all dressed up and we're in [relatively] sedate Hawaiian shirts. I'm not thinking I want to revisit that look, plus we'd have to bleach our hair, and that's painful...
Anyway, Liz is all excited because the Secret Santas will be awesome, even if she knows for a fact that Hans doesn't have Jessica's name [as Jessica not so secretly hopes] but has Lila's instead. And then Steven comes home. Before the twins can die of joy, Steve announces their parents have obviously been kidnapped and replaced by clones because they've finally lost their damn minds. Seems someone told Suzanne Devlin she could come back to the Valley. You remember Suzy, don't you? Accused Mr. C of rape and that was the highlight of her visit? Freakout ensues. Finally Steve and Liz say maybe they'll just talk to their parents, convince them they're insane and that Suzy should not be allowed back in SV. Really. Ever. It's for the best.
So they try, but Jessica's overly melodramatic and things go south. Quickly. Ned and Alice refuse to back down, offering up cryptic answers when asked why Suzy is so desperate to make amends now, or why Mr. Collins would ever forgive the skank, or much of anything at all. By now, you've realized Suzy is obviously deathly ill or something along those lines, because you're not an idiot and there's nothing subtle here. For whatever reason, Alice decides that Jess should clean her room and they'll stick Suzy there again. Maybe because she's familiar with it, maybe just to get Jess to clean. I dunno. My parents would have just had whichever one of us had the cleaner room move out, and the two of us would have killed one another. Luckily it never came to that.
Anyway, Todd appears and Suzy appears and it's all kinds of awkward. Todd and Liz have no time to themselves because Ken [Todd's staying with Ken this time] has organized a huge welcome back party that rages on until 2am. Rock on, Ken. Rock on. Todd actually gets surprisingly little play, but the Todd/Liz long distance thing gets plenty of airtime, which is... odd. We're told Todd has been gone for months on end by this point, and we've officially just said to hell with any time line at all.
The second Suzy appears on the scene, she's a disarming mix of beautifully tragic and actually sweet mixed in with the memory of how she played everyone last time. Only... there's no hint of bitchcraft this go round. None. But she does freak people out. She's Posh-Spice Skinny. She's beyond pale. She's got the shakes, she has headaches, she takes naps all the time, oh, and she pops pills like they're candy. So Jess deduces that Suzy is a druggie.
Yes. Jessica tries to keep Suzy away from SV by having Liz call and try to dissuade her by pointing out that everyone is still awfully sore about last time. No luck. So she works out a plan with her siblings to be icy cold towards Devilish Devlin. When Steve thaws [wuss!] she enlists Aaron and Winston to be super mean Secret Santas, although she does have to lie to get them to help. They send her mean notes, empty packages, and Suzy realizes no one wants her there. However, this is where the big flaw in Jessica's plan appears. Suzy decides to ask Aaron to lunch to apologize to him. Jess convinces Aaron to tell her, gosh he's sorry, but he's booked all week, maybe she'd like to go to a little get together at his cousin's house prior to Bruce's big party, but don't tell the twins since they can't come? And Suze is thrilled, so she says yes. If Aaron hadn't done that, at Jessica's bidding, Suze would have left already. D'oh!
There's a bunch of little stuff about the Secret Santas mixed in with Liz angsting over her feelings, or lack thereof, towards Todd. Olivia is serenaded by the boy's swim team, clad in their bathing suits and towels, at the DB. Jessica gets a lovely tiny musical jewelry box that plays Fur Elise, so she's sure Hans is her SS. There's Jessica taking over for Cara as an elf at the mall with Santa. She only agrees because she thinks she'll be there for a couple of hours, max, but Santa tells her she's it until the day is over at 5pm. Thing is, Jess has to be at the Civic Center for the Miss Christmastime pageant, and wouldn't you know that Lila set the whole thing up? Cara wasn't sick, but she didn't know Jess would be stuck there, either. Gasp! Jess vows revenge. She's going to trick Lila into having to dress up like an elf for the parade the next week, and Jessica will be wearing that crown and looking lovely on the Miss Christmastime float. Or something. She plots a bit throughout the rest of the book, but we don't find out how she tricks Li.
Lila lovers, that's about as good as you'll get since Li spends most of the book at La Venue getting her thighs toned. Yes. Seriously.
We find out that back in Vermont, Todd ran into Suzy about a month ago while skiing. They hit it off, and Todd realized he sort of thought of kissing her, but then she started asking about Liz and the moment was over. Todd doesn't tell Liz when she informs him of Suzy's arrival, so he has to get Suzy not to spill the beans. Thing is, Jess overhears and decides that Suzy only deigned to visit because she wanted to hook up with Todd, and that the two had planned this behind Liz's back.
By now a few things are painfully obvious:
Todd's got a thing for Suzy. Suzy's really got a thing for Todd. Liz doesn't have a thing for Todd. Todd may or may not still feel something for Liz, but he really wants a shot at Suze. I... really don't give a damn at this point, which is unusual, because you'd think I'd be all over this. Not so.
We somehow find our way to Friday, and Suzy's got some new pills imported from her doc in NYC. She gets ready, looks loverly and channeling Tricia's Victorian look from book 12, proceeds to valiantly drive off into the ether, content to die for the sins of Jessica Wakefield. *yawn* See, Aaron calls, tells Suzy he's got a flat, she should borrow a car from the Wakefields [they've got at least four, after all] and meet him at the house on Forrest Lane. We know this is a trick, that the house has been abandoned for awhile and is quite possibly haunted. Dunno. Don't care. Suzy takes off after a glass of champagne and I do wonder why the Wakefields keep giving their kids and their kids' friends wine/champagne before letting them drive. Do they have fantastic life insurance policies or something?
Suzy heads off in the Fiat and mere seconds later Mr. & Mrs. Wakefield return from their drinks at the Beckwiths. Dr. Harrison, Suzy's NYC doc calls and it's basically, "OMG! If she even looks at this bottle after taking those meds, she'll DIE! How could you let her go off even though we haven't told you what the fuck is going on? How could you?" To which they all crumble. Right. Yes. The kids tell you they don't want the girl around, you force her on them, you leave the booze and tell the kids to have some, but when Suzy drives off after a glass, it's the kids' fault for not using their psychic abilities to know the drug interaction would be bad, even though they didn't know she was taking anything. They just suspected.
My brain. She screams in agony from this point onward.
Suze does her drunk driving impression in front of some cops, and when she flips the Fiat, they're right there to take her to the hospital. Jess gets screamed at for engineering the horrible Secret Santa pranks, and we drive off to the haunted house, only to find no trace of Suze. They call around and find her in the hospital and everyone heads that way. We find out that Suze has MS, and gosh, she might end up in a wheelchair! No wonder she's
Todd is all frantic and everyone realizes he's got a thing for Suzy, but the best part of this is Jessica recognizing the look on his face. It's the same one he had when he thought he'd killed Liz back in book six/seven. I love that little bit of recognition, but hate just about everything else going on.
Suze is fine, of course, but they're keeping her overnight and then for however longer for observation and to run a battery of tests. Fun times. Jessica accuses Todd and Suzy of sneaking around, Todd sets the record straight, and Liz finds she cares surprisingly little.
They make it to Bruce's where they tell everyone about Suzy and her MS and I'm left to ponder, isn't that just what she DIDN'T want to happen? We find out that Winston is Jessica's Santa, and that Bill was Olivia's. Thrills! Todd and Liz chat and realize they're just friends and that the spark is gone. Liz totally lies and says she's not the jealous type [she is! they both are!] and all is well.
Then Jess schemes a little and the next day at the hospital we find Suzy and Todd snuggling. Then there's a dramatic scene where the SV doctors have found that Suzy never had MS to begin with! She had mono and then a rare reaction to the drugs they've been giving her and that was what was making her sick! She's cured!
I feel cheated because on House, then Foreman would show up and say she's dying because they goofed, or her eyes would bleed or something. Instead the boy's swim team appears again [with shirts that spell out merry Christmas, Suzy] to sing to Suzy. It's all perfectly perfect.
And I throw the fucking book at the wall.
The end.
Trivial:
- For those playing the who has what class game, this go round we have English with Liz, John, and Olivia.
- Mr. Collins has been voted Best Liked Teacher for a few years running. That category needs a new name. Immediately.
- Liz and Jess get their portrait done at Hunt's Photography.
- Secret Santa roundup: Jessica got Bruce, Winston got Jessica, Liz got Aaron, Hans got Lila [Liz had to point her out], and Bill got Olivia. No one else was worth mentioning, I guess.
- Lila wins the title of Miss Christmastime, but Jessica somehow tricks her and gets Lila's spot on the float in the Christmas parade. Lila gets stuck in an elf suit with green paint on Santa's float.
- Suzy's set to stay with the Wakefields for two weeks, the entirety of their winter vacation. How... thoughtful.
- Various nicknames for Suzy include: Demolition Devlin, Devilface Devlin, Devilish Devlin, Devil May Care Devlin, Suzanne the Devil
- Jessica never told Steven exactly what Suzy's boytoy did, or tried to do, when she was in NYC.
- Liz considers a wallet too extravagant a gift for Todd. ...How? Is this a wallet made of baby skin?
- Suzy is apparently 5'7". I'm still taller, bitch.
- Being Santa's elf is a PBA thing that Cara was supposed to do, but for whatever reason, Lila had all the information. Li then conned Cara into pretending she had a cold so Jessica would take over for her.
- Cara is, as of this point, still flighty and not with Steven, even though she and Steven got together pretty much immediately after Todd left California. My head, she hurts. Woe.
- PBA charges $17 at the start of each term. Popularity don't come cheap.
- Jessica wracks up a palm sized wooden jewelry box that plays Fur Elise, a bouquet of daisies, and the promise of a dinner for two at Second Season, a new restaurant in town.
- Aaron is now dating Patsy Webber, who is notoriously jealous. Fab.
- Knowing this, Liz still gave Aaron a coupon for a free back massage, and it sounded like she meant she would be the one doing the massaging. I'm not thinking Patsy's gonna like that...
- Bathing suit clad boy's swim team members serenaded Olivia at the Dairi Burger, and sang no less than five carols, starting with Silent Night. Later they'll put on shirts for Suzy and sing for her, too. Sluts.
- Enid's faceless boytoy of the week? Chip Ettleson, a cute brunette freshman at SV College, whom Enid describes as "sweet, maybe too sweet." Naughty, naughty, Enid.
- Steve wusses out in their plan to be cruel to Suzy. Dude wusses out almost immediately. Must be able to smell that sweet scent of near death
by mono. - Todd's been in Vermont since at least October, as that's when he started skiing for the year.
- Todd's VT high school is Lawrence High.
- His best skiing buddy is Jerry Peterson, forward on the basketball team at Lawrence, and obviously an ass or leg man, as he falls for Suzy when she's facing away from them.
- When describing "McMahon's" it sounds like Jerry and Todd have taken Suzy to some weird mix of McDonald's and the Texas Roadhouse, what with there being a jukebox and sawdust on the floor, but it's a burger restaurant. Can't you just hear the twang, y'all?
- Suzy can't ski, so she prances around in white ski clothes. Practical!
- Lila's spending $300 a day to tone her thighs at "La Venue". The rest of us are snickering.
- Suzanne needs the concept of a Secret Santa explained to her. Which would have been fine if this had been the introduction for the Secret Santas for the book, but no, by now we all know what they are, so this is just to make them seem quaint. Or make Suzy look stupid.
- Suzy and Todd ran into one another in mid November at Killington. Wouldn't mid-November pretty much be right before Thanksgiving?
- Jess calls Suzy "anorectic" and wonders about the odds of anorexia explaining Suzy's super-skinny ways.
- Stores around town and their lame names: Kitchen 'n Cookery, Discount Discs.
- For Bruce, Jessica buys a bag of jelly beans, an oversize chocolate chip cookie, and a pocket mirror. The mirror is priceless.
- The Droids wrote a song for/about Todd/Liz called "I'll Wait For You." Wonder if they regretted that once the news of the couple breaking up spread...
- Aaron's cousin is Eddie, and he's married, and most definitely not having a Christmas party and would sure as hell not want Devil May Care Devlin to show up.
- 1580 is the house on Forrest Lane if you're looking to go ghost hunting.
- Liz decides to give Todd a scarf.
- Going to the SV Civic Center to hear the SV Choir perform Handel's Messiah is what really signifies the beginning of Christmas for Jessica. Thanks to Suzy fainting, this year they missed it. Fucking drama queen...
- Alice still has the ugly Styrofoam angels Liz and Jessica made in the first grade. Aww.
- Steve finds a glass angel that belonged to Ned's grandmother. Suzy wisely declines the offer to put it on the tree as she faints about two seconds later.
- Suzy flips the Fiat on Route One, about ten minutes away from Calico Drive.
- Dr. Ford is her doc in SV, Dr. Harrison is her doc in NYC. Obviously you should avoid Harrison as he can't tell the difference between mono and MS.
- Just think, Suzy, instead of nearly dying and then being cured, you could have been in Saint Moritz, gossip girling it up before Blair and Serena were even twinkles in anyone's eye.
- Jackson's Foreign Cars is where the police tow the Fiat, which pretty much came out of it's little flip scratch free. Even the car doesn't like you enough to try and kill you, Suze.
- Bruce's family has that Architectural Digest blue & silver tree Ned keeps pushing for. Somehow this is the one thing I always remember about this book, aside from wanting to kill whomever said, "Remember Suzy? I think we should bring her back, but castrate her. And then cure her of her MS by saying it was mono."
- Suzy's in room 312, for those who like to know such things.
Quotable:
"Jess," Elizabeth cried, throwing her arms around her twin. "It's almost Christmas!"
"I know, I know," Jessica giggled and tried to disentangle herself. "How long as she been like this?" -since someone spiked the punch? p5
Jessica sighed. "Trust me. What we have on our hands here is a hysterical, devious drug addict. And the sooner we get her out of here, the better." -Sounds about right. p119
Headaches? That's what happened when you tried to swallow half a medicine cabinet with your coffee every morning. - So true, Jessica. So true. p124
"One look at you, and my problems don't seem so insurmountable," Elizabeth told her warmly.
Enid giggled. "Thanks. Does that mean you look at me and think: God, I could look like her?" -Sometimes I really do love these two. Sigh. p171
And now, my holiday gift to you:
"Remember what the Fowlers did last year to decorate their house?"
Elizabeth groaned, then laughed. Lila's father's company had made him a wealthy man practically overnight. Sometimes he went overboard trying to show what he could afford. The previous year he had spent a fortune having a "winter wonderland" set up on the rolling lawn in front of the Fowlers' mansion. The display featured a sleigh with eight plastic reindeer and a life size Santa, false ice statues, and artificial snowmen. "It was the tackiest thing ever," Jessica remembered happily. p13
The triumphant return of 137:
"Then you saw them, too," Jessica remarked.
"Saw what?"
"The pills!" Jessica exploded. "What else? She must have a hundred and thirty-seven different kinds in that little makeup case she's keeping under the sink in the bathroom." -Privacy? What's that? p118
"Pills," Jessica told him. "All sizes and colors. She must carry about a hundred and thirty-seven pounds of them around all the time." - Get your 'scripts here, folks! p129
I hate that they redeemed Suzy. HATE. There are some people in this world who are just bitchy. They will always be bitchy, and not even facing an illness such as MS would change them. Suzy's actions before were obnoxious and don't really scream poor little rich girl, as Lila's similarly fucked on a regular basis, but does she prance around accusing innocent people of rape? Well, not until someone actually does try to, and then she has an excuse, kay?
But what I hate most of all, is that Suzy's "punishment", if you want to look at it that way, was lifted so easily. She comes to SV, gets into a wreck, and they find out that the people in NYC don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Seriously, Suzy's parents are loaded. They didn't get a second opinion? Fucking mono.
Though I do like other parts. I love the singing swim team. I love Suzy going on about how weird it is to have a warm Christmas and Jess informs her that they ALWAYS have warm Christmases... bitch. Of course, part of that is that I can relate to the warm Christmas bit, seeing as I think we've had a white Christmas once in the last twenty or so years. Okay, and I love that she just doesn't think before she opens her mouth and for once, it's okay for Jess to point out that, hello, you're being rude.
I also like the brief alliance of the Terrible Trio. I love betting to see which "responsible" sibling will bail out on Jessica's scheme first. Can't discuss the scheme without discussing Jessica's motivation and getting away with it. My parents might have understood the need to protect the family/friends from an obvious bitch angle, but they would have so punished me for being a bitch in return [unless Jess had happened to be right and Suzy was just there to get with Todd. How awesome...] but of course, that doesn't happen.
Sigh.
Special thanks to
myfavouritescar for the picture for Germany's version of Special Christmas. And sharing the collection of DOOM [which we say lovingly, I assure you] so that the rest of us are envious and amazed. 
